For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place! Though, sometimes I get the sense people in the comments aren’t wearing pants, so if that does it for you, there ya go. Oh, who are we kidding, I’m not wearing pants. Pants are for conformist sissies! So, after going over the top 20 catchers, top 20 1st basemen, top 20 2nd basemen and top 20 shortstops, which brings us to…Hold on, I have to scroll up to the title. It’s the 3rd basemen? Oh, awesome! Pound for pound, the 3rd basemen were as good, if not better than any other position, and that’s not a Sandoval crack. Trust me, I wouldn’t force my worst enemy to look at a Sandoval crack, or anything stuck in his crack either. This final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. I look forward to the random comment about how I’ve left off so-and-so. This is not for next year. Lisa Simpson groan. Oh, they’re not reading this intro either. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not sure if DK has been monitoring what J.A. Happ has done since being traded to Pittsburgh, but he’s at the bargain price of $7,600 for tonight. How about we keep it a secret between us Razzballers? Since being traded in early August, Happ is 6-2 with a 2.43 ERA while striking out 58 batters in 48.1ings. His first start as a Pirate he let up 4er and Tuesday night, in Coors, he gave up 3er, but he still K’d 8 over 5.1ings. Throw out those two games and dude looks like Greinke with a sparkling 1.39 ERA and 44K’s over 38.9ings. Happ gets the Cards tonight which may seem like a bad matchup, but they’re only batting .232 and they’re the NL’s numero uno in strikeouts versus LHP. Happ’s resurgence after making the move isn’t a surprise as the Pirates pitching coach Ray Searage is a friggin genius whisperer on a whole different level. This guy is so great that instead of buying him a few beers, a brewery named a beer after him; for realsies, check out the Bucco Blonde. At a relatively low sticker price of $7,600 you can match up Happ with Mad Max at $12,000 or the aforementioned Greinke at $13,100. Let’s keep the good times rolling and raise our pints to Ray Searage and The Happ Slapp!
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We have one reader in Nigeria who emails me privately about how I’ve won large amounts of muney (sic), so I don’t need to be working, which means this is more of a PSA, and should be taken even more seriously: Starling Marte is a God. There’s Jesus, there’s his Dad, there’s Jehovah, there’s Mormons’ magic underpants, there’s whoever the Jews pray to — Mel Brooks? — there’s Chief Jay Strongbow, there’s the Pope, there’s Allah, there’s Halla, the Arab God for dyslexics, and there’s others, I’m sure. My God is Starling Marte. You know how the religious say, “Peace be with you?” For baseball players, they should say, “May you always hit in Coors.” Yesterday in Coors, Marte went 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, which is the rainbow jimmies on the ice cream that has been his season. He has 18 HRs, 29 SBs and is hitting .288. Right now, he’s around top 25 on our Player Rater. For 2016, it’s gonna be hard for me to wait past the top 20 overall. Yes, he’s that good, and I may just rank him above McCutchen. Oh, snap! Don’t need the police to try to save them, your voice will seize, so please, stay off my back or I will attack and you don’t want that. Hit the bass, hit the anyway and let’s do this! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
All right all of you, hardcore, prematurely balding fantasy baseballers, who are battling in the trenches these final weeks. You people. And by “you people,” I mean middle-aged, middle class white men with their mothers on speed dial. (What? Google Analytics can tell a lot.) Let’s do this like Brutus and Tommy Artootis. (I went to middle school with Tommy Artootis; you probably didn’t know that.) Yesterday, Kendrys Morales went 4-for-4, 5 runs and three solo home runs (19, 20, 21). The Morales of the story? He’s stepping up to help you win because we prayed for this. Right after praying that Lay’s Gyro-flavored potato chips wins the new flavor contest. Show of hands: how many of you care who becomes the next president? Okay, now how many of you care what flavor wins Lay’s potato chip contest? Ya’ll bunch of liars if you didn’t vote for Lay’s. Can we just make a Trump flavored potato chip to combine all my voting into one place? Morales has done well for my Tout Wars team, but I’m gonna come up a little short like Altuve. Here’s the current standings, as you can see power was my real bugaboo. If Miggy had reached 30 homers like he did seemingly every other year, it could’ve made a huge difference. For now, let’s bask in Rudy’s dominance and hope Lay’s Gyro flavor kicks ass. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Chris Coghlan went full Ivan Drago on Jung-ho Kang‘s knee, taking him out in a hard slide. Kang is now done for the year, and could miss a month of next season, with a torn MCL. That’s not the year 1150, if any Romans are reading this. He also has a fractured fibia. Coghlan should not be allowed to wear that Iron Mike Sharpe knee pad. Things couldn’t be much worse for the Pirates, who will now rely on Jordache Mercer (full name). Kang’s agent said, “It is unfortunate that what would be considered heads up baseball would cause such a serious injury. That said, Coghlan was playing the game the way it should be played.” Doesn’t that sound backhanded? Like, “It’s a shame we allow 85-year-old people to drive, but that’s the law and thanks for crashing into my car.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don’t be judging my title. I’m always late to the topical title party. I’m lazy! I haven’t seen Straight Outta Compton because I refuse to pay for overpriced tickets to movies that have nothing visually cool to offer. Seeing the clips and Grey talking it up and being in the same room as Cube has made me reflect… When that album broke, I was in the 8th grade and it was the biggest game changer for us since the Beastie Boys and RUN DMC (I group them together because it felt like it was around the same time). I wasn’t a huge hip-hop head, but I had friends that listened to nothing but street poets. Then came NWA and Eazy-E (I say them separately because Eazy’s album dropped a month after Straight Outta Compton and was treated like a companion piece). It was impossible to own one and not the other. Now, I bring this up because this movie reminds me of the first time I heard Eazy Duz It. I was coming back from Carpenteria (its just south of Santa Barbara) with my good buddy and his mom. He asked her if we could play his new tape on the way home. She, being the very open minded lady she was, obliged and sat through that whole album. Damn, I don’t miss my buddy since he turned into a bitch ass when we got older, but his mom was the baddest mom I knew. From Boyz N’ Tha Hood to Eazy-er Said Than Dunn, we would bump this almost as much as SOC. Hey, we were from L.A., it was great to get someone changing the game from our backyard. Now, you might be asking yourself what this has to do with this weeks creeper. Nothing, I just felt like waxing about NWA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last weekend I wanted to go see Action Bronson when he performed at the Shrine Auditorium in LA. I was feeling my usual cheap self, so I hit up some of the homies in the lighting game to see if anyone was working the show. Well, they weren’t, and I didn’t go. So bummed I couldn’t use the connects to get a pass into the show. That group of friends have been good guys to know, and if they are working an event they can sometimes get a few cats access. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those guys always looking for a freebie, but it’s nice to have a guy. You know that guy, the one who can score you the primo stuff, get you in contact with the right people, get your car smogged (California BS) because it’s customized like a mother f***er, or help you out of a bad spot. The last one is never advisable, because then you owe them a favor and that’s not the kinda favor you want to owe them. To go along with the theme of the title, I hope I’m your Creeper guy, your go to creeper caller. This week I’m the guy telling you to add the Guy(er) to be your guy… for the coming week. Okay, enough about guys, this is starting to get weird… let’s get to creepin’.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s late in the season, and you know exactly where you are in your seasonal league, but there’s still time to make money on DraftKings. It’s a Thursday, which means there aren’t many games on the slate, but at least the Coors Field games continue this week as the Giants invade Colorado.
The plus side is that both teams have players reasonably priced on the offensive side, but the negative side to it is that an already small slate turns smaller on the pitching end of things as both starters are automatically out of it due to pitching in Colorado. Well, and they just aren’t good.
Let’s get straight to the cash, homie.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As we always do about this time! *beat drops, Grey does the worm, Grey’s iPhone alarm goes off, time to put more money in the meter* Damn, how long was I worming for? September 1st hits and teams expand their rosters to the Four-Oh. Now pour some extra bullpen guys out for all the dead moments between pitcher changes. So, what does this mean for all of us, fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!)? It means call-ups and rookie nookie is aplenty. Aplenty, I tell ya! By the by, for big boned people, rather than an X-Large t-shirt, they should call them aplen-Tees. Yeah, I just made the English language better. High-five yourself for even knowing to read me. *Grey worms, alarm goes off* Damn, I need to get more coins. At this point in the year, you need guys that are getting everyday playing time, so I’m pumped up the jam on Javier Baez (0-for-4) being called up — Javier Na Gila! — but if he’s not playing every day, he’s not helping me in redraft leagues. I’m intrigued by Brandon Drury (0-for-4), but I’m also hesitant if he doesn’t play every day. Hector Olivera (0-for-4) was called up, and I’ve already gave you my Hector Olivera fantasy and I do think he plays every day. It’s a most exciting time to be alive and be fantasy balling, but don’t lose sight of the real goal here. To get quality at-bats from guys that are playing, not to pick up a guy that will be great in 2016. (Unless you’re in a keeper league; then, by all means, knock yourself out! Not literally! Ouch.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As Jeff Probst once said, “Turnabout is Johnny Fairplay,” which was his mashup of Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart line, “Turn around, bright eyes,” which was co-opted by a children’s toy commercial with, “Turn around, Rainbow Brite eyes,” which was Elmore Leonard’s original name for a pedophile, which he changed to short eyes, and short people have big reason to smile, unless they’re not wearing shoes and, yesterday, Matt Shoemaker threw a one-hitter into the 8th inning. *takes a breath, bows, exits like Tommy from this season of MasterChef* And scene! So, Shoemaker returned from the minors yesterday and did exactly what we’d hoped from him since March — 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 5 Ks. He will remain in the rotation, but I wouldn’t indiscriminately add him in all leagues. I would give him a shot in his next start in Oakland, and go one start at a time from there. While you’re wearing the kid gloves for Shoemaker, hopefully you don’t accidentally Like an Instagram post from two years ago by someone you once dated that you’re now stalking. Been there! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?