Placido Polanco

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No More Hatey For LaPorta Prince

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 95 Comments

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Yesterday, Matt LaPorta homered in his third straight game.  Who needs LeBron when you got LaPorta?  BTW, I don’t like basketball because I think a 7 foot tall guy making a basket is as difficult as me throwing away something in a garbage can, but I suggest you check out the LeBron documentary.  Was really good.  Total puff piece, but I was on the edge of my feeling castle about to emote.  Hey, Joel Siegel, I’m carrying on the movie and mustache thing!  Maybe LaPorta’s just Pronk II:  Hasta LaPorta Baby.  Maybe the MLP package is finally on.  Maybe he does nothing starting tomorrow.  At your corner infidel, I’d take a flyer on LaPorta for the chance you get a cheap 15 homers.  If he maintains this pace for 3 months, he’ll have Cleveland fans almost forget they traded CC Pitching Factory for him.  Just like Lou Marson and Jason Donald’s play is making them forget about Cliff Lee.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Justin Masterson – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He must’ve decided it was time to step it up since 3,463 Yahoo teams had dropped him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Utley’s Thumbkin Goes Wah-Wah-Wah

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 235 Comments

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Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery.  This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs.  Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there.  At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy.  Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you.  Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it.   Hopefully your options are better.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL.  Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base.  Hold on, whaaaaa???  Oh.  Wait, what?  If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Cubs Honor Gatorade Cooler’s Restraining Order

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 190 Comments

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Carlos Zambrano moves to the bullpen.  Whaaaa???  Oh.  Wait, what?  Somewhere, Dusty Baker just tipped his “Crazy Manager Move” hat to Sweet Lou.  Dusty, “After Harang complained of arm soreness, I needed him for another 140 pitches the next day, so I fashioned a pitching arm out of rubber bands and a dead giraffe.  Some saw that as crazy, but this Big Z move takes the cake.”  Are the Cubs building a new and improved frankencloser, Carlos Zambarmol?  Close game, two men on, starter’s tiring… You want Carlos Zambrano entering the game or leaving it?  That’s not even rhetorical.  That’s common sense, isn’t it?  As Lou ever seen Zambrano pitch?  This is the guy you want coming into pressure situations?  Wow, what a move.  I want to say there’s no way this move lasts, but Zambrano’s also not that valuable to wait it out.  Lose him in fantasy like Sweet Lou lost his mind.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and he hit his 2nd homer as he bats .327 on the year.  He also has one more steal than Alcides Escobar.  Not as glamorous as he used to be, but should get to a 25/10 year, assuming the knees he borrowed from The Mummy hold up.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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A-Hill Leaving You A Hole

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 193 Comments

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Sometimes when a player gets hurt, I feel bad if I told you to buy into them.  I’m like, “Shove your emotions into your cankles, you sissy!”  Alas, my inner Native American watching someone litter in a 70′s commercial comes out.  A tear forms in my eye and rolls into my mustache.  Then I leave it there to remind me of my fallen fantasy baseball comrades.  This mustache holds a lot of tears.  But when a player that I warned you against like Aaron Hill heads off to the DL with tightness in his hamstring, I do a little dance like MC Skat Cat.  You know the kid in high school that wore a helmet all day that you used to make fun of?  Okay, now remember when you were alone in the hallway and that same kid walk passed you and you said hello to him because no one else was around?  Today, that kid is Aaron Hill’s owners.  Save your ridicule until their back is turned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jimmy Rollins – Having an MRI on his right calf strain.  Mr.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Say Heyward, Kid

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 203 Comments

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On his way to The Stadium That Jane Fonda Didn’t Receive In The Divorce Settlement, Jason Heyward ordered his chariot driver to the side of the road so he could wrestle a wildebeest.  Suicide mission or pregame ritual?  Doesn’t matter.  With nary a scuff to his gladiator sandals, he escaped unharmed.  With the wildebeest head shipped off to PETA, Heyward arrived at the game, went 2-for-5 and hit a home run.  No doubt, he is the greatest player since RBI Baseball’s Darrell Evans.  After the game, Heyward said, “What game?  I was commissioned by Al Gore to form cloud cover.”  Consider Heyward a 80/20/80/.280/10 guy.  If someone offers you better than that, take it.  If you’re in a league where someone gives you a top 50 player for him, you’re in a sucker league.  And you better beat those suckers.  Remember, Jordan Schafer hit a home run on Opening Day last year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nate McLouth – Hitting eighth.  He did hit .010 in the preseason, but I think Cox comes around on him.  Could be a nice buy low situation.  Then again, I’m not a huge fan of McLousy, so I need to stop touting him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Top 20 2nd Basemen for 2010 Fantasy Baseball

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 59 Comments

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We continue our 2010 fantasy baseball rankings with the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball.  2nd base is an odd duck.  Shortstops have speed.  You can find speed in the outfield.  There’s even some legitimate speed at 3rd base.  All of these 2nd basemen must have grown up watching Bret Boone and Jeff Kent because you’re more likely to find power at 2nd base than speed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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The Cubs Have Been Out-Foxed

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Sleeper | 50 Comments

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Usually on Fridays the royal we brings you fantasy baseball keepers, but we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for Jake Fox, the man who made the phrase “Unathletic like a fox” almost make sense.  Looks like the Cubs decided to unload their DH since they play in the National League, sending Jake Fox and Aaron Miles for Jeff Gray.  ($5 says the Cubs had Milton Bradley change his name to Aaron Miles to get rid of him.)  Now the A’s reporters can find and replace Cust’s name for Fox’s and just recycle old articles.  “Jack Cust Jake Fox homered and struckout in the A’s four-run seventh inning.”  Since Jake Fox has 3rd base eligibility in fantasy, it doesn’t really matter where the A’s play him.  DH him all you want.  Like a Newport cigarette, Jake Fox is now alive with pleasure.  Should now get 500 ABs.  This will either be terrific or all the people who were screaming to let The Fox out of his cage will suddenly realize The Fox needs to go back in the cage for batting practice.  I’m on the fence for how it’ll all work out once he’s exposed.  He’s not going to win a batting title, but he could be a cheap Branyan.  If that sounds boring, then you’re not in a 12 team league or deeper.  For 2010, I see a line of 75/24/85/.250 with the possibility of more on the power side.  Definitely worth a flier.  Let’s look at some other minor trades and how they’re going to affect 2010 fantasy baseball:

Billy Wagner – Stop three on the NL East Tour pulls into Atlanta.  Right on his heels, Takashi Saito was signed by the Braves, too.  Wagner will be the closer with Saito being the first pickup all Wagner’s owners make in April.  Wagner will be in the bottom of the donkey-corns to start the season and should be underrated on draft day.  He’s no guarantee to stay healthy but saves are saves are saves.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Top 20 2nd Basemen, 2009 Fantasy Baseball

| 2009 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 32 Comments

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We already went over the top 20 catchers for 2009 and the top 20 1st first basemen for 2009.  Today, it’s all about the top 20 2nd basemen.  The 2nd basemen pool is shallow (not as kiddie-sized as the shortstops, but we’ll get to them in the next post).  Because of this shallowivity (Made Up Word Of The Day!), the 2nd basemen rankings can be split up into two tiers.  The guys you want and the tomato-tomahto guys.  The Guys You Want’s names kinda give them away.  The Tomato-Tomahto Guys are a whole group of 2nd basemen that are so close to each other in rank, it really didn’t matter which one of them you owned.  At one time or another during the season, you probably dropped one of the Tomato-Tomahtos for a different Tomato-Tomahto.  Everyone probably has one Tomato-Tomahto guy that they hated during the season.  I have a few.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1.

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Batter, Batter… Swing, Batter

| fantasy baseball strategy | 159 Comments

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Fangraphs, a great site to get lost in for a few hours, has this stat called O-Swing %.  I don’t know if they invented it, but they probably did because they’re smarter than us.  The O-Swing % is not the amount of times you can fail to satisfy a woman prior to her swinging her arm and knocking you to the floor.  Repeat, it is not that.  Though, if someone can come up with that stat, let me know.  No, the O-Swing % is, “The percentage of pitches a batter swings at outside the strike zone.”  Yes, they may as well call this the AlfonsO-Swing %.  Hackers score high, methodical, patient hitters score low.  Doesn’t mean high is bad and low is good.  Some guys hack and have always hacked.  B.

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