According to Wikipedia, the Dozens is a game of spoken words between two contestants, common in African-American communities, where participants insult each other until one gives up. Yesterday, we got a fantasy baseball version. Felix Hernandez started in on Max Scherzer first, “Your name sounds like a character from a Michael Chabon novel!” Scherzer lobbed back, “You could throw a no-hitter and lose!” F-Her redoubled his efforts, “You need two sets of colored contacts!” Scherzer stepped back and threw, “You’re gonna be traded to the Orioles for Erik Bedard!” F-Her fired back, “Your first baseman is so fat his blood type is Ragu!” “Oh, yeah? Well, your center fielder is The Big FraGu!” F-Her threw 8 shutout innings with 12 Ks against one of the best offenses in the game; Scherzer gave up one run with 12 Ks against one of the worst. Both: Great. Winner: Last night, it was F-Her. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You, “Hey, look at that, I’m in a crazy/stupid/gooftarded deep league and everyone in this league that I’m talking to myself about is well-versed in this fantasy baseball shizz because they are also in this crazy/stupid/gooftarded deep league yet they forgot to draft Matt Holliday. Cool!” Yeah, that’s not going to happen. If you’re drafting from guys in the top 100 outfielders for 2013 fantasy baseball, your league is deep and you know you’re not going to get much from these guys. Potatoes to chips, most of these guys will be worth owning at some point in the season. In keepers and single league, uh, leagues, most should be owned from the jump, if ‘from the jump’ means what I think it does when kids say it. Now get off my lawn! Here’s all of the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. If you’re joining us late, here’s the top 20 outfielders, top 40 outfielders, top 60 outfielders and top 80 outfielders. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
About a month ago, Troy Tulowitzki had surgery to have scar tissue removed from his groin. Tulo now sings, “Scar tissue that I wish you saw, because I’m kinky.” Yesterday, the Rockies announced nothing, but people familiar with Tulo’s groin — hey now!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, I can bench Eric Hosmer! That was the first thing I thought when I picked up Matt Adams. First stop for Hosmer is my bench, next stop waivers. Yesterday, our prospect writer Scott said this about Adams, “Despite the impressive audition (in Spring Training), St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Closer Look was only six days ago and we’ve already lost a $12 Salad (Mo), a Donkeycorn (Huston Street) and three Brain Freezes (Santiago/Thornton, Bell, Downs). If you think the Closepocalypse is something created by the media (me) to sell newspapers (no one buys newspapers), then continue to disbelieve. I’m just back from Costco with a keg of chicken broth, 400 count box of Mallomars and a 17 pound box of Wheat Thins to stock my Closepocalypse shelter. When the major leagues have run out of all pitchers to close and have exhausted all other athletes in all other sports trying to convert them to closers and they come knocking on my door, I’m going into my Closepocalypse shelter and you won’t see me again. Street is always a good nose blow away from getting hurt, so it’s no huge shocker. The Padres don’t think he’ll be back when his DL stint is up, and I’ll go as far to say he won’t be back for about a month and he’s a setback away from missing three months. For further reading on that see: His career. I grabbed Andrew Cashner in one league. I would’ve grabbed Luke Gregerson too if I had room, but, alas, I did not. Who could fit anything with this keg of broth?! And, because as soon as anyone becomes a closer, they get hot in the way a Dutch oven is hot, so Cashner followed every other closer this year and gave up a bunch of runs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Cory Luebke – Probably needs Tommy John surgery. He said his symptoms point to it. Now the only thing between him and Tommy John surgery is a visit to Dr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Evan Longoria is out for 6 to 8 weeks. Let’s look on the bright side. According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Longoria has been less valuable than Encarnacion and Aviles at 3rd base. On the less bright side, those guys have been really, really good. Okay, that bright side argument didn’t play out so well. Let’s try again. On the bright side, I told everyone to draft Longoria and drafted him myself, so you can point at me and say how screwed I am. On the less bright side, if you’re reading this, there’s a chance you listened to me and drafted Longoria too. Okay, last try. In the 6 weeks he will miss, Longoria would’ve gave you around 8 homers and 30 RBIs with a .300 average. You can get that off waivers from Pedro Alvarez or Chris Davis (if all those coins I just dumped into a wishing well mean anything). Did I just try to convince myself that Pedro Alvarez was going to give me the same stats as Longoria? Wow, glad I haven’t convinced myself anything dangerous like I can fly or I can heal Longoria’s torn hammy by kidnapping him and taking him to St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The DL slot in many fantasy leagues is one of the most misused and misunderstood positions on fantasy baseball teams. For most people, it’s believed to be where the hopes and dreams of their teams like Mike Morse, Chris B.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Though I do believe there should be a one Mariner maximum when it comes to fantasy baseball bloggers and I’ve already filled that need with my Olivo post, it’s hard to ignore what Kyle Seager has done over the last couple of weeks. Blame Mike Carp for using fugu as a shoulder wrap for this article if you’re angry. The ESPN crowd is slowly coming around to him at a 5.5% ownership clip but for the most part they just haven’t found the need for a Mariners hitter on their roster that isn’t posing for a last supper painting. Yahoo owners do have him already with an 18% clip, but that’s mainly for his shortstop eligibility where as long as you have a pulse and you’re not Alex Gonzalez, you’re probably on someone’s team. Actually, if there were a zombie Phil Rizzuto (Spelled ‘Rirruto’ in cursive for Billy Madison fans), they’d probably pick him up too. In Fleaflicker leagues, he’s at 9% owned. All that said, let’s take a look at why I’m eager for Seager in AL-only and deeper leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey and Rudy are letting me run a team for Razzball, and I’m totally pumped about it. See, this is my first venture into the realm of expert leagues or writer’s leagues or whatever the hell you wanna call them and the pressure on a rookie like me is enormous. Grey told me I can only cover White Sox prospects if I don’t finish in the top eight. I feel like Andrew Luck or something… probably bigger than that, actually. Anyway. The auction happened a couple Thursdays ago and my strategy was simple: don’t look stupid. I’m not quite sure if I’ve succeeded in that regard. You tell me. Click here to see the complete auction results.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yoenis Cespedes homered in yesterday’s second day of kinda real baseball played about six hours before I wake up. I wonder where Cespedes is being drafted now. When Rudy and I took our giant beach balls to early March drafts and took Cespedes in a bunch of drafts, he was going cheap. I wonder if now all those other ‘perts are suddenly stepping up because others are excited about him. I wonder if everyone else is a Monday morning quarterback with their advice. I wonder if Yoenis will hit 30 mistake pitch homers. I wonder if he’ll make adjustments and hit for a decent average too. I wonder how this would sound read by Morgan Freeman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training (and real baseball) for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Bartolo Colon – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.Please, blog, may I have some more?