Fantasy Baseball Advice

In our fantasy baseball forums, there’s a great thread going about the Fantasy MVPs, Cy Youngs and the Least Valuable Players. So I thought I’d do a year end award special. Luckily, you won’t have to wear a tux for this or listen to Derek Jeter try to be funny. Speaking of Viagra — Vlad’s got one good leg and he’s not wearing a shoe on it. Anyway, here’s The 2008 Razzball Year End Awards:

Fantasy AL Most Valuable Player - Josh Hamilton - Did everything, except blow a random stranger for a crack rock.

Fantasy NL Most Valuable Player - Albert Pujols - Pronounced POO-holes.

Fantasy AL Cy Young - Cliff Lee - In ten years, Dennis Quaid is going to be portraying Cliff Lee in a movie of the week called, “2008: The Improbable Season.”

Fantasy NL Cy Young - Tim Lincecum - 265 Ks. Sorry, Grey, could you speak up? 265 Ks!

Fantasy AL Least Valuable Player - Travis Hafner - Victor Martinez - Alex Gordon - Carlos Guillen - As the co-co-co-co-winners of this award head up to the podium to accept the award, Pronk trips and his giant melon head crashes into the ground opening a black hole in the space-time continuum that sucks all four of these schmohawks into oblivion.

Fantasy NL Least Valuable Player - Rickie Weeks - Troy Tulowitzki - Rich Hill - When Alex Gordon, Pronk, V-Mart and Carlos Guillen crash to the ground in oblivion, they land on these three schmohawks.

Fantasy Hitter You Most Likely Dropped and Picked Up A Dozen Times - Jerry Hairston Jr. - He’s hitting well? All right, I’ll grab him for a short schedule day. He’s still hitting well? All right, I’ll pick him back up. He’s injured? I’m dropping him. He’s back. Awesome! He’s injured again. Now he’s back. No, he’s not. Yes, he is. Now he’s playing like Jerry Hairston Jr. again. Ugh…

Player You Had Forever and Most Wanted to Drop - JJ Putz - Why can’t I quit you, Putz?

Player On The Top Of Your Waivers That You Just Couldn’t Bring Yourself to Pick Up - Mike Napoli - Eh, I’ll just stick with Pudge.

Pitcher You Streamed So Much You Ended Up Owning Him - Jeremy Guthrie - You know you were actually upset when he went on the DL at the end of the year.

Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From, But Thankfully It Never Did - Cliff Lee - Luckily, I only swore on my pinkie finger that Lee wouldn’t keep up his pace.

Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From and It Ended Up Kicking You in the Groin - Dan Uggla - Way to revert to the norm.

Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From and When It Did You Were Okay With It - Edinson Volquez - You took some lumps in the 2nd half, but they could’ve been worst.

Player You Traded Away That You Most Regretted - CC Sabathia - Why was he so bad in April?!

Player You Traded For That You Most Regretted - Robinson Cano - Do I send the hate mail to the old Yankee Stadium or the new one?

Best Roofie Pitcher - Johnny Cueto - Max Scherzer - Clayton Krenshaw - Manny Parra

Best Jockular Sphincteritis - Kaz Matsui

Top Cuddle Boy - Fernando Rodney

Top SAGNOF - Willy Taveras/Jose Valverde (Tie)

Top Bowden Fluffer - Delmon Young

Top ESPN Analcyst - Eric Karabell

Player Who “Pulled A Kotchman“ - Rafael Furcal/Phil Hughes (Tie)

Player You Most Wanted To Run Over With a Tractor - Travis Hafner - Because Co-Co-Co-Co-Least Valuable Player Award Wasn’t Enough.

Remember That Feeling You Had When You Walked In On Your Parents Having Sex, This Pitcher Gave You That Feeling Every Fifth Day - Aaron Harang

The baseball regular season ends today and as Senator Clay Davis would say, “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” I already feel myself falling into a deep, dark depression where the only cure is recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our Preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2008. Of course with catchers (or any position really), you didn’t need to be tied to these guys just because you drafted them, but I think it’s important to look back to ‘08 before we look ahead to 2009. How do you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been? Thank you, B-Real. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2008 and how they compared to where we originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer - Flipping through the book, “Paint Drying: A Photo Collection,” is less yawnstipating than Mauer’s year. I’d argue you’re better off drafting Brad Ausmus, punting him before the season begins, then going with the hot hand from week to week, or at least that’s what I did. We’ll cover more about catcher strategy in the offseason. For right now, let’s say I expected less of Mauer number-wise and he didn’t disappoint, but he actually ranked higher because of how poor the catching position is. Preseason Rank #4, Preseason Predictions:  85/15/70/.310/10, Final Numbers:  97/9/83/.330/1

2. Brian McCann - Here’s the one top catcher I actually have on a team and this was the team that struggled the most offensively. Buh-but, Grey… Wha happened? Because I paid for a high-priced catcher, I had to skimp on positions that could actually make a difference. Well, ain’t that something? No, not really. Preseason Rank #3, Preseason Predictions: 75/25/105/.285, Final Numbers:  68/23/87/.301/5

3. Russell Martin - If Vin Scully had said, “Martin reminds me of Benito Santiago and we know what happened to him,” then Scully would’ve been half right. No one has any idea what happened to Santiago. (Renting out scuba gear to tourists on the beach in Barbados is my guess.) All right, pop quiz, random Razzball reader, would you prefer Theriot at 2nd and Shoppach at catcher? Or Martin and Robinson Cano? Catchers that make you go Hmm… Preseason Rank #2, Preseason Predictions:  85/20/90/.290/15, Final Numbers:  87/13/69/.279/18

4. Ryan Doumit - First out of nowhere, “How’s Your Father?” As mentioned in Mauer’s entry, you could’ve drafted some other schmohawk then grabbed Doumit sometime in April, just as I did in a few leagues. BTW, Rudy and I were talking about how important it is to grab hot-starters in April and he’s thinking about writing a feature on it. We shall see… What, how come I’m not talking more about Doumit? Because he’s a catcher and a Pirate, I’m not trying to purposely drive people away from reading the blog.  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  71/15/69/.319/2

5. Geovany Soto - I’d love to see the Cubs win the World Series on the strength of Soto’s three home run clinching game. Not because I particularly like the Cubs or Soto, but I want him to be ridiculously overrated going into 2009. Muahahahaha… (Note: I didn’t rank most rookies in preseason top 20s, but I did make some preseason predictions for rookies. Unranked in Preseason, Preseason Predictions:  17/65/.270, Final Numbers:  66/23/86/.285

6. Bengie Molina - I’d go as far to say he’s actually less valuable than Shoppach at #8, but the most productive of The Flying Molina Bros. is more valuable than every other catcher below Shoppach so that should tell you all you need to know about the catching position. Pee-ewe-en-tee. Punt! Punt! Punt! Preseason Rank #10, Preseason Predictions:  45/20/80/.270 Final Numbers: 46/16/95/.292

7. A.J. Pierzynski - Shoppach is the number one reason why you don’t draft catchers. (Actually, Doumit is the number one reason and Shoppach’s number two, but don’t nitpick. People don’t like that.) Let’s say you drafted Victor Martinez and he was crap. Well, you’re stuck holding Victor Martinez for longer than you want because you drafted him early, while your opponent drafted Ausmus, punted that schmohawk and grabbed Shoppach. Wait, why am I talking about Shoppach? Let’s put it this way, do you have something to say about Pierzynski? Yeah, me neither. Preseason Rank #16, Preseason Predictions:  60/15/50/.260, Final Numbers:  66/13/60/.282/1

8. Kelly Shoppach - His numbers are far less exciting than the fantasy baseball media made them out ot be. (Ha! Sorry, I couldn’t write that without laughing at it. The “Fantasy baseball media” is to real reporters as To Catch a Predator is to law enforcement.) Still, for what you paid for Shoppach, you take your medicine and you like it! Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  67/21/55/.261

9. Chris Iannetta - Well, I put Yorvit Torrealba down as 55/12/55/.265/3 so I wasn’t that far off, except for the name. Here’s a guy that I told you to pickup in the first week of May so you were, ya know, warned. Recognize!  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  50/18/65/.267

10. Mike Napoli - Here’s a good example of why it doesn’t matter if a guy starts every day. Preseason Rank #18, Preseason Predictions:  45/13/50/.260/7 Final Numbers:  39/20/49/.273/7

11. Yadir Molina - Here’s a guy that wasn’t even owned in some leagues at the end of the year. I don’t necessarily disagree with that.  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  37/7/56/.305

12. Dioner Navarro - Tale of two seasons with this schmohawk. I was touting him in April and May until I was blue in the face. He got selected to the All-Star game and left his game there, so then I started deriding him. At the end of the year, his numbers make yawnstipating numbers yawn. He’s just boring. (But he’s still young and I may not be done with Dioner just yet.) Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 43/7/54/.295

13. Ivan Rodriguez - And you thought the first twelve names were boring. Zoinks! Preseason Rank #13, Preseason Predictions:  55/10/65/.285/5, Final Numbers:  44/7/35/.276/10

14. Ramon Hernandez - Kinda like his end of the year numbers more than Dioner’s. ¿Porque, Grey? Well, a .292 average from a catcher doesn’t do much, but 15 home runs and 65 RBIs is preferable to Dioner’s girly numbers.  Preseason Rank #9, Preseason Predictions:  60/20/85/.275, Final Numbers:  49/15/65/.258

15. Kurt Suzuki - Kurt Suzuki? Fantasy baseball junkies, your 2008 catchers!  Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 54/7/42/.280/2

16. Gerald Laird - Considering where he played his home games and Teagarden had 300 less at-bats and exactly the same number of home runs, Laird’s only listed here because he had more Runs and RBIs than some below. You would’ve been much better off streaming catchers that are not listed here instead of owning Laird. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  54/6/41/.278/2

17. Chris Snyder - The last full-time catcher that had any sort of value. For those in 18 team deep leagues, here’s hoping you drew a seventeen or higher in the draft. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers:  47/16/64/.237

18. Miguel Olivo - There were moments when Olivo was actually valuable to have, unlike Laird. Yes, I’m still looking at Laird! I thought Olivo would miss Miguel Cabrera’s hugs down in Florida, but obviously he didn’t. No matter the climate, Olivo remained marginally usable. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 29/12/41/.255/7

19. Jesus Flores - Paul LoDuca was supposed to start for the Nots, but Flores took the job and never relinquished it. This is not endorsement of Flores as much as an indictment of LoDuca. Unranked in Preseason, Final Numbers: 23/8/59/.256

20. Rod Barajas - What better way to end the catchers’ recap than by mentioning the first catcher on the list that wasn’t mentioned once by me on this blog. He was mentioned during a Comment O’ The Week, from commenter Knighttown explaining how he managed 0 HRs all year from his catcher spot.

“-I wasted a second round pick on V-Mart.
-Now he’s taking up a DL spot for me which leaves me with 3 for 2 (Putz just sitting idle)
-Picked up Rod Barajas
-Sobered up and dropped Rod Barajas
-Picked up the “red-hot” Miguel Olivo
-He retired or something and got 10 AB’s in the 2 weeks I had him
-Picked up Jarred Salta-something-or-other
-Started him yesterday, went o-fer.
-Dropped him and picked up Ramon Hernandez…honestly, only because he was mentioned in today’s blog.”

Barajas’s Preseason Rank: Ha!, Preseason Predictions: Look Elsewhere, Final Numbers: Crap/Crap/Yuck/Serious Crap

Josh Hamilton left yesterday’s game with a sore knee. Well, you knew the injury was coming at some point. The good news is he didn’t leave immediately so it couldn’t have been too bad, right? Um, yeah, hopefully. The bad news, he’s a recovering drug addict and as we all learned from Dylan McKay’s battle with drugs on 90210, addicts can’t take pain killers. This banged up knee should serve as a reminder to all of Hamilton’s fantasy baseball owners. He’s not only injury-prone, he doesn’t bounce back that quickly. Maybe it was the years of huffing? Maybe he sold his soul for a bag of rocks? Who knows. But at some point you might lose Hamilton to a more serious injury, don’t rely on him for everything. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dave Bush - 7 IP, 1 ER. All he does is pitch quality starts!… Actually that’s a complete lie. He had about two years in there where he was unusable. I’m still not going anywhere near him.

A.J. Burnett - Pitched well, but I imagine a quick ten runs of support is psychologically similar to when I drink Tequila. “My bad, officer, I had no idea roof surfing like Teen Wolf was illegal.”

Jay Bruce - Batting seventh last night. Gotta love rookies, right? Well, I told you to sell high on May 31st and, if that didn’t convince you, Karabell told you Bruce would be this year’s Braun.

Alexis Rios - Hit a home run against Arroyo. (Then again Arroyo gave up ten runs in one inning to the Blue Jays. An extremely hard thing to do.)

Reed Johnson - Hit the 15-day DL retroactive to June 18th. This gives Little Patterson a bit of breathing room. Gotta look at Eric Patterson in deep leagues, if you can get past his striking (out) resemblance to Corey).

Ramon Hernandez - Has hit in 6 in the row, 9 out of 10. If you can remember back to March, Ramon (that’s Nomar backwards!) was on a lot of ‘perts’ lists as a sleeper. Well, he’s now getting hot. I don’t think Hernandez is done; I also wouldn’t drop Doumit or better for him.

Mark Buehrle - 1 ER in 8 IP. I spot started Buehrle on one team that lost Wainwright. Worked out okay. I may not start him again, but I felt better about it than last week’s Oliver Perez spot start. Speaking of…

Oliver Perez - He gave up 6 ER to the Giants in a third of an inning on 6/2. Then he pitched well against the Padres and the Rangers. Then he was lit up by the Angels and Mariners. He gets the Yankees next. You can probably find a better spot start.

Shawn Hill - 6 ER in 3 IP. *sitting down* Ouch, that hurts! *trying to sit down again* Ouch, still hurts!

Jonathan Sanchez - Dirty Sanchez doesn’t do him justice. His stuff his so nasty from now on he will be known as Filthy Sanchez.

Ryan Doumit - He returns and hits a home run. Tell me who’s better, Doumit or Soto? Tell me!

Mike Napoli - Crapoli was in a horrific slump before last night’s game. Maybe this breaks him out. Watch him as if your life depends on it. Or at least your crazy aunt’s life. She loves you and her cats!

Kevin Slowey - 7 Ks, 0 ER in 6 IP. I do have a soft spot for Slowey, but for a guy that gives up a lot of home runs, this was a peach matchup. So, for those in Latin America, caveat emptor.

Jeremy Guthrie - I’m glad I didn’t have to send off my strongly worded letter to the Orioles offense about the importance of run support.

Trevor Hoffman - He was Kazaam’d.

Zach Greinke - As many of you already know, I traded Melky Cabrera to my blogmate Rudy Gamble for Zach Greinke. Soon after the trade, Rudy dropped Melky to waivers because of poor production. Last night Greinke K’d 10 on his way to a quality start/win. This is turning into a trade similar to Doyle Alexander for John Smoltz or Jim Fregosi for Nolan Ryan or Valerie Harper for Sandy Duncan. Hey, Rudy, turn on some sad songs and grab a pint of ice cream, cause you’ve been Greinke’d!

Jay Bruce could be called up from the minors relatively soon. So I figured I should give you a breakdown, but then Baron Von Vulturewins, a regular commenter in the Razzpound and an all-around good guy (actually, he could be writing in from jail, I have no idea), did a great breakdown of Jay Bruce in the comments. So without further ado — the Baron on Jay Bruce (I edited some for breadth), “Pros: Jay Bruce is the consensus top prospect in baseball. He’s most often compared to Larry Walker — i.e. big power potential with speed and high avg., i.e. tasty. He’s currently at .366 AVG, 8 HR, 33 RBIs, 7 SB, .662 SLG in Triple-A. (And he started slow, so he’s been on an absolute tear of late.) Baseball Prospectus’ notoriously gloomy PECOTA projections put him at 29 HR this year (assuming a full season in the bigs, I’m guessing.) …All the indicators are there for Jay Bruce to succeed: bad team with several trade-bait veteran OFs, a local media clamoring to get this kid to the show — he’ll be playing in one of the NL’s premiere bandboxes, i.e. Cincy.

Cons: Two years ago, Alex Gordon was the CTPiB (consensus top etc.) and, well, we’ve seen that he hasn’t turned into “Boog Powell minus eighty pounds of custard” quite yet. (Some of us have watched this more closely, and more painfully, than others.) Cincy has a long, inglorious history of carrying one too many OFs, and driving fantasy owners insane with idiotic non-platoon OF switcheroos (see: Freel, Ryan). This is all compounded by the fact that Dusty Baker also has a history of mishandling/not trusting young players, though he seems to have put his faith in Joey Votto this year, which augurs (Word of the Day) well for Bruce.

Bottom line: Bruce could well go the way of Gordon ‘07, or he could just as easily go the way of Braun ‘07. Having missed out on the latter last year through pure Yahoo!-induced phenom fatigue (they hype everyone like they’re a young Babe Ruth, so by mid-May, you’re tuning it out) I don’t plan to miss out on it this year. So my money’s on Bruce. Given what you have to invest — i.e. nothing, save a bench spot for a few weeks.” Well said, Baron. I agree, if you have a bench spot, go for Bruce. I had Ian Stewart for a week on my bench and it didn’t cost me anything. Stewart didn’t get the call, so I dropped him. No harm, no foul. Rudy dropped Betancourt to pick up Bruce in our ten team friends’ league. If you have the spot, it makes sense to take a flier as they say in the biz (which biz that is, I’m not sure). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Ryan Braun - Now he’s just trying to make me look foolish.

Mike Napoli - The Italian-American put a hit out… of the park. Twice. If you have Pudge on your team, you’re just not trying hard enough. Or you’re Pudge’s cousin, and you promised your aunty.

Jake Peavy - Hopefully he misses just one start. But in reality, you kinda want him to miss as many starts as it’s going to take so he returns in good health. Unless he misses half a season, then you want to bang your head against the wall. Repeatedly. Until you draw blood.

Adam Dunn - The prevailing thought is he’s going to hit .240 and 40 home runs. I think he can get his average up to .270 and hit 40. He currently sits on .221 and 10 home runs. And .221 and 10 home runs asks Dunn to please stop sitting on them, so we’ll see.

Cliff Lee - For those holding onto him, I hope this was a blip. For others, who heeded my advice to trade him, this might be the beginning of the correction. Muahahaha…

Edinson Volquez - Strong outing, but he was wild. His history shows he can be very wild. He could hit a month or two spell where he’s unusable. Cust kayin’.

David Ortiz - There’s no reason to think you have to sell him now that he went deep. He’s going to do what he do.

Carlos Villanueva - You can’t start Chuck NewVillage at this point. Even in deep leagues.

Jeff Clement - Mariners decide the future is Jose Vidro. Mariners fans should decide to shit Bavasi’s house like Ronald Miller did in Can’t Buy Me Love.

Jeremy Guthrie - Was one of the pitchers I suggested you grabbed when Smoltz, Hill and Gallardo decided to wipe their asses on your fantasy team. He pitched well against a poor team. Would’ve been nice to see him strikeout a few more Nats. Actually, wouldn’t been nice to see him strikeout one Nat, but Wily Mo didn’t play, so there was that.

Kevin Slowey - Didn’t look as bad as his final line, but he has to cut back on home runs.

Edwin Jackson - At this point, he needs to be owned in every league.

Chris Perez - Not sure if he’s going to take over as the closer, but he should be owned if you’re utilizing middle men and potential closers.

Jo-Jo Reyes - Another pitcher I pegged as a fill-in for the Smoltz/Hill/Gallardo crapfecta. He looked extremely well and he has upside, but he said he’s pitching with a blister. That makes him iffy going forward.

Manny Acosta - Looks like Bobby Cox doesn’t have Acosta on his fantasy team. He brought Ohman, the lefty specialist, to start the ninth, which nullified the save chance for Acosta.

Justin Duchscherer - Looked usable, but he doesn’t seem like he can go deep enough in games for many wins.

Adrian Gonzalez - Seriously, the Padres would’ve lost some close games in the dead ball era. Gonzo is like the Padres “Home Run” Baker. (That’s the old-timey player who led the league with 12 home runs. Imagine playing fantasy baseball back in the 1910s. There would’ve been a ten way tie for home runs with one. Someone would’ve got three runs and two RBIs in a week and would’ve walked to victory in H2H. The top pitcher taken would’ve been Babe Ruth and when you heard he wasn’t going to pitch anymore, he would’ve been a steal in the late rounds. 1500 max innings pitched would’ve been reach by June. And you would have named your fantasy teams like My Team’s Fat Like Taft, Cy Young Is The Best Pitcher And Needs An Award, and A Hit Like Franz Ferdinand (and you wouldn’t have been talking about the band).

Ichiro Suzuki - Up to 20 steals. Wow, never a huge fan of Ichiro, but 20 steals already. Last year, he had 23 steals before the All-Star break. I think you should start exploring trade options if someone thinks he’s going to get to 60 steals. I mean, he might, but you already have a third of his steals if he does, so you’ve had your fill. Now stop being greedy.

J.J. Hardy - Hit his second home run of the season. Looks like he’s coming out of his season long slump.

Well, screw you. That’s a great title. Are you kidding me? That’s like top five best titles you’ve ever read on this site. Maybe top three. What did you say, that’s more of an indication of this site’s bad titles than how good this one is? Ouch. So Maine probably shouldn’t have been in the ninth anyway, but Willie’s a player’s manager! Maine, for all intents and purposes (whatever that cliché means), basically throws a shutout with four Ks. The Ks could be better, but what’s important is what we can expect going forward? Okay, let me see what the future holds by pulling out my voodoo bloody rooster ala Angel Heart. (Instead of rooster, I almost wrote cock, but you can imagine why I was hesitant to write bloody cock. There’s some things you don’t joke about; a bloody cock is probably at the top of that list. In fact, I would go as far as to call it, The Bloody Cock List of Things You Don’t Joke About. On The Bloody Cock List of Things You Don’t Joke About: Never joke about sleeping with your friend’s sister. Never joke about your friend’s dead mother. Never joke about the weather (because it’s not funny). I’ll let you to decide what else should fill out The Bloody Cock List of Things You Don’t Joke About.) So going forward with Maine, I see fifteen more wins, a 3.50 ERA, a 1.30 WHIP and 150 Ks. Is that good? Um, yeah. Dur. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Joey Votto - Scott Hatteberg had this to say after the game, “Let’s see him walk three times in a game.” Was on the phone with a buddy when Votto hit the third of his three home runs, here’s what was said, “I think he can get to thirty.” “Years?” “No, home runs.” “Possibly, but Dusty might find a way to screw things up.” “Never underestimate Dusty’s ability to screw up anything.” “Are you still comparing Votto to a drug-free Hamilton?” *thinking* “No.”

Edinson Volquez - I’m not as excited about Volquez as I am about Cueto even though the fantasy numbers for Volquez couldn’t be much better at 5-1, 1.06 ERA and 62 Ks. His walks are way too high. I know, a quibble to some, but I would explore trade options before Volquez’s wake up call comes, um, calling.

Carlos Gomez - Elias Sports Bureau said this is the first day in the history of Major League Baseball that a rookie hit for the cycle and another rookie hit three home runs. (Actually, I made that up, but it sounds like something Elias would say. Whoever Elias is, they sure have a lot of time on their hands.) Big day for the rookies, as Gomez hit for the cycle. This was a great game for Carlos and I wish him the best, but I still think .260 is a pipe dream. You could do worse for the amount of steals he’s going to give you.

Jeremy Guthrie - I listed him as the top guy to replace Rich Hill or Yovanni Gallardo on teams. So far, I’m happy with that decision. He faced a team (da A’s) that was number three in the AL in runs scored and he performed decently. The fourth run was given up by Walker. Guthrie’s K/9 is fine and he really was only hit hard three times. He actually looked better than Blanton, who gave up less runs according to the box score. This is between the numbers, bitches!

Mila Kunis - Hot. (Oh, I’m sorry. I thought for a second I was Matthew “Creepy” Berry. But then I would’ve mentioned Crocodile Dundee II: The Search for More Bad Comedy. Oh, wait, I just did.)

Mike Jacobs - Hit a home run, but the umps missed the call and it went as a double. If the stupid Marlin fan would’ve just caught the ball, it wouldn’t have been an issue. Worse news, Jacobs left with an quadriceps injury. Hopefully, it’s nothing, because I need him on a few teams. And, really, this is about me.

Ryan Zimmerman - As previously stated, I’m not a Zimmerfan. Yesterday, he hit two home runs which gives you an opportunity to sell. Sorry to be a Bummerman.

Erick Aybar - I wonder if it irks Chone Figgins when he sees Aybar emulate ‘04 Figgins. Or if Figgins smells Aybar’s dirty jersey and it takes him right back to ‘04. Or if Figgins watches Vlad towel-snap Aybar as he exits the showers and Figgins sighs.

Cliff Lee - Looked absolutely tremendous. 6-0, ridiculous ERA that’s under one. So let’s say he ends the season with a 4.00 ERA, which is in line with his career numbers. That means he has a 5.00 ERA the rest of the way. You make the call! (In all fairness, his K/BB ratio is outstanding.)

Mike Napoli - Another home run. Not sure how many homers you need before it doesn’t matter that he’s benched every other day. A HR/8 ABs, in case you’re a nerd who needs stats.

Ryan Ludwick - Okay, so his fan club isn’t well attended, and his name sounds like a 17th century composer, but he just hit another home run. I keep touting that he’s headed for more playing time. Not sure if people are listening.

Armando Galarraga - For the last three weeks I’ve been saying, “Pull out!”

Chris Iannetta - Showed a great eye in the minors and decent pop, which turns into great pop in Coors. You could do worse in 2nd catcher leagues, NL-Only or deep mixed leagues.

Zach Greinke - The trade for Zach Saberhagen seems to be working out okay. If you get a chance, give Rudy crap in the comments. He loves that.

Adam Wainwright - A lot of my pitchers went last night. They all looked good. Running count: Maine 3 teams, Hudson 3 teams, Wainwright 3 teams, Greinke 2 teams, Volquez 2 teams, Wainwright 4 teams. Wow, Grey, you must’ve drafted pitching high? Actually, grasshopper, I don’t usually draft pitchers until the fifth round and Rich Hill was my second pitcher off the board in a lot of leagues. Wainwright, Hudson or Maine were my third pitchers, Greinke fourth or fifth pitcher and Volquez or Jurrjens were my fliers. Shawn Hill, Jo-Jo Reyes or Guthrie replaced Rich Hill on most of my teams. How does it feel to see behind the curtain, grasshopper? *you nod in awe* Okay, class dismissed.