Fantasy Baseball Advice

Joe Nathan and Huston Street are gone and everyone moved up.  That’s why people like Matt Capps and Chris Perez have done little but squat on the john yet moved up the rankings.  Though I still managed to find a way to not move up Brian Fuentes.  The way we’re going there won’t be any $12 Salads by May.  Then what?  $8 Side Dishes?  Who needs roasted cauliflower with truffle oil?  Not me!  I’m happy with a baked potato.  Yes, sir!  Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t write these right before lunch.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Jonathan Papelbon (+1) (Hideki Okajima, Daniel Bard)
2. Mariano Rivera (+1) (Alfredo Aceves, David Robertson, Joba Chamberlain)
3. Jonathan Broxton (+1) (George Sherrill, Ramon Troncoso, Hong-Chih Kuo)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

4. Francisco Rodriguez (+1) (Ryota Igareshi, Jenrry Mejia, Eddie Kunz)
5. Heath Bell (+1) (Mike Adams, Luke Gregerson)
6. Carlos Marmol (+1) (John Grabow, Esmailin Caridad)
7. Joakim Soria (+1) (Juan Cruz, Roman Colon, Kyle Farnsworth)
8. Jose Valverde (+1) (Joel Zumaya, Ryan Perry)
9. David Aardsma (+1) (Mark Lowe, Brandon League)
10. Brian Wilson (+1) (Jeremy Affeldt, Sergio Romo)
11. Francisco Cordero (+1) (Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset, Jared Burton)
12. Rafael Soriano (+2) (Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, J.P. Howell)
13. Billy Wagner (+2) (Takashi Saito, Kris Medlen)
14. Ryan Franklin (+4) (Jason Motte, Josh Kinney)
15. Mike Gonzalez (+7) (Jim Johnson, Cla Meredith)
16. Brian Fuentes (Fernando Rodney, Kevin Jepsen, Scot Shields)
17. Frank Francisco (+3) (Darren O’Day, Chris Ray, Neftali Feliz)
18. Octavio Dotel (+1) (Brendan Donnelly, Joel Hanrahan)
19. Leo Nunez (+1) (Dan Meyer, Brian Sanches)
20. Trevor Hoffman (+3) (Todd Coffey, LaTroy Hawkins)
21. Andrew Bailey (-4) (Michael Wuertz, Brad Ziegler, Joey Devine)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Zimmerman in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

22. Bobby Jenks (+3) (Matt Thornton, J.J. Putz)
23. Chad Qualls (+4) (Juan Gutierrez, Bob Howry)
24. Matt Capps (+2) (Brian Bruney, Tyler Clippard, Mike MacDougal)
25. Jason Frasor (+5) (Kevin Gregg, Scott Downs)
26. Chris Perez (+1) (Rafael Perez, Tony Sipp, Kerry Wood)
27. Jon Rauch/Matt Guerrier (-26) Jose Mijares, Francisco Liriano)
28. Franklin Morales (-15) (Manny Corpas, Rafael Betancourt, Huston Street)
29. Ryan Madson (-4) (Danys Baez, Brad Lidge)
30. Matt Lindstrom/Brandon Lyon (-1) (Sammy Gervacio, Ed Wade’s Toupee)

Justin Upton left yesterday’s game with a sprained ankle.  It’s obviously not easy carrying around millions of fantasy baseballers’ hopes and dreams.  He hurt his ankle while stealing second, then he advanced to third and scored one batter later.  I liked Upton 1.0 better, which came with customizable speed and power but no hustle.  The good news is Upton wasn’t removed until after scoring, so it doesn’t sound serious.  Just precautionary.  It’s an exhibition, after all.  You know, like when Kenny Mayne ran Daisy Fuentes for Jerry O’Connell in the 2005 Celebrity Softball game.  Anyway, here’s some more news in fantasy baseball:

Dustin Pedroia – Left wrist sprain.  It’s spraining, men!  That’ll teach Pedroia to try and open the pickle jar all by himself.  This actually worries me more than the Upton sprain.  Injured wrists are tricky for, ya know, hitting.  He’s scheduled to take BP on Thursday so hopefully it’s very minor and the pain doesn’t have to, doesn’t have to, doesn’t have to let it linger.

Ian Desmond – With five errors this spring (as of this writing), he was making it hard for the Nats to choose him over the yawnstipating Guzman.  Nevertheless!  Jon Heyman of SI, which I believe is not a Spanish language magazine, says Desmond is going to win the starting job.  Shine on you crazy Desmond!

Jaime Garcia – Will be the Cards fifth starter.  In the minors, he showed a solid K-rate and great ground ball rates.  Strikeouts + ground balls = Success.  The only downside is his lack of experience, i.e., he can blow up in your face.  Right now, he’s a solid NL-Only sleeper, but he can easily jump onto mixed league radars.

Albert Pujols – Returned to the lineup.  Pujols eats MRIs for breakfast.

Sean Rodriguez – Zobrist will definitely be playing somewhere, but where might factor into if Matt Joyce or Sean Rodriguez play.  Sean-Rod has been hitting in the spring and has a solid pedigree.  I put Rodriguez in my top 20 2nd basemen post, and I’m a big fan if he can score an every day job.  Joyce, meanwhile, hasn’t done anything and may start the season on the DL.  If Gabe Kapler starts in lieu of Rodriguez and Joyce, then it’s welcome back 1999.

Ervin Santana – Hurt his elbow after hitting it on some furniture.  Not a broken armchair, just a slightly sore armchair, thankfully.  Word on the streets of Bobby Grichville is Ervin will be fine.

C.J. Wilson – Will be the Rangers number two starter this year.  (Feldman, Harrison and Colby Lewis will join him after Harden.  I wish the Rangers would dump Wilson and Harrison and add some guys named Astin and Brolin to Feldman.  Let’s get some Goonies up in there!)  I’d chalk up Wilson becoming a starter to the Rangers going with an innings eater, but he’s never pitched more than 74 innings any season in his career.  If Wilson can maintain his reliever K-rates, he could surprise, but I wouldn’t touch him outside of AL-Only leagues until during the season.  And even then, I’ll have a hard time adding him.

Gil Meche – Out with shoulder stiffness.  If you needed a reason to ignore him, now you have one.

Alex Gordon – Won’t be ready by Opening Day.  Not sure if this is good news or bad news for Royals, fantasy baseball owners or Gordon.  Jury’s been out for three years now.

Alberto Callapso – Hillman plans on trying Callaspo out in the three hole.  This is one of the funniest bits of news I’ve read this Spring Training.  It’s just inherently hilarious.  Callaspo a three hitter?  Ha!  Ladies and gentlemen, your peasant Royals!  If Alex Gordon was the unrealized hopes of another George Brett.  Callaspo is Kevin Seitzer.

Blake DeWitt – I might be the only one that cares about this because I drafted Belliard in my Fantasy Razzball league, but DeWitt looks like he has the inside track for the 2nd base job.  He’s a poor man’s Casey McGehee. (<–Not a compliment)

Chris Iannetta – I wish I could say Chris Iannetta is proving Olivo to be from The Department of Redundancy Department.  Still think Iannetta emerges with more ABs, but they might be pretty close to a timeshare like your Aunt Mitzi has in Boca.  Playing only four days a week, Iannetta might just be Napoli for the NL.  If only Joe Torre managed them… Or Paul Sorvino.

Andrew Bailey – Close to returning to action and should be ready for Opening Day.  Doesn’t mean another flare-up isn’t a week or so away.

Mike MacDougal – Released by the Marlins and signed by the Nats.  Capps is still the closer in Washington, but MacDougal could serve as insurance.  He was good in Washington last year and he was great in the Doobie Brothers.

Jon Niese – Just about has the 5th starter job locked up.  He hasn’t reached mixed league material yet.  In NL-Only leagues, he’s there.  He’ll get you a mid-4 ERA and a near 7 K/9.  Last round or dollar flier?  It can’t hurt.

Daniel Murphy – With Ike Davis sent down (surprisingly, Ike is not a slap hitter), Murphy has secured the 1st base job.  It won’t be pretty though.

Jose Reyes – Reyes finished first in full-squad sprints.  I’m putting it at 3 to 1 for him playing Opening Day.  Even odds says he’s back within two weeks.  The time to buy low is running out.

Gary Matthews Jr. – Okay, this is the funniest news I’ve read this Spring Training.  The Mets are shopping Gary Matthews Jr.  Reminds me of the homeless man who lives down the street selling his barely used pants.

The Washington Nationals babied their future shortstop, Esmailyn Gonzalez, through their minors until they realized that Esmailyn shouldn’t be babied, he should be old-man’d. Kinda like the orphan in The Orphan that turned out to be a dwarf hooker. (Haven’t seen it, but the spoiler kinda makes me want to.) So the Nats sent Bowden away on his Segway and started looking at what else they had in the way of shortstops.  Hiring a 7 foot guy with tattoos to card everyone, they realized Ian Desmond should get himself a look.  And so it goes, so it goes.  Yesterday, he hit his first major league homer in his first major league game.  Desmond has a decent blend of speed and power (think The Big FraGu at shortstop).  The “at shortstop” thing is the clincher.  It’s a shallow position, you can do worse, yadda yadda yadda.  I don’t think he’s going to be all peaches and cream next year, so I wouldn’t go crazy with him in keepers (unless it’s deep and NL-Only), but he could give you a burst of hotness in these late September weeks.  He’s gotta be better than Gordon Beckham at this point, right?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike MacDougal – Couldn’t get an out and gave way to Ron Villone for the save.  It’s probably nothing, but some extremely desperate save vultures may want to swoop.  BTW, MacDougal’s legal name is Robert Meiklejohn MacDougal.  Isn’t that the name of a piece of Ikea furniture?

Brett Cecil – 6 IP, 2 ER in his final start of the year.  I’ll like him next year.  He’s capable of taking a nice step forward.  Pretty much won’t be anything but an endgame flier in most 2010 drafts.

Joe Blanton – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  Getting outpitched by Livan Hernandez in September is not the time to revert to being the mediocre pitcher I always thought you were.  June, July, even August… Not September.

Brad Lidge – File this one in the cabinet labeled, “Yeah, No Kidding.”  Two days after being told he’s the closer, Lidge was told yesterday that he won’t pitch in save opportunities anymore.

Angel Pagan – Went 3-for-4 yesterday as Beltran did not play.  *Grey shrugs*

Nate McLouth – Hit his 3rd homer in the last week.  Last time he hit one, I said this, “This is a hunch, but I think he realizes he has three weeks to make his season’s stats look somewhat palatable.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Brian McCann – 4-for-5.  Nice sign because for the last ten games he was 3-for-33.

Mike Gonzalez – Since Bobby Cox is nearly as progressive of a thinker as Archie Bunker and from the old school like Afrika Bambaataa, it took Cox about a month longer than I expected to go to the lefty, Gonzalez, for saves.  With how Soriano’s pitching, this may not be Gonzalez’s last save of the year.

Roy Oswalt – 2 IP, 6 ER.  Months ago, I talked about how I was worried for Oswalt this year.  How I’m not sure if everyone is aware that this isn’t your slightly older brother’s Oswalt.  This Oswalt has games where he gives up six earned in two innings.  Near a 4 ERA on the year seems about what we can expect from him.  A solid #3 with upside.

John Lackey – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  In his last three games, he’s thrown 26 innings (that’s a lot for 3 games) and given up only one run (that’s not a lot).

Howie Kendrick – 3-for-3 yesterday.  Scioscia’s only played Kendrick seven times since August 25th.  Giving Kendrick six days off in a row at one time.  Yet, Kendrick’s batting .500 over that time.  Scioscia is either the world’s greatest manager or the world’s stupidest.

Alex Gordon – Hit his 4th homer yesterday.  Comatose Royals fan wakes, “4 homers?  Is it still the first week of April?”

Drew Stubbs – 0-for-4, 2 Ks.  That tingling you felt in your Capezios when you grabbed Stubbs last week should be gone by now.  He’s on the suckwagon heading into K-town.

Jason Frasor – Got the save.  It must be that time of the month.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 steals.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  The left side of the slash, which is the right side to be on.

Jose Contreras – Left the game with a quad strain.  It’s the curse of being on the cover of the AARP Magazine.

It’s good to be past the trading deadline.  The closers that kept their job feel woobie-safe.  Pull down the Murphy bed, Qualls is here to stay! You might be right, random italicized voice.  Don’t forget, closers still find a way to lose their job.  In the past week, Downs is down, Jenks looks jenky, Frank-Frank is a baby sneeze away from another stint on the DL, I fully expect Lindstrom to get back in the closer picture within two weeks and Nathan seems about as safe as they come and yet, he’s still just a closer.  Look at the ground with your forward facing eyes and put some drops in the eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, don’t settle in.  Sleep is the cousin of death.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Joe Nathan (+1) (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares)
2. Jonathan Papelbon (+2) (Takashi Saito, Hideki Okajima, Manny Delcarmen)
3. Francisco Rodriguez (-1) (Pedro Feliciano, Bobby Parnell)
4. Mariano Rivera (+2) (Phil Hughes)
5. Jonathan Broxton (-4) (Ramon Troncoso, George Sherrill)

Donkey-corns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.

6. Heath Bell (-1) (Luke Gregerson, Mike Adams)
7. Joakim Soria (+14) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright)
8. Francisco Cordero (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
9. Jose Valverde (+11) (Chris Sampson, Alberto Arias, LaTroy Hawkins)
10. Ryan Franklin (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan, Dennys Reyes)
11. Huston Street (+2) (Rafael Betancourt, Matt Daley)
12. David Aardsma (Sean White, Mark Lowe)
13. Brian Wilson (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry)
14. Trevor Hoffman (+9) (Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter)
15. Kevin Gregg (Carlos Marmol)
16. Fernando Rodney (Bobby Seay, Brandon Lyon)
17. Rafael Soriano (+2) (Mike Gonzalez, Peter Moylan)
18. J.P. Howell (+4) (Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, Joe Nelson)
19. Brian Fuentes (-10) (Jason Bulger, Darren Oliver, Justin Speier)
20. Chad Qualls (+8) (Jon Rauch)
21. Brad Lidge (-3) (Ryan Madson)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

22. Matt Capps (+4) (Jesse Chavez)
23. Kerry Wood (+2) (Chris Perez, Joe Smith)
24. Mike MacDougal (+5) (Sean Burnett, Jason Bergmann)
25. Andrew Bailey (-12) (Michael Wuertz, Brad Ziegler)
26. Frank Francisco/C.J. Wilson (-2) (Darren O’Day)
27. Bobby Jenks (-10) (Matt Thornton, Octavio Dotel, Scott Linebrink)
28. Jason Frasor (-2) (Scott Downs, Brandon League)
29. Leo Nunez (Matt Lindstrom, Kiko Calero, Dan Meyer)
30. Jim Johnson (-11) (Danys Baez, Chris Ray, Billy Ray Valentine)

In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss trading for closers.  Now before people think my battleship has sunk, I’m not saying to pay top dollar for closers.  But with us heading into July, it should be pretty clear how badly you need saves.  Luckily, saves are one of the categories (steals are another) where you can make up ground quickfast.  If you’re ten or more saves behind a pack of people and can gain three or more points with an additional closer or two, then you should be thinking about trading for a couple.   I’d look to trade one player from your strengths for two closers.  Think Shields for two donkey-corns.  Or a donkey-corn and a brain freeze.  It really depends on your strengths and weaknesses.  And since saves do come in bunches, if you’re finding yourself picking up plenty of ground in saves, then in August, you can trade away a closer or two for a different piece.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Jonathan Broxton (Ronald Belisario, Ramon Troncoso, Cory Wade)
2. Francisco Rodriguez (Pedro Feliciano, Bobby Parnell)
3. Joe Nathan (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares)
4. Jonathan Papelbon (Takashi Saito, Hideki Okajima, Manny Delcarmen)

Donkey-corns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.

5. Heath Bell (Edward Mujica)
6. Mariano Rivera (+1) (Brian Bruney, Alfredo Aceves)
7. Bobby Jenks (-1) (Octavio Dotel, Matt Thornton, Scott Linebrink)
8. Francisco Cordero (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
9. Brian Fuentes (+2) (Darren Oliver, Justin Speier)
10. Ryan Franklin (+2) (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan, Dennys Reyes)
11. Andrew Bailey (+16) (Brad Ziegler, Michael Wuertz, Santiago Casilla)
12. David Aardsma (+12) (Sean White, Mark Lowe, Chad Cordero)
13. Brian Wilson (+2) (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry)
14. Huston Street (+6) (Joel Peralta, Manny Corpas)
15. Kevin Gregg (-1) (Carlos Marmol)
16. Fernando Rodney (+2) (Joel Zumaya, Bobby Seay)
17. George Sherrill (+5) (Jim Johnson, Danys Baez, Chris Ray)
18. Brad Lidge (-8) (Ryan Madson)
19. Mike Gonzalez (-2) (Rafael Soriano)
20. Jose Valverde (+8) (LaTroy Hawkins, Chris Sampson)
21. Joakim Soria (+4) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright, Kyle Farnsworth)
22. J.P. Howell (+8) (Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, Joe Nelson)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

23. Trevor Hoffman (-1) (Carlos Villanueva, Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter)
24. Frank Francisco (-14) (C.J. Wilson)
25. Kerry Wood (-8) (Chris Perez, Rafael Betancourt)
26. Matt Capps (-2) (John Grabow, Jesse Chavez, Sean Burnett)
27. Jason Frasor (-8) (Scott Downs, B.J. Ryan)
28. Chad Qualls (-15) (Tony Pena, Clay Zavada, Jon Rauch)
29. Mike MacDougal (Joe Beimel, Julian Tavarez)
30. Leo Nunez (-4) (Dan Meyer, Matt Lindstrom, Kiko Calero, Waco My Airplane)