Fantasy Baseball Advice

Freddy Sanchez limped off the field with a knee injury.  Presumably, the same knee he’s been nursing since his days with Pittsburgh.  Without his services, the Giants probably would have still finished in third, but a game or two further out, so no regrets losing Alderson.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Barry Zito – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners.  Baked Zito.

Ted Lilly – Scratched from his next start because of shoulder soreness.  Stop scratching him, and start fixing him!  You hold your breath waiting for him to return this year and you’re going to turn (Cubbie) blue.

Jose Reyes – Took batting practice yesterday.  Says he still wants to return.  Probably wants to check out the new Mets stadium.

Chase Headley – 5-for-6, HR yesterday.  Without looking it up, I’m gonna say this was his best game ever.  This might be his best week.  Even if he doesn’t play another game.  If you grabbed him for the short schedule day yesterday, you’re a genius.  They should bronze your brain.  I don’t know who they is, but you probably do, Brain Who Should Be Bronzed-ee.

Wade LeBlanc – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  This was, “The One Where He Pitches vs. the Pirates.”

Garrett Jones – Hit his 20th homer last night in his 269th AB.  He only has 38 Runs and 40 RBIs.  Yay, Pirates!

Heath Bell – Blew the save.  Unfortunately, Luke Gregerson wasn’t much better.

Matt Wieters – Didn’t do much yesterday, but he’s now batting third and he’s hitting around .450 in the last week.

Derek Lowe – 5 IP, 3 ER.  Blister problem might’ve caused his early exit, or maybe with the way he pitched vs. the Mets this year he just wanted out while the gettin’ was good.

Martin Prado – 3-for-4 and batting around .450 for the last week as Kelly Johnson was seen picking dirt out of his cleats.

Mike Cameron – 2 HRs yesterday to get to 21.  Someone, somewhere in March of next year is going to look at his final numbers and think, “Hey, maybe I should take Mike Cameron with my last outfield spot.”  You, hopefully, will mock them.

Derrek Lee – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a HR yesterday.  Beggars shouldn’t, uh, ya know, choose, but if only Lee would’ve also stole ten bases… Or five… Or one.   With his leg span, it’s like a five foot lead and seven steps away from the next base.

Tom Gorzelanny – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  He gets the Ain’ts next, but I’d stay away if your ratios are at all in danger or if you have a pacemaker.

Mark DeRosa – 2 HRs yesterday.  After only hitting one homer in August, these were his first homers in September.  Hits homers in bunches (and pairs, obviously).  Might have another two or three homers left in his bat for the remainder of the year.

Daniel Hudson – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  You know that guy you see when you search for Tim Hudson on the waiver wire?  Here he is!  Great news, he has more than a K/IP in the minors.  Bad news, his control is iffy at times.  Just okay news, he’s worth a pick up in AL-Only or very deep keeper leagues because he should have the opportunity to impress next year.

Brian Fuentes – Got the save yesterday.  Scioscia might just be messing with you with the Jepsen thing, but Fuentes did kinda face lefties (Swisher, who’s weaker vs. lefties, Posada, who he walked, and Cano, who is a lefty).

Kevin Millwood – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Still not really a guy I’d take a chance on in the final two weeks.

Nick Blackburn – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks.  He gets the peasant Royals next time out, but he hasn’t been great against them this year.

Wandy Rodriguez – 5 IP, 6 ER.  It was almost like Fausto Carmona was ghost riding the Wandwagon last night.  Still, he has a sub-3 ERA on the year.  You don’t get mad at the Wandwagon.  He took you places and showed you things you never thought you’d see this year.

J.J. Hardy wasn’t appreciated by the Brewers earlier this year — I made all the key outs!  I don’t see Ryan Braun doing that! — Well, Hardy will return to the Brewers on Tuesday to pick up where he left off.  Hope he remembers to bring his magic bats with him.  This one here, this one is my runners in scoring position batting .198 bat. Too bad Alcides couldn’t step up in the two plus weeks he had the gig to himself.  Guess he missed the day in If You Have Speed Steal A Damn Base class when they went over if you have speed steal a damn base.  In fact, there’s only one day of class.  That’s all you learn.  This shot of Hardyrenaline will nullify Alcides and Hardy’s value in mixed leagues, unless one gets hot and runs with it.  Runs being the key word, Alcides.  Hardy has pop and little else.  His best month of the last two years saw him hit 9 homers.  Conservatively, I’d say you’re looking at a guy that will give you a .250 average and 4 homers.  I will enjoy not owning you, Hardy.  Be well.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Penny – Signed on with the Giants and will be inserted into their rotation.  Bartleby’s Quote of the Day, “Everything old is new again, except Brad Penny.  He just kinda sucks.” That Bartleby, he’s quotatious!  I do like NL West pitchers and Penny suddenly is on my radar in deep mixed leagues (12+ teams).  In 12 team leagues, I’d grab him for match-ups, but would be cautious.

Jim Thome – Dodgers acquired the forebearer of country strong.  He’ll serve primarily as the guy on the bench that chews tobacco and scratches himself.  Occassionally, he may fill in for the power off the bench when Juan Pierre just won’t suffice.

Jon Garland – Dodgers decided August 31st is the new July 31st as they made a flurry of deals.  Don’t worry, Timmy.  It’s just a flurry of deals.  It’ll pass. If Garland were a Native American, his name would be Man Who Will Serve As Dodgers Long Relief Man In The Playoffs.  For now, he’ll have a slight uptick in value.  Which is to say he goes from negative value to just a smidge.  He’ll give you no Ks, not a great WHIP, but he’s been keeping his team in the game, which could become Wins with the Blue.  Unless your name is Randy Wolf.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  About a month ago, I pointed out to you that Washburn’s FIP was showing he was headed for a correction.  His owners and the Tigers obviously didn’t pay attention.

Carlos Guillen – 4-for-5, 2 homers.  Somebody’s been drinking their raw egg Hulk Hogan shakes.  I’m not a fan of Guillen usually, but at this time of the year, he’s hitting with power with 8 homers since his return.  Worth a flier to see if he keeps it up.

Daniel McCutchen – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks vs. Reds.  The Dread Pirate’s brother from a different mother had his major league debut yesterday.  It was a modest showing against a terrible team.  The Pirates really should be monitoring his innings, but they do what they do, so you can do what you do.  McCutchen has decent value in deep leagues — Think of a 7 K/9 and great control.  On the Pirates, good luck getting wins.

Drew Stubbs – 4-for-9, 2 HRs and a steal yesterday.  His home run balls are still in the left field bleachers since there were only about 2,000 people in attendance.  That’s including players and media.  If you need steals, Stubbs is worth owning.  But, with all of his strikeouts, he’s still a faux hawk away from being cool.

Johnny Cueto – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Great, terrific, welcome back!  It was still against the Pirates and it was still only 5 innings.  I’d risk Cueto in certain leagues, but not for the risk averse.

Chad Qualls – Done for the season.  See yesterday’s roundup for the rundown.  See what I did there?

Juan Gutierrez – Didn’t wanna scroll down, huh?  Gutierrez got the save yesterday.  SAGNOF!  If you need saves, grab him in every league.  He’s just as likely to get 7 saves in September as is Broxton.

Adam Lind – 2 HRs, 8 RBIs.  I fluffed him in a fluff piece just last week.

Rod Barajas – 2 HRs yesterday, but only 5 RBIs so last night he was Barbara Hershey to Lind’s Bette Midler.  But he has six homers in the last 10 games and he’s batting near .400 in the last week.

Jose Contreras – Rockies got Contreras from the White Sox.  This seems like a recipe for blech.

Alexei  Ramirez – 1-for-3 yesterday.  It’s a longshot at this point, but if he somehow gets to 20/20 this year (needs 6/7 respectively), he will be the most disappointing 20/20 middle infielder in the history of fantasy baseball.  He’s like the guy who has a 25 game hitting streak while only hitting .275.  Excite me, Alexei!  Do something!

Vladimir Guerrero – 2 HRs yesterday.  For a guy with 13 homers, he seems like he has ten two homer games this year.  Have to check with Elias or Jayson Stark.

Nick Blackburn – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks vs. the White Sox.  He’s still a risky play in mixed leagues.  I’m not even sure how Blackburn managed 7 Ks.  Guess when the White Sox throw in the towel, they really throw it in.

Cameron Maybin – Returns to the ‘lins, yes!  Has no place to play, no!

Kyle Blanks – Done for the year with a tear in his plantar fascia in his right foot.  He was seen limping out of the clubhouse using David Eckstein as a crutch.

Adrian Beltre – Expected to be activated for today’s game as he was able to take grounders again off his nuts.

Carlos Quentin returned to play yesterday after taking a two month sabbatical for a foot thingiemaboo-boo.  So he DH’d right? Nuh-uh.  Oh, Jim Thome? Nope, Ozzie Guillen in his infinitesimal wisdom DH’d Josh Fields in the nine hole.  It’s almost like Ozzie’s daring Quentin to stay healthy.  Why not give him a hot foot with an M-80?  So what can we expect from Quentin for the rest of the season?  Best case scenario, has him playing 5 games a week and hitting well (as he did in his rehab assignment).  Maybe 15 homers, good RBIs and a .270 average.  He’s not going to come without risk.  At any point, I’m expecting word that he’ll be out for the year.  How’s that for a ringing endorsement?  So through one game, Quentin’s 1-for-4 and healthy.  Now give us forty-five more games.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Now has an sub-2.50 ERA at home.  No one tell him his home is a hitter’s park.

Frank Francisco – Headed to the DL with pneumonia (the P’s silent).  C.J. Wilson will take over again.  Is it me or has C.J. Wilson been the closer for more of the year than Frank-Frank?  Francisco is supposed to return this Sunday as long as he battles pneumonia better than Jim Backus.  You are still larger than the cactus…

Nelson Cruz – Didn’t play Monday because of his fractured finger.  The Rangers said he’d be able to get back in the lineup.  The Rangers lied.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this becomes a more serious issue than was originally let on, at least that’s what my thought bubble says.

Jonathan Papelbon – Complained of stomach pain and was vomiting.  Perhaps he saw a video of his own dancing.  If he misses any time, Saito should get vulture saves.  I’d expect Papelbon to be back by Wednesday at the latest.

John Smoltz – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Has alternated between good start and terrible start since he was activated.  I’d see if he continues that trend and pitches well next time out while he was parked on my bench.

Jed Lowrie – 0-for-3 and batted ninth.  T-minus two days and counting until I cut him from my teams.  To paraphrase Meg Ryan talking to Goose, “Hit for me now or I will lose you forever.”

David Murphy – 2-for-4, HR yesterday.  If you have the luxury of only playing him when he plays, he can be valuable.  Shoot, at this point he’s hitting better than Josh Hamilton.

Jason Schmidt – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners.  Finally, an NL West starter I can’t get behind.  He’s been out too long and his fastball was pretty bleh.  In an NL-Only league?  Sure.  Everywhere else?  You can do better/safer/less-Schmidty.

George Sherrill – Supposed to be traded from the Orioles.  I think Jim Johnson would step in if Sherrill moves onto a better place.  Baez may also enter the picture.  Hopefully Orioles fans don’t abandon the franchise if they lose Sherrill and Oscar Salazar in the same week.

Darin Erstad – Headed to the DL.  Hopefully you got him out of your weekly lineups about six years ago.

Vladimir Guerrero – Scioscia said, “Vlad would be limited to DH duties when he returns.”  I asked, “Why wasn’t he only DH’ing to begin with?”  Scioscia said, “The same reason I don’t play Wood.”  I said, “Oh.”

Ted Lilly – 4 IP, 7 ER.  A lefty vs. the Phillies shouldn’t have looked like any major league team vs. Sidney Ponson.  Lilly’s knee must still be bothering him.  He might end up on the DL.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks.  Good to see the Braves call him back up from the minors. (I know why he was demoted; it’s called being facetious. And this is called exposition.)

Yunel Escobar – 2-for-3, Batting .500 since the All-Star break with two homers while alternating between the fifth and six hole.

David Hernandez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners.  Don’t pick him up.  But he’s thrown three decent– Don’t pick him up.

Nick Markakis – Now has two homers in his last four games.  Sparkakis!

Felipe Lopez – 4-for-4 while leading off.  He wasn’t originally supposed to start because he couldn’t get to the game in time, so I removed him from my lineups.  Then the game was delayed and he started.  Sonavabench!

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  Impressive home start from a pitcher I highlighted in the 2nd half pitcher post.

Kevin Millwood – 6 IP, 2 ER.  If you had the cojones to start Millwood at home vs. the Sawx, then you deserved the Win.

Tim Stauffer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks.  HodgePadre worth owning in 12 team leagues and deeper.

Nick Blackburn – 5 IP, 7 ER, As I said after his last start, which was a complete game, “There’s so many pitchers each week that are potential spot starters, even in deep leagues, that I just don’t want any part of a guy that has 51 Ks in just over 116 innings.” And that’s me quoting me!

Justin Morneau – 3-for-5, 2 HRs as the Twins and A’s combined for 8 home runs.  Did Oakland install a dehumidifier?

Jason Giambi – Hit the Disgraceful List as the A’s admitted that Giambi wasn’t the ballplayer they had the first time around.  They blamed his lack of backne.

Daric Barton – HR yesterday.  Pick him up in all AL-Only leagues and 12 team leagues and deeper if you need a corner man.  He may not do much more than he’s done so far in the major leagues (170 games – 78/13/56/.239/3), but he shouldn’t kill you on average and has decent power.  If he hits, he will probably keep the job even when Giambi returns.

Matt Holliday – 4-for-5, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs with his grand slam just clearing the outfield fence.  Now has 3 homers since the break.  Maybe he realized he needs to play well to be a trade target and get the eff out of Oaktown.  He should get to 20+ homers and a .300 average.  So when you’re going into the break with 8 homers (or Wright +3), there is some room for improvement.

Jonathan Sanchez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks.  Johnny Vander Meer’s family can now stop following around the Giants.

Chris Davis was sent to the minors last night to make room for Josh Hamilton.  In the preseason, Bill James’s projections for Chris Davis were 107/40/118/.302/8.  I thought that was a tad optimistic.  And “tad optimistic” there is like saying, “Hey, this Ben Affleck movie might be okay.”  Those predictions and the proceeding hype sent Davis’s ADP through the roof.  To the point where I decided to punt 3rd base in all of my drafts and take Mark Reynolds.  I went over why in this preseason post.  Now I’m not saying I wasn’t at fault either.  Back in December, I said Davis was a sleeper when he was going after Zimmerman, Huff and Atkins.  When the hype picked up, I backed off.  Though I did give Davis pretty generous preseason numbers too at 75/30/95/.275/3.  But I have a fantasy baseball blog; I’m not Bill James.  I think someone should ping Bill James (the kids say ping, ask one what it means) and say, “Hey, Bill, big fan.  Lots of great stuff through the years.  Sorry to ping you this late, but a few quick rhetorical questions.  Chris Davis?  Seriously?  Did you not follow the ruler across the paper correctly on Pujols’s name?”  In the Better News Dept., David Murphy should get more time now that Davis is gone as Blalock moves to first.  Though I’m not sure how long Blalock can stay healthy playing that demanding of a position.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! Before we get into today’s roundup, I just wanted to say we have an announcement coming later in the 2nd post of the day.  Around 11:30 AM PST.  Make sure to check back later.  Some of you might enjoy it.  While others may say, “Meh.”  Okay, now for the roundup:

Scott Hairston – Traded to the A’s.  Not sure there could be more of a lateral movement for Hairston’s value.  Unless you’re in an NL-Only league and you lose his services to the best available option off waivers.  Then again, maybe that’s lateral too. The Padres got Craig Italiano — I hear he makes a great chicken parm — and Ryan Webb, no relation to Brandon.  If you’re not following, the Padres traded away their number three hitter for the stuff you find under your couch.

Will Venable – Will see more ABs with Hairston out of town.  This could actually hurt Venable’s value.

Kyle Blanks – Rudy Gamble’s brother from the same mother could also see more time.  Be nice to see The Pillsbury Fro Boy do something other than strikeout.  As far as his fantasy value, we already filled in the *pinkie to mouth* Blanks.

Scott Downs – Should be back any day now.  As always, I’d hold Frasor for the time being until Downs has shown he’s healthy.

Chien-Ming Wang - Something’s Wang.  Hehe.  Hit the DL.  Peace out, Wang.  Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.

Ben Sheets – May not pitch this year.  No way!  C’mon!  Are you serious?  Crazy!

Dan Haren – 6 IP, 1 ER.  A good game and the Diamondbacks gave him runnage?  Wow.  Talk about a good day.  And I didn’t have any hodgepadres ruining my ERA yesterday.  Nice.

Joba Chamberlain – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER and 8 unearned as he tied his owners to a WHIPing Post.  “Joba Rules” this year are a bunch of walks, unreliable from start to start no matter the matchup and unfulfilled promise.  Maybe that’s why he drinks and not, “Owen, you stupid poop!”

Ricky Nolasco – 8 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks.  When I gave you the advice in mid-May to Buy Nolasco, I sure hope some of youse listened.

Derrek Lee – Another homer yesterday.  How dare you call me Lyle Overbay? But you kinda are just a rich man’s Lyle Overbay.  I’ll call you Thurston Overbay, the Third.

Jake Fox – HR yesterday.  Will be interesting to see how Sweet Lou flips the craft services table when Aramis returns today.

Randy Johnson – Left the game with a shoulder injury.  I foresee an abbreviated spring training comeback in 2010 and then he retires.

Rich Aurilla – HR yesterday.  I really thought he was retired.  I’m not even joking.  I’m not sure which is more despicable.  That Aurilla is holding the Giants hostage by not retiring or that the Giants don’t just release him.

Miguel Olivo – Hit his 13th homer.  Matt Wieters hit a homer too.  Natch!  Or is it reverse natch since I’m the one always cracking on his output?  Hmm… I got lost in my own natchs.

Grady Sizemore – 2 homers and one steal since his return as he bats .270.  Eh.

Cliff Lee – 6 IP, 3 ER.  Has a 3.45 ERA on the year.  That seems more in line with Lee than what we saw last year.

Gio Gonzalez – 6 IP, 2 ER. Doesn’t he sound like a haute couture jeans designer?  I wouldn’t bother with Gio Gonzalez in an 18-team league that only uses Oakland A’s players.

Adam Lind/Aaron Hill – Hit their 18th and 20th homers, respectively.  Lind bats .310 while Hill bats .299.  Still don’t see either as a sell high candidate, but that shizz is relative.  If you get the right deal, by all means.

Colby Rasmus – Hit his 10th homer as he bats .282.  Little late to the party now if you pick him up, but you could be doing a lot worst for your fourth or fifth outfielder.  I’m looking at you, Fred Lewis.

Chris Carpenter – 7 IP, 1 ER.  This is not to say Carp isn’t solid, but right now the Reds look like they’re facing the House Committee on Un-American Activities every time out.

Ross Ohlendorf – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Dorf!

Garrett Jones – Two Pirates mentioned in the same roundup.  Arghh, it’s raining doubloons!  Jones hit two homers in his last four games.  I don’t know where this schmohawk is headed, but right now he’s on one of my teams.  He may not last, but better to take the flier if you have room than to let someone else grab the hot rookie.  Remember, I gave you the same advice for The Dread Pirate about a month ago.  I’m still rocking him on one team. (He stole his 6th base yesterday as he bats .300).

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks.  Finally, six innings!  I picked him up in a 12 team league last week, but haven’t start him yet.  I’ll start him now.

Martin Prado – 4-for-4 as he starts every day.  If you owned Kelly Johnson, then I’m sure the Cox yanking was suprisingly unpleasant, but Prado can ease your pain.

Derek Lowe – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Right now, he’s alternating between decent start and terrible.  Luckily, he gets the Rockies in Colorado next time out, so that’s an easy call to sit him.  Hopefully he’s back to a reliable starter after the ASB.

Jimmy Rollins – HR yesterday and is 7 for his last 15.  If he hits .400 over the next month, you’ll be glad you remained patient.

Joe Blanton – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks.  He gets Pittsburgh next.  All aboard!

Nick Blackburn – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  With a name only one letter off from a porn star with chlamydia, it’s easy to stay away, right?  I look at it this way.  There’s so many pitchers each week that are potential spot starters, even in deep leagues, that I just don’t want any part of a guy that has 51 Ks in just over 116 innings.

Casey McGehee – 3-for-4 yesterday.  On Saturday, he went 4-for-5 with a homer.  Okay, this is the last I’m mentioning him.  Fo realz.

Vladimir Guerrero – Two days, two homers.  Was he prematurely shipped off to the glue factory?  I don’t think so.  I’d still be looking to sell him.  Now you might actually find someone who believes he still has some giddy-up left.  In related news, Brian Roberts still has twice as many homers as Vlad the ‘97 Impala.

Howie Kendrick – Recalled and stole a base yesterday.  Here’s what I said two weeks before Kendrick was sent down to the minors, “What do the Angels do with a 2nd baseman who has 18 homers in 179 ABs in Triple-A?  Promote him and demote Howie Kendrick?  Or do the Angels promote Rodriguez, demote Kendrick, wait two weeks until Kendrick starts hitting in the Coors-like PCL and then promote Kendrick right back and demote Rodriguez again like they’ve been doing with Brandon Wood for the last three years?”  And that’s me blowing your mind!  Let me answer 15 comments right off the bat — Beckham, McGehee, Prado, Everth then Kendrick, in that order.

Andre Ethier – HR yesterday.  See, preggers Manny doesn’t even need to be in the lineup for Ethier to start hitting.  I’m half-joking.  This year Ethier’s been better in the power department than I thought he’d be, but I don’t buy that he’s suddenly going to be the .400 hitter we saw in the 2nd half last year just because Manny’s back.

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday.  What else is new?  If any of you are fifteen-years-old, don’t vote for him for the All-Star Game.  We want him to be mad in the 2nd half.  Adrian slept with Clubber mad.  Eye of the Tiger!  Oh, and if you’re fifteen, don’t listen to your parents.  You won’t need geometry.  Though you may need to know how to say, “I don’t know how a dead prostitute got in my bed,” in Spanish.

Was talking to some friends the other day and one of them thought Ichiro Suzuki was the best all around player he had ever seen.  No, he wasn’t Asian or wearing a Buhner jersey.  He made his case — defense, cannon arm, can hit any pitch to any field, speed, etc.  I countered Rickey Henderson was better.  Then somehow it dissolved into how did Bud Selig let steroids ruin baseball.  But when he said Ichiro, it wasn’t a slam dunk, “We’re only on our second pitcher of Molson.  How are you already drunk?”  It was a point to consider.  I guess in fantasy baseball sometimes we forget about how great players were or are and only concern ourselves with the numbers.  Ah… Nostalgia, I remember you!  Well, the numbers say Ichiro is currently ranked 56th for Runs for all outfielders.  Behind some stalwarts as Fukudome, Teahen and Skip Schumaker.  He’s currently ranked 100th in RBIs just behind Joe Thurston.  Hey, he’s got speed though, right?  He has 12 steals.  The same as Vernon Wells.  Ichiro is terrific for average, but that’s only getting you so far.  He’s extremely valuable for average.  If you need a boost there, then by all means trade for him.  But if you’re fine on average or hurting elsewhere, I’d look to trade away Ichiro.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Chad Gaudin – NL West starter?  Oh, Grey must own him. I do, random italicized voice.  But get a load of this, he has an over 9 K/9.  Sure, he could flipping walk Alfonso Soriano and Chris Davis on four pitches.  But so what?  He’s a 5th to 6th fantasy starter.  You’re not relying on him to anchor your staff. (But if you do find your staff is anchored.  Try Viagra.)  Right now he has a 4.04 FIP and a 5.60 ERA, so he can and should be better going forward.  He’ll do you no favors on WHIP, but even if you’re only starting him at home — go for it!

Kevin Correia – I smell a theme coming on, son.  A theme coming on.  Honestly, if Livan Hernandez pitched for the Padres, I’d probably own him in one league.  Correia has a 2.90 ERA in June, about a 8 K/9 and an under 1.00 WHIP.

Joe Blanton – What, no Josh Geer?  Blanton was a 5 K/9 coming into this year.  He’s over 8 so far this year.  Don’t wait for answers, just take your chances.  Don’t ask me why.

Everth Cabrera – SAGNOF!

Scott Hairston – Really hasn’t earned all the pub I’ve been giving him, but he’s batting third yadda yadda yadda.  Okay, now I really have to abandon the Padres theme.

Pat Burrell – Member how hot Luke Scott was a month ago?  Burrell can do the same.

Mike Cuddyer – Could get 2nd base eligibility this weekend in some leagues that only need a few starts.

Leo Nunez – Should get the majority of the saves for the ‘lins.

Dan Meyer – SAGNOF, but he might be just a quality middle reliever.  So those in Holds leagues, HAGNOF!  Actually, Holds do have a face.  And they look like Tackleberry.

LaTroy Hawkins – Valgreen’s may get traded before the deadline, so this could give Hawkins a chance to further shake his Cuddle Boy label.  I’d grab him if you have room.

Wladimir Balentien – With vampires being the zeitgeist right now, it’s only natural that Wlad the Lunchpailer would be a popular add.  Yum, a 4th outfielder and cheese sandwich.  (BTW, isn’t it odd how dated the word zeitgeist is?)

Jordan Zimmermann – You’re showing Jordan Zimmermann, the dealer’s showing John Lannan.  You win.

Homer Bailey – Picture this, Homer’s given up 3 runs, but he’s in line for the win.  You’re ecstatic.  You call your estranged Auntie Marie in Pensacola and tell her you want her at the family reunion.  Then Dusty runs Bailey out there for the sixth inning where he gives up 17 runs.  In archaic words, caveat emptor.

SELL

Grady Sizemore – With the Indians treading water in the AL Central, the smallest setback to Grady’s elbow could shut him down.  He just hit a homer and he looks to be back.  Terrific!  Last week, we said, “If you can trade him for 80 cents on the dollar (say, Alexis Rios, Granderson, Holliday, etc.), do it in a heartbeat…..Crazy that the most Grady player on the Indians might be Shin-Soo Choo.”  And that’s me quoting us!  Now don’t sell him for a can of Coke Zero and a pufferfish, no one said to do that.

Nick Blackburn – More of a hold than a Sell, but I just can’t get behind a pitcher who has 41 Ks in over 100 innings.  He could be great for the rest of the season, but I’m not buying into it.

Scott Rolen - Hitting .330 so maybe some of youse are thinking Rolen’s, um, rolling.  But he has 5 homers and 3 steals.  Who is he?  Crapolanco?  His career average is 50 points below where he is now.  Regression right ahead!

George Sherrill – But he’s practically a donkey-corn!  The Orioles may trade Sherrill and his new destination may not include saving games.

Johnny Cueto – Pimple-faced teenager runs in front of your car, “Watch out, Mister!  Johnny Cueto is falling back to earth!” You stop short and Johnny Cueto falls in front of your car.

Matt Palmer – Thud!  That was Matt Palmer falling on top of Cueto.