The answer to the pregunta, “Que es CarGo?” no longer requires an obligatory snail reference as he ended his 15 game homerless streak to start 2012 with 2 HRs against the Pirates, going 3-for-4 with 4 RBIs. He’s never going to hit .336 again like he did in 2010 (doubt he’ll ever hit .300 with his K-rate) but he is one of the few players that has legitimate 30 HR/20 SB potential.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This will be my first week playing fantasy baseball without my hero, Hightower from Police Academy. God speed, big man. So the deadline came and went. Pretty unexciting stuff from a fantasy prospective. The fake baseball trade deadline is approaching by week’s end, time to analyze that roster of yours and ask “Can I make a run and if so where and with what guys?” It’s also important to think of next year for keeper leagues, take a chance on a guy who someone may value less for next year than you may.Please, blog, may I have some more?
What a distracting week. Football comes in and trumps all of the trade deadline thunder, and I’m getting sick of seeing “Mr. Mackey” give football updates. If I have to explain that joke, then it really wasn’t that funny. So back to the sport that is actually being played.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some rejected titles were, “Cards Have Jon Jay, Rasmus Have Blue Jays,” “Cards Trade Rasmus For Queen Elizabeth-Visaged Cents On the Dollar,” and “Ervin Santana Threw A No-Hitter, Beltran Was Traded — Hey, Baseball, Spread Some Of Your Breaking Stories Around.” So Colby Rasmus was sent to the Blue Jays, Edwin Jackson was sent to the Cardinals via Chicago and a whole lot of other shizz. Let’s start with Colby. Hey, Geiger, let’s go (to Canada)! Rasmus will move into center field, sending Rajai to the bench. I’m sure Colby will be empathic. “One day we will write a song together titled, “Centerfield” using John Fogerty’s lyrics and music then we will sue him for copyright infringement.” That’s Colby meeting Rajai for the first time. Last week, I was down on Rasmus, in the non-sexual way. Sick of watching him sit on the bench while Pujols farted in his general direction. Now, much like a fugitive from justice, Rasmus has a fresh start in Canada. His value definitely goes from a negative to a positive, Biggie. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Edwin Jackson – Another guy that gets a fantasy boost with a trade. Any time you’re going from the AL to the NL, I like it. Does he suddenly become the meow’s cat? I’m not entirely sure. His NL ERA last year was 5.16, his AL ERA was 3.24. All of his good years have come in the AL. Yeah, he’s a riddle inside of a Sphinx testicle. In deeper leagues or just mixed leagues where you need to gamble, I’d grab Jackson and hope Dave Duncan can do the voodoo that he do.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Holy hell, it’s July already, cue the fireworks. Roll the stock footage of Bill Pullman from Independence Day, except make it sound cool with a nice fantasy touch, “This week we celebrate our wins above replacement day!” This week’s list is littered with crafty lefties and dudes who wear pseudo-athletic glasses, which are also cool for squash.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s back again, but this time for longer. No, you won’t need any ointment, it’s just interleague play. It starts at the tail end of this week and continues into week 12. I am still not a fan for fantasy porpoises.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Actually, the title’s completely inaccurate. I don’t rock rough or anything with Aubrey Huff. I think he’s one of the few players in the major leagues that I’ve never owned anywhere. Sometime you gotta give me a call and let me know what it’s like to own him, loyal Razzball reader. Um, yeah, my number’s listed. Under mustache. Speaking of which, is there anything sadder than the people who call you to see if you got a Yellow Pages? Not only am I not sure why they still make Yellow Pages, but calling to find out if I got it? Really? Are they calling from 1987? Hey, go see the movie Wall Street, it’s great! So, Aubrey Huff hit three homers and drove in 6. In the last two games, four homers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
David Wright has a stress fracture in his lower back. It’s the new Mets, same as the old Mess! I find it hard to believe this is still The Curse of the Shirtless Bernazard, but who else is evil eyeing them? George Foster? (BTW, If George Foster ever evil eyed you for longer than 5 seconds, you’d turn to stone. Fact!) The Mets are downplaying Wright’s injury, but what else is new with the Mets? Let’s look at their truthiness in some recent reports: In 2009, “Reyes will be out for a few days.” In reality, he’s only fully recovered two years later. In 2009, “Beltran will be out for three to five days.” In reality, he missed two seasons. “K-Rod and his stepfather, an up and coming videographer, were remaking the “Beat It” video.” In reality, K-Rod blew Kabuki white powder into his stepfather’s face and hit him over the head with a metal chair. So the Mets are saying Wright might miss only a week and a half to two weeks. Um, okay. Even if he returns quickly, a stress fracture in his lower back isn’t going to hurt his power? Yeah, that’s rhetorical. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – 2-for-5, 2 steals. Now has 16 steals on the year. How do you motivate overpaid athletes? With the allure of being vastly overpaid.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Later, Hawai’ian. Hello, Eric Hosmer. Or as Hosmer might say, “W’oh!” In Triple-A this year, Hosmer had 3 homers and 3 steals in 98 ABs. Year before, 20 homers, 14 steals between Double-A and High-A. Bye, A! The average has been great too. He looks like Votto to me. To take that comparison past the point where it’s still making sense, Votto had 24 homers, 7 steals and a .297 average his first full year. He was 24 though, Hosmer is 21 — I’ll pinch your cheeks you’re so young, you! If Hosmer hits 24 homers with a .297 average this year, I’ll shave my ‘stache, glue it to the middle of my forehead and tattoo lips below it. He’s just a bit too raw. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t own him everywhere. You take the rookie flyer because if it pans out the trade value inflates like Butler’s moobs after he drinks a quart of milk. Conservatively, I’ll give Hosmer 17 homers, 6 steals and .280. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Lyon – Lyon was the lead until Hosmer got the call. Rudy came up with titles and everything, so you get a bonus lead-in today. Discarded titles were, “Lyon Sent To Vet,” “Lyon Caged, Astro Fans Rejoice,” and, “Astros Stop Lyon To Themselves.” Lyon has a torn rotator cuff. They should get the doctor that made Lee Majors bionic cause Lyon needs all the help he can get. Mark Melancon is the man to own in Houston, though the word out of the 5th ward is Ed Wade’s Toupee is trying to lose every game the rest of the season, or at least his GM’ing makes it seem that way. Seriously, he can’t even pick out a decent toupee and he’s going to GM a major league team? He looks like a Computer Science teacher who’s still teaching BASIC. Melancon isn’t the meow’s cat or anything. His fastball is kinda whatever, but he gets some Ks, groundballs and Lyon is out. I’d own Melancon everywhere, he could run with the job all year.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The national budget isn’t the only thing that’s strained in DC, Ryan Zimmerman is headed to the DL with an ab strain. This was an injury that originally happened in Spring Training and now it looks like the ab has taken out a *pinkie to mouth* restraining order.Please, blog, may I have some more?