Fantasy Baseball Advice

Corey Hart with 3 homers, 7 RBIs and a pair of sunglasses.  Never surrender, Corey Hart!  In short, you should grab him if he’s on waivers (80% owned in Yahoo).  In shorter, grab him.  In shortest, grab.  He’s streaky like Bret Boone’s hair in the 90′s and this is obviously the start of a good one.  If he’s not on waivers and someone else owns him, you bid him adieu, assuming you’re French.  (I know how much the French are into fantasy baseball.)  Just as I felt in the beginning of the year, I don’t think Hart comes anywhere near his 2010 stats.  Très bummer!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Stephen Strasburg – Threw off the mound for the first time.  His fan club, the House of Strasburg, has time to launder their early-1900s, Austrian officer uniforms as their ordainment of St. Rasburg will probably have to wait until next year.

Drew Storen – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Kazaam!

Howie Kendrick – Sat out for his 4th straight day with moans over his hammy.  Sounds like he’s headed to the DL.  Will update you as soon as I read about it somewhere else.

Mitchell Boggs – Sent to the minors.  La Russa said, “I just cut 15% of Razzball’s Cardinal bullpen questions.  You’re welcome, Grey.  Now adopt a kitten.”

Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 with a homer yesterday.  He’s baaaaack!  Which, for him, is better than “Oh, no, his baaaaack!”

Josh Hamilton – 2-for-4 with his first homer of the season in his return from the DL.  Not to be the bee in your bonnet (say that fast 117 times!), but the Yin and Yang nature of the Rangers injuries means Kinsler will probably be hurt within a week now.

Alexi Ogando – 9 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Murray Chass called and said, “How’s that for a regression to his xFIP?”

Joe Blanton – Will get a second opinion on his elbow.  Come on, there’s gotta be one Phillie fan out there that is crazy enough to go Dr. Rosenrosen on Blanton and pretend to be his doctor to shut him down for the year.  Here’s your lines, “You’ve got a serious case of tennis elbow.”  “But I don’t play tennis.”  “I don’t blame you with that elbow.”

Chase Utley – 0-for-5 in his return as the Phils scored 10 runs.  Ticker tease!  Or is that ticker season?

Edinson Volquez – Sent to the minors.  My ERA and WHIP sends its regards in the form of an extended middle finger.

Sam LeCure – Supposedly, he’ll take Volquez’s rotation spot when it comes up again on Friday.  LeCure was walking around the clubhouse singing, “I don’t care if Monday’s blue, Tuesday’s gray and Wednesday too…”

Bronson Arroyo – 2 2/3 IP, 9 ER.  Almost as bad as his guitar playing.

Jay Bruce – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs, hitting .282 with 12 homers.  We haven’t had a “Grey is a prescient S.O.B.” in a few, so here ya go.  Two weeks into the season, people wanted to drop Bruce because of his season-starting slump.  Then a giant Gallagher hammer knocked me over the melon and I wrote the Bruce Buy post.  (Oh, and Pedro Alvarez was a sell there, when he still had some modicum of value.)

Adam LaRoche – To the DL with a torn LaBrum.  Take that, capitalization Gods!  “YOU WILL FEEL OUR WRATH.”  Uh-oh.

Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Will begin rehab this week.  Oh, joy, I get to spell his name regularly again.  If you’re hurting at MI (and, really, who isn’t?), I’d stash Nishioka now.  He should return in about a week and a half.

Jim Thome – Hit two homers in the same game that Jack Cust hit a home run.  With these guys going deep in the same game, it seems like this game should’ve been shown in black and white.

Matt Capps -  1 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  The only thing worse than Capps recently has been Nathan.  On a real baseball note, the Twins have been dreadful.  Feels like the first time in a while they’re out of it this early.  Oh, and the Indians have the best record in baseball.  Zoinks!

Will Venable – Sent down by the Padres for underperformance.  That’s hard to do with their offense.  That’s like flunking out of the University of Phoenix.  San Diego should move their AAA team to Tijuana.  Then when you say, “He got sent down from San Diego,” it’s actually the truth.

Bartolo Colon – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Sadly, I’m sure he took out a lot of innocent bystanders when he crashed back to earth.

Carlos Villanueva – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I used to like Villanueva when he was on the Brewers.  Decent K-rate, but he’s getting crazy lucky right now on the Blue Jays.  Wouldn’t touch him outside of deep AL-Only leagues.  BTW, his last name goes well with the tune, La Isla Bonita.  Maybe Lady Gaga will write a song about him.

Jose Bautista – 1-for-3 with his 19th home run.  In other news, I don’t know if water is wet or dry because Bautista has changed everything I know about the world.

Kenley Jansen – 2/3 IP, 3 ER and the blown save.  Jansen was called on to close the game last night, and that’s where the good news ends.  I’d continue to hold Guerrier for now if you’re desperate for saves.  Yes, I’m praying I don’t have the audacity to pick up Mike MacDougal.  (BTW, Audacity is on the map just above capacity.)

Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-4 with his 10th home run and 7th steal.  You know there’s gonna be a baby boy this summer in Cleveland named Asdrubal.  Then they can hang out with their five-year-old brother, Pronk.

Justin Masterson – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Red Sox.  Sonavabench!  If you had the nads (which isn’t related to Denard) to start him, you earned his stats.

Clay Buchholz – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Earth to Grey, he’s not sucking like you said he would.  I know, Earth.

Dustin Pedroia – Fell hard going around 2nd base, but reports are saying he should be fine.  If heart and grit were legs and arms, Pedroia would be an octopus and never would’ve fell.

Phil Coke – Left yesterday’s start with an ankle injury, and Furbush replaced him.  First there was Coke, then there was Furbush.  All that was missing was an Asian guy throwing firecrackers and you’d have Boogie Nights.

This week offers some slim and very unattractive pickings for low end two start options. Although I guess we should take anything considering the world was supposed to end today. There seems to be a lot of either already owned pitchers or a lot of guys that you may have dropped two or three times going twice this week. So it’s a “pick your fights wisely” week as far as I am concerned. On a side note, has anyone noticed that the hitting this year is atrocious? Yeah, well, if no one raised their hand than you need to go look at some team batting stats league wide. It’s pretty bad. Maybe we reverted back to 1968 and the year of the “new” pitcher is here. Good luck on this week’s fantasy endeavors. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and match-ups change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

5/24
Doug Fister @ Min – Blackburn
Chris Narveson vs. Was – Hernandez

5/25
Dillon Gee @ CHC – Coleman
Freddy Garcia vs. Tor – Reyes
Luke Hochevar @ Bal – Bergesen

5/26
Doug Davis vs. Nym – Dickey
Joel Pineiro vs. Oak – Anderson

5/27
Jon Garland vs. Fla – Vasquez
Scott Baker vs. Ana – Chatwood

TWO START OPTIONS:

Bartolo Colon ( Tor vs. Litsch, @Sea vs. Vargas) Has the lowest xFIP of any AL pitcher. The thing that boggles the mind is that he has a tiny SwStr% but his K/9 is almost 8.5. The joys of modern Dominican medicine I guess.

Jason Vargas (@Min vs. Pavano, NYY vs. Colon) If he played for a better team, he would be owned universally. Decent K numbers compared to career norms. Allowed 1 ER in last 24 innings.

Jonathon Niese (@CHC vs. Dempster, Phi vs. Blanton) Coming off a strong outing versus the Nats. Seems like he pitches just well enough to win or lose every time out. Is already 0-2 against the Phils on the year.

Danny Duffy (@Bal vs. Britton, @Tex vs. Ogando) Seen a lot of his minor starts via video, and control is going to be his downfall, as we witnessed in first start. Good mix of 3 pitches. Upside for me is a number 3 starter.

Carl Pavano (Sea vs. Vargas, Ana vs. Haren) My Yankee fandom won’t allow me to write anything good about him. Best I can come up with is he allowed only 1 earned run in last two starts…way to go Carl.

Tom Gorzellany (@Mil vs. Gallardo, SD vs. Moseley) Has a .214 batting average against. Seems to be pitching way over his head, and let’s not forget this is Tom Gorzellany. So that wasn’t very high to begin with.

Phil Coke (TB vs. Hellickson, Bos vs. Buchholz) The “Dispenser” gets lit up at home, posting an ERA above a touchdown. TB best hitters struggle against LH pitching, Boston kills mediocre pitching.

Josh Collmenter (@Col vs. De La Rosa, @Hou vs. Norris) More wishful thinking by me than anything else. First start is part of DH, Sunday start is either his or Saunders. 0 ER in 12 innings as SP, I’m kind of intrigued, wanna see what the kids got.

Jonathan Broxton blew his first save because of an error and he’s out as closer.  Hmph.  The Dodgers’ GM Colletti said the Dodgers would turn to Padilla and Broxton with Kuo joining the mix when he returns at the end of the week.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Mattingly then said last I checked Colletti doesn’t have a goatee and Broxton is still his closer, no committee.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Hmph.  Whatcha gonna do with all those hmphs?  All those hmphs up in your trunk?  Then Mattingly called Colletti a dwarf brain and shaved his goatee to reveal a cold sore.  Got all that?  Glad one of us does.  I’d own Broxton and Kuo.  Wouldn’t mess with this Padilla or this Padilla.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

James Loney – 4-for-4 with a steal.  I almost wrote the other day how there’s no way Loney stays hitting .200, but then I grew bored and fell asleep… Snooze…

Phil Hughes – Underwent four hours of tests on his arm.  Towards the end his arm just started answering C for everything.

Roger Bernadina – Recalled by the Nats.  I picked him up in every league he was available.  Yup, even that one.  Bernadina has 15/20 upside if he can stick with the club.  Chances he sticks aren’t great but aren’t quite slim to anorexic either, so there’s that.

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 home runs.  That’s a badonkadonk, for those from the Bronx.

Carlos Gonzalez – Held out Tuesday because he’s sucking on the ol’ suck wagon.  Well, I got this schmohawk right.  Now if only Jose Bautista would get mono from Casey Kotchman.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I don’t own dlR anywhere but I get a lot of questions about whether he’s ownable, so it makes me question him.  Doode has a 2.61 ERA.  What are people looking for?

Todd Helton – 2-for-5 with 2 homers.  Did the Rockies wear throwback unis yesterday?

Casey McGehee – Sprained his thumb on the last play of the game on Monday and was held out of the game on Tuesday, leaving him on the bench to twiddle his thumbs — sick, painful irony.  If that’s irony, I have no idea.

Ryan Braun – Hit his 9th home run yesterday.  Yeah, his power is gone, Naysaying Preseason ‘Perts.

Jose Contreras – Has a strained elbow and will miss about a month, assuming he doesn’t have any setbacks.  But 67-year-olds tend to have setbacks getting out of bed.

Matt Harrison – 3 IP, 7 ER.  Don’t worry, Harrison, nothing can ever sully your Trapper John M.D. performance.

Carlos Carrasco – His MRI came back “perfect.”  Not to be that guy, but wouldn’t it be perfect if he didn’t have to go for an MRI?

Jack Hannahan – 3-for-4 with 2 homers.  If only Barbera could’ve been alive to see this.

Justin Masterson – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Rudy and I spot started him in, but since he has a 2.18 ERA on the year, we might not be returning him to waivers.  Stay tuned!  Or not.  Your choice.

Shin-Soo Choo – For an appetizer, I’d like the slam.  For the entree, I Choo-Choo-choose the legs.

Grady Sizemore – 3-for-4 and his 3rd homer, but was caught stealing.  No legs for you!

Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-4.  That’ll show ‘em!

Garrett Jones – Hit his 4th home run yesterday.  Robot is probably going to get the worst counting stat 20+ homer, 10 steal season in the history of baseball.

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Now has his ERA down to 3.00.  We should all be aboard with Morton by now, yah?  Yah.

Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 8 ER.  Did the Braves scare him by wearing Dusty Baker masks?

Brandon McCarthy – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER and 15 baserunners.  In San Diego, they call that a strong offensive homestand.

Coco Crisp – Left the game with quad tightness.  Doesn’t sound cerealious.

Ryan Roberts – 2-for-4 with his 5th home run, batting .333.  Pedro Alvarez has one homer and is batting .205.  Kill me.

Mitchell Boggs – 1/3 IP, 1 ER and his first blown save.  After the game, Ryan Franklin said, “See!”

Hanley Ramirez – Working on getting a hitch out of his swing by getting his foot down quicker.  I wonder where Hanley picked up a bad habit.  He seems like such a model of strong work ethic.

Jair Jurrjens – 9 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I don’t think it continues, but I have no problem riding Jar-Jar while he’s on a roll.

Billy Butler – 1-for-4 and a WTF (Warning Track Fly).  A Butler specialty.

Mike Leake – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. Turnabout is fair play as the Brewers stole the victory.

Sergio Santos – It’s now back to back saves but this last 2 out save should go to Brent Lillibridge who made two outstanding plays in RF.  Lillibridge fields like he’s nailing Sergio Santos’ sister.  Juan Pierre fields like Thornton is nailing Juan’s sister.

Gavin Floyd – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks vs. the Yankees.  If you had the balls (or lady stuff, for our three girl readers) to start him in The House They Built Next To The House That Ruth Built, you deserved this start.

Clay Buchholz – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 14 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.  Now has a 5.33 ERA.  Good news, he should be better.  The bad news, not that much better.  The neither good or bad just what it is news, if you listened to me you don’t own him.  The okay news that needs to be said because it is really big news news, there is no okay news that needs to be said because it is really big news news.

Adam Lind – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  This is the kind of performance that makes me so hesitant to tell anyone to drop Carlos Pena too.  These guys just need three good days, and they have their counting stats.  Sure, it’ll be great to get this game from Lind without the previous 23 games of crizzap, but so it goes, so it goes.

Zach Britton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Fantasy-wise, Britton should be owned.  Real world-wise, when do the castmates find out Zito used to do gay porn?

Phil Coke – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Hope everyone is now done experimenting with Coke.  Shizz is bad for your nasal passages.

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Then David Lynch filmed Matt Cain’s post-game interview.

Carl Everett – Pulled a gun on his wife after she said she believed in dinosaurs and Darwin Barney was her favorite player.

It’s getting close to that time. That’s right, the BOGO sale at Payless! No, it’s the time when you look at your roster and say “I drafted this guy way too high to just drop him after a month.” That’s how fake baseball rolls, we don’t have the luxury of letting a rookie get his feet under him. Or that starting pitcher who is failing to figure things out. If we do, we lose — plain and simple. These guys don’t owe us anything and we shouldn’t owe them anything for being a sucktard for a month. So now is the time to look at your roster and your league standing. Go ahead, do it.  See which ones are the slow starters and show obvious patience, and who are the guys you guessed and guessed wrong on. 80 cents on the dollar is still worth more to me than falling in the standings. So good luck on this week’s fantasy baseballedness. (Please keep in mind that match-ups and pitchers may change.)

ONE START OPTIONS
4/27
Derek Holland vs. Tor – Reyes
Jeff Niemann @ Min – Baker
Josh Tomlin vs. KC – O’Sullivan
Mike Leake @ Mil – Estrada
4/28
Kyle Lohse @ Hou – Figueroa
Fausto Carmona vs. KC – Francis
Brian Duensing vs. TB – Hellickson
4/29
Carlos Carrasco vs. Det – Penny
Jason Hammel vs. Pit – Correia
Dillon Gee vs. Ari – Enright

TWO START STARTERS

Justin Masterson (@ KC -Hochevar, Det- Coke) Love isn’t a strong enough word, restraining order is though. Fun fact: he is the only player in MLB that was born in Jamaica. Groundball pitchers have long futures in real or fake baseball. xFIP shows some regression but I’ll take 3.50 from him.

Chris Narveson (Cin-Arroyo, @Hou-Norris) Only owned in 45% of ESPN leagues. 80% of which are dead already. What’s not to love? Good Lineup. Decent stuff. Owns a scooter, hey wait a second.

Wade Davis (@Min-Blackburn, Ana-Weaver) Gets very overlooked. Most likely a one start guy for most based on the Weaver situation on Sunday. Hey, you could do worse, Philip Humber says hi.

Bud Norris (STL-Westbrook, Mil-Narveson) Bud, why do you hurt me? You look awesome for stints during a game than they string together some hits and you give up a 6 run homer. We stay for the K’s and leave ya for the WHIP.

Bartolo Colon (CHW-Floyd, Tor-Cecil) In limited innings, he’s 3rd on Yanks in K’s. Watched his start in Toronto and I was very impressed. Great fastball command.

Jon Garland (@Fla-Nolasco, SD-Moseley) Back from the dead. Great for a mix and match-up type. Innings gobbler with 10 straight years of double digit wins.  Yeah, that’s right I said ten.

Zach Britton (Bos-Buchholz, @CHW-Floyd) Promising start going 3-1. Has the arsenal to be a top of rotation stud, albeit in Baltimore. Watch out for the rookie wall, which should pop up in another 50 innings or so.

R.A. Dickey (@Was-Lannan, @Phi-Lee) What happened to the bottle with all the lightning in it from last year? Mets are just getting healthy enough to start trading everyone by June 1st.

Phil Coke (Sea-Bedard, @Cle-Masterson) You know what cures all ills. Pickle juice and the Mariners offense. Is an up-n-down lefty, with that sexy dual eligibility try and squeeze him in somewhere.

Charlie Morton (SF-Cain, @Col-Jimenez) The steakhouse served up a cube steak last outing. I haven’t seen tougher match-ups since TKO crew took on Electro Rock.

Ryan Franklin was replaced yesterday, but it came so begrudgingly, La Russa wouldn’t even announce who would replace him.  GM Mozeliak held a knife to a squirrel’s neck to try and get La Russa to tell us who would be the closer and still nothing.  “There’s only two things in this world I hold dear — my Mom and my word and I’m mum on both.”  That was what I imagine La Russa said.  Mitchell Boggs, CPA seems most likely to see the first chances.  Behind him, Motte, then MLB’s poet laureate, Miguel Batista.  Keep in mind, Franklin isn’t out of the picture completely either.  La Russa is way too loyal to his guys.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Skip Schumaker – Headed to the DL with a hyperextended elbow.  Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”

Ian Stewart – Sent to Triple-A.  Pretty sad move for me to hear.  Mini-Mini Donkey was a one-time favorite.  I was thinking how this is one of those moves that if you don’t play fantasy, you’re probably like whatevs.  Deep thoughts with Grey Albright, I suppose.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as he returned from the DL.  I didn’t see the game, but just looking at the baserunners and earned runs, I’m gonna guess he had some bad luck with when he gave up some hits.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Yeah, sparkling but don’t forget the Twins are dealing with The Infieluenza Breakout of 2011.

Victor Martinez – To the DL.  Has anything ever good come from not punting your catcher slot?  Rhetorical!

Phil Coke – Holy crap, I just saw Coke’s line!  I mean, Phil got WHIPped around (10 baserunners in 3 2/3 IP) by Seattle like a fish at Pike’s Place.  It was mostly his own doing – a 4 BB first inning as well as an error by him led to 4 first inning runs (all unearned).  He didn’t even get a strikeout, which is tough since he faced Jack Cust three times.  He had average control in the minors so this was probably just a bad night – maybe someone shook him up before the game and put a couple Mentos in his mouth.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Ride, Wandwagon, ride!

James Shields – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, 3.07 ERA on the year.  I didn’t put my money where my mouth was by drafting Shields, but I did think he’d bounce back from last year.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  We own him in our most important league (NL LABR).  I say it’s important because I’m nearly positive if we don’t win, we’re not getting invited back.  In fact, if we do win, we still may not get invited back.

Frank Francisco – Blue Jays activated him and now they have the difficult decision to go with the crappy closer that they feel obligated to go with or just stick with Rauch, who’s done nothing wrong.  Knowing how major league teams operate, Frank² will be blowing saves by the weekend.

Aaron Hill – Stole his 6th base then left because 0f moans over his hammy.  Sounds like he might miss 15 days, maybe he can find his upside while he’s out.  You effin’ schmohawk!

Doug Fister – A very disappointing night for the Tiger hitters as Doug Fister limited them to two runs.  The most disappointed was Miggy because when he saw D. Fister as the opposing pitcher, he thought it stood for Double Fister.

Jake Peavy – Hurt himself coming back from hurting himself.  That’s such a Bennis Carpensheeter move.

John Danks – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now 0-2 with a 3.00 ERA.  Seriously, I can’t buy a win.

Brad Emaus – Designated for assignment.  Mets like Roberto Duran say, “No Emaus!”

Justin Turner – Overdrive!  He will platoon with Daniel Murphy at 2nd base.  He’s on the weak side of the platoon and his minor league numbers are yawnstipating at best, blehtastic at worst.

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  As frequent commenter, Dad, said, “On only his 2nd day in the majors, Sands faced Beachy in LA.  I wonder if Pauly Shore was there.”  That made me giggle.

Pablo Sandoval – Hit his 4th homer this week.  He’s blaming his power drought last year on The Twinkie Defense.

Justin Morneau – Out again with the flu.  Minnesota Twins fever, catch it!

Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks.  His brother, Gosh Johnson, “Okay, but let’s not forget the seven AVN awards I’ve won.”

Logan Morrison – Hurt his foot during the game but they put him in a protective boot – aka the Logan Moccasin – and they think he’ll only miss a game or two.

Drew Stubbs – 1-for-2 as he declares himself The King of the Slam & Legs.

Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-3, batting .183 on the year and now batting in the 6 hole.  I’m legitimately concerned Alvarez might get sent down to figure his shizz out.

Alex Gordon – 2 steals.  Billy Butler, one steal.  Wilson Betemit, one steal… Either they were getting 89 foot leads or Lou Marson was actually the Indians CEO and they were filming an episode of Undercover Boss.

Mark Trumbo – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  I don’t see how they can send him back down when Kendrys return.  Wait, is it still a plural verb?

Peter Bourjos – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and his 2nd homer as he declares to the world he wants to challenge Drew Stubbs’ title.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-4 as the Angels scored 15.  Ticker tease!

Mike Napoli – Did not play, but Ron Washington let him bring the lineup card out to the umps so Scioscia could laugh at him.

Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and a 6.00 ERA with his third win.  I have only one win for my entire staff in one league.  Who’s coming with me to Nepal to fix this Win Karma?

Kelly Johnson – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer.  You can book it that he’s gonna bet getter, if you’re into spoonerisms.

Melvin Mora – Out with a jammed foot.  Too bad everything points to him being toast.  Afternoon tea humor!

Ryan Roberts – Hit 2 homers yesterday and threw in a legs free of charge.  I love the questions about whether or not I think Roberts is fo reals.  He’s hitting .382 and two homers a game.  He’s not that real.  Can he stick at third base because the rest of the D-Bags candidates are tizz-errible?  Yup.  Should you pick him up?  Definitely, while he’s hitting.  BTW, Member my brilliant idea to allow one position a year to take steroids but not tell anyone… A little fun subplot trying to figure out which position it is each year.  Well, MLB decided to go with the more niche marketing plan, “All Roberts On ‘Roids.”  If Bip Roberts comes out of retirement, I called this sucker.