Ben Zobrist had a pretty good day yesterday. A double slam and legs and 10 RBIs. Zobrist’s wife, an aspiring singer of Christian pop music, wrote a song about Zobrist’s day called, “The Day The Lord Shined His Lovelight On Ben.” Its B-side is “Here’s The Church, Here’s The Steeple, God’s Fifth Outfielder Is Jason Kubel.” Both are pretty catchy. Kirk Cameron would rock them on his iPod. He’d unironically say, “Holy smokes! These are awesome!” Zobrist had a great day, doesn’t mean he’s the meow’s cat. His value may never be higher if you’re thinking you’d like to trade him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Hit his first home run of the year as he went Mono y Mano with the pitcher. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Domonic Brown is set to have surgery today and will be out for 4-6 weeks. At least that’s what the Phillies are saying. Brown is missing crucial time to get up to speed for the upcoming season, so he’s going to need time in the minors once he’s recovered. The hamate bone injury also causes hitters to lose power when they return, for up to a year later. So maybe Domonic Brown comes back healthy in May. And maybe Jessica Alba likes mustaches and I have a chance. Put your maybes in a time capsule and someone in hundred years will open it and say, “Um, who cares?” He was only a 12/14 hitter to begin with. Now, what do you get? 8/10? Sounds like Chris Denorfia. Chris Denorfia wasn’t that interesting when I dated a person by the same name in high school and they went by Christine. You really don’t want a piece now. Anyway, here’s some more news for fantasy baseball:
Ben Francisco – Will take over for Domonic Brown. Just draft Francisco late for a 15/15 type season and hope he stays in the lineup even when Brown is healthy. Basically, Francisco’s going to give you what you should’ve been expecting from Brown without all the sexy-time spinning tassels. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Tulo!” and now you don’t have baseball or your girlfriend. C’mon, calender, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2010. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On May 23rd, Jason Heyward was scratched with a sore thumb. Seems harmless, right? As they say in Norway, “A-ha! (Best group ever.)” Turns out he has a strained ligament in his thumb and is headed to the DL. Member when I said I dropped him about a month or so ago? In your face fantasy baseball gods! (It was a shallow, no bench league, stop judging me for dropping Heyward. I can feel your stares.) Since May 23rd, Heyward has a line of 16/2/12/.210/2. If my math is right, that’s not a good month. No wonder he dodged the Strasburg bullet train last night. He’s scurred, Mystikal. Okay, I do really like Heyward, but this thumb injury could linger until the offseason. Not a great sign. He may not revisit his mollywhopping, pony stick ways until into The One-One. For those doing a bid in redraft leagues, DL him if you can and hope the rest helps his sucky thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has a poor xFIP, a terrible K-rate and a meh walk rate. It’s not a trick, it’s an illusion! Please, blog, may I have some more?
In a year where umpires like Joe West and Bill Hohn are doing all they can to show they are far from perfect, Jim Joyce went one step further by having his imperfection blow someone else’s perfection. It’s like that O. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hisanori Takahashi had a nearly identical line last night as his last start; 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. A) I’m chalking it up to his histrionic delivery. All of it. You baffle people who haven’t seen you when you throw the ball between your legs and shake your tukis afterwards. B) Did I just say tukis? Hey, I’m Eli Whiteside! C) He could continue to baffle people for a good couple of months. D) He plays in Metco. E) I can’t believe there was a D let alone an E. F) A long long way to run. G) He gets the Padres next. H) He’s in the NL on a team that can win some games. Why not own him? Seriously, grab him now. I) Am writing this. J) Buhner. K) There’s no K, there’s never a K. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 and a home run. Thank you, Lord. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday’s short schedule day reminded me of an old Chinese proverb. Since a lot of you don’t speak Chinese, I’ll translate it for you. If you can grab a hitter or two on a short schedule day, you should. In bed. I’d take a season of 0-for-4′s from my one day hitter pickups just for that outside chance I get one homer. There is nothing more rewarding in fantasy, except maybe the one day pitcher grabs that nets you solid ratios and a Win. Those are kinda sweet too. So I decided to look at some guys that are probably owned in less than 50% of most leagues who could get you some value in fantasy baseball. Because it’s just under two months into the season, a lot of names listed are fluky. For instance, Luke Scott gets hot for 7 games and they’re all at home then suddenly he’s the best home slugger. Most times picking up a hitter for one day really is about the hitter vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hanley Ramirez said he wasn’t lollygagging after the ball. I see his point. You can’t chase after the ball. You kick the ball to the curb, neg it then hope the ball comes back to you. That’s Pickup Artist Rules 101. Hanley was benched yesterday and now there’s talk he may get traded. Fredi said, “We don’t want the game played like that in front of our fans.” Insert your “There are no Marlin fans” joke here. I don’t think he’s traded away. In fact, I think all this shizz blows over in a day or so. What are the Marlins going to do? Trade away their best player? As someone in the audience of Jerry Springer might say, “Pay first month on that puh-lease.” Fredi Gonzalez will be out of job before Hanley gets traded. Hanley being Manny and the Marlins will learn to deal with it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cameron Maybin – Hit his 2nd homer of the year. That’s so Maybin! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Javier Vazquez went seven innings, giving up 2 ER with 7 baserunners and recording 7 Ks as he lowered his ERA to 8.10. Though, he could’ve gave up 6 runs in 7 innings and would’ve lowered his ERA. Do I think Javy released his inner leprechaun and found the pot on the other side of his crappy pitching? Yes and no. There was no way Vazquez was going to pitch a 9.78 ERA all year. I mean, c’mon, that was obscene. He had given up more runs than innings. He was getting Pwnson’d every time out. The rest of the way he should be around a 4 to 4.50 ERA guy. There’s room to own that, but don’t expect last year this year, clear? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Phil Hughes – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks and now has a 1.38 ERA on the year. I really wanted to own Hughes this year. Alas, it didn’t happen. Alas II, I did draft Joba. Alas III, I dropped Joba before he got any saves. Alas IV, there’s no Alas IV. Dur. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse. In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats. Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial. If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders. He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow. In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good. The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save. Save vultures, commence vulturing. Please, blog, may I have some more?