No intro today. I’m too busy eastwooding empty chairs around the house. I, too, want to scold that invisible Kenyan President for having the audacity of being born in the foreign country of Hawaii. If you need context, I’m not sure what happened the other day, but I was flipping channels and saw Clint Eastwood having a 20 minute stroke.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sergio Santos was traded to the Blue Jays for Nestor Molina, no relation to Alfred.  Santos will take over the Blue Jays closing job with Frank Francisco being waved away like a stale fart — Stank Fartcisco, if you will.  Santos was made for this job.  He’s a cyborg.  A cyborg of Ks who was sent here from the future to save games and to dance to the club remix of O Canada.  Only wish he wasn’t traded so less people would be aware of him and he’d come as a bargain in 2012 fantasy drafts.  Alas, he’s still gonna be worth a high (for a closer) draft pick.  Last year he had 92 Ks in 63 1/3 IP.  Who are you, Carlos Marmol?  I love you, Santos, now have my babies and then name them something with a K.  Like Klancy or Kasey or Keith.  Anyway, here’s some more moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Heath Bell – Signed with the Miami Marlins to replace Juan Carlos Oviedo, who wants to know why the Florida Marlins can change their name but he can’t.  Heath Bell will be a capable closer that I may or may not have on my fantasy teams, depending on where he’s drafted.  I think he’ll probably be too rich for my blood.  If I get a transfusion, I’ll revisit him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chase Utley will make his first start of the year on Monday in the Phillies’ 47th game of the season.  If only the Yanks would lend out Suzyn Waldman for the occasion…Oh my goodness gracious!…Of all the dramatic things I’ve ever seen!  For those of you who carried Utley on your DL since Opening Day, congratulations.  The word is that Utley’s knee feels okay.  I’ll put the over/under at 90 games for the rest of the regular season.  I wouldn’t expect classic Utley this year (as in .300/30/110/15).  I think he’s going to look a lot more like last year’s Utley (511/75/16/65/13) for the rest of his career – minus a couple of SBs.  Second basemen don’t age gracefully and he’s 33 with a bad knee.  If someone will trade a top 50 player for him, take it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?