The Three Stooges are awesome. Unquestionably one of the greatest comedic acts of all time. If you’ve seen the Sean Hayes/Will Sasso Stooges film from a few years ago, well, I’m sorry about that. Hollywood has a special knack for ruining things these days, doesn’t it? Go check out Disorder in the Court, A Plumbing We Will Go, Brideless Groom, or any of the many other classic short films from this talented trio to get that sour taste out of your mouth. One of their early shorts, Whoops, I’m an Indian!, tends to get lost in the shuffle. The Stooges are caught cheating while gambling and are forced to run from the angry victims. Curly ends up marrying one of the pursuers when dressed as an Indian squaw (because his disguise is sooo convincing) and all is well until his wig slips off and the jig is up. It’s probably not their best work, but it never seems to be mentioned much anymore. A bit of an underrated gem, in my opinion. This week’s top add, Cleveland Indians third baseman/outfielder Jose Ramirez (51.4% owned; +25.8% over the past week), is another diamond in the rough much like that Stooges short. He’s gotten off to an impressive start this season (.305/.381/.447 with 22 runs, 3 homers, 19 RBI, and 4 steals in 161 plate appearances) thanks in large part to his incredible plate discipline. Ramirez has been excellent at pitch recognition (22.2% O-Swing% is 26th lowest among qualified players), and when he does swing at pitches outside of the strike zone, he makes contact at an elite rate (86.1% O-Contact% leads MLB). This has allowed him to strikeout at the third lowest rate (9.3%) among 181 qualifiers, and be one of only eight players with more walks than strikeouts (Zobrist, Span, Harper, Rizzo, Santana, Altuve, and Bautista are the others). Ramirez possesses 25 steal speed (though 15-18 is more realistic), and appears to have a shot to crack double digits in homers this season as well. He’s been moved up to the 5th spot in the lineup recently, and should qualify at 2B and SS in addition to the 3B/OF eligibility that was mentioned earlier. Terrific plate discipline, plus speed, developing power (23 years old), and eligible just about everywhere. Giddy up. Grab him if he’s still lingering on the wire.

Here are a couple of other interesting adds in fantasy baseball over the past week:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ready to have your mind blown? Well, maybe it won’t blow your mind but I was searching and searching on a way to tell you in the title that Nick Tropeano was a play today and then I remembered Tropeano was an Italian name. Then I was like, ‘Mariners sounds like Marinara, let’s do some wiki’ing’ and guess what I found? Marinara is literally Italian for Mariner so Spaghetti Alla Marinara literally translates to ‘Spaghetti Mariner’s style’. Literally! I can totally see your face right now. You’re welcome for reading Wikipedia to you and for explaining a title that doesn’t sound like much of a joke on the surface but once I break it down for you, it’s, like, some high brow shizz! But now I’m officially done blowing things and ready to tell you why this play won’t suck…I’m not proud of that sentence, so I’ll just move along. The Mariners have scored a lot of runs on the road so far, having the 5th highest away wRC+ in the league in an albeit small sample size. However, all of those games have come in neutral to friendly parks, especially for lefties. Well, Angels stadium actually plays tougher than Safeco for offense and is particularly unkind to lefties so far. Tropeano isn’t a guy I’d throw out there in cash tonight but if you’re getting a lot of big bats in on what looks to be a run-heavy night, his $6,100 price tag will give you plenty of budget to do so. Now let’s get on with this slate. Here’s my mama mia hot taeks for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I can imagine what Juan Nicasio season long owners are feeling right now. First week was straight gravy with some poutine hiding underneath. Next week? Heart attack with a cliffhanger heading into week 3. This shizz is like Knots Landing and I don’t even know what that show is! Either way, drama central is going on and we out here in DFS land be like okay, okay, Childish Gambino style. That’s the beauty of the Daily Fantasy life: No Ragrets. Or better put, no memory. I don’t care that Juan was terrible in his last start. It happened in Detroit against a stacked Tigers lineup. Back at home in the NL against a good but shaky Brew Crew lineup, I’m willing to take a gamble on Juan at his low end price of $6,100. Why? Pitchers that Ray Searage has salvaged include but are not limited to: AJ Burnett, Francisco Liriano, and JA Happ. So you can write the other two off as bouncebacks but Happ? That’s straight voodoo magic, brosephs, and I’m not about to start a Salem witch trial against this good man. So step into my humble abode as we put Juan in our SP2 spot and forget about it for the day. But what should we do with our SP1 spot, you ask? Well read on. Here’s my telenovela hot taeks for this Sunday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This system is what’s known as a three-bagger. You’ll need one brown paper bag for its head, one brown paper bag for your head, and a third brown paper bag handy in case one of the two paper bags currently in use happens to rip. Sean Newcomb was a lefty arm that would have easily topped this list if he hadn’t been traded to the Braves. Sad trombone. The Angels had a first round pick in 2015 (26th overall) but used it on Taylor Ward, a glove-first catcher with pretty limited fantasy value. All in all, you’re going to have a tough go finding prospects worth your time in shallower formats. Some of the players listed might not even be worth your time in really deep ones. And yet together, hand in hand, we march on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Lucas Duda went 3-for-5, 3 RBIs with two homers (26, 27).  He now has five homers in the last three days.  Duda goes from doodie to Duda in the blink of an eye.  He’s like a sports car that goes 0 to 60 in five seconds flat that you only drive three times a year, because, while your penis may be small, you’re also reasonable enough to realize if someone crashes into you, you’re going to cry and that’s embarrassing in front of your future trophy wife.  It seems like no matter how many games Duda misses and no matter how deep his slumps get, he gets scorching hot at some point and will get to thirty homers.  His hot streaks are shorter, but he reminds me of a poor man’s Chris Davis.  I will call him Piss Davis.  Maybe I won’t call him that to his face.  Somehow, Duda is available in over 40% of ESPN leagues. (Though 85% of leagues are abandoned already so he’s owned in 125% of leagues.  Hmm…) So, if he’s out there, grab him before he takes the car back into the shop and pays $54,000 for a new taillight.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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And now the end is near, so I face the final curtain, my friends I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case of which I certain. I’ve written a season’s full, I’ve looked at each and every wOBA. But much more than this I did my Job-a. Regrets I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention (cough, cough Carlos Frias). I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption. I built each chart of course, each careful stat along the byway. And much more than WHIP, I diiiiiiidddd ittttTTT MYYYYY WAAAAY!

A big thank you to everybody reading my non-sequiturs and random brain farts about two start pitchers. I surely do appreciate your time. With 25 (actually 24) of these in the can, we got one last post to go. I don’t know what will happen to us over the next 6 months. We may grow apart, you may follow your heart, and your heart might take you to a small village in the Hindu Kush mountains. Where you fall madly in love with the daughter of a Tajik Warlord by the name of Richa. Maybe you abandon fantasy baseball and live a simpler life off the land. No not like the reality show the Simple Life. A simple life like milking goats, and tending fields. Simple like owning 4 bowls amongst five people. No matter what happens to all of you, just know I’ll always be here. Well not technically here but if you click that icon up top that says soccer, I’ll magically appear. Sort of like the genie from Aladdin, just soley focused on the subject of soccer, and completely devoid of wishes. I might have matches though. Goodbye my friends, I promise to be just as crazy in the 1-6. Two start pitchers week 26.

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With my oldest starting kindergarten last week, I was reminded of my days in grade school and the things I looked forward to the most. The first was the recess basketball game. Your level of happiness for the rest of the day depended upon which side of the ball you were on from Bennett School Playground legend Rufus Frazier. This kid could ball, he had the crazy hook shot that was impossible for the other kids to defend. He had the wicked first step and was one of like five kids that didn’t travel once every four dribbles. The second was cafeteria pizza on Friday’s, if you were lucky you got the french bread ones with the extra cheese. But you didn’t complain if you got the Elio’s because it was still better than anything your Mom gave you all week. Amirite? But the thing I looked forward to the most was the daily snack time around 10 o’clock. The quality of your snacks was a direct correlation to how much your parents loved you. Lucky for me my Mom was killing the snack game way back in 88′ and kept it real proper. So for this week’s edition of my never-ending quest to connect my childhood nostalgia with two start pitchers we’re going to be discussing snack foods of the late 80’s and early 90’s. Some of these staples of my childhood are still in stores, while others have gone the way of Kato Kaelin. Wait he’s still around? Ayo, it’s two start pitchers, Week 24….

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s time once again to check in with our dynasty league…the Razznasty. J-FOH has put some distance between first and second place this month and now sits on a seven point lead heading into the home stretch. Hippos has held strong in the third spot, and – hey wait a minute! That’s Kid A kissing 110! Kid put up top five numbers in all but one hitting category in August, while at the same time posting the second-most strikeouts on the pitching side. Just when it looked like the Hippos might be getting comfortable in their pond, Kid put together an August run that has got to be making Truss sweat just a little. Our league’s trade deadline has come and gone, so at this point we’ve got to dance with the girls we brought or press our luck on the wire. Spoiler alert – it’s basically been picked clean at this point. Like…it’s kinda fugly. Here are the updated standings, recent trades and FAAB acquisitions for the month of August…

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Leave it to the man living in Oregon, born and raised in Washington to take you to Electric Ladyland in the title. PNW represent *tries showing PNW with flashy gang sign…fails…breaks all fingers*. Fine, I’ll just throw up the West Coast symbol a la 2Pac and be fine with it. Grey originally pinged me with the idea of heading up a league for the NFBC back in February. When I said yes, I assumed we were talking ‘Norwegian Female Bikini Challenge’ and graciously accepted. I mean they’re right next to Sweden; what could possibly go wrong? Well, ALOT could go wrong, let me tell you. Thankfully, I had Rudy‘s recap of his 2013 team and the wherewithal and the guile to forge my own path for my own team. For those interested in only RCL style of play…well, first off that’s the link to sign up for one and second of all, make an about face. This ain’t it. No trades and no FA pickups in season. Nope, you play against 15 other teams in 5×5 roto set up and draft 50 players a team. That’s 750 players. There’s only 30 teams and they only roster 25 players at the major league level at a time. So basically, we’re drafting the entire MLB in one fell swoop. That’s special. And hard. And especially hard. But let’s not talk about bedroom things just yet. Instead, let’s review my NFBC team for the 2015 Fantasy Baseball season…

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This is hard to believe, but players have actually been signed or traded since I started churning out the organizational top tens in early November. It’s like they don’t even care that I have spent countless minutes prepping these reports and now a bunch of players have asterisks next to their names. Black is white, down is up, and Andrew Heaney is an Angel. Some prospects who get signed or moved in trades are impact players that are in fact worth talking about. By the timing of the previews, they may end up in a sort of top ten list “limbo”. Consider these posts a division by division catch-all for such players. It’s also an opportunity to discuss a few of the names that were borderline top ten players but didn’t quite make the cut for their organization’s list. In other words, some of the notable “#11s”. Here are the prospects that fell through the cracks in the AL West…

Please, blog, may I have some more?