Fantasy Baseball Advice

I’m beginning to think with Billy Beane that the emperor’s wearing no clothes.  Moneyball is still a great book, Joe Morgan is still a moron and Chad Bradford is still an underhander.  Those things are true.  But the A’s were 4th in the Majors last year in steals — what happened to steals cost outs?  Not to mention, Beane’s team hasn’t been competitive in three seasons.  Was Moneyball just a symptom of the era?  Was it simply fortuitous that Beane’s coronation came during the era of the three run homer?  Was Moneyball a by-product of steroids?  Would Moneyball be written today?  Hard to imagine Michael Lewis sitting down with a GM of a sub-.500 club and polishing his pedestal, right?  And none of this has to do with fantasy baseball or Ben Sheets.  (I wrote the preceding the other day, then right before I posted this I saw Sky Andrecheck wrote an SI piece in the similar ballpark.  Literally.)

If Sheets can stay healthy, he’s liable to return more than his ADP.  That “if” is ginormous.  That “if” sits next to you on a plane and you can’t put down the armrest.  You show up at a party of 500 Tongans and that “if” is the second biggest thing in the room after the buffet table.  You hook up with that “if” at a bar and people will think you’re beer goggling.  Okay, I think I made my point.  The other issue with Sheets is his falling K-rate.  Back in 2005, if Sheets was healthy, he was a Cy Young-type performer.  Regularly posting 200+ Ks and next to no walks. (Sounds a bit like Nolasco now.)  But lately Sheets hasn’t come near these numbers when healthy.  In 2007, he started 24 games and had a K-rate of 6.75.  That would’ve put him on par with Jason Hammel last year.  He also gained a walk per nine on his walk rate.  In 2008, Sheets had a 7.17 K/9.  Better, but that would’ve had him on par with Zito.  The days of the 9+ K/9 and sub-3 ERA are over.  He’s only a number 3 fantasy starter if he can start 30 games.  It’s okay, but not worth the ulcer when considering his health.  Anyway, here’s some more deals and signings since the last time we checked in and what they mean for fantasy baseball:

Octavio Dotel – Signed on to be the Pirates closer.  Bummer.  Was hoping to see Joel Hanrahanananan and Brendan Donnelly battle it out.  Would’ve been like a match between Steve Lombardi and Salvatore Bellomo.  I will own Dotel on multiple teams.  He’s a K machine (regularly 10+ K/9) and he has no competition even if he falters. With The Dread Pirate, Robot Jones and Dotel, I’m going to be watching a lot of Pirate games this year.  Pray for me.

Xavier Nady – Signed with the Cubs. What a long strange trip it’s been for Nady. Goes from Tommy John surgery to being a fourth outfielder that can’t catch a break to putting up a career year to having his second Tommy John surgery and returning to fourth outfielder duty.  Nady will need Soriano to hop onto the DL to have any real value.

Miguel Tejada – Signs with the Orioles.  In the top 20 shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball, I gave Tejada projections of 70/15/85/.295/4.  In Houston, he hit second and fifth, helping balance his Runs and RBIs.  Now he’ll probably bat primarily fifth.  So if you want to argue Tejada’s Runs will decrease slightly and his RBIs will go up a tick, go for it.  But remember you’re arguing about an average at best, 35 year old shortstop.

Jon Garland – Signs with the Padres, or as I like to call them, The Team With Five Number Five Starters.  Garland can be a solid HodgePadre during the season.  But it’s hard to draft a HodgePadre, especially one with no Ks.  First long road trip and you wanna drop him.  I would slot him in as my 5th starter in NL-Only leagues.

Rick Ankiel – Signs with the peasant Royals.  For s’s and g’s, I went to look at Baseball-Reference’s most comparable players to Ankiel. Came back with Pedro Feliz.  Sounds about right.  Both are good for 20 homers and a .250 average.  Feliz at least has position eligibility going for him in fantasy baseball.  Ankiel’s a good story (minus that HGH story), but he’s not worth much outside of AL-Only leagues.

Randy Winn – Signed with the Yanks.  This signing for fantasy baseball has all the makings of a headache for yours truly.  No one wants to own Winn, but now that he’s on the Yanks he’ll be at the top of waiver wires all year, so I’m going to field six months of “Hey, Grey, Winn’s available, should I pick him up?”  On the bright side for schadenfreude purposes, this is a bigger headache for Brett Gardner.  As Nelson would say, “Ha-HA!”

Jim Thome – Signs with the Twins.  It’s his 3rd AL Central team.  Dayton Moore must be pissed he spent all his milk money on Podsednik and Ankiel.  Twin fans have been waiting for another Harmon Killebrew for 30 years.  In Thome, they found one, albeit closer to Killebrew today vs. during his career.  Thome could hit 30 homers with a full season of DH ABs, but the Twins have Mauer, Kubel and Cuddyer that could also take some ABs away.  I’d conservatively project Thome for 60/22/75/.240.

The top 20 shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball are a bit deeper this year, but they’re still shallower than the top 20 2nd basemen and ranked only ahead of the catchers for depth.  All the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings can be found under that thing that said 2010 fantasy baseball rankings.  (Don’t worry, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to link to things a little more seamlessly).  Shortstops usually get the short end of the stick when I’m drafting.  If I don’t get Hanley, I’ll probably just take a flier on some late round player.  In leagues that play a middle infielder, then you might need two of these schmohawks.  Hopefully, you can grab two decent 2nd basemen and only need one of these guys.  As with the other top 20 rankings, I point out where I think tiers start and stop and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1.  Hanley Ramirez – Already covered him in our top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

2.  Troy Tulowitzki – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Rollins.  I call this tier, “Even the elite shortstops are no guarantees.”  Already covered him in our top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

3. Jimmy Rollins – Already covered him in our top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

4.  Jose Reyes – Already covered him in our top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

5. Derek Jeter – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Zobrist.  I call this tier, “Overrated.”  I’m not going to draft Jeter in any leagues.  Some crazed Noo Yawker will get him before I can even think about it.  I do like him a bit more going into 2010 than I did in last season’s preseason after seeing how hitter-friendly The Stadium Adjacent To The House That Ruth Built is.  2010 Projections:  110/16/70/.315/20

6. Jason Bartlett – I don’t buy into Bartlett’s 2009.  In October, I said, “I didn’t believe the high average in May and I still don’t (he hit around .230 in September).  I’m pretty sure when February Grey gets around to going through guys that will disappoint in 2010, Bartlett’s name will be there.”  That was a *pinkie to mouth*  Bartlett Quotation.  Okay, so January Grey’s here to say, February Grey’s got nothing on me.  Bartlett more than doubled his homer per fly ball rate so I don’t believe the 14 homers, either.  Average outlier + power outlier + repeatable, but not blazing speed = Pass.  2010 Projections:  95/7/50/.285/27

7. Ben Zobrist – Went over Zobrist in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

8. Elvis Andrus – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Asdrubal.  I call this tier, “Since there’s so few top shortstops, we’re left with upside.” Andrus is ranked ahead of Alexei and Drew simply because his value comes from speed and that doesn’t just disappear, unlike guys whose value is predicated on power.  Can Andrus jump into the upper tiers like Drew and Alexei can?  It’s possible, and they have more downside.  They’re all real close and I could see taking any of them depending on how you’re assembling your team.  Your eyes want more?  Elvis Andrus sleeper.  2010 Projections:  75/8/50/.270/37

9. Alexei Ramirez – I’m usually a peaceful person, but this guy made me want to choke someone out last year.  Preferably Alexei.  His homers should bounce back a bit from last year, but his .277 average looks pretty right on.  He’s established that he starts slow, so if you do draft him keep that in mind.  2010 Projections:  70/18/80/.280/15

10. Stephen Drew – Rising ground ball rate, falling fly ball rate… Who’s this guy trying to be, Luis Castillo?  Hit the ball in the air!  After his 2008 season, Drew had more promise than the first twenty minutes of Inglourious Basterds.  Then Drew’s 2009 was spent running a French movie theater and falling in love with a black guy.  Hopefully, Drew’s 2010 can be set in a tavern basement and get the ball rolling again.  2010 Projections:  85/22/75/.265/4

11. Asdrubal Cabrera – Went over Asdrubal in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

12. Yunel Escobar – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Peralta.  I call this tier, “I’m punting this tier.”  Yunel could get to 17 homers (a long shot), but he has the speed of a man 300 pounds heavier, assuming that man isn’t Pablo Sandoval.  2010 Projections:  90/15/75/.305/3

14. Miguel Tejada – On C-SPAN, Jim Bunning is arguing in front of Congress that Tejada’s high average last year should be withdrawn from all official records because of a high BABIP.  2010 Projections: 70/15/85/.295/4

14. J.J. Hardy – I’ll give this to Hardy, I almost dropped him to the Furcal tier, indicating I would almost draft him.  Maybe in my horseshoes or hand grenade draft.  2010 Projections:  65/23/80/.260

15. Marco Scutaro – Marco…. Scutaro… Whatevero.  2010 Projections:  70/11/80/.275/7

16. Erick Aybar – I get a utility man vibe from Aybar.  If you draft him, there’s a 95% chance of you dropping him before May.  2010 Projections:  85/3/50/.290/17

17. Jhonny Peralta – If you don’t have nothing nice to say, then don’t say nothing.  2010 Projections: 75/18/85/.265

18. Rafael Furcal – This is the last tier.  This tier I call, “These are fliers I’m taking a chance on late.”  Furcal’s a bit of a wild card to even be around still by this tier.  Someone will draft him earlier, totally forgetting what happened last year Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer-style.  Others will see his last month as a sign of good things to come.  If he’s around at the end of your draft, I’d take a flier that there’s still a bit left in the tank.  He is admittedly not a very exciting flier.  Hey, they can’t all be Alcides Escobar.  2010 Projections:  90/10/55/.275/20

19.  Alcides Escobar – I compared him to a 2009 Elvis Andrus in the Alcides Escobar fantasy sleeper post.  Go look at it.  Go ahead.  The Royal We will be here.  2010 Projections:  80/5/55/.265/40

20. Ryan Theriot – Feels like a poor man’s Alcides… Or maybe it’s a conservative man’s Alcides.  2010 Projections:  85/3/50/.285/22

There’s lots of guys after the top 20 shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball, but these two stand out:

Ian Desmond – Went over him in my Ian Desmond Fantasy sleeper, keeper, something or other post.  2010 Projections:  85/10/60/.275/20

Everth Cabrera -  Here it is.  The last guy you could conceivably take and still get an affirmative head nod from yours truly.  You want that affirmative head nod or not?  It’s up to you.  If you need 30-plus steals late in your draft, then EverCab can do the trick.  (EverCab is also available for bar mitzvahs.)  2010 Projections:  85/3/50/.260/35

Top twenty catchers, 1st basemen and 2nd basemen are in the books.  Third basemen will be here shortly.  Today, it’s the top 20 Shortstops for 2009 Fantasy Baseball’s time to shine.  Hmm… Actually, most of these won’t shine.  They’re dull with a chance of boring.  As I said in the beginning of the year, the shortstops are even shallower than the 2nd basemen.  This held true.  A good two weeks in the major leagues and you too can make the top twenty list for shortstops!  Okay, enough of the hubbub on the tomfoolery.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Hanley Ramirez – I was hoping for a 35/35 season from Hanley, so I was a bit disappointed by a 24/27 season.  Obviously, not nearly as disappointed as I was in Jose Reyes.  (First bitter Jose Reyes mention.)  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  125/37/80/.295/35, Final Numbers:  101/24/106/.342/27

2. Derek Jeter – As many of you know, I interviewed Matthew Berry in March.  He called shenanigans.  Why I bring this up now?  Because here’s why he got mad.  His words from Deadspin.com, “So, I was just surprised by some of what he said. Especially the part about me defending Jeter! I’ve had Jeter on every fantasy “hate” list I can remember… That was a low blow, saying I liked Jeter.”  Turned out, Jeter went on to be the 3rd ranked hitter in all of the AL according to the ESPN Player Rater.  Cust kayin’.  Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  110/12/70/.305/12, Final Numbers:  107/18/66/.334/30

3. Troy Tulowitzki – I predicted a comeback in the preseason when I said, “Let’s put Tulo’s 2008 season into a strait jacket and then submerge it into Houdini’s Milk Can.”  Then I predicted a comeback from his poor early season struggles.  Without a poor April and May, he’d be the top ranked shortstop.  Yeah, he was that good in 2009.  I wish I believed in all of the steals he racked up this year, but his total is about three times the most he’s ever recorded in any season of professional ball.  Still, he’s good, and can get a bit better on the power side.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  65/20/85/.285/5, Final Numbers:  101/32/92/.297/20

4. Jason Bartlett – I didn’t believe the high average in May and I still don’t (he hit around .230 in September).  I’m pretty sure when February Grey gets around to going through guys that will disappoint in 2010, Bartlett’s name will be there.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  90/14/66/.320/30

5. Ben Zobrist – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.  Final Numbers:  91/27/91/.297/17

6. Michael Young – In the preseason, he looked like he was headed for the Chariot of Empty Averages.  Turned out he still had some pop in his bat.  (Not pop meaning soda for those reading in Minnesota.)  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  100/10/85/.310/10, Final Numbers:  76/22/68/.322/8

7. Jimmy Rollins – I predicted his steals would come down and they may fall a bit more next year, too.  What should stop falling is his average.  He had some bad luck this year.  Might need one on those waving porcelain cats that are in sushi restaurants.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  115/16/75/.280/40, Final Numbers:  100/21/77/.250/31

8. Miguel Tejada – Wait a second, forget Jose Reyes, where is Stephen Drew?  Tejada did pretty much what I thought he would, except for a higher average.  Expect Jim Bunning to ask Congress to withdraw Tejada’s high average because of an unrealistic BABIP.  Preseason Rank #11, 2009 Projections:  90/15/75/.285/7, Final Numbers:  83/14/86/.313/5

9. Asdrubal Cabrera – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.  Preseason Rank #19, Final Numbers:  81/6/68/.308/17

10. Yunel Escobar – Why can’t Yunel just steal 10 bases? Adam Dunn can steal 10 bases.  Ryan Howard stole 8 bases.  Shoot, McCann nearly stole as many as Yunel in 2009.  At least do it for your fantasy baseball owners.  (Isn’t it weird how some players sound better when you call them by their first name and some better by their last name?  I would never call McCann by Brian or Yunel by Escobar.  BTW II, doesn’t Yunel by Escobar sound like a douchebag clothing designer?  Ed Hardy? Pfft!  I’m wearing Yunel by Escobar.)  Preseason Rank #14, 2009 Projections:  90/13/65/.300/3, Final Numbers:  89/14/76/.299/5

11. Marco Scutaro – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post. Final Numbers:  100/12/60/.282/14

12. Orlando Cabrera – O-Cab < Taxi Cab Confessions < Cash Cab.  Yes, this top 20 is so shallow that one good month would get you on the list.  Preseason Rank #12, 2009 Projections:  90/7/65/.280/20, Final Numbers:  83/9/77/.284/13

13. Ryan Theriot – In May, I traded Theriot and Adam Dunn for Joe Reyes.  Have I mentioned how much I hate Reyes?  I’d take 20+ steals from my futility infielder over Yunel’s brand of yawnstipating stats.  Preseason Rank #16, 2009 Projections:  90/2/40/.295/25, Final Numbers:  81/7/54/.284/21

14. Erick Aybar – Really scary how unreliable some of the guys in this top 20 were for extended periods of time.  This is why I play fast and furious with my MIs.  Aybar’s hot?  Play him!  Yunel on a streak?  Play him!  Beckham?  What the hey!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  70/5/58/.312/14

15. Alexei Ramirez – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post. Preseason Rank #4, Final Numbers:  71/15/68/.277/14

16. Elvis Andrus – 30+ steals, nice.  Do I hear 40+?  Maybe next year I do.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections: 55/3/35/.250/20, Final Numbers:  72/6/40/.267/33

17. Maicer Izturis – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.  Final Numbers:  74/8/65/.300/13

18. Clint Barmes – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.  Preseason Rank #20, 2009 Projections:  75/12/55/.270/12, Final Numbers:  69/23/76/.245/12

19. Rafael Furcal – He actually came pretty close to the numbers I predicted for him if he only played one month.  Wow, what happened to this schmohawk?  Mark Reynolds stole a dozen bases more than Furcal.  To quote DeNiro in Goodfellas, what’s the world coming to?  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  95/15/65/.285/35 or 25/6/40/.390/7, Final Numbers:  92/9/47/.269/12

20. Gordon Beckham – If he had a full season of Runs and RBIs, he would’ve been a top ten shortstop.  Note to Grey:  Write a lot about him leading up to 2010.  Follow up note, you already did.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  58/14/63/.270/7

Yesterday, Andy LaRoche made a last ditch effort for some of his parents’ love.  He went 5-for-5, with 2 homers, 4 Runs and 6 RBIs.  He had his best month of the season in September and he’ll still be 26 next year.  I might actually own Pirate players next year.  Weird!  BTW, the Pirates were playing in their final home game of the year in what has been a miserable decade season.  With this last opportunity for the Pirates to give their fans something to cheer about, the 3rd base coach put the brakes on LaRoche as he rounded 2nd heading to third on a long double.  Who cares right?  LaRoche needed a triple for the cycle!  Wait, it gets better.  Zach Duke is cruising for the entire game.  Runs into slight trouble in the 9th inning, but the Pirates have an 11-1 lead.  So what does the manager do with two outs, the never fear-inducing Blake DeWitt at-bat and Duke dealing with a very reasonable 103 pitch count?  He lifts Duke rather than let him get the complete game.  The Pirates deserve contraction.  /rant  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Hiroki Kuroda – 4 IP, 10 baserunners, 3 ER and 7 runs total.  As he provided a Ticker Shock.

Garrett Jones – HR and steal yesterday as he went 2-for-5.  On the season, he’s sitting at 21 homers and 10 steals with a .305 average.  That’s in 292 at-bats.  I think Robot Jones might officially be overrated next year, unless everyone thinks he’ll be overrated which could make him underrated or just rated.  Hard to say.  If I had to guess, I think people will assume he’s a fluke and he’ll go later than he should.

Josh Beckett – Scratched from his start vs. the Jays.  I wouldn’t wait around to see if he starts again this season if you need starters.  Chances are the Sawx throw him for only a few innings as a tuneup for the playoffs, if they throw him at all.

Brett Gardner – Gardner, Melky, Hinske, Shelley “I Will High Five You So Hard Your Momma Feels It” Duncan, Miranda-Something-Or-Other, Ramiro Pena and Cervelli.  What is the Yankees lineup a day after clinching?  Yes, that’s right.  We would’ve also accepted, what the Yankees lineup would’ve l0oked like all year if they had the same injuries as the Mets?  For fantasy baseball purposes, this isn’t great that your Yanks are sitting, but I don’t think Girardi is going to want them rusty so the regulars should see at least 4 games this week.

Jair Jurrjens – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks.  With only one start left on the year, his ERA is 2.61.  Zoinks!  Of course, I’d love for him to strikeout more guys, but it’s hard to argue with his year.  Of course, he’s no Wandwagon.  But who is?

Anibal Sanchez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 walks and that’s why I wouldn’t ever start him.

John Danks – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Every time I think I’m done with Danks (last game 6 IP, 7 ER), he pulls me back in with a start like this.  I’m warning you now, I’m going to like him again next year.

Cole Hamels – 6 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Damn you, Verducci Effect.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-5 as he had his second 4 hit game in three days while batting over .500 in the last week.  At 13 homers, 5 steals and a .313 average, he’s been one of the biggest surprises this year for me.  Since those numbers aren’t that overwhelming, you can imagine how much I expected of him this year.

Gabe Kapler – HR yesterday.  Now that’s how you break a fast.

Grant Balfour – Got the save yesterday because when the bottle stopped spinning it was pointing at him.

Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks as the Angels win the West.  Count on most of the Angels lineup sitting or phoning it in tomorrow.  That’s a slight endorsement for the Rangers starter tomorrow, Feldman.

Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-3, 3 Runs and a RBI when he was replaced by Millar.  No word if he left because of a serious injury or just to emphasis how scary it is that I care what happened to him.

Colby Rasmus – This video was shot exactly 500 yards from Colby Rasmus.  If you think that is bad, you should see the one for Chris Davis.  It’s just a guy singing honkytonk at a Dallas bar and striking out with every woman he tries to serenade.

Brandon Webb may miss the rest of the season.  Nothing good comes from drafting a top pitcher.  Nothing, I tell you.  I own Peavy in two leagues, so I’m right there with youse.  Remind next year to revert back to not drafting starters in the first five rounds.  Actually, next year you probably will be able to get Webb and Peavy after the fifth round.  Hmm, that’s a pickle.  Guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Webb was diagnosed with an “Ain’t Getting Better” problem.  Captain Obvious says, “When a guy misses three months, then goes for an MRI, it’s not a good sign.”  I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s shutdown for the year.  But you’ve held him this long, what’s another day or two to hear the full prognosis?  BTW, prognosis is doctor-talk for the 411.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Coco Crisp – Out for the season when his shoulder went snap, crackle, pop.

Carlos Beltran – Out on the 15-day DL.  Now, get this, the Mets say the best case scenario is he returns in 15 days.  Crazy, right?  I wonder what the best case scenario would’ve been if he was out on the 14-day DL.  Or 16-day DL.

Joel Pineiro – Two hit the Mets with one strikeout.  In other the news, Willie Randolph laughs.

Joey Votto – Returned to the lineup after being out for almost a month on the Dizzabled List.  I still think he can surpass Berkman’s numbers this season.  (Doesn’t hurt that Berkman’s having a season for the old ages.)  I’d buy into Votto picking up right where he left off.

Grady Sizemore – 2-for-5 in his return.  I’m not crazy about Grady going forward.  Elbow’s a tricky thing and Sizemore doesn’t seem to have a volume down button on his hustle.

Brandon Inge – Hit his 17th homer yesterday.  Matt Wieters hit his 2nd.

Magglio Ordonez – Liquid Paper, be damned.  Leyland returned Ordonez to the lineup in the 7th hole.  Mags repaid him with an 0-for-2 night, then Raburn eventually replaced him and hit a walkoff homer.  Now Raburn needs to play 2,130 consecutive games then Gary Cooper Jr. Jr. can play him in The Pride of the Tigers.

Kosuke Fukudome – Batted seventh yesterday.  Okay, he’s crizzap.  No argument here.  But he does have a .390 OBP.

Jake Fox – DNP as Hoffpauir DH’d.  The day before Fox hit third.  Piniella’s following the Leyland School of Filling Out a Lineup Card.  One day, they don’t play.  The next day, they hit third.  Following day, sit out again.  You figure it out.

Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-3, batting .297 on the season.  Wasn’t he just batting .415 and carrying Nats Nation on his shoulders?

David Huff – 8 IP, 0 ER.  Now he has a story to tell his grandkids when they ask about his career highlight.

Ian Snell – 2 2/3, 4 ER.  Member when this guy was good?  Think it was the autumn of ‘06.  A burial cave dating back to the 1st century BC was discovered, the Crocodile Hunter met his match with a stingray and Snell won a game.  Good times!

Jhonny Peralta – HR yesterday.  Someone wasn’t happy Khalil was taking all the weirdly placed H love.

Jason Frasor – Got the save.  Frasor and the ‘do split, and it’s now safe to drop everyone else from the Jays pen.

David Price – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER and nine baserunners.  From the comments Razzball received yesterday, I’d say Price’s owners aren’t too happy with him.  I’d look at buying him on the cheap.  They’re zigging?  Zag, friend, zag!

John Mayberry – HR yesterday.  All he does is hit home runs!  No, really, that’s all he does.

B.J. Upton – 2-for-5. .430 in the last week.  .330 in June.  If he hits 3 homers a month for the next three months and continues to steal near his current pace, he’ll go 15/50.

Matt Lindstrom – Mollywopped for three runs in 2/3 of an inning.  Leo Nunez left before that with a sprained ankle.  Those with sprained patience could grab Dan Meyer as he’d be next in line in Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Dolphins/Brought to you by Blockbuster Stadium.  Though I think Lindstrom has a few more closetastrophes in him before we get to Meyer.

Andrew Miller -7 IP, 1 ER.  Nice start, I’m still not buying.

Koji Uehara – 6 IP, 1 ER.  I like him, but would love to see him get out of the sixth inning in one of these games.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 3 ER.  Even when the start’s good, he chucks in five walks.

Casey McGehee – 2-for-5.  No one else is going to hit for the Brewers?  Everyone’s favorite novel, “Picking Up Slack,” by McGehee.

Billy Butler – 2 homers in the last four games.  That’s one homer for each moob.

Miguel Tejada – 3-for-4, Tay-HA-duh’s still hitting an empty .337.  Say-Blah-duh.

Tommy Hanson – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER.  Sure, you’re annoyed you benched him, but five walks through just over five and nine baserunners isn’t a great start.  Benching him was the right move.

Jorge Posada – Donned the golden sombrero and is now hitting .230 in June.

Hiroki Kuroda – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks.  All those starters people DL in hopes of them returning with value and Kuroda will probably exceed them all.  Sure, he gets smacked oops upside his head sometimes, but he’s also lights out plenty of other times.  Grey hearts Kuroda.  Actually, Grey hearts 95% of NL West pitchers not named Jonathan Sanchez.  Fingers, why are you talking about me in third person?  My bad.

Felipe Lopez – 3-for-5 and has hit in 18 of 20 games this month.  But… Wait for it… Here it comes… Is batting .262 in June.  Hey, one-for-fours, say hello to your mother for me.

Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  Six innings and guess how many pitches.  119.  I feel an idea coming on for the All-Star game festivities that involves Scherzer and Kershaw facing off with no bullpens allowed.

Troy Tulowitzki – Two homers as Razzball’s favorite son is back.  Now to get going Razzball’s favorite uncle, Nick Markakis.

Chad Gaudin – 11 Ks.  Wait, huh?  Eleven strikeouts.  Ah, yes, that’s the stuff.

Scott Hairston – Returned from the DL and slid right back into the number three hole.  Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Beltran’s out.  That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie.  Different things.

Sammy Sosa – Claims are surfacing that he altered his jersey to make his arms look bigger.  It was only after team officials convinced him that he shouldn’t leave on the rubber tie-offs that he put on his arms pre-injection.  “But they make me look like The Ultimate Warrior!”