First off, the Master Standings should be up next week, so it’s time to quit fooling around. You don’t want to be trailing a Yahoo! expert, do you? Secondly, isn’t it frustrating when your top pick struggles early?
According to the Razzball Player Rater, of the 20 players we selected at least once in round 1, only Matt Kemp (Congrats Boesch Hog, Blue Heaven, 7 Js and 2 Jeys, and AZ Kush Mafia for making Matt the first overall selection!) and Roy Halladay have put up 1st round numbers. Justin Verlander (16) and Hanley Ramirez (20) are close enough, but where’s everbody else? Miguel Cabrera (93), Adrian Gonzalez (132), Joey Votto (137), and Albert Pujols (346) are all under-performing badly. How about Ryan Braun (272) and Jose Bautista (292)? Oh, well, it’s early. Don’t panic. They’ll start hitting eventually. And, of course, there are always other players who are outperforming their draft position to keep you competitive. Like Josh Hamilton (2, ADP: 35) and Krispie Young (6, ADP: 95.)
Expert League: As was expected, some of the experts have other leagues they are more worried about, so their teams here are neglected. Worst is Team Emack (Eric Mack), whose only moves came on April 1, when Michael Pineda was placed on the DL and Chipper Jones added. 3 minutes later came his final move, replacing Chipper with Bryce Harper. Currently the team features 8 injured players, including 6 in the starting lineup. Rudy and Grey are following different strategies, as Grey leads the league with 29 moves, while Rudy is giving his drafted players a chance to prove themselves, having added just 3 players. Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) is setting the pace with 99 points, followed by Secret Treasure Loaf (Andy Behrens) at 79.5.
Trades: A busy week, with 18 trades consummated. That includes one in the ECFBL where the Silver Bullet Bandits and Copales Charros undid an earlier trade when one of the traded players, Brett Gardner, was injured. Copales Charros also traded Matt Holliday to Uncle Robbies Daffiness Boys for Felix Hernandez. There were some surprising trades for saves. In Ones are GOOD right, NYC Matthole traded Drew Stubbs to Unlucky Llamas for Fernando Rodney. Army of Llamas sent Matt Wieters to Bushwood Varmint Cong for Grant Balfour in the Epic Beardmen Division. Probably the biggest name traded was Roy Halladay, in RCL 22, who was sent by Manitoba Manwhores with Coco Crisp to FWG Herders for James Shields and Mariano Rivera. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums.
League Leaders
Broth’s Baseball Stars (Fausto or Roberto?) was the top hitting team this week. They hit .360 with 17 home runs and 72 RBI, 50 runs, and 6 steals. Matt Kemp was their 5th best hitter! Ahead of him were Freddie Freeman (.478/14 RBI), Josh Hamilton (.462/11 RBI), Mike Napoli (.440/10 RBI), and Derek Jeter (.407/6 RBI).
Average: .360 (Broth’s Baseball Stars – Fausto or Roberto?)
Runs: 58 (Army Of Llamas – Epic Beardmen Division)
HR: 20 (AZ Kush Mafia – RCL 29)
RBI: 72 (Broth’s Baseball Stars – Fausto or Roberto?)
SB: 17 (Team Everett – Beef SAGNOF!)
CROP DUSTIN (RCL 46) had some top pitching numbers with 5 wins, 6 saves, and an ERA of 1.11 and 0.99 WHIP. Their lineup features Clayton Kershaw (9 K/0.00/0.71), Matt Cain (0.00/0.33), and Brandon Beachy (0.00/0.68).
ERA: 1.05 (Dixie Rebels - Fantasy Master Lotharios)
WHIP: 0.69 (Poorjays – Beef SAGNOF!)
TEAM OF THE WEEK - April 16 – 22
The Fredsies (ECFBL)
83/287 (.289)
45 R/18 HR/44 RBI/3 SB
72.1 IP
70K/8 W/1.62/1.09/11 S
The Fredsies strong pitching won them the weekly honors over some tough competition. They had 8 different pitchers record wins, while 6 added saves. Vance Worley tossed 7 scoreless innings with 11 Ks. Rafael Betancourt and Henry Rodriguez each contributed 3 saves. On the offensive side, Mike Napoli (.440/7 R/5 HR/10 RBI) and Matt Kemp (.381/4 Runs/3 HR/6 RBI) were once again dominant.
There’s a saying in Arizona, “Just when you get really good at your job, your career hits a wall and a Mexican comes along and takes the job from you.” The only difference in Krispie Young‘s case is that Gerardo Parra is Venezuelan. Krispie was literally the only one hitting on one of my teams and now… I’m crying into my soup, because the soup was bland and my tears are salty. I’m resourceful. But that’s one sonavawrench thrown into my team’s plans! As of press (post? blog? this shizz?) time, details were scant and info was un-nigh and far between. The D-Backs are saying it’s a shoulder bruise, but he’s going for an MRI. Hopefully, the MRI doesn’t reveal any structural damage or structurel demega on a typewriter with keys transposed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
SIKE! Before we get into today’s roundup, we have a double SIKE! First, “SIKE” is for a huge announcement we have coming later today. The second “SIKE!” is the podcast is up for download. The announcement is actually talked about a bit on the podcast. So you get a sneak peek (a sneak listen?) if you so choose to… It’s something I’m proud of that isn’t mustache related. I think you guys (4 girls) are gonna love it too. Anyway II, here’s the roundup and podcast:
Justin Upton – Has no home runs and no RBIs and is batting .212. Don’t worry though, it’s only a jammed thumb he’s been nursing. Nursing a thumb? Thumb sucker! The injury to his thumb was rumored to happen when Kirk Gibson missed a meeting and a substitute coach let Justin lead a rousing game of 7-up. Little did he realize the strength of Paul Goldschmidt would injure his thumb. Upton sat yesterday and he’s going for an MRI today, too. Hey, if Diamondbacks send a pitcher for an MRI, they can get a pickup game in the waiting room! I’m sure one day of rest will fix something that’s been bothering Upton for a week. For those without the sarcasm gene — or sanscasm — I’m concerned about Upton. Too soon to panic. Sit tight. Simon didn’t say sit tight. Gotcha.
Santiago Casilla – Got the save yesterday and backing up what Bochy had said earlier about Casilla being first in line, which backs up what I said last week when I grabbed Casilla only to drop him the next day and watch Rudy pick him up. FMFBBL.
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. Yum-yum.
Brad Lidge – Got the save yesterday as Johnson keeps Eeny Meeny Miney and Moe’ing his closers. So friggin’ stupid. HanK-Rod has a zero ERA and strikes out everyone; Lidge puts runners on every game and it gets harrowing! (Gets harrowing? It sounds like I’m writing crappy Buffy fan-fiction.)
Colby Lewis – Mr. Popular on Razzball’s 2012 expert leagues overcame a Sparky Anklebiter 2-run HR in the 1st inning to deliver a very solid win in Boston (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks). The jeers in Boston started with “Hey Colby — you stink like cheese” and “Hey Colby — go back to your college in Maine with your frigin’ liberal ahtsy fahtsies” to “Hold me, Colby” by the fat drunk girl in the Nomah jersey.
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-5 with a HR and 5 RBIs. Now at 5 HRs and 11 RBIs with a .413 AVG. Someone’s got his eye on the MVNK award (Most Valuable Non-Kemp).
Mike Napoli – 3 for 5, 4 RBIs, 3 runs, 2 homers and a 1B with catcher eligibility.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-3 as he was moved to 6th in the order. This is what Ozzie was thinking about for the last 5 games during his exile. So that means Stanton’s gonna have to hit, like, 40 homers in a game to convince Ozzie he was wrong. You gotta better chance of Ozzie being named Little Havana’s Man of the Year. Andy Garcia’s got that shizz on lock for a decade anyway.
Heath Bell – Throws a scoreless 9th for his first save. Now down to a 9.00 ERA. It says something when that’s actually pretty good considering all the drafted closers this year.
Hanley Ramirez – Game winning 3-run HR at Crayola Canyon. No es mal contente!
Starlin Castro – 2-for-4 with his 7th steal. You know who loves Castro (the non-killing people one)? This guy with two thumbs, a mustache, two eyes, a terrible Jersey accent and a cougar girlfriend. That’s who! (But doesn’t own him anywhere. Sad trombone.)
Ryan Dempster – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Whenever I see his name I can’t help singing, “Demps and a bump, Demps and a bump, we like the starters that go Demps and a bump!” Maybe it’s just me.
Asdrubal Cabrera – Could miss a few days with a death in his family. It wasn’t Miggy or Melky. Anyone hear from Everth Cabrera recently?
Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Mr. April throws another beaut. His ERA is sub-1.00. Maybe he can give some pointers to Lincecum.
Austin Jackson – Just when you want to believe he’s turned a corner, he goes 0-for-4 with 3 Ks…..against the Royals….with Bruce Chen pitching (for the first 2 Ks).
Adam Lind – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs with his 1st homer. I’m not going to mention how you wanted to drop him so bad because he had 9 bad games in a 162 game season, but I’m warning you now. If he goes on a tear, I’m gonna take off the gloves and not only mention it by saying I’m not mentioning it, but I’m going to actually mention it.
Jose Bautista – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Maybe he doesn’t want to spite me by having his first bad season after it took two years for me to like him.
Brett Lawrie – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer. #outofthe7hole
Javy Guerra – Blew yesterday’s save. Over/under that Jansen is the closer by July moves to June.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-4 with his 4th steal. Did someone buy him for Christmas a ticket to the Davey Lopes SAGNOF seminar?
Drew Smyly – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Royals. Obviously a solid start, but I haven’t changed my opinion on him from last time. Outside of deep leagues, it’s tough to own him.
Yovani Gallardo – Nice home start against Dodgers (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks). Even better — just one BB after 7 BBs in his first two starts. Then K-Rod comes in and lets Ethier go-yardo to blow the lead. At least he got the quality start, right QSers!
Mat Gamel – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a slam & legs. 1st homer of the year, but his 3rd steal. Guess if you’re trying to replace Prince, it’s best to start at steals and work your way up from there.
Brett Gardner – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a steal. Here’s an idea for those that lost Ellsbury. After Gardner is sitting out a game and his owners are frustrated, try to trade a small piece for him. I think he gets 50 steals.
Mark Teixeira – Out a few days with influenza. A-Rod said, “Don’t look at me. I only have herpes. No flu.”
Johan Santana – 1 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners. Left after having throwing 55 pitches. He should have to donate this game’s salary to the victims of Bernie Madoff.
Wei-Yin Chen – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. First game: 5 2/3 IP; 2nd game: 5 1/3 IP, and by the 6th inning the Orioles are hungry again for another pitcher.
Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. You’d take that start from Wandy every day and twice on Muesday.
Johnny Damon – Should be ready in a week. Those with a “Good Hair” category in their league should be pumped.
Gordon Beckham – 0-for-3. Now hitting .103. It’s getting so bad that they pinch hit Fukudome for him. Or maybe Fukudome thought he heard his name when Ventura realized that Beckham was coming up for a critical 9th inning AB.
Jesus Montero – 1-for-4 as the Mariners gave him the start at catcher (3rd of year!) and DH’d John Jaso. That’s how much they didn’t want to start Miguel Olivo.
Jamie Moyer – 7 IP with no ER at Coors. Granted, only 1 K and against the Padres but still. Hope they have tapioca pudding at the post-game buffet.
Jon Lester – 2 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners. Fickin’ ay. Give ‘em some chicken and beer if it’ll stop him from throwing a crappy start like this again.
Cincinnati Reds – Their 4th through 8th hitters last night (Rolen, Bruce, Ludwick, Stubbs, and Hanigan) are all hitting .200 or less. At least they’re not clogging up the bases right, Dusty?
Chase Utley – Phils’ GM said Utley’s knee “seems to be improving.” Last week the GM said Utley’s knee “seems to be improving.” So Utley isn’t the only thing that’s broken.
Can I get a “no” with eleven O’s? I personally don’t have the heart right now to type them all. Yesterday, Giancarlo Stanton, the pride and joy of my heart and the name scribbled all over my Trapper Keeper, said that his knee is bothering him and will continue to bother him. He said it’s “something that’s obviously not going to get much better playing every day.” Of course, like the fortune cookie game where you add “in bed” at the end, everything that Giancarlo says also has, “but I will do my best for my novio, Grey Albright.” You are mi novio too, Giancarlo. We are boy dot-dot-dot friends. There’s a dot-dot-dot in there, but sometimes it feels like there’s not. Court papers say that dot-dot-dot needs to be from 250 feet away. I’m pretty bummed out, because I do think he’ll play 135-ish games, but if he’s not at 100% with his knees, it could hurt his swing and the ten or so steals he can contribute. The best case scenario is once the weather heats up, some of the pain is alleviated and, luckily, he plays in a warm weather city. My sad emoticons are weeping. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Scott Baker – Out for the year with a bad elbow. It’s a painful surgery, but at least it’s roomy in the designated waiting room.
Ryan Braun – Should return on Thursday after he sat out yesterday with minor chest tightness. He must’ve caught the 24-hour shpilkis bug.
George Kottaras – 2-for-3 with his 2nd home run of the year. Him and Wilin should buy Ramon Hernandez and Lucroy some plane tickets to Venezuela. The preceding was not a paid advertisement by the Venezuela Chamber of Commerce.
Justin Verlander – 8 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. One of the more dazzling 4 earned run games I’ve seen in a while. No-hitter into the 5th and a one-hitter going through 8 innings only throwing 81 pitches. Desmond Jennings said, “If you get the ball in between the giant white lines, you’ve accomplished something.” He’s either talking about Verlander or hanging out with a hooker who has aspirations to be an air-traffic controller.
Victor Martinez – Tigers said there’s a chance he could return later this season. Read: In time for the playoffs. I’d continue to ignore for our purposes, or porpoises if dolphins are reading.
Justin Masterson – Ticker shock! The Indians gave up double digit runs, but Masterson’s only credited with 3 ER in 5 IP (albeit with 9 baserunners). Unlike his sister Mary Stuart, he can’t always be some kind of wonderful.
Shelley Duncan – 3-for-5 with a home run. No hand injuries reported yet from his high-fives.
Johnny Damon – Signed with the Indians to be a part-time utility man. While combing his hair, Damon said he was impressed with the Indians strict no-scalping policy.
Cory Luebke – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. Has had a bit of a bumpy start to his season (and a bumpy start to this game), but if you can find a restless owner, I’d definitely see if you can pry him away cheap.
Jon Lester – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks and 116 pitches. Way to unnecessarily extend your ace in his 2nd start of the year. On the positive side, Valentine could help with the ice wrap on his arm since he’s an expert on wraps.
Brandon Belt – Sitting for two straight days seemingly because of his 1-for-10 start. I hope Gallagher mistakes Bochy’s head for a watermelon.
Buster Posey – Missed Wednesday’s start due to shingles, which you don’t get from raising the roof too much.
Tim Lincecum – 2 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. I know one has nothing to do with the other, but why do I suddenly want to bench Bumgarner today?
Nate Schierholtz – 2-for-4 with 2 homers. Don’t even get me started how this guy should’ve been playing every day for the last three years. You killed his spirit, Bochy!
Sergio Santos – Got the save yesterday, but will be away from the club from Thursday until Saturday for the birth of his child. I jumped the gun on the news for Wednesday. You can call me Preemie Grey.
Ricky Romero – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. I was pretty conflicted with whether or not I wanted Romero this year because of his 7-ish K-rate — SPOILER ALERT — Romero’s K-rate is in the box at the end of Seven — and his FIP. I’m glad Rudy pressured me to draft him in one of our leagues.
Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. He got the W with the inverted W motion. He made it through 100 pitches for the first time in his career. God Bless, St. Rasburg.
Drew Storen – Underwent minor elbow surgery. That’s like saying having your tubes tied is minor. Yeah, I suppose it is, but you want someone monkeying by your wrench? The Nats said he should be back before the All-Star break. They previously said he couldn’t throw because of strep throat. Cust kayin’. In yesterday’s game, Henry Rodriguez was warming up for a save opportunity until the Nats tacked on a run to make the point moot. Lidge had also thrown the day before, so the alternating closerousel is still in effect.
Mike Napoli – Was out yesterday after being hit in the temple. Sounds like a religious hate crime.
Peter Bourjos – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs with a home run. I’ll be honest, I feel like people are preparing to lynch me for my ranking of Bourjos, so I’m glad to see him do something. Now, if he did a little more of something, I’d be even happier. If he did a lot of something, I’d be through the Gee Dee roof.
Josh Willingham – 1-for-4 with his third homer as he led the Twins to a 6 run outburst, which, I believe, is the most runs they’ve scored in the last two years.
Starlin Castro – Got his 5th SB and seems cemented in the 3rd spot of the Cubs lineup. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a top 3 SS this year (after Tulo and Hanley). If only he wasn’t constantly being awakened by those screaming lambs.
A.J. Pierzynski – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs with his 2nd homer of the year. On Firezynski. He reminded me of this classic post by Rudy.
Alejandro De Aza – Back-to-back games going 2-for-5 with a homer. Could we have our first hot schmotato of the year?
Aroldis Chapman – 2 IP, 1 baserunner, 5 Ks as he beat Rzepczynki, who couldn’t land any of his letters on a Triple Letter score. 5 Ks in two innings with only one baserunners… Guessing his agent is gonna put out a hit on Dusty any day now.
Joe Weiland – He’s being called up to replace Dustin Moseley. I believe Weiland is a fan of Orange Crush and every game Joe pitches there’s a threat of volcano eruption. He looks like your standard Hodgepadre, which means he’s rosterable in all leagues when he’s pitching at home and a wait-and-see in road games. (Of course, the same goes for Anthony Bass, but he’s less attractive then Weiland.)
Jesus Montero – 1-for-3, 1 RBI with his first start behind the plate. Hallelujah!
Kevin Millwood – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. his old club the Rangers. You know Bartolo Colon with his sneaky 4-ish ERA in a pitchers’ park? That’s Millwood. I call them AL-Only guys that you don’t want to own, but someone’s got to. I never said it was pithy.
Jon Jay – 1-for-3 with a homer from the two hole. If he stays in the two hole and hits, The Federalist could have some nice value.
Jonathan Broxton – Blew yesterday’s game in spectacularly awful fashion. With the bases loaded, he had two straight HBPs. Last time he had two straight of those was when the local Waffle House offered Ham and Bacon Pancakes. I’m sure no one who called me crackers for leading with Broxton in last week’s Sell is gonna say they think Broxton is flipping awesome now. But, Grey, can’t Broxton be good? Sure, Random Italicized Voice, but he’s also been hot garbage for the last two years.
Josh Johnson – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 12 baserunners, 1 K. His brother, Gosh, just shook his head and recounted the Halloween video he did with a tube of K-Y and a gourd that ended equally bad.
Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 3 ER with his first blown save. I think he’s got about five more where that came from and a trip to the Disgraceful List in his future.
Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs. Nursing a hip flexor injury. Is it Tulo injury time already? We couldn’t even get to the All-Star break?
Jason Heyward – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs. Looky, looky, the mirror fogged up that they held up to his nose.
Randall Delgado – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Astros. I know the Astros only have one slugger and he’s currently their closer, but this was a solid start from Delgado. He definitely has upside, just gotta watch for the roofie.
James Shields – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the 1927 Tigers as he turned their sizzle to lean, which is no easy task.
Stephen Vogt – 0-for-4 as he DH’d, which is whatever (outside of two catcher, AL-Only leagues), but it makes me think of how much playing time Brandon Belt would get on the Rays. This is why certain teams win, they play their next generation of players. They don’t let them sit of the effin’ bench for Aubrey effin’ Huff. Can someone start a website, Eff Aubrey Huff dot com? I’m so annoyed; I need to take my “medicine.”
Fernando Rodney – In yesterday’s podcast, I said four different relievers would see a save in the month of April for the Rays. Then Rodney went and got his 3rd save. Maybe it has something to do with the rule of threes, but yesterday’s save (getting called on to start the inning and pitching perfectly) has me thinking Rodney might get the majority of the saves until he totally Mr. Bungles things.
Jeremy Hellickson – Was hit in the head by a ball during batting practice. As frequent commenter, Wake Up, said, “So much for being lucky with balls in play.” Initial signs are that he’s okay for his next start, but they took him to the hospital just nicasio.
Okay, the truth was bound to come out. I’m really Mike Scioscia. All of that self-deprecating crap — or self-decrapacating, if you like portmanteaus — was just to throw you off the scent. Ooh, I’m a Sciosciapath! Phooey on the hullabalooey! Ooh, I hate Mike Napoli, but have “Grey” tell you he likes him. C’mon, that’s the oldest trick in the book! Even older than the ol’ banana-in-the-tailpipe. And that has “ol’” in its name! I can’t believe no one picked up on it. Me and Arte derisively laugh at you. Before I, Mike Scioscia disguised as Grey, started touting Napoli, half of you schmohawks thought his name was Michael and were only impressed with him after you saw his mom’s nipples. I’ve been seeing her nipples for the last 12 years! I’m really Mike Napoli’s father. And he’s only 12 years old. Now, where’s Jeff Mathis? I wanna play him at first and bench Pujols. So why is Mike Napoli overrated for 2012 fantasy baseball?
Cause he’s a catcher. Dur! Right now, he’s being drafted on average at 46th overall. I thought only Ron Washington was on drugs, but I’m starting to think some of you are too. I couldn’t get you to draft him before 150 for the last three years and suddenly at the age of 30 he’s being drafted in the top 50? He just came off a season of a .344 BABIP. Everything was dropping in for him, so he cut his K-rate and his walk rate went up. His luck normalizes and guess what? He’s gonna try and make things happen more, which will push down his walk rate and up his K-rate. Washington misplaces his devil’s dandruff, blames Napoli and suddenly he’s only playing 4 games a week. Boom, there goes his counting stats. I have his projections down for 60/25/70/.250/3. That’s being fair. But the obvious negative is the only time he had over 400 ABs in his career he hit .238. Yay, that’s fun. Also, he said due to his ankle, he might have to work through some pain this year. He said this in January. How about in May when he’s been crouching on it for two months? That’ll surely get better. Not to mention, when has a player ever admitted to having pain? Usually it’s, “I’m good, the shoulder feels fine! No, this sling doesn’t mean anything! Could you help me tie my shoelaces?” Yeah, go ahead and draft Napoli in the top 50 and I’ll take a catcher about ten rounds later. Now, what do you mean Jeff Mathis is on the Blue Jays? He’s supposed to be hitting cleanup for us!
The top 10 and top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball are in the bag, along with the top 20 catchers and your receipt for a $30 massage valued at $50. Thanks, Groupon! Today, Razzhands, we look at the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball. All this shizz can be found under the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings. Don’t believe me? Click the link. This top 20 list of 1st basemen is bursting at the seams like you at a Hometown Buffet. Speaking of gorging yourself, I’d like a top 1st baseman on my team in 2012, but it’s a little different year than last year. There’s actually only 5 top first basemen then caveats on number 6 (Te(i)x) through 9, then there’s some interesting flyers a bit later. I have a feeling 2013′s rankings are going to see major shifts with some guys that are lower on this ranking sheet moving up. Should be a fun year for first basemen and one where you can take a bit more risk than previous years. This list will get additional 1st basemen added to it in the way of sleeper posts. As with the other rankings, the first basemen are broken up into tiers with my projections included. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball:
6. Mark Teixeira – See top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball for Mark Teixeira’s projections. This is actually a new tier. This tier goes from here until Michael Young. I call this tier, “Caterpillars. Tier name will be explained in the Young blurb. Feel free to read Young’s blurb then return here. Hey, back already?! Awesome! I missed you. Do you enjoy cuddling?”
7. Paul Konerko – He’s been wildly consistent. In 2008 when he hit only 22 homers, it looks like the anomaly. If I were to say 2012 is the year he gets old and it all falls apart, I’d just be guessing. Last year he hit hardly any doubles, more line drives and singles, but he’s also getting smarter cutting his K-rate and increasing his walk rate. The biggest hurdle Konerko is going to have this year is keeping his will to play as the team folds on Opening Day. Maybe Hawk can work in some of his positivism in the negativity. “This is the fastest a team has ever been out of contention! You can put it on the board… We gone!” 2012 Projections: 85/29/100/.290
8. Lance Berkman – Let’s see if you can pick out the number that doesn’t belong, these are his homer totals from 2009 to 2011 — 25, 14, 31. If you said 14, you’re a believer. Feel free to draft Berkman. If you said 31, you’re in my camp. We will not be drafting Berkman. If you said 27, that wasn’t a choice. Berkman didn’t necessarily have an odd year for homers per fly balls. He made solid contact, reducing his ground balls, but he’s 36 years old and missing Pujols. That’s enough for me to avoid. 2012 Projections: 80/24/95/.275/3
9. Michael Young – This tier is filled with some older shorties, huh? Go, shorty, it’s your 35th birthday; we gonna party like it’s your 35th birthday! As I kinda said in the opening paragraph, the 1st basemen in 2012 are about to go caterpillar up in here and morph into a butterfly, but with that butterfly emerging from its cocoon Don Ameche-style, it needs to shed its caterpillar skin (can you tell I did well in my college science courses?). This tier is gonna leave behind some caterpillar skin that will be released into the garden and turn into a new plant and/or Eric Hosmer. (Again, not a science major.) To explain all of this without the confusing metaphor, guys in this tier are getting old and will make way for guys in the next tier for next year. As for Young, I don’t like him because he only gives average, and, while that’s been consistently solid in his career, he still got lucky last year and he’s due to hit a lot closer to .300 than .340. Projections: 75/15/90/.310/5
10. Carlos Santana – Here comes the fun! Can you feel the excitement? It’s like that time we got together and did the crab circle dance in the pool in Cabo San Lucas and all our roommates were there except Zach and Ashley — but who needs them anyway?! This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Butler. I call this tier, “The crab circle in Cabo San Lucas.” Is that too specific a reference? You guys and three girl readers get it. See the top 20 catchers for 2012 fantasy baseball to see Carlos Santana’s projections.
11. Eric Hosmer – I’m ignoring sophomore jinxes like I ignored when my whole sophomore class saw me get depantsed and I had on dirty tightie-whities. I continue to stress that they were once all brown underwear that got bleached. Hosmer is going to be special, and even if it’s not this year, he’s going to hold trade value through the season unless his bottom really falls out, which I don’t envision happening. His commitment to stealing around ten bases will keep him from totally flopping. He will be Joey Votto-lite this year. How lite is the only question. I don’t think it’ll be that lite. BTW, you know who’s Billy Butler-lite? Kirstie Alley. 2012 Projections: 85/25/95/.280/10
12. Michael Morse – I think Morse just had his best season, but I also don’t think he’s gonna fall like, say, Ryan Ludwick of a few years ago, to mention a player that was old for a prospect, broke out then went back to obscurity. Speaking of which, when you get robbed in a parking garage and the security guard tells the police they didn’t hear anything, you tell them they’re more like obscurity! Store it away for when it’s applicable. Morse had the trappings* of a breakout but his health always got in the way. I’m excited to watch the Nats this year and Morse should be smack dab in the middle of it. *I have no idea if I used trappings right but it sounded pretty cool the way I just threw it out there, right? 2012 Projections: 80/27/90/.275/3
13. Michael Cuddyer – Gets away from Hubert H. Homerfree Dome and goes to Coors. Boom goes the dynamite! Or does it? Cuddyer just had a solid season, and terrific when compared to the team around him. Jack Wilson would’ve looked good in that Minnesota mucky muck last year. Cuddyer hits a ton of ground balls and he’s not a huge homer threat. I’d say if he repeats his 2011, it’s a win for him and his fantasy owners, especially since he has 2nd base eligibility in some leagues (17 games). Check your rules first before you draft him for 2nd, then think about how you’re checking rules for fantasy baseball. And you wonder why you have no success with the ladies. 2012 Projections: 75/22/85/.275/5
14. Mark Reynolds – His K-rate is kinda comical. He’s a terrible real baseball player. But real baseball is for real athletes. What kind of crap is that?! Give me a computer, an ergonomic chair and some Doritos, I’m playing fantasy baseball! As long as Mini Donkey continues to hit 35 homers and steal 7-10 bases, he has solid fantasy value, just don’t draft Krispie Young, Adam Dunn or any other low average guys with him. Actually, don’t draft Adam Dunn at all. 2012 Projections: 75/35/90/.230/7
15. Adam Lind – The reason why I still go back to Lind no matter how many times he kicks my metaphorical puppy is because he’s capable of 35+ homers. Also, he got a bad rap in 2010 for being a guy that comes with a poor average, but he’s not that, y’all! He’s around a .260 guy with neutral luck. That’s a’ight, and a’ight is better than just a’ight but not quite a’ight a’ight. Want a silly prediction that has no basis in science or fact? Lind’s gonna be a top three finisher in 2012 for MVP. 2012 Projections: 90/32/105/.270 (<–crazy optimistic, but whatevs)
15 1/2. Billy Butler – I gave Butler a half ranking because he only has 11 games at 1st base. In Yahoo leagues, you can place The Moob Man at 1st. I’d use two hands so one moob doesn’t feel neglected. Yes, Butler’s in the exciting tier, but I worry that Butler will only get 17 or less homers with a bad case of blimpotence. But II, The Return of But, at 26 years old I think we can trust he’ll hover closer to 20 ding dongs. Butler, “Did someone say ding dongs?!” 2012 Projections: 90/20/100/.300
16. Ryan Howard – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “Some major question marks, but a chance for nice dividends.” Howard will move in the rankings at some point in the preseason when we know exactly when he’s gonna return. If he’s back by the end of April, he hits 25-30 homers and is worth stashing. If he’s not due back until midseason, I wouldn’t even bother drafting him and would drop him off this list completely. I don’t believe in DL’ing players for months in redraft leagues. For example, think about how many years you drafted Brandon Webb waiting for him to return from injury. Yeah, that worked out well. 2012 Projections: 70/28/100/.260 (returning on May 1st)
18. Ike Davis – Last year, Ike took so many hits on the DL; somewhere Tina Turner was smiling. Davis says his ankle will be good to go for Spring Training. I say, just keep him away from the Mets doctors. From this tier, I’d say Davis has the biggest chance to shoot up the rankings for next year. Or he could have one setback and miss another three months. 2012 Projections: 85/22/90/.280
19. Mark Trumbo – When I went over Albert Pujols’s signing, I also covered Trumbo’s question mark. As long as Abreu, Double I and Kendrys are shooting the shizz and talking about the good old times, Trumbo’s either playing 3rd or in trouble of losing playing time. 3rd base would be great, but his defense might give Scioscia the gas face. I really can’t see someone who gave Jeff Mathis 1360 plate appearances in 5 years playing Trumbo at third. That’s a huge question mark. If Trumbo can get 500 plate appearances, then I’d happily draft him. Remember a platoon player at catcher is doable for fantasy, but at 1st or even at corner you need stats. Projections: 60/25/75/.260/7 (500 PAs)
20. Paul Goldschmidt – I already went over my Paul Goldschmidt fantasy. I wrote it while rooting for Garfield from Parking Wars to boot a car. 2012 Projections: 75/27/85/.245/7
After the top 20 1st basemen, there’s a lot of names but these stand out:
Kendrys Morales – Might not be a bigger question mark on this entire list. Ryan Howard could be out for a while, but if he returns, you should get decent production. Kendrys might return and still be crizzap. Or he might return and platoon with Abreu or Trumbo or Wells. Or he might return and be valuable. You got more variables than an episode of Mythbusters. Boom! I’m bigger on basic cable than Chumlee! 2012 Projections: 65/22/75/.290
Justin Morneau – This is one question mark that I’m not drafting anywhere. This schmohawk can come to my house and make me a perfectly medium-rare steak with the most amazing compound butter and I won’t go near him because, after last year, his steak will probably give me an immediate heart attack. 2012 Projections: 60/17/75/.285
Gaby Sanchez – He (she?) can give you modest power and solid counting stats. Plus, you can pretend you have a girl on your team. You ask why he’s not ranked and I answer that he is. He’s ranked just after Morneau. Him and Morneau are a bit of a toss-up, but Morneau has an outside chance at bigger power numbers. Gaby has a better chance of actually playing a full season. 2012 Projections: 65/20/85/.265/3
Freddie Freeman – I don’t look forward to drafting Freeman. So much so, I won’t draft him. So much so much so, I didn’t even rank him. He’s not ranked. He’s just blurbed here. He’s too much James Loney for my taste. He has a slightly off year on power and you’re gonna be lucky to get 17 homers. Belch called and said burp. 2012 Projections: 60/19/75/.280/3
Yonder Alonso – I took all the prospect reports on Alonso and put through my supercomputer and out came, “Should develop into a 20+ homer hitter with a great eye. Padres TV can save time by eliminating instant replay because he runs like he’s in slow mo.” I liked Yonder a lot more when he was on the Reds with no starting job than on the Padres with a starting job. It’s just so hard to get excited about a hitter’s upside in Petco. 2012 Projections: 55/16/70/.280
Justin Smoak – I’m letting someone else take the Smoak gamble this year. Until he hits 25+ homers, I don’t want to mess with his .240-ish average. Call me crazy. You, “Crazy.” 2012 Projections: 55/18/65/.245
Carlos Pena – Looking for someone this year that can do what Adam Dunn did last year? Look no further! He signed with the Rays, but it doesn’t matter. He is what he is everywhere he plays. I will now slap myself hard across the face for saying a variation of “it is what it is.” 2012 Projections: 55/25/75/.210
Adam Dunn – Everyone seems to think Dunn is not, um, done. Correction: Everyone that did not own him last year. I guess they want a piece of the frustration that others felt last year. That’s like standing at the craps table and watching roll after roll where people lose and you’re like, “Now is the time to get in!” No, it’s not. There’s no reason why the table is going to turn for the better. The big-bellied age quickly and poorly. Don’t go near Dunn just because you lucked out not owning him last year. And, if you did own him last year and want more, then you’re like Homer grabbing the donut no matter how many times the electrical current shocks him. 2012 Projections: 55/22/80/.220 (<–actually optimistic)
Anthony Rizzo – Because I couldn’t end the post on a sour note with Adam Dunn, here’s R to the izzo. I already went over my Anthony Rizzo 2012 fantasy. I wrote it while huffing. It was also written before the trade to the Cubs, so the end about how I wanna take a chainsaw to Petco is irrelevant. I don’t think we’ll see Rizzo until June at the earliest so in redraft leagues, I’d ignore him, but in keeper leagues I’d stash him. He could hit 25 homers as soon as next year. If he breaks camp with the Cubs, then it’s on like Steve Wiebe playing Donkey Kong. 2012 Projections: 30/10/45/.250/4 (in 300 ABs)
Brandon Belt – Okay, one more! This is it though. If Belt were guaranteed everyday playing time, I’d place him between Napoli and Davis. Around 16 and a half. Belt is capable of 25/10/.280, which would have him poised to be a top 5 1st baseman next year. The problem is Bruce Bochy has a gigantic head, but a very small brain. Hopefully he realizes Belt ties the entire Giants outfit together. 2012 Projections: 70/24/80/.280/10 (in 500 ABs)
