Lance without an ACL isn’t NE good. With a torn meniscus, Lance Berkman is only out for six to eight weeks. “Hello, I’m Keith Morrison of Dateline. Today’s story is about an aging vet. A vet that the media began reporting as finished. Done. But where this vet saw the end, his knee saw just a setback. Also, on tonight’s Dateline: Can you get cancer from playing with your cat?” Berkman and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. Last year, he berated me in the comments for not believing in him, then disappeared this year when he wasn’t going well. I hold no ill feelings towards him. That competitive edge that drove him to compete also drove him to comment on our site. Last year, A-Rod missed 6 weeks with a torn meniscus. I’d put him and Berkman around the same level of gimpiness. So Lance B.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the preseason, I said Adam Lind could contend for the MVP. Wow. It’s almost like Matthew Berry put that thought in my head. In a litany of dopey things I’ve said, that might take the cake, frost it and smush it into my face. The Berry feeds the Grey (bad advice), the Berry feeds the Grey (bad advice)… Hi-ho, the marry-o… What was I thinking?! In my defense, he didn’t have an ailing back when I said that flimflammery and I told you to drop him outright a few weeks ago. Oh, well, that’s what you get sometimes from crazy predictions. Just flat-out crazy. Like I should be walking into traffic in a burlap sack crazy. So the Jays added a third A to Lind’s first name, sending him to the minors. Since he was hitting like an infant, it makes sense. In his place, the Jays called up Yan Gomes. What’s with people and the last name Gomes unable to spell John? Yanny was hitting .359 with 5 dingers in Triple-A. Whatever, right? Well, he’s a catcher, so those are like MVP (dah!) numbers. In AL-Only leagues, I could see grabbing him. Right now, he’s behind J.P., Mathis, Lawrie and Encarnacion, but Lawrie’s got a suspension and Edwin just made an error and the Jays game doesn’t even start for 12 hours, so Yanny could see time all over the field. Yesterday, he played third and went 2-for-3. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brett Lawrie – Unable to decide on the shadow coat rack or just bad calls, he dropped his appeal. He is also practicing counting to ten before blowing his top. As soon as he figures out what comes after 6 it should be a breeze.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jason Bourgeois was traded to Royals with Humberto Quintero. Fun fact: Did you know Humberto Quintero weighs exactly a quarter more than Humberto Quadtero? When the trade was announced, Bourgeois said he’d once and for all bring down the tyrannical rule of the Royals and restore a society where Lorenzo Cain lost 75 to 100 at-bats and The Guido Playing 2nd Base lost 100 at-bats. Bourgeois insists that a free market system for steals is essential to their success. Then Bourgeois doffed his powdered wig and asked Yuniesky Betancourt to bring him some unpasteurized cheese. Chop, chop, Piss Boy! This trade doesn’t flat out kill Cain…Sugar!’s value. It sure doesn’t help it. As I mentioned to someone in the comments right after this trade went down, Cain…Sugar!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jason Heyward sat again yesterday in favor of Jose Constanza. I don’t want to shout fire in the theater of Razzball, but this isn’t good. Constanza is making Heyward look like the best seller at the jerk store. Actually, Heyward was kinda doing it to himself.Please, blog, may I have some more?
They tore down the Lebron ‘Witness’ billboards in Cleveland. If only they waited a year, they could’ve changed them to Kipnis. And pasted it in Kipnis’s face. And, um, covered up Lebron’s body, replaced the basketball with a baseball….okay, scratch all that. Who’s to even say this Kipnis kid is great enough for a billboard and a one-way ticket to Miami in 2019? Let’s see what we know about Jason Kipnis. In Triple-A this year, he had 12 homers, 12 steals in 89 games, a near .900 OPS and his last name sounds like something you’d find at the Passover Seder. Almost every fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term!) loved Chisenhall more than Kipnis. I did too. So far in the majors, the Chisen in the Hall has 2 homers, hitting .235. That’s big to the whoop. I only point this out because Kipnis is no sure thing. He’s young, i.e.Please, blog, may I have some more?
SAT Question: Albert Pujols is to a fractured forearm as Justin Morneau is to playing every day in 2011 and you can’t take him out of your lineup. Only thing worse for Cardinal fans is if Don Denkinger announced Pujols’s fractured forearm while wearing a Wilson Betemit jersey. We never get Pujols in any leagues. I mean, never. This year, we thought we’d go against common practice and pay for him in one league. It’ll take away some money we have for the rest of our team, but at least we’ll have Pujols. *standing in the pouring rain, shaking fist at the sky* Come get some, Fantasy Overlord! So, unfortunately, the slap on Albert’s forearm was harder than the law gave to Tony La Russa when he DUI’d and Pujols will be out for at least 6 weeks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonathan Broxton is out with elbow pain. Andre Ethier is out with an inflammed elbow. Since Casey Blake has a staph infection in his elbow, him, Broxton and Ethier must’ve rubbed elbows. It’s an idiomatic joke! Dodgers Fever. Take some penicillin! If this elbow thing was being passed around the Dodger clubhouse any quicker….Alyssa Milano would get royalties! Ah, you knew that was coming. That’s what Alyssa said! With regards to junk-in-his-trunk Broxton, I’d grab Padilla then Kuo. I think both should be rostered in every league for right now. Wouldn’t be surprised if this week it’s Padilla then Kuo takes over for two months. In deep leagues, I’d even grab Kenley. He should be back shortly. As for Andre the non-Giant, he should be fine, but he’s been known to take a 15-day stint at a Beverly spa now and again. BTW, yesterday, Jay Gibbons hit 3rd. He can’t even see! The Dodgers first three hitters were Gwynn Jr., Aaron Miles and Gibbons. I’d rather have Cincy’s Triple-AAA lineup with Sappelt, Frazier, Alonso and Mesoraco. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now at a 4.93 ERA on the year. Just as I drew it up when I drafted him to be my not-so-flashy-but-solid contributor to my fantasy teams. Maybe I spent too much time breathing in the air in Port-a-Johns when I was younger, but I think Lilly’s still gonna end the season with a 3.70 ERA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Twins’ Francisco Liriano may actually have a Twin. Let’s call him Diego Liriano (runner-up choices were Jose, Antonio, Luis Obispo, and Fernando Valley). Maybe Diego pitched his first 5 starts – the ones where Liriano got shelled to the tune of 24 ER, 18 BB, and 27 Hits within 23 2/3 innings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I call this, “Highlights of Grey and Rudy Panicking Over a Blown Win for Danks,” which is also a Jewel poem title. Chris Sale entered in the ninth, recorded no outs, gave up three hits and three runs. That, sir, is a ‘Fire Sale.’ Then Ozzie brought in Crain, who has a great leg kick. He’s not the best around… Pitched wild, didn’t look good in general then was lifted so Ozzie could avoid Crain vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The national budget isn’t the only thing that’s strained in DC, Ryan Zimmerman is headed to the DL with an ab strain. This was an injury that originally happened in Spring Training and now it looks like the ab has taken out a *pinkie to mouth* restraining order.Please, blog, may I have some more?