The Twins’ lineup could generate power for any remote control, because they’re filled with Double-A batteries.  High five me!  C’mon!  You don’t appreciate a good snap!  I’m zinging over here!  Fine, be that way.  The Twins traded the 29-year-old Eduardo Nunez to the Giants, which makes him the youngest player the Giants have ever acquired and the cheapest player the Twins have ever traded away.  A double first!  Which sounds almost like how you picture your ex describing herself on Tinder.  So, Eduardo Nunez goes from a neutral park to a pitching park and from a lineup that could be best described with their two-hole hitter, Grossman, to a lineup best described as “in the middle of a panic.”  Or a Panik in the middle.  This move likely doesn’t change his value much, but if anything it takes him down a notch.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back Y’all, I hope everyone enjoyed the All-Star break. I don’t know about you, but I dread the break, then it comes and I’m actually thankful for it. I feel revived and ready for the second half push, but part of me is still on break until today. So now it’s time to shake off that DK rust, take a deep whiff of some Nitro and get this biatch started. If you’re a little confused about the lead, let me help clear it up. The two L’s I’m referring to are Jon Lester, $9,400 vs the Mets and Mike Leake, $8,200 vs the Padres. Lester had a rough end to the first half pitching 6 of his last 7 games on the road and he got absolutely hammered for 8 ER at NYM two weeks ago, so why would I roll with him today? He’s a veteran who got some much needed rest over the break. Granted, he threw one inning at Petco last Tuesday but I think he’ll be extremely under owned across the board with J-Fer, Sale and Kluber all going tonight. Lester has been great at home this year with a 2.32 ERA while striking out 62 batters over 54 innings and the Mets are second to last in runs scored vs LHP. Wrigley Field is just what the doctor ordered for Lester’s recent road ails as he’s due to get back on track vs a depleted Mets lineup. Mike Leake turns into Mike Stopper when July 1st rolls around. There’s just something that happens to him when the calendar turns on June 30th as he goes lights out on the mound. It’s time to own him in daily and RCL, at least for the next 3 weeks. He went into the break on a high note striking out 10 in Milwaukee over 7 innings. He’s got a solid matchup at home tonight against the Padres who probably didn’t got into St. Louis at a cushy 4 AM Central this morning. I’m counting on Sneaky Leaky to put up a solid line of at least 8 K’s while he puts it to a weary San Diego team that’s still in vacation mode.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The other day the Astros signed the coveted Cuban refugee, Yulieski Gourriel.  One time!  Yulieski is as apple pie as a Canadian tenor group making a political statement during the All-Star Game.  He’s 32 years old.  If he went by YuGo, that would make him the newest car in Cuba.  “Bueno Model T, amigo!  Now, tell me about this Ford Taurus I hear so much about.”  You know who a 32-year-old Cuban immediately reminds me of?  Hector Olivera and Alex Guerrero.  Sloppy comparison maybe.  Hey, that gives me an idea.  Whenever doing a sloppy comparison between players who just happen to be Cuban, we should call them Sloppy Jose’s.  We need a similar term for when making a sloppy comparison between Japanese players; please suggest in the comments.  As for Gourriel, yeah, I don’t see much here.  I watched video of him, and he looks like a 15 HR, 6 SB, .260 hitter, which is Hector Olivera.  I’m sorry, but those Sloppy Joses make sense sometimes.  This Gourriel signing obviously delays Bregman’s arrival, so boo, you mothereffer, boo.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Coors days are funny days. Note I didn’t say ‘fun’, I said ‘funny’. I find them downright exasperating simply because you feel compelled to have a Colorado stack out there, even if and when it’s not really the best situation. Look, I’m not gonna sit here – and yes I am sitting – and tell you that Coors is an outright fade today but I will tell you the arms going in that one ain’t slouches. Yes, we know that any arm that lands in the Rockies can get touched up. It’s, like, science and stuff. Overall, though, I am here to tell you quite simply: there are a lot of good plays for bats out there tonight and I, for one, won’t be forcing a Rocky mountain high into my life. In fact, I’d rather just tell you about the glory that is stacking against Sean O’Sullivan. There are some big time prices on bats today across the board, but somehow DK missed that Sean has some straight scary career numbers. Over 318.2 IP, Big Sean has a 4.35 K/9, a 3.22 BB/9 and a 5.22 xFIP while his career HR/9 sits at 1.64. A journeyman in every sense of the word, look to the Rays bats to come alive tonight and you don’t have to pay top dollar to push this stack in. Their most expensive bat is Brad Miller at $4,500 and you don’t need to go that route. For me, gimme some Evan Longoria, Logan Forsythe, Oswaldo Arcia, and other bits and parts that I can find that are in that starting lineup and let it ride, using the savings to pay up for pitching on the night. Rays the roof fellas. But enough about that, let’s move on to this. Here’s my Coors swerve taeks for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 11th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trevor Bauer has a long history of not being great like he has long toss, which is to say he has it.  Was that clear?  Good.  I’d hate to start us behind the eight ball for understanding one another.  Unless it’s a Magic Eight Ball, then we’d be finishing each other’s sentences.  But since you didn’t finish that sentence maybe our Magic Eight Ball says ‘Outlook:  Cloudy.’  I feel like I just went into Home Depot, bought the color paint, Persimmon, then painted myself into a logic corner.  Can we start again?  Trevor Bauer’s history is as long as his long toss, which is to say he could throw from here to China, have the ball begin a trade agreement for fortune cookies, with us sending them to China, have fortune cookies become our number export over Kardashians and balance the budget, making Trump announce his running mate is Bauer’s ball from his long toss, the Ball Broker, as it’s colloquially known.  That’s how long Bauer’s toss/history is.  Long story short, Bauer’s been around a while.  Long people short, Altuve.  Bauer came up in 2013 with ‘He can be an ace’ pedigree, and failed.  Then failed for three more years.  Old dude I’m moving on, is what you’re thinking.  Well, you’re thinking wrong.  He’s only 25 years old.  His velocity upticked to 93.3 MPH this year vs. 92.8 last year.  His walks have always been issue.  So far this year, not much of an issue.  His Ks are always around 8.5, still there.  His ground balls have been whatevs in the past.  This year, they’re way up, which is to say down.  Everyone has been burned by Bauer.  Been there, need aloe for that.  But he looks like he’s finally turned a corner, and he wouldn’t be the first pitcher in his third full year at the age of 25 to accomplish that.  If you need a starter, I’d grab him.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have a serious question (not that serious).  Why does ESPN have a separate section to “Manage DL”apart from setting rosters?  It should work the same way as putting a guy on the bench, like Yahoo does.  Or just have no DL spots and larger rosters, like ottoneu.  ESPN works the same way on the app too, like why couldn’t they fix that for the app?  I don’t often go on the website for my ESPN leagues; really I don’t find it a good setup, and it’s never improved.  Yahoo I’ll look at a little more often because it’s easier to search for free agents.  Both sites are way better when looking at trades as there is a lot more information and Yahoo even has their feature about how it changes your future projections.  Also you can decline a trade and counter on the website, which you can’t do on the apps.

Furthermore I’m actually wondering how many people don’t even look at the website anymore; I’ve found it’s much easier to change lineups using the app for both sites.  Even more further how many people even have desktop/laptop computers and actually use them to play fantasy baseball?  I know I do but a lot of people in my leagues just use their phones.  In short I like Yahoo’s app better than ESPN, and I like ESPN’s website better than Yahoo’s.  What do you guys think?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I know, I know.  You’re saying to yourself, ‘how can the guy with a 6.49 ERA not be free?’  It’s true, there’s nothing glowing about Adam Morgan‘s season long stat line.  His HR/FB rate is 2.05.  Yes, teams are averaging 2 HRs per game off him.  He also has a pedestrian K rate sitting at 7.69.  So when does the Morgan Freeman narrative kick in to tell me all the good things you want to hear?  Well, there may just not be one.  I’m leading with Morgan because methinks he’s a good to great tourney play for today and there’s more upside than he’s being given credit for at $5,500.  Admittedly, the Twins team has heated up a bit of late but their season stat line still shows an exploitable offense against left handed pitching.  Against southpaws on the year, the Twinkies hold a 24.5% K rate which is good for fourth worst in the MLB.  Follow that up with a lowly 86 wRC+ and there’s reason to believe Morgan can return on value down here in the sub-6K territory.  Of course, do realize this is tourney only and John Doe could easily gain the upper hand.  Not the Morgan quote you were wanting?  Well then enjoy.  But it’s time to get busy livin’, or else we’re gettin’ busy dying.  Here’s my he’s right you know hot taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 27th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Evidently, Corey Kluber made some sort of promise to the city of Cleveland too, and not just to Kl-Uber Drew Carey home any time he sees him drunk-wandering in downtown Cleveland.  Yesterday, Kluber went 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, lowering his ERA at 3.59.  So, I’m going to get completely unscientific, then scientific, then mix the two, Grey says sounding like Don Herbert. (If you knew who Don Herbert was, you are old and a nerd.)  Unscientifically, Kluber will have an ERA around 3.60 this year.  He’ll throw a gem, get the ERA down to 3.40, then throw a stinker and the ERA will rise.  It will go on like this all year, because that’s what he’s done so far.  Then he will figure out if he drops his arm angle a little, due to the earth being flat, it will add more spin and he’ll have an ERA under zero in September.  Again, that was unscientific.  Scientifically, his peripherals looks as good as any previous year.  His velocity is a notch off previous seasons, but his 9 K-rate, 1.9 BB/9 and 3.27 xFIP are excellent.  So, he should be better than he has been, and could end up with a 3.20 ERA with 250 Ks.  Now, to mix the two methods, Kluber will match his 3.27 xFIP, and on off days, picket Phil Collins’ house with Carl Everett, with a sign reading, “The Book of Genesis Doesn’t Have Liner Notes.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You have Eugenio Suarez as your middle infielder and are growing bored, so you check out The Replacements, and there’s so many possibilities.  Anything you want, dear, is fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.  Everything you say, dear, I’ll buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, goodbye Eugenio.  He was merely a steward to better things.  Sorry, too formal, he was a waiter in the sky.  He played/was fair, don’t wanna complain.  Don’t want to treat him like a bum, don’t wanna ask Cougs and Ted who I should pick up in case of a tie.  Now, I like what I hear about Tim Anderson.  If bein’ wrong’s a crime, I’m waiver wiring forever.  If bein’ strong’s your kind of pick up, then I need help here this Tim’s got power like a feather.  If bein’ afraid is a crime, put the two players side by side.  Cause Tim’s at the SAGNOF party down the line.  So, Tim Anderson is just steals?  Well, not entirely, but that’s what he mostly is.  He can also hit for a solid average.  In the minors the last three years, he hit .364, .312 and .304.  The Honkey Sox seem happy to try him at leadoff, and, with his batting average skills, he should stick there.  The speed is real — stealing 49 bases last year in the minors.  I’d absolutely take a flyer on him for speed alone.  South Park isn’t the only place that has a Tim A. with wheels.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alright everyone, get ready. It’s time to hole yourself up inside your house even when it’s sunny and think long and deep thoughts about things that really don’t mean anything. But being fantasy baseballers (Grey’s mom’s term!), you’re already doing this more often than not so you won’t even need to limber up. So the question today, kids, is what’s the cutoff point for bad team facing ‘x’ pitcher equals good to great pitching stats? Hrm, that didn’t sound very philosophical, let’s try again. What’s the sound of one fan base not clapping? If a team sucks in Philadelphia and no one is there to watch it, does it make a sound? There, that’s better. Ponder on, you ponderers. I’ll be here while you insert your thinking emoji down in the comments at me. PS, it just shows up as a couple of weird squares if it shows up at all. The latter is absolutely fine when your user name is ‘Eat A D@#$, Sky’ cuz you’ve already told us all what everyone was already thinking. But where were we? Oh yeah, the answer to said question is ‘the sound of your pen breaking as you write Tommy Joseph into your cleanup spot on a regular basis’. The Phillies tricked the baseball world that doesn’t pay attention to stats into thinking they were good for a few weeks to start the year. It was a fun ride while it lasted guys but now that it’s over, let’s look at said stats and why we should care. The Phils are a mediocre offense but when they face a lefty? Whew…Philly comes in second to last in wRC+ at 62 and give you a 23.8% K rate when facing a southpaw. With that, in steps Robbie Ray. Ray not only gets the bonus of stepping out of Chase Field where he owns a 5.89 ERA to the road where it’s 3.06, he also gets to be a lefty who already owns a 10.17 K/9 for the year. Basically, on Saturday, all the regular season articles are gonna lead with ‘pick up Robbie Ray!’ and you’ll be like, ‘Fool, it was the Phillies and he’s in Toronto next. DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT.’ Ok, maybe that’s just me. Anyhoo, starting Ray at $8,400 promises Ks o’plenty and I’m comfortable in all formats rolling him out there. But let’s stop thinking deep thoughts and get on with being shallow as we’re wont to be. And with that, here’s my God is dead hot taeks for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 20th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 20th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?