Jake Peavy is due back in less than a week unless he has a setback. That ‘unless’ eats deep fried butter with a side of blooming onion, needs a crane to go to the bathroom and a mop to clean its inner thighs. I’ll admit Peavy makes me smize, as Tyra would say. I smized more when he was in Petco, but he’s pitched well in his rehab. Does he deserve another chance? Sure, why not? What, he kicked your puppy’s nads? Now if anyone tells you what you can expect of him this year other than three more DL stints, they’re lying, those no good liars. You take the flyer on him if he’s on your waivers just hoping he stays healthy and produces. The rest is icing. …Actually, I’m using the rest is icing cliche wrong. If he stays healthy and produces, that is the icing. Can you tell I wrote this when I was hungry? Mmm…Deep fried butter. Anyway, here’s some players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Vicente Padilla – I feel like one small point that’s getting lost in all of this Padilla talk is that he sucks. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We finish off the infield with the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball. The 2011 fantasy baseball rankings from shallowest to deepest go catchers, shortstops, third basemen, 2nd basemen then 1st basemen. That’s right, I think the 2nd basemen are deeper than the 3rd basemen. 3rd base gets the gas face. In 2009, I punted 3rd base for Mark Reynolds late. Worked out fine. In 2010, I punted 3rd base for Ian Stewart late. Didn’t work out fine. In 2011, I really want a top 3rd baseman. I ain’t mucking around. As with other top 20 rankings, I list where I see tiers beginning and ending and my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and top 20 shortstops for 2010 have been accounted for. Up now, the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball. Lots of surprises in the top 20 for 3rd basemen. In the top 3, two guys that weren’t drafted in the first 10 rounds with the 1st guy not being drafted in the first 20 rounds. Heroes of 2009, Mini-Donkey and Kung Fu Panda, which sounds like an anime cartoon that has a 75% chance of giving you a seizure, did give you the fits. Then when you get to around the halfway mark, the drop off is precipitous. Also, to recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We already went over the top 20 catchers for 2010 and the top 20 1st basemen for 2010. Today, it’s all about the top 20 2nd basemen. The 2nd basemen pool is shallow (not as kiddie-sized as the shortstops, though it’s nearly as deep as 3rd basemen, but we’ll get to those). To recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Perry got the save yesterday because Jose Valverde is out with a tender elbow. Valverde isn’t supposed to be out long but whenever a reliever’s elbow is in question — or any pitcher, for that matter — it’s cause for concern. With the Tigers playing for nothing, they could shut Valverde down. Phil Coke could see some situational saves. When reached for comment about his new role, Phil Coke said, “This is it?” By the way, he’s the best lefty reliever synonymous with Coke since Steve Howe. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Damon – 4-for-4, 2 Runs and an RBI. Not a bad day to stream him into my lineup. Hit the wall, turn on the lights, blow on my fist, rub fist on leather jacket and say, “Ayyyyyy.” (Wasn’t as great a day to stream Casper Wells or Don Kelly, who’s also known as LL Donkey.)
Rick Porcello – 8 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 K. It’s legitimately hard for me to give a non-hedged endorsement to Porcello. I don’t like his lack of Ks, but at this stage in the year, all’s fair in love and the waiver wire. Porcello’s pitching well and gets the Royals in his start after next. His next start vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Matt LaPorta homered in his third straight game. Who needs LeBron when you got LaPorta? BTW, I don’t like basketball because I think a 7 foot tall guy making a basket is as difficult as me throwing away something in a garbage can, but I suggest you check out the LeBron documentary. Was really good. Total puff piece, but I was on the edge of my feeling castle about to emote. Hey, Joel Siegel, I’m carrying on the movie and mustache thing! Maybe LaPorta’s just Pronk II: Hasta LaPorta Baby. Maybe the MLP package is finally on. Maybe he does nothing starting tomorrow. At your corner infidel, I’d take a flyer on LaPorta for the chance you get a cheap 15 homers. If he maintains this pace for 3 months, he’ll have Cleveland fans almost forget they traded CC Pitching Factory for him. Just like Lou Marson and Jason Donald’s play is making them forget about Cliff Lee. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Justin Masterson – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. He must’ve decided it was time to step it up since 3,463 Yahoo teams had dropped him. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery. This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs. Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there. At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy. Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you. Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it. Hopefully your options are better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL. Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base. Hold on, whaaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carlos Zambrano moves to the bullpen. Whaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? Somewhere, Dusty Baker just tipped his “Crazy Manager Move” hat to Sweet Lou. Dusty, “After Harang complained of arm soreness, I needed him for another 140 pitches the next day, so I fashioned a pitching arm out of rubber bands and a dead giraffe. Some saw that as crazy, but this Big Z move takes the cake.” Are the Cubs building a new and improved frankencloser, Carlos Zambarmol? Close game, two men on, starter’s tiring… You want Carlos Zambrano entering the game or leaving it? That’s not even rhetorical. That’s common sense, isn’t it? As Lou ever seen Zambrano pitch? This is the guy you want coming into pressure situations? Wow, what a move. I want to say there’s no way this move lasts, but Zambrano’s also not that valuable to wait it out. Lose him in fantasy like Sweet Lou lost his mind. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and he hit his 2nd homer as he bats .327 on the year. He also has one more steal than Alcides Escobar. Not as glamorous as he used to be, but should get to a 25/10 year, assuming the knees he borrowed from The Mummy hold up. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sometimes when a player gets hurt, I feel bad if I told you to buy into them. I’m like, “Shove your emotions into your cankles, you sissy!” Alas, my inner Native American watching someone litter in a 70′s commercial comes out. A tear forms in my eye and rolls into my mustache. Then I leave it there to remind me of my fallen fantasy baseball comrades. This mustache holds a lot of tears. But when a player that I warned you against like Aaron Hill heads off to the DL with tightness in his hamstring, I do a little dance like MC Skat Cat. You know the kid in high school that wore a helmet all day that you used to make fun of? Okay, now remember when you were alone in the hallway and that same kid walk passed you and you said hello to him because no one else was around? Today, that kid is Aaron Hill’s owners. Save your ridicule until their back is turned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – Having an MRI on his right calf strain. Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On his way to The Stadium That Jane Fonda Didn’t Receive In The Divorce Settlement, Jason Heyward ordered his chariot driver to the side of the road so he could wrestle a wildebeest. Suicide mission or pregame ritual? Doesn’t matter. With nary a scuff to his gladiator sandals, he escaped unharmed. With the wildebeest head shipped off to PETA, Heyward arrived at the game, went 2-for-5 and hit a home run. No doubt, he is the greatest player since RBI Baseball’s Darrell Evans. After the game, Heyward said, “What game? I was commissioned by Al Gore to form cloud cover.” Consider Heyward a 80/20/80/.280/10 guy. If someone offers you better than that, take it. If you’re in a league where someone gives you a top 50 player for him, you’re in a sucker league. And you better beat those suckers. Remember, Jordan Schafer hit a home run on Opening Day last year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Nate McLouth – Hitting eighth. He did hit .010 in the preseason, but I think Cox comes around on him. Could be a nice buy low situation. Then again, I’m not a huge fan of McLousy, so I need to stop touting him. Please, blog, may I have some more?