Did you realize that there was an epic breakthrough in the world of baseball analytics this week? Well, it happened! We did it! On Thursday, Ken “The Hawk” Harrelson joined Brian Kenny on MLB Network’s “MLB Now”, offering his thoughts on these newfangled sabermetrics. According to Hawk, WAR, and VORP, and OPS+, and all other products of science and reason fall short of his fresh new statistic — something he calls TWTW, or “The Will To Win”. Evidently, Hawk understands how to quantify this unmeasurable attribute, and he truly believes it is the most telling component of player evaluation. You can check out the video here, but most importantly, please make sure you apply Hawk’s lessons to your two-start browsing this week. Before you grab one of these guys off waivers, ask yourself: Is this a TWTW guy, or is this a non-TWTW guy? We only want the TWTW’s here. Choose wisely.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gird your loins – we’re currently navigating positions battles in each division. Today I’m talking about the AL West, which gains the Astros this year, if anyone considers them something you gain. Every other team in the division should stand to benefit from the move. Maybe I’ve already beat them into the ground, especially with my review of worst pitching staffs in 2012, but they really could have a season for the ages (of a fallen empire). Across the state, the Rangers should continue to be a powerhouse, despite Ron Washington’s “leadership.” Meanwhile, the Angels look like the terminator, although, once their non-Trout core ages a little more, maybe they’ll be merely human. Today’s empires, tomorrow’s ashes – am I right? I don’t want to say anything bad about the Mariners other than this sentence implying that I have something bad to say about them. Ah yes, and I’m required by the union of baseball writers to have a token mention of the A’s. There you go. Anyway, here’s some of the position battles to watch in the AL West:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On the first day of the season, I said something profound and uplifting. Don’t go back to look. I’m sure I did. Today, I’m like Mark Twain talking about summer in San Francisco but less pithy. The coldest winter I ever spent was the last day of the baseball season. It’s metaphorical, friend. Trust me. Here’s where I tell you how everything’s gonna be okay. How there will be a next season, barring the Mayans taking things into their own hands… I can’t do that. I can’t tell you there will be a next season. *checking notes* Actually, I can do that. There will be a next season. Hey, that’s good news! Also, next year we’ll know not to draft Morneau. That’s more good news! And next year we’ll be done with the hair transplant so girls will start to react favorably to us. That’s good news too! So, I know you’re blue, but without clouds there’s no sun. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true. Again, metaphorical. Or is that meteorological? You know what? These aren’t things we need to get hung up on. We’re gonna sit here, read all my year-end recaps that’ll be coming in the next few weeks and wait until next year. Even if gangrene sets into our legs from lack of circulation! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Laid down a bunt single then had himself removed from the game to guarantee he won the batting title. That’s not how Ted Williams would’ve liked it. He risked a .400 average to take all his ABs in the last game of the season. The only time he quit while ahead was after death.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Turns out Leo Nunez isn’t exactly who he said he was. He’s been playing under an assumed name. His real name is Juan Carlos Oviedo, he’s a Latin 29 and he’s pen pals with Keyser Söze. He enjoys snorkeling through Atlantis, talking to his giant rabbit Harvey and hunting Sasquatch. With the Marlins’ discovery of Leo the Lyin’, he was put on the restricted list. One time I was put on a restricted list at a nightclub because I had a few too many tequila shots, danced with someone’s girlfriend, who I shouldn’t have, and bam!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wilson Betemit – When Wilson Betemit was 15, the Atlanta Braves signed him to a contract. He hit .212/.270/.283 in his first year at rookie ball and .220/.301/.399 his second year. He was just 16.
The following year he got his act together as an enterprising 17-year-old posting an admirable .320/.383/.463 line.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After being hit on the kneecap by a Jon Lester pitch, Mark Teixeira needed to be helped off the field by “Quiz Kid” Donnie Smith– I mean, Joe Girardi. Te(i)x must have been in serious pain to let a grown man with braces help him off the field. That’s I before E except in Teixeira seizes codeine. Luckily, Te(i)x’s x-rays came back negative and it sounds like he’ll only be out a few days with a bruised knee. You feel me? Yeah, you do. Now stop touching me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Jakubauskas – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s not a worth a pickup outside a 20 team league that only uses Orioles. BTW, you think he ever misspells his own last name?Please, blog, may I have some more?