Fantasy Baseball Advice

Lance without an ACL isn’t NE good.  With a torn meniscus, Lance Berkman is only out for six to eight weeks.  “Hello, I’m Keith Morrison of Dateline.  Today’s story is about an aging vet.  A vet that the media began reporting as finished.  Done.  But where this vet saw the end, his knee saw just a setback.  Also, on tonight’s Dateline:  Can you get cancer from playing with your cat?”  Berkman and I haven’t always seen eye to eye.  Last year, he berated me in the comments for not believing in him, then disappeared this year when he wasn’t going well.  I hold no ill feelings towards him.  That competitive edge that drove him to compete also drove him to comment on our site.  Last year, A-Rod missed 6 weeks with a torn meniscus.  I’d put him and Berkman around the same level of gimpiness.  So Lance B. coming back around mid- to late-July.  With Berkman out, Matt Adams should have a nice long leash.  I already went over my Matt Adams fantasy.  I wrote it while cringing at contestants on The Next Food Network Star.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Neftali Feliz – To the DL with right elbow inflammation and could be out for 6 weeks or longer.  This is the Rangers simply watching his innings so he’s okay in the playoffs.  Wouldn’t shock me to see him not starting again until August, unless the Rangers start sliding in the division, which seems doubtful without the Angels, A’s and M’s all combining into one super-mediocre team, the Mangelics, then combining all of their wins.

Roy Oswalt – The Rangers are suddenly interested in bringing in Oswalt.  Uh-oh, the Mangelics better bring in Cliff Lee.

Yu Darvish – 4 IP, 4 ER.  He’s only been roughed up twice this year.  Both times vs. the Mariners.  Now, I’m not saying anything funny’s going on here, but… Well, I am.  When I was in Little League, my best friend was the best pitcher in our league and, before a game where we were facing off, he came to me and said he’d groove a pitch for me to hit.  As anyone knows who has played baseball, if you know a ball is going to be right down Broadway, your confidence boosts and you hit the ball hard.  So far, Ichiro hasn’t hit anything well this year, except against Yu.  They’re guilty!  Hmm… Now that I think about it, this will be a good anecdote to get me out of jury duty.

Sean Marshall – Got the one out save yesterday because Aroldis was used a lot recently, and doing 93 in a 55 rather than 99 in a 60 and 6 inches.

Mike Leake – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks while pitchslapping Mike Minor.  Totally solid game from Mike Leake, which sounds like a name Bart would ask for at Moe’s.  His K-rate hasn’t been good and, in most mixed leagues, I’d wait to see more before adding him.

Drew Stubbs – 2 hits, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and 2 homers.  That’s two by four, which is a Hacksaw Jim Duggan Special!

Zack Cozart – 2-for-4 with a homer.  Buh-bye, Freddy Galvis and Dozier or whatever schmohawks I was rocking at shortstop.  I’m back in on Cozart.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer while batting .280.  He’s been so much better than Ryan Zimmerman, and now my blood pressure is higher than Billy Joel’s cholesterol.

Henry Rodriguez – 1/3 IP, 1 ER and was pulled for the Sean Burnett save.  Johnson said he’s had it up to “here” with Rodriguez.  The “here” being about 4 feet lower than Rodriguez throws most of his pitches.  Johnson indicated he could just go to a committee, which never makes anything better from a fantasy standpoint.  I’m gonna hold BB-Rod in my leagues, because Johnson has gone back to him before.  In leagues where you’re desperate for saves, Burnett and Clippard could see opportunities.

Vernon Wells – Has a torn thumb ligament.  Will be out for at least 2 months.  The Angels are in talks to acquire Adam Lind.  I’m kidding.  The Angels have labeled their Blue Jays iPhone contact as “Telemarketer” so they never answer the phone when they call.

Jerome Williams – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  You, “Coming off a bunch of solid starts, then Jerome gives up ten baserunners in 6 1/3 innings against the A’s in O(that’s a big stadium).co.  What gives, Grey?”  I streamed him, that’s what.

Miguel Montero – Left yesterday’s game with a groin strain, which is more painful but less annoying than a strained groan.

Chris Davis – 2-for-4 with his 6th homer.  He’s hitting .350 over the last week and, like Mr. Chiquita Banana, he usually hits them in bunches.

Jason Marquis – Twins designated him for assignment.  Man, the Twins are pink-slipping more people than Victoria’s Secret.

Ryan Braun – Homered then left yesterday’s game (which still might be going) with some groin tightness.  I used to get that whenever my 10th grade English teacher called on me.  Very embarrassing.

Irving Falu – 1-for-3, hitting .415 since his call-up.  Irving Falu, who sounds like the only Jewish Hawaiian in the world — “Hey, guys let’s have a luau, but instead of burying a pig, let’s bury a brisket,” could fill in while Getz gets (stutterer!) better from his rib injury.

Felipe Paulino – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Yes, you should pick him up.  Yes, now.  This will be here when you return.  If you want the gist of the rest of the post before you go, here, “And that’s me quoting me!  C) There is no C.  Schmohawk, yawnstipating, hot schmotato… SAGNOF!”  Now go!

Jeff Francoeur – 4-for-4 on Sunday, a homer on Monday, on your team on Tuesday.

Orlando Hudson – White Sox announced that Hudson would be their 3rd baseman.  I’d rather Orlando who ran the strip joint on The Wire be my team’s 3rd baseman.  The White Sox were seeking a vacation from 3rd base mediocrity and settled on the lamest choice possible – Orlando.

Jeremy Hefner – Will be taking over Miguel Batista’s spot in the rotation while he’s on the DL.  Hefner sounds like a Playboy heir, but his career AA/AAA stats (6-7 K/9, 2-3 BB/9) look like he’s more of a hustler.

Brian Roberts – Said he was close to starting a rehab assignment.  On a side note, his picture looks like he saw the Ghost Of His Former Self.

Jose Reyes – 4 for his last 10 with 3 steals.  Hey, the fifteen minute handshake that ends with Ozzie lighting a fire under his ass is working.

Austin Kearns – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs, and a steal as he started in left field.  With Gaby causing the Marlins Triple-A affiliate to build a women’s locker room and Logan playing 1st base, Kearns might see time in the outfield.  Really only an NL-Only play for now.

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4 as he crushed Jamie Moyer with a grand salami.  Hey, Giancarlo, I like cougars too!

Matt Garza – 3 IP, 7 ER. Ouch… Wait, what?  Oh, God, I’m bleeding from all sides!  Please, make it stop!

Bud Norris – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks as he lowered his ERA to 3.14.  I’ve been telling you to pick him up since April.  We’re good, right?  All right, cool.

Chris Johnson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer.  Nothing says desperation like picking up Chris Johnson before he gets around the bases.  Chris Johnson, welcome to the Grey Albright All-Stars, feel free to use my lineup for your bathroom.

Jed Lowrie – 3-for-4 with a slam (7) and legs (2).  I’m getting people asking me in the comments if they should drop him.  Seriously, what do you want at MI?  He’s been better than Robinson Cano!

B.J. Upton – 1-for-4 with a double that was overturned into a homer.  I once had a two bagger overturned into a homer and that also involved a B.J.

Cory Leubke – Scheduled for Tommy John surgery after taking a few weeks to get a few different doctors’ opinions.  Too bad opinions aren’t like elbow tendons.

Cody Ross – Out for two months with a fractured bone in his foot.  If you have two first names, you should have four feet.  Cust kayin’.

Clay Buchholz – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER to raise his ERA to 7.84.  Anyone that dares own him in fantasy knows his nickname should be Butthurtz.

Will Middlebrooks – 3-for-5, 1 RBI.  Now with the Ross injury, the Red Sox are leaning towards keeping Middlebrooks in the majors.  I can’t imagine why.  Their outfield yesterday was Che-Hsuan Lin, Marlon Byrd and Daniel Nava.  One guy who wasn’t even a starter on his college team (Nava), one guy who the Cubs couldn’t wait to lose (Byrd) and one guy Red Sox fans are deluding themselves about because his name looks like Lynn and he likes rice.

Went over the top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball and top 10 for 2012 fantasy baseball.  Now, friends, it’s time for the top 20 catchers for 2012 fantasy baseball.  In the past, the top 20 catchers were the glass of warm milk right before you went to sleep.  “Hey, I just drafted A.J. Pierzynski!”  Snooze.  “I love Kurt Suzuki this year!”  Yawn.  But this year, for the first time in a while, there’s actually some catchers that could get your nethers moving.  I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues.  Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Carlos Ruiz?  Belch.); some of you might want to know the top catchers.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Chris Iannetta.  In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them.  You can see other top 20 lists for 2012 fantasy baseball under 2012 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2012 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

1. Carlos Santana – This is the first tier.  This tier goes from here until Mike Napoli.  I call this tier, “You wanna draft a top catcher?  Be my guest!”  Last year, The Supernatural hit 27 homers.  Makes sense.  He stole 5 bags.  Sounds about right.  He hit .239.  Huh?  Does not compute.  Must investigate.  His walk rate tanked from 19.3% to 14.7% and his strikeout rate jumped from 15.1% to 20.2%.  He was a bit unlucky, but his average can’t be explained away by that.  His line drive rate fell, ground ball rate shot up and his infield flies went up.  The assumption around most parts are he’s going to repeat his homers, counting stats and bounce back in the average department in a big way.  He’s talented and young enough for that to happen, but I wouldn’t wager on it.  This is also a whole lot of hot air cause I’d take his last year with a small bump on average and be more than happy.  That’s if I were to draft Santana, which I would not unless he fell.  I don’t draft top catchers.  2012 Projections:  80/25/90/.260/5

2. Brian McCann – The string of me ranking McCann first overall for catchers has come to an end.  Trust me, I tried to justify moving him up for longer than I’d care to admit.  Okay, I’ll admit I only thought it over for three minutes.  But those three minutes were underwater so it felt a lot longer.  What ended up having me leave Carlos Santana above McCann is Santana is younger and has already hit more homers in one season than McCann ever has.  Now, the one thing that has me still as a non-apologetic McCann apologist is he’s only 28 years old and, deep in my loins, I really believe McCann’s gonna hit 30 homers one of these years, and if it’s gonna be any year it may as well be his 28-year-old season, and this is the longest run-on sentence ever, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, I checked.  2012 Projections:  70/25/85/.275/3

3. Matt Wieters – At some point last year I felt as if people weren’t appreciating Wieters, and I began to like him.  It’s tough always swimming against the tide!  Unlike Santana, Wieters actually cut his K-rate and was a bit unlucky to end up with only a .262 average.  He made more solid (solider?) contact last year pushing up his line drive rate while cutting his ground balls.  To throw a random name at you, I think Wieters outperforms Ike Davis in 2012.  To throw a more random name out at you — Mitzi Gaynor.  2012 Projections:  80/24/85/.280

4. Mike Napoli – I hope Mike appreciates I was here for him even when his own manager didn’t want to play him.  When someone needs a makeover, I simply have to takeover.  Nothing is gonna stop Napoli from being pop-ewe-ler…LAR!  That was for our three girl readers.  If any of you ladies like mustaches, dial 1-800-G-R-E-Y-S-T-U-D.  With that said (here comes the negative), Napoli just had his best season.  It was a good one too.  I’m happy for him.  I’m happy for his mom’s nipples.  Still doesn’t change the fact that I need to think about 2012 and not 2011.  The power shouldn’t fall off the map like the earth is flat, but 30 homers is the ceiling.  The bigger problem is his average.  The only time he ever had more than 500 plate appearances in a season he hit .238.  Sadly, that’s repeatable for him.  2012 Projections:  60/25/70/.250/3

5. Buster Posey – This is the next tier.  This tier goes from here until Jesus Montero.  I call this tier, “They could be the top catchers, but they’re not.  Go figure!” From early mock drafts that I’ve seen (I’ve looked y’all!), Posey’s still being overdrafted.  My man could miss three seasons and still get drafted high.  You know, like Joe Mauer.  Posey does seem like the only thing holding him back is avoiding freak injuries (no connection to Lincecum).  But, you know what, I’d like to see him avoid these freak injuries prior to me drafting him anywhere near where he’s going.  2012 Projections:  65/20/75/.300

6. Alex Avila – I expect he’ll have the same exact year in 2012 as he had in 2011.  Yay.  Moving on.  Okay, I’ll say more.  As my life coach tells me, expectations lead to disappointment.  So my expectations are Avila will repeat last year, but he’s also very young (25).  He only has one and three-quarters of a season in the majors.  So does that make him a super sophomore?  Well, hopefully he doesn’t have a super sophomore slump.  See what I did there?  Don’t light that match, I’m cooking with gas!  2012 Projections:  60/19/75/.280/3

7. Joe Mauer – People who still draft this guy high are either more trusting than me or idiots.  It’s well established at this point he’s never repeating his year of 28 homers from 2009.  Frankly, I’d like to see him hit 10 homers again, and don’t call me Frank Lee.  2012 Projections: 80/10/85/.310/3

8. Miguel Montero – What separates Miguel Montero from Jesus Montero?  M-I-G-U-E-L.  C’mon, that was easy.  Oh, and upside.  If you don’t want to take the chance on Jesus’s ability to walk on water and prefer the safer bet, I could see just going for the less flashy Montero.  2012 Projections:  60/17/75/.270

9. Jesus Montero – I had already went over my Jesus Montero 2012 fantasy.  It went something like this blah blah blah I’m smart blah blah blah I’m smart.  Now the post reads like I’m the King of Wishful Thinking after Cashman told him to Go West.  (There’s a terrible 90′s pop song pun in there.  I apologize.) The trade of Montero/Pineda wasn’t great for either player’s fantasy value.  Though it’ll turn out worse for Pineda in the short term.  For Montero, the M’s have a whole lot fewer DH/catcher options so this should actually help him retain (gain?) catcher eligibility a lot easier.  It’s going to hurt his power a tad.  In the Yankees lineup, I had his projections as 70/20/85/.290.  With 677 ABs in the leadoff spot, Ichiro only had 80 runs, so you can see Montero’s counting stats are gonna take a hit.  Also, Safeco, like all -co parks, is no hitter haven.  So you’re going to get a guy that actually can play catcher for fantasy but will have less production.  (Note: He may not have catcher eligibility to start the year, so be very, very careful.  Or not.  Your choice.  I do think he gets the eligibility quickly on the M’s though.)  2012 Projections: 55/17/70/.285

10. Geovany Soto – This is the next tier.  This tier goes from here until Arencibia.  I call this tier, “Low averages and catnip for kidnappers, but I’ll draft them.”  Seriously, are the good catchers going to go on forever?  How deep is this mother-effin’ position this year?  It’s a brand new day, Sting.  “Get your cousins and marry them cause catchers are breeding up in here like rabbits!”  That’s the guy at your draft talking who you can’t believe you were once close friends with.  I’m getting slightly tired of trusting Soto, but he comes at a decent price and I feel like there’s gotta be one season in his bat of neutral luck where he hits for a decent-enough average and power.  Why not this year?  Then we can all say Theo Epstein was the reason and Michael Lewis can write a book about it.  2012 Projections:  60/18/75/.260

11. Wilson Ramos – Okay, stop with all these catchers.  My heart can’t handle it.  They’re all so beautiful.  If you can’t tell, I’m drafting a catcher from this tier if things work out the way they should at drafts.  Last year, Ramos hit 15 homers but that was in only 113 games/389 at-bats.  Extra 100 ABs shouldn’t be hard to come by with a few extra dingers, but I do think Ramos’s owners will not only need to wear ski masks, but will need to set him and forget him as learned in The Ron Popeil School of Catcher Management.  2012 Projections:  55/18/70/.270

12. J.P. Arencibia – You win, catchers!  You are one sexy position this year.  It’s like I’m looking at you in a red-lit room in Amsterdam and can’t decide which one of you I want to screw me.  J.P. which stands for “Just the facts, Paul” looks like a young Napoli.  Now if only his manager would bench him for four of five days the circle will be complete.  Arencibia probably won’t hit above .240 (his K-rate was 27.4%; that’s crazy terrible), but if we join hands and pray maybe, just maybe, he can hit .245.  2012 Projections:  50/21/70/.235

13. Devin Mesoraco – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Suzuki.  I call this tier, “Sexy names with no track record and unsexy names with track records.”  Devin’s one of those sexy names I mentioned about fifteen words ago.  I already went over my Devin Mesoraco 2012 fantasy.  I wrote it while picking lint from between my toes.  2012 Projections:  55/18/65/.280 (<–Optimistic, but whatever)

14. Salavador Perez – UPDATE:  INJURY.  DON’T DRAFT. He will only be 21 years old to start the season.  At catcher, there’s an old credo that I just made up right now that maybe people say but I’m not aware of it.  It goes something like this, “Catchers take a few years to get used to catching and hitting at the major league level.  It’s not an easy position to just jump into.”  Wearing a pithy helmet with that one, I tell ya.  So, as a 21-year-old, you’re going to have some growing pains with Perez.  Incredibly, he has been playing pro ball since 2007 and he makes solid contact.  Could I have ranked Yadier here instead?  Sure, but what fun is that?  2012 Projections:  50/10/65/.280

15. Jarrod Saltalamacchia – I like to think Saltymochachino is a nice bridge between the sexy names in this tier and the unsexy names.  I’m being too generous.  He’s not sexy.  Saltymochachino’s had 5 years to be sexy and he still looks like Phyllis Diller first thing in the morning.  Last year his K-rate was so absurdly bad (30.8%) that he shouldn’t have a starting job.  As of this writing (around December 8th at 4:23 PM), he still did.  Holy crap, it’s now December 12th at 5:35 PM!  Damn, I have to work on typing faster.  Wait, now it’s December 13th and Shoppach just landed in Boston.  Maybe slow typing isn’t bad after all!  Kelly Shoppach will steal time from Salty, but for now Salty looks good for some cheap power and maybe he’ll luck into a decent average.  I mean, Napoli did hit .320 last year.  In.  Sane.  (Yeah, I did that douchey one word into two sentences thing.)  2012 Projections:  45/15/60/.220

16. Ryan Doumit – And just like that the catchers get even less sexier.  Wha’ happened?!  I went over my Ryan Doumit 2012 fantasy already.  I wrote it on the wall of my cell.  If Doumit can scrounge together 500 plate appearances, he could be as valuable as Joe Mauer.  Before you laugh, think to yourself why you’re laughing?  Because you think I’m dumb?  That’s not very nice.  2012 Projections:  45/14/55/.260

17. Russell Martin – Technically, he should be ranked higher than this if he just repeats last year, but there’s the pickle juice that kills you. (Snopes confirmed!)  Martin’s not repeating last year.  If he gets 12 homers, I’ll run around my office naked.  Though, I do work from home and don’t own clothes, so it’s not much of a bet.  2012 Projections:  50/10/60/.240/9

18. Jonathan Lucroy – When you look at Lucroy’s age (25), you think sexy.  Yeah, he doesn’t look like anything other than a Yadier Molina clone, but — and like J. Lo this is a big but — Lucroy’s young enough to maybe fill out a little and add a few more homers.  When you’re this deep, you go for upside and not for Molina. (Notice how I keep talking about Molina but have yet to rank him?  That’ll all change soon.)  2012 Projections:  50/13/60/.260/3

19. Yadier Molina – Hey, is that Diego Rivera catching?  No!  Doc Ock?  Nope!  It’s the other Molina!  Yeah, he’s boring as dog balls.  If you draft Yadier Molina as your catcher, this tells me you don’t care enough to at least draft someone with some upside.  Shame on you and the horse you rode in on.  Beautiful horse, though.  Very regal.  You must watch Downton Abbey.  2012 Projections:  45/9/50/.280/5

20. Kurt Suzuki – Do me a favor and don’t draft him.  How’s dem apples?  Sour!  Suzuki’s never hit more than 15 homers and hasn’t hit above .242 in two years.  You’re expecting a miracle in a crappy lineup in a terrible ballpark?  Maybe Hatteberg can come out of retirement and drive him in 120 times.  You’d like that cause you need happy endings.  Well, then go get a massage!  2012 Projections:  50/12/55/.240/3

After the top 20 catchers for 2012 fantasy baseball there’s a lot of names, but these two stand out:

Victor Martinez – He was originally ranked 6th, but now he has a torn ACL. What a debACLe!  Oh, God, that is rich.  Sounds like he’s gonna miss the whole season, unless you believe in mirACLes.  Seriously, effin’ rich!  2012 Projections: nothing/but/doo/dee

Chris Iannetta – If I knew the Sciosciapath were definitely going to give Iannetta 500 plate appearances, I’d be more excited about drafting him.  But what the hey?!  It’s a catcher; I’ll still take a flyer and see where he goes.  Something no one seems to talk about in their rankings.  You could put “Undecided” ranked 12th on every list and still do fine as long as you don’t take “Undecided” for every position.  Now if you were to draft “Undeclared” you’d be in trouble.  I keed!  Or do I?  No, I do.  To talk you out of drafting Iannetta, even though I think the point is to talk you into drafting him, he’s out of Coors and his home/away splits look like a mural made of turd.  Turd, turd, turd, turd is the word!  Damn, now that’s stuck in my head.  Last three years — he’s hitting .171 in away games.  Whatever, I don’t care if his away average is floating in the toilet waiting for someone to flush it like Lawrence Taylor’s post-football career.  I placed him here to highlight him, but I’d rank him right above Arencibia because a flyer at catcher is fine.  Turd, turd, turd, turd is the word!  Now it’s stuck in your head too.  Sucker!  2012 Projections:  55/16/65/.245/5

It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started.  You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Marco Scutaro!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend.  C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March.  The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos.  First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2011.  It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2012. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN’s Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Victor Martinez – ESPN’s overweighing average here.  I don’t care, he’s not the number one catcher.  He’s good, but the number one catcher only has 12 homers?  C’mon.  I mean, c’mon c’mon.  Even c’mon c’mon c’mon.  In the bigger picture, he was about as valuable as Jimmy Rollins and Beltran.  Weird how four years ago that was probably true too.  Not weird as in funny or interesting.  Just weird.  Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections:  70/18/85/.300, Final Numbers:  76/12/103/.330/1

2. Mike Napoli – Eat your heart out, Mike Scioscia!  It’s absolutely bonkers that a catcher is ranked this high and some people didn’t even want him on their team for at least two months of the season.  He’s basically the reason why the Ron Popeil ‘Set It and Forget It’ catcher strategy was invented.  The catcher field is so shallow that you don’t need to do much to be a top ranked catcher, i.e., a guy that doesn’t even play every day can be close to the top ranked catcher.  I love you, Napoli, for as much as your stats as for how smart you make me look.  Now introduce me to your Moms!  Preseason Rank #5, 2011 Projections:  65/24/75/.255/5, Final Numbers:  72/30/75/.320/4

3. Alex Avila – First (and really only) out of nowhere guy to place in the top of the catcher rankings.  AA, you are no longer anonymous.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  63/19/82/.295/3

4. Miguel Montero – Never hit more than 4 homers in a month and only had one month over a .300 average.  3 ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 fantasy baseball catchers!  Preseason Rank #8, 2011 Projections:  55/15/70/.275, Final Numbers:  65/18/86/.282/1

5. Yadier Molina – He could be next to the definition for yawnstipating in the dictionary, but yawnstipating isn’t a word you find in a dictionary.  Yet.  Preseason Rank #12, 2011 Projections:  40/7/55/.270/7, Final Numbers:  55/14/65/.305/4

6. Carlos Santana – Pretty weird season from the Supernatural.  If you jumped out of a DeLorean and told me he’d have 27 homers this year, I’d say why are you time traveling with that info?  Can’t you tell me something could actually make me money?  I’d also say Carlos must have a .300 average and be the best catcher.  His K-rate went up, walk rate went down, ground ball rate went up, fly ball rate went down, line drive rate went down… Honestly (as if I’d lie to you), you’re pretty lucky you got the homers and counting stats from Santana.  This could’ve been a disaster season.  Preseason Rank #10, 2011 Projections:  55/15/65/.280, Final Numbers:  84/27/79/.239/5

7. Brian McCann – Every year I will continue to rank him number one.  Whether he wants to actually listen to me is between us.  I ask that you respect our privacy.  Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections:  80/25/95/.280/3, Final Numbers:  51/24/71/.270/3

8. Matt Wieters – Had a nice bounce back season, or he had a good August and September that is totally clouding my judgment.  I think it’s more the former than the latter, assuming I’m not confusing what former and latter means.  I could see ranking him as high as number two for catchers next year.  I probably won’t because that sounds insane to me as I write it and that’s how much forethought I had on the matter.  Maybe I think about it a little bit.  Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections:  60/18/85/.280, Final Numbers:  72/22/68/.262/1

9. Russell Martin – I put him in the preseason tier of upside guys because of his tremendous potential.  I mean, he only had four straight years of declining homers, RBIs, runs and average.   Oh, wait, he was an upside pick because he went to the Yankees.  Yeah, made sense then and now.  Thank you, genius brain inside my head.  Genius Brain Inside My Head, “You’re welcome.  Or is it ‘your?’”  Preseason Rank #16, 2011 Projections:  70/10/60/.270/10, Final Numbers:  57/18/65/.237/8

10. Wilson Ramos – His walk rate and ISO went up and he’s only 24 years old.  I could see him getting a sleeper post in the offseason then hitting 15 homers and a .270 average next year and being valuable in 2012 but still not that interesting.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  48/15/52/.267

11. J.P. Arencibia – This is about where the fun ends for catchers, and really was it that much fun prior to this?  Arencibia hit 23 homers and had 78 RBIs, yet as late as mid-September he was only owned in 50% of ESPN leagues.  Either a lot of people play in 8 team leagues or a lot of people overvalue average.  Next time I’m in a place with a bunch of fantasy baseball nerds, I’ll ask that question.  Speaking of which, we should have a Razzball field trip to Vegas this year.  Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections:  40/15/55/.240, Final Numbers:  47/23/78/.219/1

12. Miguel Olivo – His Hacky McHackstein ways seem to have translated across the whole catcher pool, i.e., most of this top 20 have batting average issues.  Preseason Rank #20, 2011 Projections:  45/15/55/.235/7, Final Numbers:  54/19/62/.224/6

13. Chris Iannetta – Let’s give you an idea of how bad/shallow/synonym the catchers are.  Iannetta is ranked here and he was replaced by his own team for a few weeks in September.  When can I start recapping the 1st basemen?  Oh, in my next post.  Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections:  40/15/60/.245, Final Numbers:  51/14/55/.238/6

14. A.J. Pierzynski – I hate A.J. from a fantasy standpoint.  It doesn’t look like I’m alone either since he’s the 14th best catcher and was owned in less than 10% of all ESPN leagues just about the whole year.  I think he’s the poster child for all that’s wrong with the ESPN Player Rater.  How does a guy who hits 8 homers and 40-ish runs and 50-ish RBIs rank this high?  Cause of the decent average?  I don’t buy it.  Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections:  50/12/55/.275, Final Numbers:  38/8/48/.287

15. Jonathan Lucroy – The Brewers backstop had a solid season for him and when you look at his numbers you realize why he wasn’t ranked by me in the preseason.  Lucroy, you are Matt Wieters’s po’ boy.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  45/12/59/.265/2

16. Carlos Ruiz – Snooze.  Preseason Rank #14, 2011 Projections:  35/10/55/.265, Final Numbers:  49/6/40/.283/1

17. Jarrod Saltalamacchia – In the preseason, I said, “He’s not quite old; he’ll be only 26 years old in 2011.  In the last round of draft, you got better things to do than to draft an upside catcher in a hitters’ park and lineup?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #23, 2011 Projections:  55/16/70/.255/5, Final Numbers:  52/16/56/.235/1

18. Ramon Hernandez – If you put Hernandez and Hanigan together, you get a Latino-Irishman — a Leprecano — that has very little fantasy value.  Please let Mesoraco catch in 2012.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  28/12/36/.282

19. Kurt Suzuki – In the preseason, I said, “I stared at the screen for three minutes trying to think of something positive to say about Suzuki.  What you ended up with was me confessing to you that I had nothing positive to say about him.  That about sums it up.” And that’s me still having nothing to say positive about Suzuki!  Preseason Rank #11, 2011 Projections:  60/14/70/.260/3, Final Numbers:  54/14/44/.237/2

20. Geovany Soto – I haven’t given up on Soto yet.  Sure, this year was miserable.  And last year was miserable.  And… Was he ever good?  I think he was.  Never the hoo!  Soto and I have high apple pie in the sky hopes, and you can’t take that away from us.  Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections:  60/18/75/.270, Final Numbers:  46/17/54/.228

Went over the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball and top 10 for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Now, friends, it’s time for the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball.  The top 20 catchers are the glass of warm milk right before you go to sleep.  Hey, I just drafted Jorge Posada!  Snooze.  I love Kurt Suzuki this year!  Yawn.  I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues.  Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Chris Snyder?  Belch.); some of you might want to know the top catchers.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Napoli.  In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them.  You can see other top 20 lists for 2011 fantasy baseball under 2011 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2011 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball:

1. Brian McCann – This is the first tier.  This tier goes from here until Posey.  This tier is called, “I’ll draft any of these guys if they’re still on the board four to six rounds after their Average Draft Position.”  I ended up putting McCann above Mauer in these rankings for a simple reason.  I want 20+ home runs way more than I want a .320+ average.  If McCann gets his stupid eyes figured out and hits like he should for a 27-year-old, this will be his season.  I know Posey is way more exciting than McCann, but unless you’re dating Posey’s sister, exciting isn’t going to get you laid in fantasy baseball.  2011 Projections:  80/25/95/.280/3

2. Joe Mauer – It’s amazing to me how fickle fantasy baseball ‘perts are.  Read recently a ‘pert talking about how Mauer will never hit 20 home runs again.  These are, of course, the same people that swore his 28 homers in 2009 was the real deal.  Can’t anyone separate what someone did the previous year compared to what they will do.  I don’t think he will hit 28 home runs either, but I didn’t think he’d do it 2010 and thought it was fluky as shizz in 2009 when he actually did it.  Search the site if you’re new to Razzball.  It’s all there.  Mauer is a 14-17 home run hitter with a great average.  If he gets lucky, he hits 20 homers.  If he’s unlucky, he hits 9 homers like last year.  It’s not brain surgery.  And it is a’ight, but I won’t own him because of where he’s drafted.  2011 Projections:  90/15/90/.325/3

3. Victor Martinez – I already went over my Victor Martinez fantasy when I took a scalpel to his Tigers signing.  If you click that link, it’ll transport you to a whole new post.  It’s magic!  2011 Projections:  70/18/85/.300

4. Buster Posey – I suppose he could be the best catcher for 2011, but what about Mike Napoli?  I mean, Mike Napoli’s mom is showing you nips and you still got no love for him?  You don’t like MILF nips?  You a prude?  Are you one of our three girl readers?  If so, then maybe I should stop now before we end up with no girl readers.  I don’t dislike Posey.  All I’m saying is Wieters looked like a surefire bet going into 2010 too.  For where you have to draft Posey, I’m not going near him.  2011 Projections:  75/18/80/.310

5. Mike Napoli – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Posada.  I call this tier, “I’ll try to grab a catcher from this tier and if it doesn’t happen then c’est la vie.”  Honestly, you probably don’t have to draft Napoli because whoever drafts him will probably drop him by mid-April.  No one wants to own Napoli.  You’re all a bunch of Sciosciapaths!  He hits 20+ home runs and steals a few bases.  That’s all you need from a catcher.  Stop trying to turn your catcher slot to eleven.  Oh, and his move to the Rangers ups his power a bit, but he’s not suddenly going to hit for .300.  2011 Projections:  65/24/75/.255/5

6. Matt Wieters – Now that Wieters’ draft position has come down to earth, I don’t mind him at all.  Could easily be the top catcher for fantasy in 2011.  That ain’t idle chatter.  He’s just needs to emerge from his nasty sophomore slump and do what he’s capable of.   He was unlucky last year and his walk rate went up while his K-rate went down.  They’re all good signs.  Here’s to him getting back on the map.  (And because no Oriole mention is complete without a Wire mention, I was pulled over the other day for talking on my phone while driving.  I know, Oprah would’ve been so disappointed.  I’m also the jackhole who usually yells at other drivers, “Hands free!” but I just got a phone call at the wrong time.  Anyway, the cop walks up to my window and I read his name tag and immediately yelled out his name, “McNulty!”  He’s like, “Do I know you?”  “No, but I watch The Wire.”  He sighs like he’s heard it a thousand times before and gives me a ticket.  Woo-hoo, I got a ticket from McNulty!)  2011 Projections:  60/18/85/.280

7. Geovany Soto – In 105 games last year, he hit 17 home runs.  Yes, he too can be the number one catcher in 2011 fantasy baseball.  Now that Piniella and his infatuation with Koyie Ugly is out of town, Soto should see all the ABs he can handle.  Tough break for The Koyie Hill Fan Club, which affectionately calls itself The Koy Pond.  2011 Projections:  60/18/75/.270

8. Miguel Montero – Unlike Napoli, Wieters or Soto, Montero doesn’t have the big power upside.  With my projected 15 home runs I’ve given him, I’m probably just about touching his ceiling.  He’ll probably get tiresome at some point in the season making you want to drop him for a hot-as-of-right-now waiver wire catcher.  If you do Ron Popeil him, he should be able to give you a solid, if unremarkable catcher season.  2011 Projections:  55/15/70/.275

9. Jorge Posada – After about ten years of ignoring Posada, I think his value has finally caught up with his draft position.  I’d like to say his BABIP was low last year, but his skills are declining.  He might not hit over .260 again without some luck.  Also, like a preacher, he has Jesus breathing down his neck.  Still, the ballpark, the lineup around him and the fact he’ll see DH ABs, makes him attractive.  2011 Projections:  50/17/70/.255

10. Carlos Santana – This is a new tier.  This tier is just Carlos Santana.  This tier I call, “I’m not owning Carlos Santana unless he falls very far in my drafts.”  Bill James has Carlos Santana down for 22 homers.  Bill James is smoking crack cocaine.  Carlos Santana might be great in 2011, but I need the ulcer to see if he’s healthy?  I have enough stress in my life.  I’m letting Carlos Santana prove his mettle on someone else’s team.  What, I’m gonna miss out on a 15-homer, .280 season from a catcher?  Big whoop, friend.  Big effin’ whoop.  2011 Projections:  55/15/65/.280

11. Kurt Suzuki – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Carlos Ruiz.  I call this tier, “I’m only listing them so you know I don’t want them on any teams.”  I stared at the screen for three minutes trying to think of something positive to say about Suzuki.  What you ended up with was me confessing to you that I had nothing positive to say about him.  That about sums it up.  2011 Projections:  60/14/70/.260/3

12. Yadier Molina – Oh.  My.  God.  Get me the hell out of this tier.  For reals.  2011 Projections:  40/7/55/.270/7

13. A.J. Pierzynski – Not only is he a terrible pick but his last name is impossible for me to spell.  Just let Tyler Flowers flourish or flounder, for suck fake. (Say that fast 117 times.)  2011 Projections:  50/12/55/.275

14. Carlos Ruiz – Carlos Ruiz makes Kurt Suzuki seem like an upside pick.  2011 Projections:  35/10/55/.265

15. Chris Iannetta – This is a new tier.  This tier goes until the end of the post.  I call this tier, “It’s late in the game and I’m taking some upside.”  You might look at the tier names and think to yourself, why doesn’t he just move Iannetta above Suzuki if he’s ignoring Kurt?  I guess I could, but I’m not taking Iannetta or any of these late names until the guys above them are already drafted.  So by listing Iannetta here you know who has to come off the board before you draft one of these late round fliers.  If you were to draft Iannetta before, say, Ruiz is off the board, I wouldn’t be mad at you, but you might be reaching.  As for Iannetta, “Meh, at least he’s got some upside.”  2011 Projections:  40/15/60/.245

16. Russell Martin – I don’t like Martin then he went to the Yankees and I was slightly more interested.  Put a big flashing sign on “slightly” to emphasize it.  In the absolute last round of a draft, I’d consider him.  There, I said it.  Are you happy you’ve embarrassed me?  2011 Projections:  70/10/60/.270/10

17. J.P. Arencibia – First, let’s see what I said when he was first called up, “In Triple-A, Arencibia hit 32 homers in 412 ABs.  That’s-a one spicy prospect!  To go all Latin America on you, there’s a caveat.  That was in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat.  He’s not quite the prospect of Wieters, Posey or Carlos Santana, pre-Kalish yelling at him, ‘Eat everything off your plate!’”  And that’s me quoting me!  Arencibia might not be a huge impact guy in 2011, but he can be.  At catcher, I like to gamble.  2011 Projections:  40/15/55/.240

18. Ryan Doumit – He never stays healthy but in some ways that doesn’t matter for a catcher.  Since everyone only owns one of them, there’s plenty of catchers on waivers for Doumit’s thrice-annual trip to the DL.  2011 Projections:  35/15/55/.250

19. John Jaso – I look at Jaso’s number and I see a poor man’s Russell Martin.  That’s not a compliment.  But Jaso is a bit more of an unknown so maybe there’s some more upside there.  That’s barely a compliment.  2011 Projections:  60/6/45/.270/6

20. Miguel Olivo – It’s kinda sad when the upside tier has Doumit, Olivo and Russell Martin.  Catchers suck.  2011 Projections:  45/15/55/.235/7

After the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s plenty of names, but here’s three I want to point out:

Jesus Montero – If he gets an everyday job out of Spring Training, which I don’t think he will, he’ll shoot up this rankings list.  I’d move him up to 9th overall.  If he does get the everyday job, his price tag will probably be too steep for my blood though.  I also went over my Jesus Montero fantasy already.  Click that thing-a-ma-boob.  By all means, grab him in keepers if your bench is deep enough, but with the Martin addition, I don’t think we see Montero until late summer at the earliest (barring an injury).  2011 Projections:  20/5/30/.290 in 100 at-bats

John Buck – I usually like to end these top 20 posts with some exciting names, but we’re talking about catchers when I highlight John Buck.  He’s usually forgotten on draft day and he’s good for teen power.  Should you draft him at any point before the final round?  Buck that!  2011 Projections:  40/15/55/.245

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – There was a point in the not that distance past that Jarrod Saltymochachino was a touted prospect.  “Shizz happens, write him off, let’s move on, Grey.”  That’s you talking.  “He’s not quite old; he’ll be only 26 years old in 2011.  In the last round of draft, you got better things to do than to draft an upside catcher in a hitters’ park and lineup?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.”  That’s me talking.  2011 Projections:  55/16/70/.255/5 <– optimistic but whatevs

It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started.  You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Tulo!” and now you don’t have baseball or your girlfriend.  C’mon, calender, make like a soldier and turn to March.  The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos.  First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2010.   It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2011.  To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been?  Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN’s Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer – I predicted the homers would come down.  Literally.  Only I didn’t think they’d fall as far as they did.  It was the Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome factor that I just couldn’t fully know back in January.  Mauer ended up number one and I’d contend he was still overrated and will be so again next March.  Certain guys just get a pass from the fantasy community because they seem likable or have can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness. Preseason Rank #1, 2010 Projections:  100/20/85/.330/3, Final Numbers:  88/9/75/.327/1

2. Victor Martinez – V-Mart’s age still hasn’t caught up with him (sorta pun!), but I think, in retrospect, we’re going to look back at this season as the beginning of the end for him.  Preseason Rank #3, 2010 Projections:  85/25/110/.300, Final Numbers:  64/20/79/.302/1

3. Buster Posey – I ranked him 16th in the preseason and here he is 3rd.  The scary thing is, besides the average, I was pretty right on with his projections.  That means it was another yawnstipating year from catchers.  Preseason Rank #16, 2010 Projections:  55/14/65/.290/3, Final Numbers:  58/18/67/.305

4. Brian McCann – I love McCann, there I said it.  He gives you what I want from a catcher.  Good homers, decent RBIs and doesn’t hurt you elsewhere.  Much prefer that to Mauer’s MI-type catcher output.  Preseason Rank #2, 2010 Projections:  80/28/105/.295/3, Final Numbers:  63/21/77/.269/5

5. John Buck – This was the most bang from your Buck since Midnight Cowboy.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  53/20/66/.281

6. Mike Napoli – I Ron Popeil’d him in a few leagues and I’m glad I did.  Even it wasn’t for the Sciosciapath, he probably would’ve hit 30+ homers. Sure, the average wasn’t great, but, as I’ve said many times, since there’s fewer ABs from catchers, you’re fine with a guy like Napoli.  Preseason Rank #6, 2010 Projections:  60/19/70/.260/5, Final Numbers:  60/26/68/.238/4

7. Miguel Olivo – Well, I ranked Iannetta around here in the preseason and I told you to grab Olivo in April so I wasn’t completely Mr. Bungle on Olivo, but, considering his post-All-Star break numbers were egregious, I’d say his high ranking here is more about the state of catchers.  They’re really bad, ya’ll.  Preseason Unranked, 2010 Projections:  30/16/45/.245, Final Numbers:  55/14/58/.269/7

8. Geovany Soto – Member when I told everyone to draft him?  Good times.  Or, more appropriately, okay times.  For a catcher, not bad times.  Here’s what I said at the Geovany Soto sleeper post last January, “Soto’s 2009 was off the charts unlucky.  His BABIP went from .337 in 2008 to .251 last year.  I.e. His average should come up to .270 levels.  His power was zapped because of a shoulder injury.  When he started to get healthy in June, he hit 6 homers that month.  Then an oblique injury sidelined him.  Bad luck followed by terrible luck.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #7, 2010 Projections:  65/18/80/.280, Final Numbers:  47/17/53/.280

9. Carlos Ruiz – Honestly, if you jumped out of DeLorean and told me in the preseason Ruiz would be ranked this high and told me his final stats, I still wouldn’t have drafted him.  8 homers and no steals?  Who are you, Willy Aybar?  Ruiz was unranked, but he made the preseason catchers to target post.  Preseason Unranked, 2010 Projections:  45/14/65/.260/3, Final Numbers:  43/8/53/.302

10. Jorge Posada – About two years ago, I jumped off the “Ever drafting Posada again” bandwagon and I’m never going back.  Too old, too tired, too effin’ blind.  Okay, maybe not the last one.  Preseason Rank #9, 2010 Projections:  50/17/75/.280, Final Numbers:  49/18/57/.248/3

11. A.J. Pierzynski – Looking back on these catchers makes me feel like Creighton on a New Orleans ferry.  A.J. was in the don’t draft tier along with Yadier and Suzuki and, looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing.  Preseason Rank #14, 2010 Projections:  55/12/65/.280, Final Numbers:  43/9/56/.270/3

12. Kurt Suzuki – I’d go as far to say Suzuki was actually better than A.J. because he was injured and you were getting stats from someone else while Suzuki was hurt, or, if you were really lucky, you just dropped him.  Preseason Rank #12, 2010 Projections: 65/12/65/.270/6, Final Numbers:  55/13/71/.242/3

13. Yadier Molina – His numbers are even more yawnstipating than Crapolanco.  Preseason Rank #13, 2010 Projections:  40/7/55/.285/5, Final Numbers:  34/6/62/.262/8

14. Ramon Hernandez – Do you see a theme here?  Catchers were so bad, a guy who didn’t even play in 100 games or crack 10 homers is ranked this high.  If you take nothing else away from this post, please punt catchers next year.  Please.  Preseason Rank #20, 2010 Projections:  55/17/65/.265, Final Numbers:  30/7/48/.297

15. John Jaso – I’ve been looking at Jaso as a potential sleeper for next year, but I just don’t think his power or speed upside is great enough.  He might be “The Old Russell Martin (Or Maybe That’s A Young Russell Martin)” at best.  You know, the Martin that actually had value.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  57/5/44/.263/4

16. Yorvit Torrealba – If you owned Torrealba for longer than two months, you didn’t win your league.  There’s just no way.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  31/7/37/.271/7

17. Ryan Doumit – Chew on this:  If Yuniesky Betancourt were a catcher, he’d be ranked in the top ten.  Preseason Rank #15, 2010 Projections: 50/16/60/.280/3, Final Numbers:  42/13/45/.251/1

18. Rod Barajas – Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you your 2010 fantasy baseball catchers.  They are the new blech.  2010 Projections:  Please/Don’t/Draft/Him, Final Numbers:  Do/You/Really/Care?

19. Miguel Montero – I’d say Wieters was the much, much bigger bust than Montero simply because Montero was injured for an extended stretch so you had a chance to get someone else’s numbers from him.  But, don’t get me wrong, Montero was a rather supersized disappointment too.  Preseason Rank #5, 2010 Projections:  65/17/80/.280, Final Numbers:  36/9/43/.266

20. Matt Wieters – Finally, the Billy Butler-sized bust.  As I practice my Saberhagenmetrics, Wieters will be on quite a few teams of mine next year.  Sucks if you got caught in the crossfire of his down year, but one bad season at 24-years-old doesn’t take his future shine off.  The Orioles could surprise next year.  Yeah, I said it!  And kinda mean it.  Though they’ll still only land in third or fourth place.  Preseason Rank #4, 2010 Projections:  70/18/85/.305, Final Numbers:  37/11/55/.249