Fantasy Baseball Advice

I’ve given much love to Desmond Jennings already on this blog, and since what I’ve previously wrote still works, indulge me for a second, “Desmond’s time is nigh, a word that only sounds negative.  DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects.  He’s ranked number one for me.  Numero uno.  The Big Mahoff.  Dora the Explorer, Boots the Monkey and Swiper the Fox all wrapped in one!  (What, not street enough?)  If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford.  More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford.  Say a Carlford.  You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!”  And that’s me quoting me!  In 2010, he swiped 37 bags with a .362 OBP in Triple-A.  In only 57 games in Triple-A this year, 9 homers and 10 steals.  Somebody gag Sam Fuld, put a gorilla suit on him and send him to Africa.  We want Jennings.  *fast-herpes-medication-side-effect-voice*  Fuld should be benched any day now for Jennings’ call-up.  Or in the next week or so.  It’s worth the flyer for upside.  If conditions persist for longer than 48 hours, call your doctor.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Dee Gordon – Gordon is so fast he just ran into Kitchen Stadium, spit on Michael Symon’s head, buffed it and ran out without Alton even noticing.  I see no reason why you shouldn’t own Gordon everywhere for a few weeks to see if he not only sticks but steals some bases.  For more on my Dee Gordon fantasy, see that link.  I wrote it while picking out all the strawberry Dippin’ Dots from the Banana Split mix.

Jemile Weeks – I’m less excited about Jemile because his power and speed aren’t of the game-changing variety.  Could he get hot and be a worthwhile pickup in all leagues?  Do I call 16-year-old girls that are dressed too old for their age prostitots?  Yes and yes.

Cord Phelps – Um…Well…He has patience.  Great, go back to school and become a kindergarten teacher.  He’s all right in AL-Only leagues where anyone with a starting job is worth owning.

Scott Sizemore – He’s better than Cord Phelps, who is one of those guys you have to say both his names for it to sound right, but Sizemore’s playing time is a bit iffier.

Anthony Rizzo – I just went over my Anthony Rizzo fantasy.  I wrote that while riding an ostrich through downtown Detroit.

Mike Carp – He was hitting the dickens out the ball in the PCL, but since that’s so hitter friendly I wouldn’t have great expectations.

Mike Moustakas – I just went over my Mike Moustakas fantasy.  Scroll down, it’ll burn calories and then you can have some extra dessert.

Chris Johnson – He’s pretty yawnstipating but he has been hitting better this month.  Do what you will with that information.  Keep in mind, you may have to hold a gun to my head in the comments to tell you to pick him up.  Or I guess you could just ask me if I like him or Chone Figgins.

Miguel Olivo – He’s hitting home runs.  Plural-ing there on purpose, because he doesn’t ever hit just one.  He’s like the Lay’s of catchers.

Charlie Blackmon – Dexter Fowler is sidelined due to sucking so the Rox called up Blackmon.  Blackmon is actually an exciting flyer if this wasn’t the Rockies who have 5 great upside flyers per position.  Hey, Rockies, take a cue from the Astros and get boring.  Thank you!

Lucas Duda – Supposed to be called up today.  Zip-a-dee-Duda, zip-a-dee-ay.  My, oh my, what a Duda day.  He has slightly-above average power and no speed.  Outside of very deep mixed leagues and NL-Only leagues, I’d wait to see what Duda brings to the Camptown Races.

Ben Revere – He feels like one of those short-term plays that actually stays in your fantasy lineup for much longer because he’s producing.  Wherever you’re struggling with a 5th outfielder, I’d give him a shot.

Nyjer Morgan – Here’s the situation, last year Chris Volstad hit Nyjer Morgan with a pitch, Nyjer Morgan charged the mound and got mollywhopped.  Cut to last week, Nyjer comes up to face Volstad and takes him deep.  The face on Nyjer as he trotted around the bases sorta made him my new favorite player ever in everdom.  Then I dug into what other shenanigans he’s been up to and I found a video that sums him up in a big ball of crazy.  He gets the walk-off hit and had no idea, he thought his team was winning.  Yes, he thought his team was winning even though they were the home team and it was the ninth inning.  I love you, Nyjer.  Don’t ever change, or get arrested for whatever drugs you’re on.  Oh, as for fantasy, he’s on the strong side of a platoon and can steal.

Jason Bourgeois – If you can swap him in and out of your lineup, you may get 30+ steals from a part-time player.  Cust kayin’.

Xavier Paul – He could be 12-team mixed league worthy if he had a starting job.  Unfortunately, he’s not the fortunate one.  In NL-Only daily leagues, I’d grab him, but you gotta be ready to put your keys in the fish bowl and swap.

Rubby de la Rosa – There’s something so rhythmic about the last name de la Rosa that you can put any name in front and it sounds cool.  “Hola, compadres, Grey de la Rosa aqui, let’s talk fantasy!”  See?  The great thing about Rubby is he can strike out hitters.  Though he does walk people, that’s the rub(by).

Edinson Volquez – “Striking out and walking people?  That’s my bag, baby!”  That’s Volquez reading the last blurb.

Dillon Gee – You know the Hodpadres get a lot of love here, but the guys toeing the rubber in Metco seem underappreciated.  I’m about to course correct.  Hope you ain’t too cool for the safe belt.

Jon Niese – His home ERA is 2.76.  Okay, course corrected.

Charlie Morton – I’ve been telling you to pick him up since April.  He has a 2.52 ERA.  It won’t stay that low, but, c’mon, you can still own him.

Javy Guerra – “Muahahahahahaha…”  That’s Mattingly laughing at you trying to figure out who his closer is.

Jon Rauch – Farrell said Rauch is the Blue Jays closer.  Then Farrell sang, “Tattoos make great necks…They’ll make great necks!”

SELL

Justin Morneau – Your best bet at this point is to pull off The Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending).  The Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending) is when you take an underwhelming star and trade them for someone else’s headache.  Because, really, what else are you going to do with this schmohawk at this point?  If you can’t pull off a Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending), in most 12 team and under leagues, it’s time to cut bait.  He’s playing hurt and he looks like he should be shutdown.

Adam Dunn – I’ve ranked these four Sell candidates for The Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending) in order of least chance of a rebound to greatest.  I’m worried about Dunn more than Uggla because of the position eligibility and because of Ozzie.  It wouldn’t surprise me to see Ozzie sit Dunn vs. all lefties moving forward even if he starts hitting.  Not saying Dunn shouldn’t sit vs. them but it’ll hurt his counting stats either way.  Or Ethier way.  I do think Dunn can still get to 30 home runs, but the average and counting stats will probably be poor.

Dan Uggla – It’s as simple as the nose on your face (and the eye patch you wear just for looks).  If Uggla hits .220 and 25 home runs at 2nd base, it’s not good, but it would be worse at 1st base.  Am I trading a decent guy for him?  No, I’m not.  I would trade one of the two above schmohawks for him though.  And I’d trade Josh Tomlin for him.  And other players of that ilk.  And, yes, ilk is as douchey a word to write as it is to say.

Shin-Soo Choo – You know when they say a player just has to get out of his own way?  Yeah, I don’t know who they are, but they could’ve been talking about Choo.  Nothing wrong with Choo other than he’s in a shame spiral about his DUI and he’s about to commit seppuku.  He just needs a good talking to and maybe a marathon bukkake session and Choo will be back doing what he do.  I’d still sell him, I just wouldn’t sell him for a Groupon for a Segway tour of the South Bronx.

Matt Joyce a sell?  Now I will bite my lip and try not to sob.  Quiet, gentle sobs that Joyce used to assuage.  Joyce and I had something together that no one else can understand.  Well, maybe some of you that also own him can understand it, but the rest of you never will.  We shared moments that can only be explained by watching an Ecuadorian couple that has been married for 60 years sharing a mango on a park bench.  That’s what we had!  Picture, if you will, a giant mustache wrapped like a shawl around Matt Joyce’s shoulders.  We were that inseparable for about six weeks.  I own Joyce all over the place and he’s about the only hitter I have playing over his head.  Alas, playing over his head is the problem with Joyce, to DeWitt.  His BABIP is absurd; he’s a .270 hitter currently hitting .360.  He’s sandwiched between Votto and Miguel Cabrera on ESPN’s Player Rater.  That’s crazy.  I know I told everyone to grab him back in April, but he’s not this good.  Humble brag!  He’s never had more than 5 hits vs. lefties in an entire season, he hit .080 last year vs. lefties, i.e., he’s a platoon player.  He’s making good contact and swinging at good pitches, but at some point his luck is gonna turn vs. righties and opposing managers are going to throw LOOGY’s at him in later innings.  So I wouldn’t sell him for $24 in trinkets, but I would explore options.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Laynce Nix – He’s another platoon (doesn’t face lefties often) player, but he’s also only owned in 22% of ESPN leagues and he’s hit 3 homers in the last week.  If someone grabs Nix off waivers before you, call yourself a wambulaynce.

Jon Jay – After hitting .397 in May with 3 homers and 3 steals, he had the best month of his career since he wrote The Federalist Papers.

Nyjer Morgan -  SAGNOF!

Jason Bourgeois – I heard through the grapevine that he’s coming back this weekend, and by ‘grapevine,’ I mean I read it on the internet.  Thank you, Al Gore!

Tony Campana – While Marlon Byrd plays piano in the cellar for the next 6 weeks, Campana should see time.  He can get on base at a decent rate and he has crazy speed.  In fact, he just ran into your room, messed your hair and ran back out and you didn’t even know it.

Andres Torres – A fantasy baseball Rorschach test would have an ink blot of Angel Pagan and Andres Torres.

Allen Craig – Hit .350 in May and is the starting 2nd baseman, assuming Pujols doesn’t try and get that eligibility too.  Craig’s a 15/8 guy if he plays all year, which is great for a middle infidel not named Asdrubal.

Danny Espinosa – I’m not sure why he’s only owned in 37% of ESPN leagues other than 10,000 ESPN leagues might be owned by one guy who goes by the initial X who just likes to mess with me by picking up and dropping random players.  X, “What?  I have some free time.”

Josh Willingham – The other white meat is smoking with a side order of hot schmotato.

Brian Matusz – For full disclosure purposes, I wouldn’t pick up Matusz outside of an AL-Only league, and he’d be owned there anyway.  I just have a mental block about Orioles pitchers.  Don’t worry, I’m in therapy.

Daniel Murphy -  It’s absolutely bonkers to me that no other fantasy sites are touting Daniel Murphy.  Granted, I don’t read other fantasy sites and Murphy is pretty yawnstipating, but, I mean, c’mon!

Ty Wigginton -  Wiggy, Wiggy, Wiggy, can’t you see, sometimes your streaks just hypnotize me.  His picture should be next to the definition of hot schmotato (and it would say, “See also Luke Scott”).

Anthony Rizzo – It’s interesting that there’s times that I’ll talk about a player a lot and make myself even more excited for him, and other times when I dull my excitement the more I mention someone.  And I should have modified interesting with “to only me.”  Rizzo’s starting to bore me and he’s not even in the majors yet.  A few badonkadonks though and that can all change.

Ryan Theriot -  Know what I really like about Theriot?  Yeah, um, well, he does have a pretty cool last name.  He also has, um, hmm…Uh…  Well, he’s currently hitting and has some speed.

Eric Young Jr. – I kinda want to start another league just so I can redraft and take Young with my first pick.  The unabashedly crazy bro-love comes from the fact that Young has 60 steal speed.

Brett Lawrie – Just went over my Lawrie fantasy.  I wrote it while doing vodka shots with Karen Allen.

Brent Lillibridge – In the Razzball Glossary section of the forums, someone suggested peg boy replace hot schmotato.  I’m not ready to make the change, though, if you wanted your son to grow up to be a peg boy, you’d name him Brent Lillibridge.

Brandon Crawford – I think Crawford is one of those adds that by the time they get on your team they’ve overstayed their welcome.

Aaron Crow – Everyone in the preseason who said Soria’s the best closer in baseball is eating Crow.  Wah-wah-wahhhhh…Sad trombone.

Vicente Padilla – Mattingly said Padilla will take the closer job back.  Very surprising since he juggled seven different guys to varying degrees of failure in his absence.

Juan Nicasio – High risk, high reward type flyer.  Could get you a couple of high-K starts, might give you an ulcer, will probably be bumped from the rotation for Aaron Cook.

Jordan Lyles – Just went over my Jordan Lyles fantasy.  I wrote it in 1996, stuck it into a bottle and found it fifteen years later off the coast of Brazil.

SELL

Michael Pineda – Out of 11 starts, Pineda’s only had 4 starts vs. teams with a better than .500 record (as of yesterday. (I didn’t feel like figuring out who was over .500 when he faced them. (If you’d like a refund of your no money paid, let me know))).   In the 4 starts vs. the .500+ teams, he gave up 12 runs in 24 innings, giving him a 4.50 ERA.  In 2009, he missed a lot of the season with an elbow injury so the Mariners would have to be run by Ed Wade’s Toupee to push Pineda deep into September, eliminating his usefulness in H2H playoffs.  Now to completely hedge, I’m a fan of Pineda and don’t think he’s going to become side-of-the-barn hittable, but I would look at options.

Carlos Lee – He slashed .325/.341/.470 in May.  Wait, why isn’t El Caballo in the Buy section?  Oh, I know.  Cause he also hit only 2 homers last month.  Blech.  Who is he, Mike Aviles?  In most mixed leagues, I’d turn Caballo into glue.

Darwin Barney – Dropping Darwin would be intelligent design.

Matt Holliday heads to the DL with a quadriceps injury.  C’mon, Mantle played with no knees for ten years!  Have a scotch and get in the lineup!  John Jay should see time while Holliday recoups.  Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Holliday’s out.  That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie.  Different things.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kyle McClellan – Out for at least a couple of weeks with a hip flexor strain.  Or it’s hip to be strained, if you’re a kid of the 80′s.

Lance Lynn – Will fill in for McClellan.  Decent K-rate in the minors, a few too many walks at times and barely above average stuff.  But Dave Duncan once coached a pot of a chili to a 12-5 record, so I went out and grabbed Lynn in an NL-Only league.  He could quickly become a decent gamble in mixed leagues, but for now he only has one start guaranteed.

Allen Craig – Didn’t start yesterday, but that didn’t stop him from continuing to hit.  He went 1-for-3 with a home run while batting nearly .500 over the last week.

Hanley Ramirez – Always one to take any opportunity to not hustle, Hanley’s waiting until Friday to decide whether to go on the DL.  If I had to take a guess, I think he will go on the DL.  If you really need speed, I’d grab Bonifacio, who will be playing short in media res.

Aroldis Chapman – Won’t be activated on Friday when eligible.  Dusty said, “He’s got to get things together mentally and emotionally.”  Hey, Aroldis, stop watching Lifetime movies!

Brian Matusz – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He used to be the weak side of the Double Stuff Orioles (with Tillman), but, since his 2nd half ERA last year was 3.63 with a solid K-rate, he’s been the pitcher to own…In deep leagues.  In shallower leagues, he’ll be serviceable at times.  There’s an outside chance for a breakout, but I’d conservatively expect around a 4.00 ERA overall.

Michael Pineda – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I feel like I haven’t talked about Pineda enough.  He has more than a K per inning, a WHIP of 1.00 and an ERA of 2.30.  Let’s see, that’s better than F-Her, Tommy Hanson and Sabathia.  Bingo bango!

Josh Willingham – Yesterday, he hit his third homer in his last six games.  The Hammer in Oakland that you can touch and doesn’t wear pants seventeen sizes too big is crazy hot right now.

Clint Barmes – 2-for-5 and he hit a home run on May 30th.  For him, that’s hot.  Also, I watched him hit yesterday and he looked locked in. Not to mention, I just dropped him in one league so he’s going to spite me.

Brent Lillibridge – 2-for-5 and his 2nd home run in the last five games to go along with a modest five game hitting streak.  Playing every day puts him in over his head like Michael J. Fox in The Secret of My Success, but while he’s hitting, what the hey?

David Ortiz – Hit his 4th home run in the last week and he’s hitting .313 on the year.  Did he get some of Bartolo Colon’s stem cells injected into him too?

Laynce Nix – Hit his 9th home run yesterday.  Yeah, instead of Josh Hamilton in the 2nd round, you could’ve drafted Laynce Nix.  Fantasy Baseball:  If You’re Not Already Prematurely Balding, It’ll Make You Pull Out Your Hair.

Dan Haren – Lower back spasms caused him to fall to his knees in pain.  He screamed, “I feel bad!” then Mark Trumbo put a cape over his shoulders.  Haren said later it felt better and he’s waiting to see how it feels on Thursday before pushing his next start.

Erick Aybar – 3-for-4 and his 14th steal.  Now batting .315 on the year.   He’s a two week hot streak away from being the best shortstop in baseball, even if that’s like being the tallest midget.

Mike Stanton – 3-for-4 with his 12th home run.  The other day someone accused me in the comments of not showing enough love to Stanton.  I found that offensive since I literally drool every time I watch him bat.  On my Trapper Keeper, it says, “I heart Pony Sticks.”  That’s what I secretly call Stanton.  We have pet names.  And I don’t show enough love for him?  Over his first 150 games in the majors, 75/33/88/.258/5.  At the age of 21, that’s a thing of beauty.  If I had to say one player that I think would make the Hall of Fame that has been in the league for only one year, it would be Stanton.  He’ll have 500 homers by the time he’s 33.  Is that enough love?

Javier Vazquez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Well, he finally started K’ing some hitters, so that’s good.  But four earned in six innings isn’t exactly dying your hair blonde and pretending to be Guy Fieri at a local diner.

Cody Ross – 4-for-5 with a steal.  Now has two homers and is 7 for his last 13.  Does he think it’s the playoffs?

Juan Miranda – 2 for his last 18.  And…scene!

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-4, after hitting 7 homers and .354 in May.  Okay, pop quiz, hotshot.  Who is hitting for a better average?  Peralta or Miggy?  Yup.

Justin Morneau – 0-for-3.  Hey, it’s good to have you back!

Rajai Davis – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st home run.  Now hitting near .350 over the last week and 15 steals on the year.  For a SAGNOF’er, because of his placement in the lineup, he might set the record for ribbies.  Prince Fielder, “Someone say ribbies?!”

Ubaldo Jimenez – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  2010 called, it wants its start back.

Carlos Santana – Indians scored 13 runs and Santana went 0-for-3.  Ticker tease!  Though, it’s been more like a ticker season.  Comatose Indians Fan, “I’ve been asleep for the last two months but I see the Indians have the best record in baseball?!  Wow, I can only imagine what Carlos Santana, Sizemore and Choo are doing!”  Yeah, not what you think.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs.  Okay, he is the best shortstop as of right now.  Fair enough.

Shaun Marcum – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Since I’m venting today, someone the other day mentioned how I didn’t say anything when Marcum had a bad last start.  He pitched fine, he grooved one to some rookie that no one thought could hit (Brandon Crawford) and he hit a grand slam.  He threw a bad pitch, he didn’t throw a bad game.

Nyjer Morgan – 2-for-3 in back-to-back games.  He’s really not much better than Gomez, and Gomez isn’t very good, but Morgan is at least hitting.

Vicente Padilla – From the files of, “Yeah, Well, Dur,” Mattingly says Padilla will regain the closer role on Friday when he returns from the DL.

Daniel Murphy – 2-for-4 as he stays sizzling.  At least two hits in the past four games.  He’s not glamorous, but hot schmotatos rarely are.

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks with his 8th win.  I’m still waiting for Correia to go south and smell of fermented cabbage.

Mike Leake – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He’s a deep league add at this point since he may not stay in the rotation for long.

Jay Bruce – Hit his 17th home run.  Or one home run for every baby born in the Ohio area in the last month named Bruce.  Broose counts as well.

Felipe Paulino – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I do love his Ks, but…must…resist…urge…to…pick…him….up.  He’s just too inconsistent.

Billy Butler – Hit his 4th home run, a game winner.  After he crossed home, someone threw beads at him.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Headed for Tommy John surgery.  In other words, Dice-K’s elbow rolled craps.  I always thought it was gonna be “Dice” Clay who’d need Tommy John surgery because of his unorthodox smoking form.  Dice-K’s ulnar collateral ligament blew — it needed the money — oh!

The Marlins outfield is only big enough to handle one prospect as Logan Morrison is hitting the DL on the same night that Mike Stanton finally hits a home run.  Morrison projected to be the anti-Stanton with solid AVG and OBP but limited power (10-15 HRs).  Yet after 4 early HRs, he was showing the 4-category prowess that makes owners feel all a-tingle.  But then Logan goes and hurts his left foot and will miss 2-4 weeks.  Guess Daniel Day-Lewis is now the favorite for the title role in The Logan Morrison Story.  I’d stash vs. drop Morrison if you’ve got DL or bench space.   Oh well, good thing Stanton only hit a solo shot vs a grand slam or Morrison might’ve needed his foot amputated.

Felix Hernandez – 7 2/3 IP of shutout ball with 8 Ks.  Whew.  For a while there, I thought F-Her was going to pull the Zack Greinke “Yawn.  I had to work extra hard to win a Cy Young on a crappy team.  I’m going to mail it in for a year and then ask to be traded in the offseason” routine.   Even more impressive than F-Her’s pitching line was that the Mariners lavished him with a whole run so he could get the win.

Kevin Youkilis - Yoooooooooooouuk left last night’s game with a bruised shin.  It’ll take a day or two to determine if it’s serious so I’ll take this moment to take a nonsensical estimate of the damage.  Let’s see…Youkilis is Jewish.  The ‘Shin’ is the unlucky symbol on a dreidel that requires the spinner to contribute to the pot.  As the one song ever written for Hanukkah has taught us, one must wait until a dreidel is dry before one could play with it because they are made out of clay.  Clay Buchholz is a teammate of Youkilis’ on the Red Sox.  Buchholz rhymes with cuckolds which are men who have been conned into raising another man’s child.  So it’s obvious that Youkilis will not be ready to play until he realizes that a teammate has shtupped his wife by spinning her like a top.  Then he must wait for the physical bruise on his shin to heal and the tears from the emotional bruise on his heart have had time to dry.

Brad Hawpe – The Padres offense is hopeless with Hawpe (.119 AVG with .179 OBP!) and the only hope for the Padres is for a Hawpeless lineup.  Bud Black has done this in three of the last four games.  I think Hawpe will be DFA’d in the next couple of weeks and they bring up 1B prospect Anthony Rizzo by June 1st.  Jorge Cantu is the short-term beneficiary of any additional playing time.  Opponents benefit either with Hawpe or Cantu.

Jason Bartlett – Don’t quote me on this but Bartlett could prove to be a stealth MI choice this year for those that punted or got Nishoka’d.  He’s shaken an early season slump to go 12 for his last 23 and has been moved back to the top of the lineup.  The Padres are definitely being aggressive on the basepaths this year and Bartlett has the potential of going .280 w/ 30 SBs.  He makes for a pretty good pearing (pun intended) with a 2B or SS that might be light on the speed (e.g., Uggla).

Torii Hunter – Angel i’s broke out of a big slump (4-for-38) with a 2 run HR to ruin Josh Beckett’s night.  He’s been quite dependable since becoming an Angel (.280-.290/20+ HRs) but not sure how much he has left in the tank – just that he has a little more than Vernon Wells and Bobby Abreu.  Peter Bourjos must feel like a young Mel Gibson on a team full of Danny Glovers.

Chris Perez – The Eastside & Down star blew his first save of the year, giving up 2 ERs in a 3-2 loss to Kansas City.  Those were the first runs Perez has given up in his last 26+ innings.  Maybe it was just a tribute to his ex-mentor Ryan Franklin.

Aaron Hill – Day-to-day with a hamstring issue.  If Canadian Bacon is like ham, are Canadian hamstrings like bacon?

Roy Oswalt - 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  So much for the back strain scare from his last start.  Given that this start was against the Padres, I’m sure everyone in the Phillies middle relief was volunteering to take Roy’s spot for a start.  Throw Kyle Kendrick a bone!

Daniel Hudson - That’s 0-4 now for Hudson who had pitched pretty well in his first three starts (6+ IP in each start, 4 or less ER, average of over 7 K’s).  He was sick of being subtle as he gave up a 4-spot to the Reds in the 1st inning in about as ugly a fashion as one could (3 BBs including 2 with bases loaded, 1 HBP,  and a 2 run single to Miguel Cairo).  I’ll say this for Reds games – you don’t want to show up late as half the scoring is in the first inning.

Mike Leake – That’s 3-0 for Leake after a solid start (7 IP, 3 ER).  With Cueto and Bailey getting healthy, it’s tough to say whether he stays in the rotation or goes to the ‘pen.  If they let the judge decide, it’ll likely be the latter.

Justin Morneau – That’s now 5 games missed for the flu.  As someone who has him starting in a weekly H2H league, I’d like to give him the FLU minus the L.

Freddie Freeman – The rookie 1B went deep against Kershaw – rather impressive for a lefty hitter.  He’s not going to hit for average this year but he looks like he could reach 20 HRs.  Not bad for a UTIL or a CI fill-in.  He’ll be competing neck-and-neck this year with Jerry Sands for the “Best Rookie Who I Thought Was Black Until I Saw A Picture” Award – also known as the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars.

Mike Stanton – I know I mentioned it in the lede (fancy newspaper spelling of the word) but it’s worth noting again.  Finally, Stanton hit a HR!  While that was his only hit, he scored 2 additional runs via walks.  Better get ready for more souvenirs, you five people who sit in the Florida bleachers.

Pedro Alvarez – Speaking of long-awaited first HRs (I talk as I type)!  Pedro ended the night 3-4 with 2 runs and 2 RBIs.  A few more nights like that and dorky Pirate fans can wear their ‘Vote For Pedro’ t-shirts with only its original-intended detached irony.

Clayton Kershaw – Was one out away from a complete game victory when he loaded the bases with 2 outs.  Kershaw’s gassed after throwing 119 pitches.  Mattingly comes out of the dugout with six highly motivating words “Broxton is ready in the pen”.  Kershaw chooses to own his fate and, alas, David Ross hit a 2-run single on an 0-2 fastball.  It’s hard to complain about a pitching line of 8 2/3 IP, 3 ER 9 baserunners, 7 K but it looks a whole lot better with a Win attached to it.

Matt Kemp – Hit his 2nd walkoff HR in 5 games.  Is Rihanna the Buck Showalter of WAGs?  The year after they leave leads to ultimate success.  Kemp has clearly been the best fantasy player in the NL so far and – while his average won’t stay above .400 – he’s got a decent chance of clearing .300 if he maintains his 19% K rate (he’s been around 25% for his MLB career).  One negative – only because Grey LOOOOOOOVES Kemp and I feel the need to balance him out – is that he’s only 1-for-4 in SBs since starting the season going 7-for-7.  What happened, Davey Lopes?!

Scott Baker – Baker dominated the O’s at Camden Yards, striking out 9 while giving up no runs and 5 baserunners in 7 IP.  That’s on the heels of another 5 baserunner in 7 IP start at Tampa.  Baker has shown the potential to rise to another level (1.19 WHIP in 2009) but has been generally plagued by bad innings and gopheritis.  I’m sure I’m in the minority on this one but I’d rather have Baker than Liriano this year.

Kyle Lohse – Lohse swatted away the Nats with a complete game 2 hitter.  Everyone’s talking about Jaime Garcia’s start but Lohse is now 3-1 with a 2.01 ERA, 0.73 WHIP, and a decent K-rate (22 in 31 IP).  He’s had two bad, health-marred years since his last solid one in 2008 (15-6, 3.78/1.30 in 200 IP) but if Duncan can get a solid year out of Joel Piniero, why not Lohse?  I’d pick him up in mixed leagues but would be aggressive in sitting him against bad matchups.

Brandon McCarthy - Brandie Mac is looking like a fantastic buy low acquisition for the A’s.  He’s now up to 30 IP at a 2.10 ERA clip and a K/BB ratio of 20/3.  I haven’t been that turned on by a McCarthy since Jenny McCarthy was on MTV’s Singled Out.

Will Venable – Venable’s awful hitting blends in very well in San Diego but ever alert Bud Black seems to have noticed.  Venable (a lefty) was benched in favor of Chris Denorfia (a righty) on Thursday night even though they were facing a righty (Oswalt).  Not a great show of support for Venable.  I can’t recommend Venable in shallow leagues but – if you’re speculating on SBs – he’s a better bet than, say, a Nyjer Morgan.

Nyjer Morgan – Sent to the 15-day with a deep thigh bruise.  The trainers knew the bruise was deep when they heard it recite prose from Kierkegaard.  Say what you want about Nyjer but he is the 3rd best active player with an African country as his first name – behind Chad Billingsley and Tsu-Dan Kalbi of the Korean Baseball League.

Maybe the fuel you need to burn the desire deep in your belly to be a better ballplayer comes from a fresh start. Maybe you need people to tell you you can’t do something before you can do something. Maybe this is how Morgan Freeman really talks and not just in voiceovers. Nyjer Morgan is going to get that fresh start in the city by the bay.  (Green Bay, but whatever.) This throws a bit of a quagmire into the centerfield situation.  If I am indeed using the word ‘quagmire’ correctly.  Roenicke said it’s CarGo Lite’s job to lose.  I think Melvin is lying to us or himself.  Gomez is bad at — hmm, how do I put it?  — baseball.  I think the ABs break down to Morgan getting 350 and CarGo Lite getting 200.  If I had to bet on one, I’d bet on Nyjer.  This doesn’t mean I think he’s terrific either.  He was caught stealing 17 times last year.  That’s A to the Trocious.  Anyway, here’s what else is going on in fantasy baseball:

Roger Bernadina – He’s not at mixed league value yet, but, with the clearing of Morgan, Bernadina now only has to beat Ankiel.  Oh, bee tee dubya, Ankiel’s not good.  I could see Bernadina being one of those guys that goes from not being on anyone’s team to being on everyone’s team by the end of the year.

Mat Latos – Scratched on Saturday due to a sore shoulder, but may not go to the DL.  So far in the Spring Training-thingie-ma-whosie-thing that is going on, Latos has given up 10 earned in 10 innings.  I was not out on a limb when I said you should not draft him in any league this year.  Lots of people were saying this.  If you decided to not heed the words of Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (Grey Albright, FML), then you probably won’t listen to me now, but you really should try and sell Latos for sixty-five cents on the dollar.  You goofed by drafting him and he’s gonna be dirty, dust balls this year.  At some point in the next two months, you’re gonna have to DL him for 60+ days.  I’m being serious.

Clint Barmes – Out for a month or two with a broken bone in his hand.  Luckily, the Astros have someone who can hit just as well as Barmes with a broken hand, Tommy Manzella.

Tommy Hunter – Will miss over a month with a strained groin.  Looks like we won’t be seeing his O face for a while.  (Speaking of O faces, I hooked up with my first single Mom recently.  All I kept thinking of was Tidwell telling Jerry Maguire not to shoplift the pooty from a single mom.  Okay, that wasn’t all I kept thinking of.  The thing that kept running through my mind was how a child came out of there.  Was like this thing that I had thought of in only one way my whole life suddenly was something else.  Anyhoo!)

Homer Bailey – Will miss two starts on the 15-day DL with a shoulder impingement.  At some point between ranking the top 80 starters and now, I grew sick of Bailey.  Has he ever strung more than three good starts together in his career?  Kinda rhetorical.

Mark Trumbo – Hit his 6th homer of the spring.  You heard it here first, Kendrys is getting Pipp’d out!

Brandon McCarthy – Named the 5th starter in Oakland.  As of right now, not really much here outside of AL-Only leagues.  He could scratch above a 6 K/9 and around a 4.25 ERA if things break right.  Or he could get injured again and be out for the season.  I believe McCarthy is just relieved he wasn’t traded to the Reds.

Aaron Heilman – Was named the D-Backs fifth starter.  I picture he’ll have appeal for match-ups.  For what it’s Wuertz, so far in the spring, Heilman’s been getting emulsified.

Eric Young Jr. – Was optioned to the minor league camp.  All my emoticons are at half-mast.  He’ll come back at some point and do what he was born to do, but for now you have to cut bait.

Mike Leake – Will take over one of the rotation spots freed up by Cueto and Bailey’s DL stints.  As mentioned in the top 80 starters, I’m not a fan of Leake.  No Ks, too many walks.  Maybe in a few years, but right now he’s an avoid like The Noid.

Andrew Cashner – Won the 5th starter spot on the Cubs…er…Silva lost it.  Cashner has nice Ks and is worth an NL-Only flyer, but I’d stay away for now in mixed leagues.  He walks too many people.

Matt Young – Only interesting for those in NL-Only leagues, Young made the team and he has 40 steal speed.  Right now, he’s just depth, but he’s worth keeping an eye on in case McLousy returns to form or if there’s an injury.

Joe Nathan – Will start the season as the closer, but this can change at a moment’s notice.  Keep cuffing Capps. (Alliteration in lieu of wit!)

Ryan Doumit – Snyder might have to open the season on the DL, so Doumit could see everyday ABs.  I’d say he could run with the job, but that would likely injure him too.  Maybe he can walk with the job.

Brad Lidge – Will open the season on the DL due to shoulder pain.  Shocker!  Exclamation Point Police, “That’s sarcastic, we get it.  A period would’ve conveyed the same.”  I’d grab Madson and hope he can suppress his Cuddle Boy tendencies.  Contreras, the AARP Man of the Year, could also see save chances.  Charlie Manuel said, “I’ve had more closers than a dog has fleas.  Now watch as I smash my thumb with a hammer so I forget about my toothache.”  BTW, Charlie Manuel’s old timey-isms made their way to the fantasy baseball team name generator.

Donnie Murphy – Looks like the Marlins went an entirely different way than I thought they would.  Bonifacio will be the super futility man and Donnie Murphy, who sounds like a Boston police officer — C’mon, Murph!  We ain’t causing no harm! — will be the 3rd baseman.  He’s useless in all leagues that needs things like hitting and whatnot.

Yunesky Maya – Sent down to Triple-A.  When Riggleman was asked why he chose Gorzelanny and not Maya, he said, “We’re trying to tire the opposing coach when filling out the scorecard.”

Chris Dickerson – Weird move by the Brew Crew to trade Dickerson to the Yankees for Mitre.  Unfortunately, any sneaky sleeper value Dickerson once had goes out the window.  He’s not the type of player the Yankees give any significant playing time to, i.e., he’s a good player with no name recognition.

Bronson Arroyo – Has mono.  Too bad his guitar playing is in stereo.