Yesterday, Jacob deGrom threw 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks and 11 Ks, screaming at the top of his lungs that Metco will now be known as deGromercy Park, and if you missed deGame, then feast your eyes on deROM, because your underwear is now firmware after what he did to Wong — 2 Ks. Or if you’re Asian, then deNom-Nom-Nom, or into deRom-Com with meGrom Ryan and would be the deBomb dot gov. Okay, okay, deCalm down, deGrey, you sound like you’re trying to teach Gibberish to a foreigner. I was concerned about deGrom in the opening month, but he’s turned on the jets recently (sorry, Sharks). His K-rate is 8.7, walk rate is 2.1 and his xFIP is 3.26. That’s a little less than ace numbers, but not too far less. Solid number two, which is actually a good thing in this example. By the by, can someone get in touch with deGrom for me? I have a chapstick called deGrom Lip Balm and I need an endorsement. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I hear you out there. Wait, something’s not quite right…I see a grainy pic so we’re kinda ok…but where’s the mustache…*squints*…OMG YOU’RE NOT GREY WHAT IS THIS INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE. Look, Grey had a thang, ok? He paged me and asked for coverage. Yes, I’m being literal, he paged me. He’s a bit old school, there’s nothing wrong with that. I showed him my iPhone 6s and how it could translate to Kirundi and make a mean cheese omelette but he said he’d rather ping me with ‘5318008‘. Honestly, I’m totally fine with that but he calls every time afterwards asking me to flip it upside down. Every. Time. Either way, I said I’d cover and here I am, covering the coverage and that leads us to Drew Hutchison. First off, if you own him…ticker shock! Those Houston guys are really good at coming from behind. That’s what she said! Over six innings, Drew gave up two runs while allowing 6 base runners (only one walk), striking out nine. Nine is a nice number when you’re talking about Ks but not as nice as 10. Ten is how many Astros Chris Heston fanned on Tuesday as he threw a complete game two hitter. Heston is close to a 7 K/9 kind of guy, probably a little under. On the one hand, I love Drew so this start has me piqued. On the other hand, the Astros are second in the majors in K rate at 24.6%. On the third hand which is actually Grey’s hand as he takes the pager from me and flips it upside down, Drew looks like a good get for deeper leagues where you can wait on his high K potential, but this shouldn’t move the needle for standard or the RCL. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“As Bryce Harper passed home plate after his 2nd home run of the three he hit yesterday, Ian Desmond lifted Harper’s helmet and with a flick of the head, Harper’s hair fell back in place. If you get a base hit, you have to stand on base and the helmet weighs down your hair. That’s why Harper uses the home run.” This message was brought to you by Aqua Net. What? It’s better than the same stupid Major League Baseball highlights over and over again on MLB TV — we get it, Bo Jackson threw out a runner! Get a new highlight! It’s also better than a Hanz and Franz commercial — talk about a sad commentary on baseball fans’ demographic. “Hey, Bill, we have a commercial that appeals to 35 to 60-year-old white males. Any ideas where we should place it?” So, Harper hit three monster-sized badonkadonks like a night out as Gabourey Sidibe’s pants and I told you to draft Harper before just about every fantasy baseball ‘pert, so you’re welcome. Don’t mention it. No, no, it’s okay. Okay, fine, you can hug me. Stop trying to touch my mustache! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For those of you who don’t know what FYPD stands for, I give you, freely, in the title of this post, the most common usage of that special acronym. While the phrase itself is used often, be wary for the potential of seizures and an impending brain aneurism when attempting to use it in everyday conversation. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?