Or is it Philly adds pap shmear to their J-Roll? What, icky? Sorry, friend. The Phils signed Jonathan Papelbon to a silly deal of sillier proportions. Maybe the Phils should move to the Santa Ynez Valley because their replacement of Madson is a sideways move.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The national budget isn’t the only thing that’s strained in DC, Ryan Zimmerman is headed to the DL with an ab strain. This was an injury that originally happened in Spring Training and now it looks like the ab has taken out a *pinkie to mouth* restraining order.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hello, new readers. No, this isn’t High Times dot com, but don’t worry there’s Doritos at the end of this post. Hey, don’t skip ahead. You have to read the post first. Yes, the computer is talking to you. Aw, I’m just messing with you. The computer’s not talking to you. You’re just reading, silly! So, Bud Norris didn’t come out of nowhere to be my new Razzpick du jour. Yesterday, he went six innings, giving up one run and K’d 4. In the not-too-decent past, I mentioned liking his upside. For our friends in Latin America, the caveat is his wildness. The love comes from the fact he has more Ks than innings. There’s only ten other starters with more than 110 innings in the major leagues that can claim that. That’s one starter for every finger. Unless Antonio Alfonseca is reading this. The wildness is still there, but he hasn’t walked more than 3 batters in a game since April. I’d absolutely grab Norris for the last month if I needed Ks (who doesn’t?) and some upside (of course you do). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Johnson – 4-for-6, 1 RBI in a 16th inning game that saw Roy Oswalt play left field and Tim Kurkjian’s voice cracking at the sheer craziness of the game. Can you believe this game, fellas?!Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the Ministry of Silly Names, this is a great day. Finally, Coco Crisp gets his just deserts, or is it breakfast? Coco Crisp has had a problem with injuries in the past, constantly going snap, crackle, pop. Now I’m with Coco, as long as he doesn’t move to TBS. His game was Baroque, now it’s roCoco. He steals so many bases, it could be considered cereal. The amount of puns with Crisp is radicchio. Since August he’s hitting .345 in August and has 15 steals in the last two months. You say tomato, I say SAGNOF. He’s only owned in 32% of ESPN leagues and that’s about 68% short of making sense. Dyslexic gang members aren’t the only ones that should show Crisp some love. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Eric Young Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL. My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup. Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing? Is this something I need to tell people? While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too. Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested. Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia. Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me. The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night. [dur] Get them all in your lineup.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Kemp doesn’t seem like he cares. Well, about anything outside of protecting Rihanna’s honor and piercings. I don’t blame him. The GM questions his defense. The manager plays Jay Gibbons over him. Andre Ethier gets all the cool pink shirts. Manny was recently overheard saying, “What does a man have to do to get a cool pink shirt up in this mug?!” I contemplated not going with Kemp for this lead because it’s past a lot of people’s trade deadlines. If it’s past your deadline, skip down to the Buy section, there will be plenty of schmohawks to grab off waivers. If it’s not past your deadline, there’s few top players whose value is lower than Matt Kemp right now. Kemp’s owners right now are having flashbacks to last season when he was batting behind the pitcher. Torre’s a Sciosciapath with Kemp, his owners know it. So, step one for value is achieved, Kemp’s price tag is cheaper than his value. Could Kemp continue to suck on the suckhole for the rest of the year? I suppose, loyal Razzball reader. But he’s also capable of a 7+ homer, 5+ steal month and there’s not a lot of guys that can say that, especially at his current price. Anyway, here’s more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Hisabobby Takafelicianell – No relation to Zoey Deschanel, if anyone was wondering. This shituation would be clearer if we only had some idea who setup K-Rod in the Family Lunge. Did Parnell help setup the in-law with a stomach punch or nipple twist? Did Feliciano come in with a left hook? Did R.A.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ted Williams hit a HR in his last AB. John Elway won his 2nd straight Super Bowl in his last start. Chipper Jones eschewed a standing ovation in favor of a reclining operation. Sometimes you don’t appreciate greatness until it hits the DL. In between all the injuries, Chipper Jones has had one of the top 5 careers for a 3rd basemen in WAR (behind only Schmidt, Eddie Mathews, Boggs and Brett). Fairly well, Glass Chipper, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars while trying not to pull any ligaments. Omar Infante should now play every day for the rest of the year even after Prado returns. He’s a solid average contributor and… Well… Uh… Yeah, average. That’s it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Freddie Freeman – Frank Wren says the injury to Chipper doesn’t change Freeman’s timetable. Glaus’ inability to hit anything other than weak grounders to the shortstop could change that timetable though. Right now, I don’t think we see Freeman until September. Stay tuned! Or not. Your choice.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for assaulting his father-in-law. That’s going to make for awkward holidays. Or maybe they’ll skip Christmas and celebrate Boxing Day. Fred Wilpon needs to put some rubber bands in his beard and get K-Rod and Tony “Shirtless” Bernazard into the squared circle. During the fight, Johan was seen comforting K-Rod’s wife. Johan, “She was looking for the changeup, and I went with the heater.” K-Rod will probably miss a few games while he responds to attorney emails. Oddly enough, K-Rod isn’t the easiest guy to handcuff. His backups in no particular order: Bobby Parnell, who I believe is the little black kid from Role Models, isn’t very good, Manny Acosta isn’t much better, Elmer Dessens is the guy who sells fresh corn on the side of the road when you’re driving through a rural town and Pedro Feliciano is related to Pedro Feliz, I think. Frankly, I’d avoid the whole Mets mess. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Miguel Montero – Was a part of a back-to-back-to-back-to-back homer job with Adam LaRoche, Mini Donkey and Stephen Drew as they did work on Bush. Hey, Googlers of back-to-back + Bush. Betcha this isn’t the kind of fantasy site you were looking for, was it? And for those that found us by Googling Donkey + Bush –> I’m kinda skeeved.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery. This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs. Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there. At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy. Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you. Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it. Hopefully your options are better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL. Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base. Hold on, whaaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves.Please, blog, may I have some more?
.288/.378/.535 in A and AA. Pedro Almodovar! Wait, rechecking my notes. Pedro Alvarez! Last year, Robot Jones and The Dread Pirate Triple Lindy’d into the Pirates mucky-muck with a certain panache (Pretentious Word of the Day!). Next up, is The Smashbuckler, the Pirates future 3rd baseman. Argh, into the bilgewater you go, LaRoche! You landlubber! Finally, Robot Jones and The Dread Pirate have a decent teammatey. Okay, I’m shutting off my English to Pirate translator. Alvarez took some time in 2009 to get going again after a broken hamate bone slowed him in 2008. By the 2nd half of the year, Alvarez was hitting for average and power in Double-A. (A September Scouting the Unknown further broke down Pedro Alvarez minor league stats.) He’s done more of the same in Triple-A this year. See no reason why he can’t continue the same trajectory in the majors, assuming he hasn’t had any lengthy conversations with Alex Gordon. Moderate power, less than moderate speed and decent average. After his call-up, let’s say a line of Runs/15/RBIs/.270/3 in 350 ABs. In keepers, pursue aggressively. In redraft leagues, depends on your current corner infidel situation. Though I will say that if he hits out of the gate, his value will go sky high and then you can trade him for a piece more valuable than him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Phillips – Walt Jocketty said Phillips’s hammy won’t require a DL stint. Phillips said, “I’d kinda like to hear what a doctor has to say.”
Alfredo Simon – Was activated from the DL. Juan Schmoil said he’ll ease Simon back into the closer role so if you have room, I would wait until Simon earns a save before cutting Hernandez. Though ‘fredo can handle things! He’s smart!Please, blog, may I have some more?