Fantasy Baseball Advice

Nope. Not yet at least. I’m not sure Peavy will be traded either. The Padres are asking for too much, but let’s play The Devil’s Advocate for a second. “Whoa… Hoo-Hah!” Get it? Cause I was playing The Devil’s Advocate, which starred Keanu and Pacino so I said, “Whoa–” Forget it.  So if Peavy is traded, what would this mean for fantasy baseball? Well, if Peavy is traded to the Braves, the run support gets ticked up. If Peavy is traded to the Yankees, more run support. Frankly, if Peavy is traded to the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, he’s going to receive more run support.  Now if Peavy is traded to the Cubs, Yankees, Braves or anywhere, he’ll also be leaving the friendly “can’t-finds a bigger stadium than Petco.” In the end, Peavy is variations of the same pitcher no matter where he gets traded, but the traded variation is definitely a lower-grade Peavy than we’ve seen in the past.

Jake Peavy’s Away ERA in 2008 was 4.28. Home ERA was 1.75. Peavy’s three year average ERA Away from Petco is 3.73 — a full run higher than his home ERA. Sure, 2008 was a down year for Peavy because of an elbow injury. But what makes anyone think an elbow injury is a good sign that Peavy’s 2009 season is going to be better? Is that what you look for in pitchers? No, me either. Now I think all of this will be moot because the Padres want back waaaay too much. (That’s right, four A’s on that way. Watch out!) I’ve read they want from the Braves Jurrjens, Yunel and the hot pitching prospect, Tommy Hanson. Mmmbop… That ain’t happening. Then the Chicago Tribune is talking about a trade of Adrian Gonzalez and Peavy for Derrek Lee, Sean Marshall and Felix Pie. This trade doesn’t even sound that great for the Padres. They want Lee and Pie? Don’t they already have a lack of power?  In the end, I think Peavy stays with the Padres and in Petco. For your fantasy baseball team, you should hope so.

Jake Peavy is scheduled to start on Thursday. Despite the fact that Peavy’s been on the DL for much of the year and the whole offense blows except for A-Gonz and Brian Giles’ OBP, San Diego is only 7 games back of Arizona. But just in case Jake was feeling nervous, we thought we’d calm him down with some inspiration from claymation canine Goliath (if this doesn’t ring a bell, watch the YouTube video first.)

Jake Peavy plaintively looking around the San Diego locker room at his teammates.

Goliath: Whatcha looking for, Peeeaveeey?
Jake: Goliath, do you see any hitters in this locker room?
Goliath: It matters what you mean by a hitter, Peeaveeey.
Jake: These people keep telling me that we have an offense but I look around and they all suck except for Adrian Gonzalez.
Goliath: That’s not a nice thing to say.
Jake: I know, Goliath. I guess I’m just nervous.
Goliath: Why is that, Peeeaveeey?
Jake: It’s just…I’m coming off a fairly long DL stint and my only practice was against my teammates. I’m afraid I’ll give up more than 1 run and then I won’t have a chance to get a win.
Goliath: Oh Peeeaveeey. Well I know a lot of fantasy baseball teams count on you and they realize you probably won’t win because the Padres offense is damned on account of Khalil Greene believing in a cockamamie religion.
Jake: Cocka-what?
Goliath: But if you give them 10 Ks and 3 runs or less in 7 IP, they’ll be very happy.
Jake: You really think so, Goliath.
Goliath: I know so, Peeeaveey. Now get off my DL and earn me some stats.
Jake: You got it, Goliath!

Anyway, here’s what else we saw:

Ryan Ludwick – The breakthrough season continues. 4-5, 2 2B, HR, 4 RBI. We have him as the 25th most valuable player so far this year (based on Point Shares). Ankiel chipped in a HR too. And no one involved in the Cardinal organization drove drunk tonight. That’s a heartwarming night for the Cards except….

Albert Pujols – Strained his calf and was helped off the field. He was said to have ‘calf cramps’ for a couple days now. Someone start massaging his motherfuckin’ calf. What’s the problem here? Wouldn’t be surprised if he hit the DL. At least he could spend some time with his children on Father’s Day – with the youngest entering college in September, he’s got to learn to cherish these moments.

Chris Duncan – If Pujols does take an extended siesta, we can see Dave’s Kid.

Dustin McGowan – Did his best Roy Halladay impersonation with a complete game win against Seattle. That is 5 quality starts out of 6 since his 9 ER stinker on May 10th

Dodgers – Furcal’s now rumored to be out until the All-Star Break. Schmidt smells like sourdough toast. Andruw would be shot if he was a horse. Nomar is more fragile than Alanis Morisette after a breakup. That’s 4 of your top 5 in Dodger salary. Hell, Juan Pierre is a relative bargain at $8MM/per….

Jonathan Broxton – Saw him bat yesterday. Member the show Mama’s Family? Imagine Mama with a bat.

Bill Hall – Started at 2nd with Rickie being weak. Hall at 2nd is butter on the rooster, if you catch my drift. (I don’t even catch my drift, but I’m writing this at midnight my time, so bear with me.)

Rocco Baldelli – Is playing in extended spring training. What is extended spring training? Is this like after hours clubs that always have the “most slammin’ music” and the “most bangin’ ladies” then when you show up it’s 30,000 Asian dudes with glow sticks drinking energy drinks.

Josh Barfield – Hurt himself right after getting called up. Looks like Father’s Day at the Barfield’s, Jesse might have to bust out those hilarious anecdotes of how him and his other son send each other to the hospital.