Rosters expand on Monday to allow for the big league clubs to take a look at 15 more players during the last month of the season.  All the mainstream experts say to pick up the top prospects who will get to see playing time for the last month to boost your roster.   But I’m so bitter today that I can’t recommend doing anything like that if you’re in a points league.  You see, I woke up early and picked out just the perfect outfit, but not one person has mistaken me for homeless.  I hate people.  And I hate prospect call ups (for points leagues).  They’re so new and trendy and just not sustainable enough for me.  In fact, even my moustache hates them.  I’m so heated over the matter that all 12 handlebars I waxed into it are now pointing down.  I used Burt’s Bees and now I can breathe like Brian Wilson on the mound.  Sinuses are so clear!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You just endure a break up?  My apologies.  But also… congratulations, you’re free!  Two opposing notions can be equally true and appropriate.  The bottom line is you need a rebound, and now that you have to pay all the utilities solo, a cheaper option is best.  So hit up your ex-ex-ex, or just stick with the acronym form of the same.  Either way, don’t waste more than a couple of hours, because it’s August and that means it’s crunch time for fantasy baseball.  While your standings and players end-of-year stats may represent a full season’s work, all that you can control from this point forward is which players’ points you pile up.  In basketball, they call the end of a blowout “garbage time” because it allows the scrubs to come in and pile up stats.  That’s the focus of this post.  We’re going to focus on waiver wire guys who should be able to help you rest of season despite the fact that up to this point in time they’ve been essentially unrosterable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first half is in the books.  You suffered through the HR Derby and stomached the ASG.  Congratulations, you’ve weathered the first “half” storm.  We have about 65-70 games left, depending on the team, and you now have a good look at your team.  Or do you?  Plenty of players have outperformed expectations and a seemingly equivalent contingent of guys have been duds.  I’m not gonna bore you with a long intro here.  Let’s look at guys who should have increased value rest of season.  Buy em or don’t sell em, but use it to your advantage.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Life in the bay area can be a colorful sight. I’m riding home from work yesterday and the highway is bumper to bumper – more packed than usual – the rears of vehicles adorned with various shapes of rainbow paraphernalia. It’s International Pride Week and, as the nation’s capital of gay pride, “The City by the Bay” attracts an exceptional number of supporters of chromosome prejudice. It’s also home to the some of the most outstanding pitchers and catchers, both on the field and off. This isn’t a blog about sexscapades, unless Tehol is writing, and, as such, here’s an ode to pitchers and catchers—on the field.

Please accept my apology for the following attempt at humor and liberal use of things that an adult audience should find acceptable. I have my misgivings, but on this momentous weekend, here’s to tying it all together!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hitters cheat all the time.  Some take PEDs, some cover themselves in pine tar like a pre-industrial shaming party.  Sometimes they’ll guess fastball or slider or change.  Sometimes they’ll guess outer half or middle-in.  Some just cheat on their wives.  The one guy who has kept all his cheating on the field is the most respected player since the late Tony Gwynn.  Derek Jeter married himself to the New York Yankees and they don’t care how many women he has as long as it’s only one at a time in the press.  It’s a good thing for the Yankees PR department he isn’t a switch hitter.  It does, however, make A-Rod sad and jealous.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Frenemies and cohorts, it is that magical time of year where the player pool begins to grow.  Summer harvest begins to reap the treasures of the seeds sown by unheralded draft pundits of years passed.  The scout’s moment is now.  Having spent their lives adorned with holey New Balances, wholly unrefined frozen dinners of Salisbury steak and discount diner breakfasts, they get to pound an Old Milwaukee and puff a few Doral’s as they revel in the glory of their hatred of sabremetrics.  A life not fancied by us fantasy internet blogger moguls.  No sirs and madams, we require a much fancier life—a life infused with excitement brought on by WHIPs and FIPs and wOBAs and WARs!  The rest is mas o menos lo mismo— the same old shizz.  Other than our baseball lens, the only other difference is that we stuttering B-Ball Bloggers need to score!!!  Points…

Points is why we’re here, and June presents a unique opportunity where the player pool expands with talent that is usable and keepable.  September offers a smorgasbord of young talent, but mostly it’s too late and the infusion of players nourish your team like an energy drink shooter with cinnamon whiskey.  The hangover is awful and often begins before the luster of the buzz has worn off.  The June callups are the cognacs, ladies men.  Let’s take a look at these beauties.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Points leagues are crazy chicks. You could choose a regular girl who will provide what you expect. You can settle in, get married, and have a nice relationship with the regular girl. If things don’t work out, you can pretty much do exactly the same things with the next one and have good shot at making it work out. Not with crazy chicks. [Jay’s Note: They all crazy, yo.] They play by their own rules and no two are alike. But if you can figure out the crazy girl, you get rewarded in a way only the twisted can appreciate. Magical things. Infinite glory. If you play in a points league, take a look at your relationship, or, more likely, lack thereof. Funny little thing those points leagues. I’m recently married, expecting my first child and my love of points leagues is growing. Dat green grass tho…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You may not be able to snag these 3B off the waiver wire in all of our points leagues, but I imagine that there have been a few leagues already where the following 3B have been given up on. This is the time of season where you get to take advantage of people overreacting. Act now!!! Ok, wait until I tell you who to pick up and then do exactly as I say–DO IT NOW!!!! You must obey the Schwarzenegger. Some of these guys are going to be owned and it’s your duty to snipe them in a trade. Those who aren’t must be added immediately.

I am not saying these are guys to pay a high price for. Do not overpay for em. In fact, don’t even pay fair market value unless you’re more convinced than I am on em. The goal here is to buy low from owners who have become disenchanted. Or better yet, they dropped the guy.

Remember that points leagues tend to value gap power, plate discipline and overall lineup strength for hitters. We’re focusing on hitters today, solely. Next week, we’ll return the favor with hurlers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking that you do not have these types of fantasies.  Not me, you say.  I have no desires such as Socrates, Plato and the scholars of the church.  Well, my fellow points-leaguers, you partake every day from April until October.  In points leagues, you need not follow roto rules to fill out all your categories.  Every category becomes as important as the next.  All you need is points… points.  Points is all you need.

There seems to be a lot of variance in scoring systems for points leagues, so the most important thing you can do in a points league is to find the categories that carry a higher or lower point total potential and use that to your advantage.  Because you’re scoring system is customized, there is very little material out there on it.  As such, a great majority of points league players still look to 5×5 analysis for help.  Take advantage of your foolish compadres using the name recognition of guys who are touted in category leagues to trade or drop, for a player more useful to your scoring format.

Here are some guys that I see gaining value for the rest of the season compared to their perceived value now in points leagues…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Go to a quiet, dark place and light a few candles (preferably scented). Cue up my theme musicNow close your eyes, listen to my intro in it’s entirety and visualize greatness. Then, and only then, may you open your curious eyes and continue on (make sure you go back and watch the video because it’s awesome). If you lack the heart of a champion, I strongly recommend you either 1) refrain from reading further, or in my opinion the better option 2) play my theme music on at full volume,on repeat, until you’ve built up the testicular fortitude to withstand any obstacle on your way to glory.

Please, blog, may I have some more?