Oh, no, he dint! Oh, yes, I did! David Ortiz got stamped with the schmohawk label and shoved into the overrated for 2009 fantasy baseball thingamajiggywitit. How’s dem apples? Sour? Good, they’re supposed to be. Ortiz doesn’t get to taste my Delicious apples. With Facebook’s 25 Inane Things About Yourself That No One Cares About, Not Even Your Mother making the rounds, I figured I’d crib that shizz for David Ortiz. Only I’m going to do one thing, because 25 is a ridiculously large number. I can’t even count that high when I’m drunk. And right now I’m drunk on hate! For Ortiz. Not you. You I like. Anyway, why’s David Ortiz overrated for 2009 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
At the age of 29 in the year two-zero-zero-six, Travis Hafner went 100/42/117/.308. MVP numbers, for sure. If you were sitting behind Hafner at a movie, you didn’t even mind that his head was blocking half the screen because the numbers were that good. You briefly considered amending the North Dakota Wikipedia page to add Hafner above Maris. You even tried entering Pronk into the baby name discussion with your wife. So what happened? Is Travis Hafner even worth considering in 2009 for fantasy?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh, no, he didn’t! I did and why are you talking like a guest from The Ricki Lake Show (God rest her talk show.) That’s right; Cliff Lee is being put in the 2009 fantasy baseball overrated schmohawk box never to be seen again. If you had Cliff Lee last year, you know what I’m about to say, so skip ahead to the paragraph that starts, “First off…” Last year, Cliff Lee was the bomb-diggity as the kids said about twelve years ago. Cliff Lee was the Lenny to your team’s Squiggy. He was the happy on your ending. Cliff Lee was so Hey-I-need-a-flashlight-this-guy-is-so-lights-out-right-now last year it was kinda ridiculous. But why are people shunning Cliff Lee in their 2009 fantasy baseball leagues? Does anyone know? A frequent commenter, IowaCubs, recently witnessed this mock draft IM exchange:
IowaCubs: “Why is Cliff Lee falling to the 9th round”
Pie’s Mixed Nuts: “b/c he sucks.”
RedSUKSballs: “Yeah… totally gonna suck this year”
IowaCubs: “Why does he suck?”
Pie’s Mixed Nuts: “b/c he can’t repeat, okay jerk?”
Scuffed Balls: “I only drafted him cuz it was on auto.”
Brett’s Illegal KY’d Bat: “I heard he had a gd year bc of yer mom.”
Twisted Testicles: “LOL!!!!!!!!”
Pie’s Mixed Nuts: “LOL… GO AHEAD AND DRAFT HIM JERK”
IowaCubs: “Can’t he repeat like 90% of last year and still be ok?”
Scuffed Balls: “LOL”
Pie’s Mixed Nuts: “lol… you should be in my league…lol”
Brett’s Illegal KY’d Bat: “LOL”
RedSUCKballs: “that’s funny”
So if this exchange of trying not to be too crude and not quite that clever names is any indication, people are avoiding Cliff Lee, but they’re not that sure why. So what can we expect of Cliff Lee in 2009 for fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
In fantasy baseball, it’s imperative to trade away overrated players before they lose their luster and trade for underrated players. Then there’s simply the rated ones. If this reads vaguely familiar, it’s because I’m cribbing Chuck Klosterman, who I think is brilliant.Please, blog, may I have some more?