On the ones and twos, it’s not DJ Khaled, with a cigar in his baby’s mouth, dropping another one in a major key. It’s yo’ boy, DJ LeMahieu (4-for-5, 4 runs, 1 RBI), the French-sounding EDM mixmaster, spinning his wheels around the bases. Yo, DJ LeMahieu, what you got to say about that? “Pouvez-vous chicken francaise?” Yo, you sound like me pretending to be French! Next up throwing down, it’s Mark Reynolds (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 25th homer), the man, the myth, the Mini Donkey. All brays to you! Then how about Trevor Story (3-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homers) finding his way into back-to-back home run games, like succinylcholine finds its way into back-to-back Forensic Files. Then there’s Carlos Gonzalez…Actually, you still suck! So, the Rockies, scored (fill-in-number, too high to count) last night, and Jon Gray did all he had to do — 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, which in Coors is all you can ask. His peripherals are gorgeous — 8.6 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.59 xFIP, but something I failed to remember this past preseason, it’s still a struggle to start him in Coors. I mean, shizz gets ugly fast like a reality TV person at a reunion show. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Saturday night, Bryce Harper lunged for first base, slipped and his leg went the wrong direction. Like two white guys meeting, one goes for the handshake and one goes for the hug and it just goes awkwardly wrong in every way. Atticus Finch had much more success stepping on his white base. Owning Harper on multiple teams, I looked at the latest news Saturday night, and I saw:
Oh my God it already says Bryce Harper Was OF. PAST TENSE! pic.twitter.com/bQ3sKPNQjF
— Razzball (@Razzball) August 13, 2017
Devastated. Crushed. C’mon, thesaurus, give me another one. Thankfully, it was revealed as the best possible outcome for him, a bone bruise. Still, not a great outcome for us with him on our fantasy teams, since he will be out for the better part of the rest of the season. Don’t worry, I have Jose Pirela! *sticks head in oven, puts on The Bell Jar book on tape* Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This might be the only Razzball article where you will find a RuPaul’s Drag Race quote, some lyrics from the Broadway musical Wicked, a reference to Matt Harvey’s sex appeal AND a Tyra banks gif. It’s no wonder some people on this site think I’m female! Here I was thinking it was just my name…Please, blog, may I have some more?
After homering in his fourth straight game, Matt Davidson (2-for-4, 2 runs) is halfway to Dale Long’s record of home runs in eight straight games. A record I didn’t think would ever be matched, aside from it being matched twice previously by Ken Griffey Jr. and Don Mattingly. Dale Long was mostly remembered for that record and getting to first base with his bat. Good year for no-names whose last name ends in son: Davidson, Morrison, Alonson. The book on Davidson previously was a AAAA player, which is different than Mickey Mantle and David Wells. That’s two AA players. Sadly (for him), Davidson is playing so over his head that giraffes be like, “Yo, come down from there.” In Triple-A, he was a 30% strikeout guy and is striking out at a 38% rate now, so he will hit .200 for the season and be an only-occasional home run guy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Fisher was called up by the Astros to replace the concussed Reddick. First off, Derek needs to stop singing that jingle, “Trust the Astros Fisher, man.” Tres annoying. Saying tres instead of very is tres annoying, too. Fisher was hoping Reddick was some combination of reddish and haddock. “Get that seaweed out of my face!” That’s Nori Aoki. Everyone in MLB is happy for Fisher except this guy. If you thought Strickland-Harper was something… Sorry, for Derek Fisher, that was a layup. As for fantasy, Fisher has power and speed, has had strikeout issues, but no worse than Bellinger. He could be a difference maker if he plays 75%+ of the time. One of the best guys in the minors this year. Better on power than speed, inefficient as a runner. Yes, PCL, but MLB is kinda PCL-like nowadays. Might outproduce Brinson, though Fisher needs to stick in a job for that. Yesterday, he went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his first home run, and I think Fisher is for reel, and not just on the casting couch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Ryan Zimmerman hits a homer, they should play the Coming to America clip where Murphy says, “In dee face,” at the basketball game. Speaking of Africa (sentence intro commonly found on fantasy baseball blogs), why is it called Out of Africa if it’s in Africa? Granted, I’ve never seen that movie, but the one thing I know about it is that it is in Africa! Straight Outta Compton is in Compton, but they get OUTTA OF COMPTON! This post is brought to you by Meryl Movie Lovers, or MeMoLos, as they’re commonly referred. Two more homers for Ryan Zimmerman yesterday, bringing his season total to 19 homers. Shame I didn’t believe in him (and still don’t). Why do I have more doubt than Meryl Streep in a habit? Answer me that, MeMoLos! He’s 32 years old, and, in his last two years, he had 15 and 16 homers. In eleven years, he’s only topped 26 homers once. So, don’t even give me that crap that I should’ve seen this coming. He’s hitting .372! Last year, he hit .218 and .249 the year before, and only hit over .300 one year in his career. He’s not having a career year. Nope. He’s combining all of his years together into one year, putting them into a Magic Bullet, pulverizing them for five minutes and drinking it. And, like Meryl sold French cuisine to an American audience in Julie & Julia, I’m still selling Zimmerman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Are you also old enough and/or vaguely goth enough to know “Severina” by The Mission (if you do, hit me up in the comments! 1986 represent!)? And perchance does that song also pop into your head every time you think of Luis Severino? I’m starting him on FanDuel today, not only as an attempt at earworm exorcism, but because I like his chances versus Baltimore in the [email protected] series (a.k.a. the “baloney” series). The last time he faced the Orioles, he struck them out 8 times, walked 1, and gave up 1 earned run. I also like his price ($9,500): how nice it will be to build a good, balanced lineup around that, rather than trying to do my usual balancing trick of going top-heavy on pitching or bottom-heavy on hitting. Note that he is pitching at home in Yankee Stadium, where he’s given up 5 home runs thus far this year and has a 3.77 ERA — not horrible, it’s a quality start, but sure, maybe you’d prefer to steer clear, like all the boys from a goth girl in late-eighties nightclubs (#notbitter). So let’s gird up with eyeliner and take a look at some other options. I’ve leaned pretty heavily on Tigers (dangerous!) and Astros in the lineup I’ve created for FanDuel, but you could also look to stack Cleveland hitters against the White Sox’s David Holmberg, and Yankees versus the Orioles’ Chris Tillman.
New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Smoak isn’t simply the hottest hitter in all of baseball. No! There’s more! He’s hitting near-.400 in the last week with four homers. But wait, there’s more! Justin Smoak is the world’s first liquid smoke for a fantasy team. Put Justin Smoak on your fantasy team and it instantly adds an unmistakable Smoak flavor. Sick of bland boeuf Welington, try Justin Smoak! Once you taste Justin Smoak, you’re gonna be like, “Now I know why those crazy Canadians measure everything in meat’ers!” This Eve is not covering her naughty bits with a fig leaf, she’s wearing Smoak’d beef! Justin Smoak adds such flavor to a fatty piece of old beef it now becomes lean and fresh, leaving our Spanish customers saying, “Si, newy!” I don’t want to Bragg about our Liquid Aminos, but Justin Smoak can be added to real-live cows and they take on the unmistakeable smell of an ashtray! All of this for the low, low price of a waiver wire pickup! Justin Smoak is too good not to try! (Awaiting FDA approval.) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The fantasy baseball roster you could make out of the current disabled list would easily be in first place in many rotisserie leagues. If you left your draft with all of these players healthy you would probably be pretty confident of your trophy chances. Granted, if you left your draft with these players I’d question the skills of your league mates.
Fun story, I once joined a friend’s new fantasy baseball league and one of the members had never done fantasy sports before. He drafted every offensive position in order starting with catcher in round 1. This was my actual reaction when I realized what was going on in about the 3rd or 4th round… Needless to say his pitching was a disaster.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, on the holiest of Hallmark-created holidays and celebrated most of all by Bill Hall, mothers from all different backgrounds came together to put up their feet, sip mimosas and talk about how “The Handmaid’s Tale” could totally happen now with Trump. I’d contend that Hallmark should get a little credit for women’s rights. Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Secretary’s Day, “Buy a card just because you love her” Day… Before this, it was, “Do you wanna make this pelt I skinned into a rug or a sweater for little Kevin? What? You’re tired from churning butter? Okay, you can have the afternoon after you make beef and kidney pie.” In honor of Mother’s Day, one of the great lovers of women (who are handcuffed to his bedpost), Aroldis Chapman was diagnosed with rotator cuff inflammation, and will be sidelined for a month. If Dellin Betances is available in your league, can I get into your league? If there’s an entry fee, all the better. You pay it, and we’ll split the cash prizes. I even grabbed Tyler Clippard in one league just in case Betances gets all Cuddle Boy on us. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?