Jedd Gyorko wins 2nd base job, yay says fantasy baseballers and Richard Kelly. The next thing you know, ol’ Jedd will head off to Beverly, Hills that is. On road trips to Los Angeles. Or Magic Johnson will just give him $100 million to sit next to Dee Gordon and Ryu. “You use your free tickets yet to see Jack the Giant Slayer at Magic Johnson theaters?” That’s Ryu talking to Gordon. They’re good friends. So, Gyorko is reportedly the new 2nd baseman in San Diego. I say bravo to the Friars. In one week, a new Pope and a new 2nd baseman. What did you do this week? Stretch your Sunday meal out into Thursday? Nice work! This might be the Year of the Snake, but it’s the week of the Gyorko, after mentioning him already three times. The hype’s been building in my pants for a while. Did I just say in my pants? No, I don’t think I did, but this post is a locomotive that can’t be stopped. In November, I wrote a Jedd Gyorko fantasy. There, I said I’d be surprised if he didn’t start the year in the majors. *shrugs, combs mustache, waits for balloons to fall from ceiling* I wrote that shizz in November! Okay, no ceiling balloons, fine. Blowing a frickin’ noisemaker wouldn’t hurt you. Gyorko has been a beast through the minors, and should hit in the majors + Petco = Linda Ronstadt. Wow, my math was way off there. It was supposed to equal a 2nd baseman with upside. Since I figured Gyorko would be in the majors to start the year, his projections were already in my top 400 for 2013 fantasy baseball, but I did move him up in the top 20 2nd basemen and top 20 3rd basemen posts. I almost moved Jedd up even further, but Petco and cold sores from previous bouts of rookie nookie kept him in the early 200′s overall range. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trying to think of a title usually takes me an hour. This one took about a month. To be totally honest with you, because I lie all the time, I’m not sure where the hiccup occurred. Usually step 1 is drink. Step 2 is smashturbate. Step 3 is begin word vomit, complete with an all-encompassing, all-knowing title to catch your eye and get you to scroll down two more inches. That’s what she said.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was jazzed to draft Phil Hughes this year like I was from New Orleans and I was smoking doobs with Kermit Ruffins. Then Hughes hurt his back and someone played the sad trombone. That’s yay upside down, which looks like a fire between two teepees. Hughes is now out with a bulging disk in his back. Hey, Hughes, is that a banana in your spine or you happy to see me? I’m not a doctor (no kidding!), but none of this sounds good for Hughes. I’m lowering my projections on him and dropping him out of my favorable tier. It’s early, and there’s still a lot of time, but I’d be lying if I said I was still drafting him with confidence. I’ll draft some players that are mildly injured, but the injury needs to sound a lot better than “may not be ready for the start of the season.” Then there’s Matt Garza, who will be starting the year on the DL. This news comes just days after we freakin’ drafted him. I will now call him Matt Grrza. Whenever I say his name, I will say it like I’m a frustrated Lisa Simpson. Well, if you wanna ride the Garza Strip, be prepared for some bombshells. I’ve updated the top 40 and top 60 starters to reflect Hughes and Grrza’s inability to keep me happy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, went over the top 20 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball. Today is, you guessed it! The top 40 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball. There’s fifteen pitchers in these twenty that I will draft. Can you guess which ones? No, not the ones named Chuck. There are no Chucks. Are you even trying? You’ll see from these twenty starters that even the ones I like I’m not quite as jazzed about them. I’m thinking I’m gonna end up with Greinke, Moore and Samardzija on every team and be done with the top 40 starters. Due to drafting about six to seven bazillion teams (rounding up a kajillion), I might mix it up here and there. All of the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. As always, my projections and where tiers start and stop are includamente. That’s Spanish. Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, how’s everyone holding up without fantasy baseball every day? I don’t know what to do with myself! This weekend I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about Giancarlo Stanton for 2013. Then I laughed hysterically for a good twenty minutes until someone asked me to leave.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Moustakas left yesterday’s game with a groin injury that could end his season, which would also end his sophomore slump (the “o” is silent in sophomore, like when you make love to your woman — oofa!) The 2nd season like the 2nd Greek letter is beta.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Maybe we shut down pitchers after they throw a perfect game, instead of debating a Stephen Strasburg skin tag and whether we should have it checked out. This isn’t entirely fantasy related, but there was like seven games yesterday, so bear with me.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s a wrap for Jose Bautista in 2012. See you around like a donut in 2013. It’s far from breaking news that he’s done for the year. It looked like it was headed that way for the last few days. As an aptly-named, pessimistic Polish man would be named, Bummerooski.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Old McDonald got a win, K, K, K, K, K! And in this win he struck out seven….Yes, James McDonald finally showed flashes of his first half form again last night, pitching 6.0 innings, surrendering just 2 hits, 0 ER, and striking out 7 for his 11th win.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trevor Plouffe is returning from the DL and that’s big news because it’s big news. If you would’ve jumped out of a DeLorean back in March and told me I’d actually be writing a lede for Trevor Plouffe, let alone just a lede because he’s returning from the DL, I would’ve told you there’s no way Plouffe would warrant a lede and this is the information you bring back from the future?Please, blog, may I have some more?