Sheer Holtzanity for the JuggerNate
In the doubleheader, Nate Schierholtz went 6-for-10 with a homer, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, steal and back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-etc. starts from Bochy, go ahead with your big head self! “This is the year Schierholtz breaks out! And fill up my Merlot!” That’s every Giants fan for the last three years. Then within a few weeks, he’s usually hurt. If Schierholtz is indeed German for pantyhose, he sure gets rips in them quickly. Maybe he should bathe in clear nail polish. (See, ladies, Grey doesn’t forget about you.) Schierholtz has power, he just needs to stay healthy. For now, I’d pick him up in all leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Lincecum – Good news: 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks. Bad news: 4 hits, 5 walks, 108 pitches. Reminds me of my stat lines when playing backyard Wiffle Ball. Maybe Timmy needs to throw to a Pitchback instead of a Posey.
Mike Gonzalez – Boras said Gonzalez is expected to sign with a club in the next ten days. Boras better get a deal fast before the terrible closer bubble bursts.
Lorenzo Cain – Expected to come off the DL on Friday. Make room in your fantasy cupboard for Cain…Sugar!
Josh Donaldson – After starting the year on a sub-.100 anti-tear, the A’s brushed him aside like the ABC makeup lady used to do to his grandfather’s hair. He will be sorely missed by opposing pitchers, Fantasy Razzball managers, and frustrated owners in 2-catcher leagues who hoped he could outperform the Barajii of the league.
Adrian Beltre – Should return soon as the MRI showed his leg was normal. Right above the foot and below the hip.
Francisco Liriano – Twins will skip his next start. Guess that’s easier and more legal than getting John McDonald to drop a knee on his head.
Josh Willingham – Out until Friday on maternity leave. A lesson in the birds and the bees brought to you by Grey Albright: Nine months ago there was a Drillingham with a throbbing lardon, asking to porker and now there’s a baby back.
Derek Holland – 6 IP, 7 ER, 13 baserunners, 1 K. An embarrassment to pitchers and mustaches everywhere.
Josh Hamilton – 1-for-4 with his 8th homer as everyone who didn’t draft Hamilton continues to have their balloon Burrst.
Hunter Pence – Missed yesterday with a sore shoulder. Chase Utley scoffed and raised him a sore everything.
Michael Bowden – The key piece in the Byrd trade is headed to the bullpen as predicted here first after reading it elsewhere. He was a top pitching prospect once, but had a pedestrian K-rate as a starter in AAA so they turned him into a closer where he showed some signs of dominance (10+ K/9). Nothing to see right now, but, if he has some early success and Marmol is traded (as I think he will be), Bowden could be saving games by the end of the year.
Cody Ross – 2 HRs yesterday and another one on Saturday (his last game). Hot schmotato!
Daniel Bard – Shut the door yesterday in the 8th inning, but Bobby Valentine said that there’s no “great temptation” to have Bard stay in the bullpen. In related news, Valentine is going for psychological testing.
Jake Peavy – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now has an ERA of 1.88. I told you to draft him in the preseason, I drafted him in the preseason and then I dropped him. Why do you make me rue? I don’t wish to rue. I’m fine with no ruing. I’m stirring butter and flour in my soul!
Alex Rios – 3-for-5, hitting .360 on the season and hitting about .500 over the last week. Cust kayin’.
Dontrelle Willis – The O’s confirmed that they signed Willis. This was hilarious to me. I imagine the O’s front office said, “Dah! Yes, we signed Willis. Stop mocking us!”
Chris Capuano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. Is it the Year of the Cap? Not probably, no. But he could have end of the rotation appeal in mixed leagues and be one of those guys that’s cheap in NL-Only leagues that can really help you.
Michael Pineda – Headed for an MRI on Tuesday. Here’s the Cliff Notes of a book I wrote (besides this one). The name of this other book, “Signs of Trouble for Your Fantasy Starter.” Chapter One: If your starter is shut down and almost a month later they need an MRI, it’s not good.
CC Sabathia – 8 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks as he has an ERA of 5.27. Without looking at our Player Rater, I’m guessing his FIP is much lower.
Derek Jeter – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, batting .411. So is he an Early Bird Special or a (Fill-in blank for term of older player who has a renaissance year. Regarding that term that I asked for with Beltran last week. I liked Ponce De Leon-g Balls, Hologram Tupac and Dead Cat Bounce, but Rudy nixed them.)?
Dillon Gee – 6 2/3 IP, 7 ER. He alternated good start/bad start last year and he’s continuing this trend. It’s pretty uncanny. It’s like his job is to rope in and frustrate streamers and he takes his job very seriously.
Jason Bay – Left yesterday’s game with bruised ribs, which is nowhere near as delicious as braised ribs.
Hideki Matsui – Rumored to be signing a minor league deal with the Rays. The Rays hope he still has a little left in the tank if they need a lefty DH. Matsui just wants a job and heard good things about their potato chips.
Brandon Morrow – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. Can we get Scooby on the Case of Morrow’s Missing Ks? He only had 2 starts all last year of 3 Ks or less and he’s already had 3 starts this year like that and his other start was a 4 K effort. His velocity didn’t look bad last night, but I’m starting to get concerned. A guy who walks as many as he does (though he didn’t yesterday), isn’t very cute without Ks.
Krispie Young – Won’t return when his DL stint is up in 15 days. With a ligament tear in his shoulder? Really? Here I thought a ligament tear was a good thing. Just when you think you got the world figured out. Wow. File that in the surpriseapedia.
Wade Miley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Phillies (Just think, Phils fans, in another 25 years your team will be good again, not like the Red Sox who have to wait 80 years.), and Bauer’s call-up just took two steps back with this Miley effort. The key word with Miley is serviceable. That makes for good real world pitching and only matchups appeal in fantasy.
Justin Upton – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs as he hit his first homer. Formally document it: In the nick of time, Justin.
Eric Hosmer – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games and 4th on the year. He’s still hitting .203, but I bet he’s about to go on a tear and be hitting near .260 by this time next week. Get it, Hosmer, get it!
Tony Campana – 1-for-1 with 2 steals. He stole 2nd base so fast that he actually overran it, ran all the way around the globe, causing time to rewind, and allowing him to steal 2nd again.
Jason Motte – 2/3 IP, 2 ER and the blown save. What a follower! Ooh, all the cool closers are blowing games so he figured he would too.
Bill Hall – Signing a deal with the Orioles to replace Josh Bell on the Triple-A roster. Bell to Hall? This is a big score for the equipment manager.
