Fantasy Baseball Advice

Went over the top 20 and top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball.  Now, friends, it’s time for the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball.  The top 20 catchers are the glass of warm milk right before you go to sleep.  Hey, I just drafted Jorge Posada!  Snooze.  I love Kurt Suzuki this year!  Yawn.  I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues.  The fifth best catcher and the 15th best catcher are tomato, to-blah-to.  Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Barajas?  What’s Spanish for punt?  Punta?); some of you might want to know the top catchers.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Napoli.  In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them.  You can see other top 20 lists for 2010 fantasy baseball under 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2010 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Joe Mauer – This is the first tier.  This tier ends at V-Mart.  I call this tier, “Well, if you’re going to take a top catcher, here they are.”  Went over Mauer’s projections in my top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball.

2. Brian McCann – Everyone has Victor Martinez in this spot, but I’m not everyone.  If you want to read everyone, I’m sure you can find them.  In 2010, McCann is going to be 26 years old; V-Mart is 31.  In one hundred extra at-bats last year, V-Mart only hit 2 more homers.  Am I predicting Martinez runs over a fire hydrant while Jason Varitek chases him with golf clubs?  No, that’s not what I’m saying.  He’s ranked 3rd for me.  Since I’m not drafting either of these guys outside of 2 catcher leagues, it’s all academic.  I think this is the year McCann can blossom, Joey Lawrence.  2010 Projections:  80/28/105/.295/3

3. Victor Martinez – As mentioned above (you are reading every nook and cranny, right, muffin?), V-Mart’s still as productive as they come.  His move to the Sawx only helped his value.  Though I do think the Sawx hitters are a lot more intimidating in theory than reality.  “Oh, no, Kevin Youkilis.  I’m scared.”  “Watch out, here comes a Latin 34 David Ortiz and he’s wearing a Snuggie cause his old man bones are cold.”  Yeah, I don’t think this is your slightly older brother’s Red Sox who regales you with tales of 2004.  2010 Projections:  85/25/110/.300

4. Matt Wieters – This is a new tier.  This tier ends at Napoli.  This tier is called, “I like these guys and would draft them, but I’m not drafting them before 100th overall.”  If you were to extrapolate Wieters numbers from last year and if extrapolate were the right word, you’d have a catcher who hit about 16 homers.  As my Jewish grandmother used to say, big whoop.  His splits were encouraging and he’s as talented as the hype is making him out to be.  I could see drafting him then trading him early in the season.  I predict his value will be at its peak just before the season begins.  As you’ll see from my projections, he’ll be good, but, in the end, he’s still a catcher.  2010 Projections:  70/18/85/.305

5. Miguel Montero – Montero’s not quite the .294 hitter he was last year and his HR/FB was a bit high, so we shouldn’t expect 20-plus from him.  I’ve seen a lot of fantasy baseball ‘perts put Posada around this spot in their rankings.  What’s Posada, 63 years old?  Bleh.  If Posada hits 22 homers again, I’ll eat my proverbial hat with a side of proverbial crow.  If you’re taking a catcher, why not at least take one with some upside?  2010 Projections:  65/17/80/.280

6. Mike Napoli – I’m a big fan of Napoli.  Owned him in leagues for the last two years.  Now I’m worried the people in the back of the room have finally caught up to what he can provide and he’ll be overrated.  Or worse, he’ll disappoint just to spite the bandwagoners.  He does not play every game.  You must know that when you draft him.  If you own Napoli, you must follow the Ron Popeil school of catchers and set him and forget him.  2010 Projections:  60/19/70/.260/5

7. Geovany Soto – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Iannetta.  I call this tier, “Post-hype fliers.”  Now remember I’m telling you to punt catcher, so when you see Soto at seven that doesn’t mean grab him in the top 100.  When I say I like Soto this year, it doesn’t mean go crazy with yourself.  He’s still just a catcher.  The reason why I like him and Iannetta this year is because at a shallow position you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t go for an upside pick.  To read more about Geovany Soto fantasy sleeper stuff.  2010 Projections:  65/18/80/.280

8. Chris Iannetta – This is my totally out of left field pick at catcher.  There’s no reason why he should be ranked this high.  He doesn’t even have a starting job.  And just because I have him this high doesn’t mean you draft him before someone else takes Posada or Suzuki or Russell Martin.  Iannetta will be there later on in the draft.  He hit 16 homers last year in 289 ABs.  He also had to battle a slew of injuries and a bad line drive rate.  Hey, it’s not all peaches and cream with Iannetta.  Still worth the flier.  2010 Projections:  50/17/65/.265

9. Jorge Posada – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Pierzynski.  I call this tier, “I wouldn’t draft these guys with your team.”  Posada’s on a great team and he’s shown few signs of slowing down.  He ended up in this tier because he’s just too overrated.  Last year’s homers were fluky.  Yes, I know the new Yankee Stadium plays like a Taiwanese Little League park.  There’s no way Posada’s good for 400 ABs.  He’s old as dog balls.  I give him 17 homers and I’m in a generous mood.  2010 Projections:  50/17/75/.280

10. Russell Martin – Martin is the opposite of the Post-Hype Sleeper pick.  He is the Still Overrated Because He Plays For The Dodgers pick.  If he played for the Pirates, you wouldn’t even think about drafting him.  He was deriving some value from his speed, but Torre’s abused him worse than the late-90’s Yankees bullpen.  On Bill James’s Speed Score, where 5 is average, Martin’s 2006 was 5.4; 2007 was 5.2; 2008 was 3.9 and 2009 was 3.3.  Soon, he’s going to need Lasorda to pinch run for him.  2010 Projections:  70/10/60/.280/10

11. Bengie Molina – The chunkier one of The Flying Molina Brothers.  Bengie yawnstipates me.  Is he really that different than Napoli?  No, not really, but he’s got as much upside as a dead parrot.  As of right now, he’s a free agent so he may drop further in these rankings depending on where he signs.  2010 Projections:  50/16/65/.270

12. Kurt Suzuki – I look at Suzuki and see a poor man’s Russell Martin.  That’s not a compliment.  2010 Projections:  65/12/65/.270/6

13. Yadier Molina – I see Yadier and I see a poor man’s Kurt Suzuki.  Yes, there’s a pattern emerging and it’s not pretty.  2010 Projections:  40/7/55/.285/5

14. A.J. Pierzynski – Please don’t draft A.J. Pierzynski.  2010 Projections:  55/12/65/.280

15. Ryan Doumit – This is the last tier.  I call this tier, “You’re obviously in a deep league so take a flier on some upside.”  Dear (fill-in deity of choice), I’m writing to you regarding Ryan Doumit.  All I ask of You is Doumit gets 400 ABs.  If you can make that happen, I promise to no longer cancel my girlfriend’s HGTV DVR recordings and pretend like I had no idea what happened.  2010 Projections:  50/16/60/.280/3

16. Buster Posey – I went over Buster Posey in 250-ish words in the Buster Posey 2010 fantasy outlook post.  2010 Projections:  55/14/65/.290/3

17. Tyler Flowers/Alex Avila – They need a starting job.  I’m working without a net here in January, so whether you draft them or not will be a March call.  You may need to even pick them up off waivers at some point in the season.  This won’t be the last time I write about them in the preseason, definitely will need to update them in spring training.  Flowers has great upside long term, but I’d keep expectations in check for 2010.  Or just remember Wieters’s 2009.  Avila has less upside long term, but more potential for 2010.  In the end, he’s really just some power.  Neither will be ownable unless they’re starting and hot.  Flowers’s 2010 Projections:  40/10/50/.275; Avila’s 2010 Projections:  40/12/55/.250

18. Kelly Shoppach - With Shoppach’s trade to the Rays, he gets a small boost.  He’s still a liability on average.  Though last year’s .214 looks like the outlier.  He’s closer to a .250 hitter.  He’s also still a plus on power.  If he can get 400 ABs, he could challenge 20 homers.  2010 Projections for Shoppach:  55/16/65/.245

19. Jesus Flores – You already know the schmohawks like Varitek and Barajas, so I wanted to end this list with some exciting names.   But, um, there’s not that many exciting names to be had.  Thankfully, most of you are in 15 team leagues are smaller with one catcher, so you’ll never have to even get this low.  And that brings us to Jesus Effin’ Flores.  (I have no idea why, but I always want to give him the middle name “Effin’.”)  Anyhoo, J.E.F. had a stress fracture in his shoulder last year which killed him, then arthroscopic surgery on his elbow…  Well, it’s real late in the catchers, what do you want?  These guys are longshots.  And, yes, Ivan Rodriguez is blocking Flores a bit on playing time.  2010 Projections:  55/15/65/.250

20. Ramon Hernandez – Trying to find an exciting 20th catcher to put on this list was torture.  Looked at John Baker — bleh.  Looked at the portmanteau of Jarlor Saltygarden — bleck.  Looked at Nick Hundley… Nick Hundley?!  Okay, let’s face it.  Young catchers usually disappoint.  So that left me with Ramon Hernandez.  Exciting, huh?  A healthy Ramon Hernandez could easily get the same numbers as Jorge Posada for half the price.  Now THAT’S exciting!!!  No, actually it still isn’t.  Oh, well.  2010 Projections:  55/17/65/.265

After the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball, there’s a few names, but this one stands out:

Carlos Santana – Here’s the deal broken down to you so simply that Larry The Cable Guy could understand.  Even if a rookie catcher or upside pick doesn’t produce, you lose him in the first month of the season for someone else.  Random schmohawk off of waivers will give you the same production as at least half of the catchers above.  As for Oye Como Va, he may not start the year in the majors, but if he does there’s upside there.  Check the 2010 fantasy baseball Carlos Santana post for further encouragement.  2010 Projections:  60/13/75/.280

Kick this post off with a little side note copulation.  Big Stein had it all wrong when he called Dave Winfield, Mr. May.  Jason Bay is Mr. May.  From 2005 to 2009, he’s hit 9, 12, 4, 7 and 10 homers, respectively.  Each May has been his biggest home run production month.  Even in 2007 when he hit 4 homers, it was still his biggest homer month for that year and easily his best average month at .336.  Like a drunk middle-aged man at Fantasy Fest, Bay is streaky.  But side note, um, aside, what does it mean for Jason Bay’s fantasy value now that he’s on the Mets?  We call The Mets Answer To The Stadium Adjacent To The House That Ruth Built, Metco.  In jest, partly.  Let’s face it, it’s not Petco.  Petco’s like those old-timey stadiums that had the monuments in center field.  That isn’t Kyle Blanks, that’s a Nate Colbert statue.  Metco isn’t that bad.  It’s still no cup of chamomile.  It’ll hurt Bay’s value a tad bit to go from Fenway to Metco, but his splits weren’t terrible.  He only had a few Fenway-aided homers.  Fenway did more to help his average, Runs and RBIs.  315 foot doubles can do that.  But these are quibbles.  His value isn’t going down the drain in Flushing.  Is he a 36 homer hitter?  I doubt it.  But I didn’t think he was even in Fenway.  He’s a 27-32 homer guy who has 10+ steal speed.  His average is always the iffy category.  He’s not much more than a .275 hitter without some luck.  So you’re looking at 95/30/110/.275/12 in 2010.  Anyway, here’s some more trades, signings, whatever-you-want-to-call-its and what they mean for 2010 fantasy baseball:

Mark DeRosa – Just when you think the Giants have turned the corner from giving out contracts to aging vets, along comes DeRosa.  Maybe Rich Aurilla can teach him how to go from productive to albatross.  DeRosa has flexibility with his position eligibility but other than for your 5th outfielder spot, you can do better.

Kelly Johnson – Love him on the Diamondbacks. No, too much.  Intrigued by him on the Diamondbacks. Yeah, intrigued, cause I talk like Comic Book Guy.  In certain circumstances, I’m excited to draft Kelly Johnson late as my middle infielder.  Yeah, that’ll work.  Last year, Bobby Cox never gave Johnson a fair shake.  He benched him against lefties, sat him when he slumped, told him he’d never be Marcus Giles… It was a trying time for a guy with a girl’s first name.  An every day job could easily translate to a 15/10 season.  Sounds yawnstipating, but at MI and where he’ll be drafted he’ll be a steal late in 2010 drafts.

Marlon Byrd – Another former Ranger heads to Chicago.  Next year, the Cubs can grab Nelson Cruz.  Wrigley won’t kill Byrd’s value, but his value was marginal at best.  He’s really only worth owning in 12 team leagues when he’s hot.

Miguel Olivo – To the Rockies.  I already wrote a flippin’ Chris Iannetta sleeper post that I planned on posting in January.  Olivo’s signing kinda screws the pooch a little on that.  I’ll probably post it anyway because I do like Iannetta a lot for 2010 and I already wrote the stupid post.  As for Olivo, if your Iannetta’s half full, then Olivo’s a backup that can hit 15 homers in part-time duty.  If your Iannetta’s half empty, then Olivo’s starting three to four times a week and hitting 20 homers.

It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started.  We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season.  You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.”  Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk.  Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad.  The regular season is done.  As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!”  There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our Preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2009. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2010.  Tell ‘em, B-Real, “How do you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  The top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer – I was reading from The Book of Right-On by Joanna Newsom (<–reference for our two girl readers.  Hey, ladies!) about all of Mauer’s numbers, except the homers.  For his power, I was dead wrong.  If I could have E.G. Marshall come to my defense, he’d say no one predicted more than 15 homers for Mauer.  I was still wrong.  Dead.  Flippin’.  Wrong.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3, Final Numbers:  94/28/96/.365/4

2. Pablo Sandoval – He wasn’t ranked in ESPN’s Player Rater at catcher because of eligibility requirements, but I ranked him as a catcher in the preseason, so the Kung Fu Panda gets a bye.  In the preseason, I said, “I have his 2009 projections as 60/14/65/.300.  I think he can get to 17+ home runs without losing anything on the average side.  He’s not as appealing to me as a 3rd baseman or a swimsuit model.”  I was half right, he would’ve made a decent 3rd baseman too.  I’ll miss Sandoval in the catchers slot next year.  Preseason Rank #13, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

3. Victor Martinez – I know you’ve abused your body with booze and babes for the last six months, but if you can remember back to the preseason, Martinez was risky coming into 2009 after a fakakta 2008.  He put those fears behind him and, with a little help from a trade to Sam Horn Nation, had a productive 2009.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

4. Brian McCann -  He’ll probably be my number one catcher again next year.  How’s that for being obstinate?  How’s that for knowing what obstinate means?  Can I get a Roget’s up in this mug?  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295, Final Numbers: 63/21/94/.281/4

5. Kurt Suzuki – At number five, we enter a group of catchers that were probably passed around in your league like blow at an Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart clam bake.  I think the fact that Suzuki is ranked this high proves the point better than I could ever about not paying for catchers.  Also, most of these guys were unranked, because, frankly, they weren’t even drafted.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/15/88/.274/8

6. Jorge Posada – I didn’t think he had another productive season in him.  Obviously, The Jet Stream thought different.  If only Bobby Meacham had a chance to play in that wind tunnel, he could’ve broke double digits for his career.  Preseason Rank #12, 2009 Projections:  55/12/65/.270, Final Numbers:  55/22/81/.285/1

7. Miguel Montero – Probably the best waiver wire claim for any catcher this year.  In my mind, Montero was more valuable than Suzuki even though he ranks above him.  If you agree, then we may share a mind.  Weird!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  61/16/59/.294/1

8. A.J. Pierzynski – Jesus Colome, is Pierzynski really this high on the catchers list?  What a terrible year for catchers.  I’d prefer a bunch of names below A.J. — Napoli, Olivo, Inge and even a Flying Molina Brother.  Can we just allow steroids for catchers?  C’mon, it wouldn’t be that bad.  Put the squatters on equal footing with the rest of the league.  Pierzynski is also the number one reason why you don’t draft catchers until the end of your draft.  They’re all so similar you could have easily had any number of guys below in the final rounds of your draft or off waivers and you would’ve done just fine.  Preseason Rank #20, 2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280, Final Numbers:  57/13/49/.300/1

9. Mike Napoli – With the amount of questions I fielded this year about dropping Napoli, you would think he wouldn’t have even made the top 20, let alone the top 10.  He’s the number one example why you should Ron Popeil your catcher and, “Set it and Forget It.”  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  55/23/65/.245/7, Final Numbers:  60/20/56/.272/3

10. Bengie Molina – I would’ve preferred this Flying Molina Brother a lot more than the one below.  Actually, I wouldn’t have owned the Yadier version.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  50/15/70/.275, Final Numbers:  52/20/80/.265

11. Yadier Molina – Here’s a good example of the poor catcher numbers this year.  I ranked Yadier 19th overall with numbers that aren’t that far off from where he ended up, but he ranks 11th here with terrible RBIs and Runs.  Preseason Rank #19, 2009 Projections:  35/7/50/.270, Final Numbers:  45/6/54/.293/9

12. Brandon Inge – In the first half of the season, Inge was on a binge.  In the 2nd half, Inge was on the fringe.   Sandoval knocks on my office window, “Did someone say open fridge?”  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  71/27/84/.230/2

13. Miguel Olivo – Two good months gets you 13th on the top 20 catcher rankings.  In an interesting aside to me and maybe three other readers, Olivo and John Buck combined for 31 homers and 101 RBIs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  51/23/65/.249/5

14. Russell Martin – Kinda shows you how awful Martin’s season was with the company he’s keeping on this list.  Here’s a juicy nugget I said back in February, “I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10, Final Numbers:  63/7/53/.250/11

15. John Baker – I have a feeling that Baker might be overrated next year.  Not sure why, just a gut call. (<–helpful, but less provocative than a booty call) Baker was decent for stretches of the season, but he still has very little power, no speed and not a great average.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  59/9/50/.271

16. Matt Wieters - In fairness to me, I projected Wieters’s 2009 stats in January way before I had any clue when he’d be called up.  He disappointed for most of the year, but his September (13/3/14/.362) gives hope that the hype should indeed be believed.  I’m a little giddy to draft him next year, which probably means others are a lot giddy and I won’t get him.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the minors, Final Numbers:  35/9/43/.288

17. Rod Barajas – An August when he hit 7 homers and batted .225 pushed him onto this list.  Yes, that was his good month.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  43/19/71/.226/1

18. Ivan Rodriguez – Man, the catchers are terrible this year.  This stunod I wouldn’t have owned in a 20 team league that only used catchers that were traded from the Astros to the Rangers mid-season. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  55/10/47/.249/1

19. Chris Iannetta – Here’s one of the problems with the ESPN Player Rater.  Iannetta wasn’t that terrible.  Okay, he wasn’t that good either.  But his average drags him down a lot.  A terrible average on a catcher is bearable because of how few ABs they get.  See Miguel Olivo for further illustration of this point.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265, Final Numbers:  41/16/52/.228

20. Carlos Ruiz – He had 11 April ABs and he made the top 20.  Yikes.  Guess that’s the perfect way to end a terrible year at the catching position.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 20th ranked catcher, Carlos Ruiz.  Belch.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  Do you care?  Final Numbers:  Not good, friends.

Randy Wells spells relief with D-R-O-P H-I-M.  3 2/3 IP, 3 ER in his previous start.  4 IP, 5 ER yesterday.  If this were an SAT question, the next game’s line in this series is 4 1/3 IP and 7 ER.  Four months of a 3 ERA is a good run, right?  Send him a postcard in March when he’s down in Arizona.  Or send him a basket of Port Wine cheese logs from Cracker Barrel.  Whatever.  He’ll forgive you for dropping him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edwin Jackson – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I’m Rockwell, and I’m watching you.  Now punt Jackson.

Brett Tomko – Shut down for the season.  Who makes a deal with the devil for only three weeks?  I know Dorian Gray.  You, sir, are not him.

Willie Bloomquist – 4-for-5 yesterday and he’s hitting .500 over the last week.  I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s here.  You get the gist… Or is it the ‘quist?

Alex Gordon – 1-for-4, Now batting .205.  [sarcasm] Yeah, the Royals were totally wrong to hold him down in the minors for financial reasons.  He’s totally producing now. [/sarcasm]

Zach Greinke – 5 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks.  Left the game with some swelling after a comebacker hit him on the elbow.  Word on the streets of Steve Balboni Blvd. is Greinke will be fine for his next start.

Miguel Olivo – Another homer yesterday.  Telling you right now, if you wait longer than a week.  He’ll be ice cold again.  He’s like Chiquita Banana’s boyfriend, he hits them in bunches.

Miguel Cabrera – Hit his 30th homer yesterday.  I wonder if after the game he got an Olivo hug.  (<–It’s called a hunch!)

John Danks – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Danks’s win got ganked by a jenky Jenks.  Say that fast 5 times.  Actually, don’t.  It’s a waste of time.

Brandon Morrow – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.  He’s walking too many and we (me and you… I’m actually sitting next to you — Hey!) don’t have time for him to correct himself.  He gets the Rays next, which isn’t an awful start, but it’s highly risky right now.

Wade Davis – 9 IP, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks.  This start and his last start (2 2/3 IP, 8 ER) epitomizes the rookie pitcher.  You like to ride the roller coaster, but sometimes you end up vomiting.

Shane Victorino – Speaking of vomiting, Victorino has food poisoning and will miss a day or two as he’s now, The Upchucking Hawaiian.

Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save.  This is a pretty comical set-up Manuel’s configured here.  If the Phils are up by three runs, they bring in Lidge for the save.  1 or 2 runs, it’s Madson.  That’s gotta be a nice confidence booster for Lidge.  You suck, but I trust you enough to not be totally sucky.

Chris Coghlan – 4-for-4, 1 Run.  If anyone can have a 4-for-4 with only 1 run and no steals or RBIs, it’s Coghlan.  He yawnstipates me pretty badly.

Rich Harden – Will have a start skipped for ineffectiveness rather than an injury.  This is an absolute first for Harden.  I mean, a missed start because of an injury is his Pass Line.

Carlos Zambrano – This doesn’t have a huge effect on fantasy baseball, but I found it slightly amusing.  The Cubs said they would try to trade Big Z in the offseason.  He said he would use his no-trade clause.  Now Carlos doesn’t necessarily strike me as someone that would be happy-happy-joy-joy if he were on another team, but I like that he doesn’t even want to try for happiness somewhere else.  I pitch poorly at home (almost a full run higher in Wrigley over three years), I attack the Gatorade bucket with my fisticuffs and I look downright miserable in just about every start, but, you know what?  I’m staying right here. I imagine Big Z reads a lot of Sylvia Plath.

Daisuke Matsuzaka returned from his bout of Terriblitis to pitch effectively vs. the Angels. 6 IP, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. He almost looked as good as when he won the MVP of the World Baseball Classic.   Ah, yes, Selig, it’s a brilliant idea.  We’re a global game now.  Next time I’m in Italy, my paisans and I will talk all about baseball over our Chianti.  I’m not a huge fan of Dice-K (the walks), but he was solid in his rehab stint and he does get the Orioles next.  That’s not a terrible match up.  I wouldn’t own him, but we can still get along if you do.  One love!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jake Peavy – The on again, on again, then off again, then briefly on, then briefly off, then on again comeback is on again for Saturday vs. the Royals.

Victor Martinez – Here’s an SAT question for you.  Martinez left the club for “personal reasons.”  Grey knows what it means when his girlfriend takes off a day from work for “personal reasons.” So this means that Martinez left the club because of what?

Michael Young – He kept saying he would return on Friday.  Then he returned yesterday.  Then he was lifted for a pinch hitter after one at-bat.  See what happens to liars.  He now says he really will be back this Friday.  Mmm-hmm.

Andy Pettitte – Will miss a start with a sore shoulder.  I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the Yankee team has a “sore shoulder” on and off for the next few weeks as they gear up for the playoffs.

Carlos Marmol – Piniella calls Marmol the closer for 2010.  With the amount of walks Marmol gives up, I don’t think Piniella should cancel the Milk of Magnesia bulk order just yet.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks and his 10th Win.  He has a 2.65 ERA on the year with nearly a K/IP.  He far exceeded my expectations for him or, really, any rookie pitcher.

Adam LaRoche – 4-for-4, 2 HRs yesterday.  Maybe if LaRoche starts playing in Venezuela in the winter, then by April he’ll think it’s the All-Star Break.

Matt Wieters – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and a homer yesterday.  For everyone’s sake, hope he doesn’t have a great final three weeks, so people partially forget about him next year.

Geovany Soto – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and a homer.  Speaking of catchers who drove you mad this year, Soto’s been hot in September, hitting over .350.

Yovani Gallardo - 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners.  YoGa, why do you stress me?  I would’ve totally accepted him getting scratched before this game rather than this start.

Robinson Tejada – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  He was highlighted in yesterday’s post about borderline starters.  You scroll down.  Also, it’s Ta-HEY-duh not Tay-HA-duh, but both are from Baní, Dominican Republic.  You think in Baní there’s a lot of people saying, “Is it hey or ha?”

Miguel Olivo – Hit his 20th homer yesterday.  He gets so incredibly hot when he’s actually hitting the ball and not striking out.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Olivo hits 5 more homers in the next two weeks.

Magglio Ordonez – Went 0-for-3 with a strikeout, but the 3 at-bats will mean he’ll make $18 million next year.  Just in case you wanted a reason to run into traffic.

Travis Snider – 2 HRs yesterday.  See about 4 1/2 inches above under Wieters for why we don’t want Snider to get too hot.  Unless, I guess, if you own him.  But that’s just selfish.  Think about us!

Nick Swisher – 6 for his last 13 with a homer as he hits over .300 in September.

Cliff Lee – The Adverb threw a shutout with 9 Ks vs. the Nationals.

David Ortiz – HR yesterday.  I don’t own him, so, honestly, I don’t pay too much attention to how poor Ortiz is hitting on a day-to-day basis.  But, with that said, he’s batting .233.  When he bats, the opposing team should move the left side of the infield into the dugout.

Roy Oswalt – 5 IP, 4 ER, 3 Ks vs. the Reds.  Charlie Hough wearing a Wolverine Mechanical Claw from Toys R Us could strike out 3 Reds.

Kaz Matsui – HR yesterday and has 4 steals in the last week.  I’m guessing here, but I betcha he’s going to be in Friday’s Buy/Sell.

Heath Bell – 1 IP, 2 ER and the Bell has tolled every time in his last three appearances, giving up 7 runs.  Meanwhile, Grey notices Luke Gregerson has 15 consecutive scoreless innings dating back a month.

Barry Zito – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks.  He gets the Diamondbacks next.  Not a terrible start, but he’ll be facing Haren.

Chipper Jones – Guess what?  Glass Chipper’s out for a few more days, might be longer.  Punt!

Carlos Beltran – 5-for-20, 1 homer, 2 RBIs, 0 steals and he’s sat out three games since his return.  Cust kayin’.

Francisco Rodriguez – Left the club to be with his wife as she gave birth.  This would’ve been so much easier if he would’ve just knocked up Aaron Hill’s wife.