Fantasy Baseball Advice

Top 20 catchers, 1st basemen and 2nd basemen for 2011 are in the books.  We continue around the horn (that means we’ll go back for the shortstops; don’t ask, I was getting fancy) bringing us to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.   This year 3rd base gave most of you the gas face.  For the most part, you were lucky if you didn’t draft a top ranked one cause most of them bombed.  I mean, Emilio Bonifacio is a top five 3rd baseman?  That’s an eff in the coolie if I’ve ever heard one.  Zimmerman, Longoria, Wright?  Made you look smart in opposite world.  Also, to recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Jose Bautista – A very wise monkey once said, sometimes when you go out on a limb, the branch breaks.  To use limb in another sentence:  I don’t think it’s much of a limb when I say Bautista was my biggest snafu since I started this blog.  I really didn’t believe him at all.  The kicker was usually when I Mr. Bungle a player as bad as I did with Bautista, Rudy will correct me, but he punted Bautista too, so I wasn’t even counterbalanced.  I can’t say this for sure, but it seems like most ‘perts don’t give a flying elbow if they make right or wrong calls, but I will say Bautista taught me one thing.  I don’t like being wrong; it really annoyed me that I mucked him up.  Now watch next year when I project him for 40 homers, he’s gonna hit 12 and make me into a Mr. Bungle once again.   Preseason Rank #12 (Yes, I was that much a non-believer; I had Pedro Alvarez above him.  I will now eat an apple laced with cyanide.), 2011 Projections:  70/25/80/.240/5, Final Numbers:  105/43/103/.302/9

2. Michael Young – Went over Young in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

3. Adrian Beltre – I was pretty accurate with my mid-tier 3rd basemen preseason ranking.  Beltre, Young, Reynolds, Alvarez, Aramis and McGehee turned out as I thought they would, minus McGehee and Alvarez, obviously.  Unfortunately, I ended up with Alvarez and McGehee on more teams than I care to admit.  Alvarez, in particular, killed me.  This, however, is supposed to be about Beltre.  As soon as he signed with the Rangers, any trepidation I had went out the window.  Man Standing Outside My Metaphorical Window, “Stopping throwing trepidation on me!”  Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections:  80/24/95/.285/7, Final Numbers:  82/32/105/.296/1

4. Aramis Ramirez – Here’s one way to look at how pee poor the 3rd basemen were.  I pretty much nailed Aramis’s projections with his final numbers and I ranked him 11th and he finished 4th.  That, more or less, means seven 3rd basemen bombed.  Also, more or less should be one word.  Moreorless — doesn’t that look better?  You’re welcome, English language; I’m fixing you.  Preseason Rank #11, 2011 Projections:  75/25/90/.280, Final Numbers:  80/26/93/.306/1

5. Emilio Bonifacio – There’s nothing I can say that will illustrate how bad the 3rd basemen are that can’t be said by just seeing how high Bonifacio ranked here.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  78/5/36/.296/40

6. Jhonny Peralta – After looking like a lock for 20+ homers and a .270 average back in 2008, he wrestled with major league pitching like I wrestle with his superfluous H.  Due to some luck, his average was about 20 points too high, but everything else seems right in line with what he can do.  He’s ranked this high because 3rd basemen sucked this year.  Have you heard that before?  Yeah, thought so.  Preseason Ranked #16 for Shortstops, 2011 Projections:  65/17/80/.255, Final Numbers:  68/21/86/.299

7. Pablo Sandoval – In the preseason, I compared him to an in-his-prime Lyle Overbay.  Still sounds about right.  Before you scoff, scoffer.  Lyle Overbay’s best year 82/22/92/.312/5 was better than this year by Sandoval.  Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections:  70/18/80/.305/3, Final Numbers:  55/23/70/.315/2

8. Mark Reynolds – Went over Reynolds in the top 20 1st basemen post.

9. Ryan Roberts – Went over Roberts in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

10. Evan Longoria – I may still rank Longoria in the 1st round next year.  Absolutely nothing changed for him except his luck fell off the map.  If it wasn’t for bad luck, he would’ve had no luck at all.  His K-rate actually went down, his walk rate went up, his HR/FB% stayed where it should be.  I may even pick him to win the MVP next year.  I will probably say some variation of the preceding a dozen times this offseason, so if you missed this, don’t worry.  And if you read the preceding, forget it so it seems fresh the next twelve times I say it.  Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections:  105/33/115/.280/10, Final Numbers: 78/31/99/.244/3

11. Edwin Encarnacion – On one hand, I can’t believe Encarnacion ranked this high.  On the other hand, it’s more of an indictment of the 3rd basemen because his numbers don’t look that good.  On a third lesser known hand that is actually a mitten on the end of a broomstick, he was valuable in the 2nd half of the year.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  70/17/55/.272/8

12. Chipper Jones – He didn’t go unranked in the preseason because I overlooked him.  He was coming off a year when he nearly retired from injuries.  In fact, I think he did retire then decided to come back, if I remember it correctly.  Whatever.  Glass Chipper hits when he’s healthy but that ‘when’ is the size of King Kong Bundy.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  56/18/70/.275/2

13. Alex Rodriguez – It totally bit me in the ass saying I wanted a 3rd baseman in the first two rounds of last year’s drafts.  3rd base was my cross to bear, or bare if you’re a nudist.  A-Rod, Wright and Zimmerman were off the charts terrible.  Sure, A-Rod had the decency to get injured so you could replace him, but who were you replacing him with?  Wilson Betemit?  David Freese?  Bleh and Belch.  Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections:  90/32/110/.280/7, Final Numbers:  67/16/62/.276/4

14. Kevin Youkilis – It’s easy to say this was an off season for Youuuuuuk, but, at age 32, this could be the beginning of the end.  This is the third year in a row that he’s failed to top 136 games and the 2nd year in a row he didn’t hit 20 homers.  On a side note, here’s what I said in the preseason about Youk, “Other fantasy baseball ‘perts will say 1st base is one of the deepest positions and you shouldn’t pay for it on draft day.  …Do you feel as safe with Youuuuuk as you would with, say, Te(i)x?  I wouldn’t.  Do you feel as safe with Morneau as Fielder?  Do you feel as safe with Dunn as you do with any of the first basemen in the 1st tier?  And this is only one tier down.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Sure, that was about 1st basemen, but it mentioned Youk so I included it here.  Sue me for your zero dollar subscription fee.  Preseason Rank #8 for 1st basemen, 2011 Projections:  95/27/95/.300/5, Final Numbers:  68/17/80/.258/3

15. David Wright – It wasn’t just that the 3rd basemen were bad this year, but it was worse than that.  The good 3rd basemen weren’t just less good so you still got some draft value.  Across the board, 3rd basemen killed you.  For the first time, I felt like Wright didn’t care either.  I get it, you can go 1-for-4 with a run.  How about you hit a home freakin’ run?!  I think Metco is in his head too.  If the Mets move the fences in only one foot, but told him they moved the fences in thirty feet it would have the same impact on his power.  Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections:  95/30/105/.285/17, Final Numbers:  60/14/61/.254/13

16. Daniel Murphy – Went over Murphy in the top 20 2nd basemen post.

17. Albert Callaspo – Was about as steady a performer as you can find with his 3 homer, 3 steal 1st half and 3 homer, 5 steal 2nd half.  This was an illustration of how being steady isn’t always a good thing.  Callaspo may have to replace Polanco in the yawnstipating definition.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  54/6/46/.288/8

18. Ryan Zimmerman – If a player’s season can be summed up by the company he’s keeping on the year-end rankings, look at the players around Zimmerman.  Callaspo’s above him!  Daniel Murphy had a better season than Zimmerman and he stopped playing on August 7th!  I’d say 2011 was a step back for Zimmerman, but it was more like a step back, then he fell into a ditch, then someone popped a squat above him and crapped on his head.  On a side note, I’m way off on a lot of these 3rd basemen projections, but I guarantee you all ‘perts are off with these guys.  No one could’ve told you Wright, Zimmerman, etc would’ve been this bad.  I only mention this because I think it’s ridiculous some people charge for their projections.  I could pretty much tell you what any player is going to do assuming their healthy, barring a few here and there like Bautista.  But guys like Bautista are me going on a limb.  I could’ve told you 35 homers and a .280 average like everyone else and been less wrong, but what fun is that?  Now someone help me down from my soapbox.  Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections:  90/32/100/.285/5, Final Numbers:  52/12/49/.289/3

19. Martin Prado – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen post.

20. Chase Headley – If you ever wondered to yourself whether or not 3rd base was really as bad as it seemed this year, notice Chase Headley making the top 20.  Then notice he had 4 home runs on the year.  He only hit one homer at home all year.  All year!  On the positive side, he outperformed Casey McGehee.  Recurring Theme, “The third basemen were really bad this year.”  Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections:  70/15/85/.255/7, Final Numbers:  43/4/44/.289/13

We already went over the top 20 catchers and the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Today, it’s all about the top 20 2nd basemen.  The 2nd basemen pool was shallow, and, for the first time in as long as I can remember, the 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen were more or less of equal depth.  For instance, Darwin Barney was ranked 20th for 2nd basemen and 19th for shortstops, and Daniel Murphy was ranked 15th for 2nd basemen and 16th for 3rd basemen.  To recap, this final ranking for last year is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Dustin Pedroia – It didn’t hurt Pedroia that the Sawx were in the hunt for a playoff spot until the very end of September.  Lot better than guys who are coasting through the last two weeks.  Pedroia actually didn’t exceed expectations by as much as his stats would seem.  What he did was get more PAs than were on the last Michael Bay film.  When a player exceeds 700 plate appearances, he’s bound to put up some good stats, unless his name is Nick Markakis.  Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections:  105/15/65/.290/15, Final Numbers:  102/21/91/.307/26

2. Robinson Cano – The curious case of Robinson Cano.  In the preseason, I said he was overrated, yet I gave him projections pretty close to where he ended up.  So was I right and he was overrated?  I’m gonna say no.  He wasn’t quite the 1st round pick that some people were making him, but considering how terrible most high picks did and how shallow 2nd base is, Cano provided stability and stats.  Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections:  100/27/100/.310/3, Final Numbers:  104/28/118/.302/8

3. Ian Kinsler – In the preseason, I ranked Kinsler above where most ‘perts had him.  I wanted to believe he could stay healthy one of these years.  Bingo bango!  Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections:  85/22/60/.270/17, Final Numbers:  121/32/77/.255/30

4. Michael Young – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 post.

5. Brandon Phillips – He seems like he’s always planking on a 18/14 season give or take a few homers and steals.  His average was high for him this year.  That was partly due to his line drive rate being up, partly due to his luck.  Maybe The Ghost of a Racist Marge Schott was trying to make amends by helping some of his seeing-eye hits get through.  Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections:  85/20/70/.270/17, Final Numbers:  94/18/82/.300/14

6. Ben Zobrist – He had three big months (April, July and September) and three terrible months.  Like off the charts bad (June:  zero homers and 2 steals; August:  1 homer, .250; May:  2 homers, 0 steals, .232 and only 5 RBIs in 99 ABs; that’s e to the gregious).  I never feel confident enough to draft Zobrist because he still seems like an overachieving utility man to me, but as Zobrist would say, “Don’t call me a utility man and don’t call Creed Christian rock.”  Preseason Rank #8, 2011 Projections:  70/15/70/.260/15, Final Numbers:  99/20/91/.269/19

7. Howie Kendrick – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 post.

8. Michael Cuddyer – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 post.

9. Ryan Roberts – First time in a long time that I can remember the first out of nowhere name being this low on a year end list of 2nd basemen.  Usually someone will sneak into the top 5 for a shallow position.  Last year, Kelly Johnson and Casey McGehee exceeded expectations.  The year before Zobrist and Aaron Hill emerged.  I’m not sure what this means, but I think it means something.  Razzball:  Where We Raise Questions We Can’t Answer!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  86/19/65/.249/18

10. Dan Uggla – When I explained in the preseason why I had Uggla a bit lower than some other ‘perts, here’s what I said, “The reason why he’s ranked below some of the guys above but his projections look as good if not better is because A) Kinsler has the biggest upside.  B) Phillips and Pedroia are safer.  C) Uggla has the biggest downside in one category, i.e. he could hit .240.”  And that’s me quoting me!  In the end, he didn’t quite get to .240.  Yup.  Preseason Rank #5, 2011 Projections:  90/32/100/.265/5, Final Numbers:  88/36/82/.233/1

11. Neil Walker – Couple of things come to mind when I see how close my preseason projections were to the final numbers for Neil Walker.  A) I ranked him lower than he ended up, which means 2nd base was even shallower than I thought it would be.  B) His numbers were terrible and he still ranked this high, which is more just a continuation of the first point.  C) There’s no C.  Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections:  65/15/75/.260/7, Final Numbers:  76/12/83/.273/9

12. Rickie Weeks – In the preseason, I called Rickie Weeks overrated because of his injury risk.  As I said then and will say again, it was the easiest call of the preseason.  Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections:  85/18/65/.250/14, Final Numbers:  77/20/49/.269/9

13. Danny Espinosa – I pushed Espinosa pretty hard in the preseason because, as always, I ignore average and get all pumped up on power and speed.  He succeeded and failed where I thought he would.  Preseason Rank #21, 2011 Projections:  60/15/70/.245/17, Final Numbers:  72/21/66/.236/17

14. Jemile Weeks – Will probably be overdrafted next year.  I say this because he hasn’t shown any power, he plays in a terrible park with a terrible team and his walk rate (in the majors, at least) was pretty bleh.  With all that said (here comes opposite talk!), he had a great season for a midseason call-up.  He gave you what you were hoping to get from Chone Figgins (Member him?  No, I don’t either.).  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  50/2/36/.303/22

15. Daniel Murphy – How kiddie pool shallow were the 2nd basemen?  Murphy ranked this high and he played his last game on August 7th.  Three ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 2nd basemen!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  49/6/49/.320/5

16. Kelly Johnson – He seems to alternate years with a hard-to-digest average.  (In 2009, it was .224.)  This coincides with a poor BABIP.  This year’s BABIP wasn’t as bad as 2009, but his K-rate was terrible, which helped attribute to the poor average.  He should be able to bounce back next year, but that’s far from a lock.  Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections:  80/17/.260/60/12, Final Numbers:  75/21/58/.222/16

17. Aaron Hill – Fitting that Hill and Johnson would be tied together in the year-end rankings, since they were swapped mid-year and had very similar seasons in the general sense.  In the specific, their seasons were totally different.  Hill looked to be an average issue hitter that could at least give you power.  Not this year.  His power completely evaporated.  Oddly enough, he doubled his line drive rate from 2010 and lowered his K-rate.  In short (which I only say after going long), Hill’s season made no sense.  Seriously, I can’t make heads or tails of it.  Yes, even in hindsight it’s not 20/20.  It will take some brass ones to go all in on Hill again next year, but I’m leaning that way right now.  Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections:  80/25/85/.275/5, Final Numbers:  61/8/61/.246/21

18. Martin Prado – During the preseason, I ranked him extremely low at 17th overall for 2nd basemen.  This was such blasphemy, Matthew Berry called me out during one of his chats to say I was stoopid (sic).  Turned out I didn’t rank him low enough, with rank being the key word.  Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections:  85/12/60/.300/5, Final Numbers:  66/13/57/.260/4

19. Chase Utley – Sadly, the Utley we fell in love with in 2005 is no longer with us.  This new version is brittle like his pomade after it dries.  On a side note, with the loss of Howard for most if not all of 2012 and Utley’s deteriorating health, the Phils got weak fast.  Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections:  50/14/55/.280/5, Final Numbers:  54/11/44/.259/14

20. Darwin Barney – I didn’t rank him in the preseason and he shouldn’t even be ranked now.  The Purple Evolutionist’s final numbers show a guy that was helpful for a couple weeks here and there, but if you owned him all year, you lost your league.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  66/2/43/.276/9

After drudging through an Andy Dufresne-type tunnel for the top 20 catchers for 2011, I find myself with a group that actually really hurt or helped your team depending on how you drafted. If you went wrong with your 1st baseman, it could kill your season.  Hey, Justin Morneau, no hard feelings from me.  We are totally fine.  Please enjoy these cyanide pills I made special for you.  If you went right, you might’ve won your league. To recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Miguel Cabrera – Member when people were moving away from Swiggy Cabrera in the preseason and I said stop paying attention to preseason nonsense?  You need to turn down the treble and remove the noise.  I’m not sure if people run with these nonsense stories to sell pageviews or they really believe the tripe their slinging.  Either way, it made no difference.  Miguel’s breathalyzer never dips below .320, but his power was a bit down.  But II, The Return of But, he still gave you all that and a bag of breath mints for the long ride home.  Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections:  110/37/120/.320/5, Final Numbers:  111/30/105/.344/2

2. Adrian Gonzalez – Sure, I ranked him 5th for all 1st basemen in the preseason, but he was also ranked 10th overall with five first basemen in my preseason top 10.  People said I was crazy to stack my top 10 with 1st basemen and power hitters.  People said you can get 1st basemen later.  Grab Youkilis, people said.  Or Aubrey Huff.  Or Morneau.  Oh, wait, I was one of those people that said to grab Morneau.  Oh, well.  They ain’t all gems.  Hopefully that’s my last comment about Morneau for at least three blurbs.  Okay, one more Morneau comment.  In the preseason, I said, “Morneau’s more valuable than Youuuuuk if he can stay healthy, but put Morneau staying healthy in one hand and a fortune cookie that says, “Morneau never stays healthy” in the other hand and what do you have?  Exactly!”  And that’s me foreseeing crap and not even getting out of the way when Morneau started flinging it!  Preseason Rank #5, 2011 Projections:  100/37/110/.280, Final Numbers:  108/27/117/.338/1

3. Albert Pujols – I’m beginning to think that he could miss five of six months and still get 100/35/100/.300.  On a side note, he should open a bar in West Hollywood named Pujols.  It would give The Manhole a run for its money.  Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections:  105/37/115/.315/10, Final Numbers:  105/37/99/.299/9

4. Joey Votto – Another reason to take a first baseman very early in a draft.  How many of them flopped from my first 20 overall picks?  None.  There were shortstops that flopped.  Outfielders that flopped.  No 1st basemen.  Sure, Ryan Howard didn’t hit for a great average, but he still got 110+ RBIs and 30+ homers.  Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections:  95/32/110/.310/10, Final Numbers:  101/29/103/.309/8

5. Prince Fielder – Just another huge year on an odd-numbered year.  Making us saberhagenmetricians look smart.  Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections:  100/38/115/.280, Final Numbers: 95/38/115/.299/1

6. Michael Young – Another guy that had a ton of noise around him in the preseason.  “Ooh, Grey, your mustache is full and beautiful but don’t you think Young will be hurt by all of this trade talk.”  That’s you.  Me, “Stop listening to all this superfluous stuff.”  Only I didn’t say stuff.  I said shizz.  Preseason Rank #8 for 3rd basemen, 2011 Projections:  85/17/80/.280/5, Final Numbers:  88/11/106/.338/6

7. Lance Berkman – Said in the preseason that maybe Lance Berkman can give you a 2010 Konerko-type year (a big bounce back for a vet), but I really didn’t believe Berkman could do it.  Then for almost two months I continued to tell you he’d stop doing it or get injured while he was actually doing it.  Yeah, Berkman and I had our differences this year.  I don’t believe in Berkman for next year either, if you were wondering how obstinate I can be.  Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections:  65/20/75/.270/5, Final Numbers:  90/31/94/.301/2

8. Paul Konerko – For Konerko, I’m sick of predicting the end when the end just keeps running into the here and now.  That is not a line from Air Supply, but could be.  Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections:  70/24/85/.265, Final Numbers:  69/31/105/.300/1

9. Michael Morse – First totally out of nowhere name, which means if you decided to punt 1st base early in your draft, you had to get Morse or you were screwed.  BTW, his photo makes him look like the biggest doofus.  And, really, I don’t use the word doofus too much, except when it’s totally applicable like right now.  Looks like he should be saying, “Which way did he go, George; which way did he go?”  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  73/31/95/.303/2

10. Mark Teixeira – The average has really dipped recently (.256 in 2009), which I no longer think is an aberration, but three times in a row is a better pattern.  The rule of three yadda³.  As long as he’s on the Yanks and hitting in The House They Built In The Parking Lot Next To The House That Ruth Built, it’s gonna be hard to fault all the other stats.  Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections:  105/35/115/.280, Final Numbers:  90/39/111/.248/4

11. Mike Napoli – Went over Napoli in the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

12. Ryan Howard – I don’t buy that he was actually this low in value.  Again, this is somewhere the ESPN Player Rater and I don’t see eye to eye.  They overrate average and steals.  As for everyone who agrees that Ryan Howard wasn’t good this year and I’m crazy, I like to point you to a picture of my long-lost son.  Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections:  85/38/100/.265, Final Numbers:  81/33/116/.253/1

13. Eric Hosmer – Not bad for two-thirds of a season.  Not to scream fire in the theater of Razzball, but he kinda looks like the 2nd coming of Votto.  No, I don’t use those words lightly.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  66/19/78/.293/11

14. Howie Kendrick – Kendrick is such a cusp player.  I’ll explain.  If he gets 5 less homers or steals, he loses so much of his value.  It tends to be the case with guys who get a lot of value from average.  See Michael Young as another example.  Preseason Rank #14 for 2nd basemen, 2011 Projections:  65/12/85/.305/15, Final Numbers:  86/18/63/.285/14

15. Billy Butler – His season was decent, about what I’d expect (as you see from my preseason projections), but I’m not exactly altering my copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to a picture book with Butler titled, The Man with the Luscious Cans, because his cans were only saved by a 2nd half that was big like his badonkadonk.  Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections:  80/20/90/.310, Final Numbers:  74/19/95/.291/2

16. Michael Cuddyer – His real value came when he gained 2nd base eligibility.  Also, I do these top 20 listings in the order you read them, so I’ve only done the catchers and 1st basemen thus far.  I tell you this because I was just thinking that I bet Cuddyer is the only Twins hitter or pitcher to rank anywhere in these end of the season lists.  What a shizzshow in Minny.  At the end of the year, they should have a Worst Series, where the two worst teams square off in a best of seven.  Like you wouldn’t watch the Astros take on the Twins.  Preseason Rank #51 for outfielders, 2011 Projections:  85/20/80/.275/5, Final Numbers:  70/20/70/.284/11

17. Mark Trumbo – It’s a little weird how much I ignore average.  I looked at Trumbo and Hosmer’s season and really had no idea how Trumbo was below him in ranking.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  65/29/87/.254/9

18. Freddie Freeman – Having a hard time figuring out how his season was worse than Mr. Grapefruit, Billy Butler.  Feel free to share if you figure it out.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  67/21/76/.282/4

19. Carlos Lee – The one nice thing I can say about Carlos Lee is you didn’t expect anything and he didn’t disappoint.  Preseason Rank #18, 2011 Projections:  65/24/75/.260/3, Final Numbers:  66/18/94/.275/4

20. Mark Reynolds – After Bautista, Mini Donkey caused probably the biggest uproar in the preseason due to my ranking.  I ranked him 6th overall for 3rd basemen and he finished the year 8th overall.  Out of all the preseason projections for 3rd basemen (which will be up in a few days), Reynolds ended up coming in closest to where I thought he would.  Terrible average, good power and some light speed.  So far I’ve been more right about Reynolds than any other player through the course of his career.  It’s like I’m wearing Birkenstocks, loose-fitting sweats, doing Downward Facing Donkey pose and looking right through Reynolds’ third chakra.  Or something.  Preseason Rank #6 for 3rd basemen, 2011 Projections:  80/35/95/.235/12, Final Numbers:  84/37/86/.221/6

Daniel Murphy and Juan Nicasio are both out for the year – an undeserving fate that would merely be humane for the Astros (note: the Astros can go .500 for the final 48 games and they’d still lose 101 games – on the bright side, they have a magic number of 4 to best the 1962 Mets).  Murphy tore his MCL making that two season-ending leg injuries for Met 1Bs (Ike Davis fractured his ankle).  Hopefully Keith Hernandez doesn’t get a hip flexor applying Just for Men on his moustache.  While Murphy has yet to show much power in the majors, a .320 average with 1B/2B/3B eligibility provided value in just about any league.  Murphy’s MCL tear was a scrape compared to Nicasio who fractured a vertebrae in his neck after taking an Ian Desmond comebacker on the cabeza.   He’s still being monitored for internal bleeding as I type but hopefully he has a healthy recovery.

On to more trivial, less cranial news…

Tim Lincecum - Snapped the Phillies’ 9 game winning streak (and an awful 1-8 stretch for the Giants) with a solid 7 2/3 IP, 8 baserunners, 1 ER, 5 K start.  Ryan Howard just missed splashing McCovey Cove by a couple feet on several occasions.  Those couple feet were between the ball and Howard’s flailing bat.

Roy Oswalt – Attention all catchers named Siegfried…the two Roys are together again in Philadelphia!  Oswalt’s first start off the DL was not very inspiring – 6 IP, 14 baserunners, 3 ER.  He’s a crafty enough pitcher to keep a respectable ERA despite mediocre stuff (5.3 K/9 this year) but he’s the 5th best starter on the Phillies right now after Vance Worley.  Consider him a matchup play in mixed leagues.

Jose Reyes - Stole 2 bases in Saturday’s game and left Sunday’s game early with a mild hamstring pull.  Probably going on the 15-day DL again.  He’s like George Costanza except he flies too close to the sun on wings of bad hammy instead of pastrami.

Michael Young - Got his 2,000th hit in the Rangers 5-3 win against Cleveland.  The Rangers congratulated him and gave him a plaque saying “Best 2B/SS/3B/DH Ranger Ever”.

Johnny Giavotella - Alcides Escobar is now the veteran of the Royals IF as rookie Giavotella is taking over for Chris Getz at 2nd base.  While he sounds more like a Real World/Road Rules Challenge participant than a ballplayer, he was hitting .338 with 9 HRs and 9 SBs in AAA this year.  In three games, Giavotella has 2 doubles, 1 HR, and 1 SB – which is about a month’s worth of power from Chris Getz (6 doubles, 0 HRs, 351 ABs).  Worthy of a pickup in all league formats if you need MI help.

Jason Kipnis – A slam and legs weekend after last weekend’s 2 HR weekend.  The Cab-n-Kip show is the best middle infield show in Cleveland since Alomar y Omar.

Brett Lawrie - Finishing off the rookie infielder block, Lawrie allegedly hit his first major league HR on Sunday against Alfredo Simon of the Orioles.  Alfredo Simon denies the allegations.

Ervin Santana - Won his 4th straight start, holding* the Mariners to 1 ER in 8 1/3 IP (* as opposed to the Mariners exploding for 3 runs).  And, unlike Jered Weaver, he’s managed not to throw at anyone’s head.

Todd Frazier – Deep goes Frazier!  The ex-Rutgers star and member of the Toms River (NJ) Little League World Championship squad hit his 3rd HR in the past 6 games.  He’s making the most out of injuries to Scott Rolen and Juan Francisco.  Hopefully Dusty doesn’t get too tempted to bench him for the veteran Miguel Cairo.

Ian Kennedy - Kennedy won his 6th straight start over the weekend even though he only struck out 3 batters in 7 IP (after averaging 7 Ks in his last 4 starts).  That’s 14 Wins now for Kennedy with two months left in the season.  Or 10 more wins than Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain have on the season if you’re a bitter Yankee fan.

Mark Reynolds – 2 solo HRs against the Blue Jays.  He’s now up to 26 HRs with a .222 AVG – 19 of those HRs coming after June 1st.  The way things are going this year, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the start of a 20+ game hitting streak.

Jorge Posada - It must be another Red Sox – Yankee series as Joe Girardi has demoted Jorge Posada again.  He’s now part-time DH against RHPs.  Luckily, Posada actually showed up to the game this time.  Meanwhile, Brian Sabean is having fantasies where he’s playing Patrick Dempsey in Loverboy with Jorge Posada in the role of an anchovy pizza-lovin’ MILF.

Mat Latos – Beat the reeling Pirates with a 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 K start.  He has 38 Ks and 10 BBs in his last 39 2/3 IP.  That’s at least 1.5 WAHP – Wins Against Hodgepadre.

Jake Peavy – An 8 inning win at Minnesota on Sunday, only giving up 3 hits.  It’s clear that a country boy like Peavy prefers the wide open fields of Minnesota or San Diego to the crammed urban spaces like they have in Chee-cago.

Alex Rios - 5-9 over the weekend with 2 doubles, a HR, and a SB.  Congrats to all of you last place teams who haven’t checked your rosters in the last 2 months as you’re the only ones that benefited from this Halley’s Cometesque outburst.

Prince Fielder – 3 for 4 with a HR, 4 Runs, and 2 RBIs against the Astros.  Now has 85 RBIs which is 2 more than he had all of last year in 177 more ABs.  Whomever follows him in Milwaukee will have tough shoes and extremely tough pants to fill.

Dan Uggla – The hitting streak is up to 28 games and he’s now hit 6 HRs in his last 9 games.  Uggla has always been streaky but this hitting streak is crazy given his penchant for K-ing and he had a .173 average while watching July 4th fireworks.  Some may argue regression or luck but here’s my theory.  A single father invested his life savings in a high-stakes fantasy baseball league.  Things looked bleak because he owned both Dan Uggla and Adam Dunn.  Shamed and despondent, he killed himself on July 4th and left his baby to Dan Uggla and Adam Dunn out of spite.  The two players fought over the baby until the ghost of Solomon appeared.  He suggested they cut the baby in half – with each player getting 50% of the baby.  Before even asking whether the suggested incision would be horizontal or vertical in nature, Uggla protested and Solomon awarded him the baby.  Dunn shrugged and walked off to take a glug from the local water tower.  Uggla sold the baby on the black market for three fetuses’ (fetii?) worth of stem cells then chowed them down like he was Bartolo Colon and the stem cells were either stem cells or Big Macs.  It’s just a theory.

Dan Uggla has now homered in two straight games, but, more importantly, he has two other hits in those games, making him hotter than a junebug on a duck’s back or some other yokelism they say in The South.  That’s at least compared to how he looked like Rocky Dennis on all his swings prior to this week.  That’s if Rocky Dennis wore Affliction.  “Yo, yo, yo, whaddup, boss?  Get another round of Flaming Nads for my lady friends!”  That’s Dan Uggla at Senor Frog’s.  (BTW, it looks like the 3rd Giambi brother in the background of that Uggla picture.)  I don’t think Uggla can get his average much higher than .230, but he’s still more than capable of getting to 30 homers.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jair Jurrjens – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks as he continues to defy his FIP.  BTW, if you were in a fantasy league with Murray Chass, you’d be getting your ass handed to you.  “Hey, Grey, I just traded Alexi Ogando to Murray Chass!”  That’s you two months before you’re throwing darts at a board with my picture.

Joe Mauer – It’s being said that he will start at 1st on Thursday after he sat out yesterday with general soreness.  Does General Soreness report to Major Discomfort?

Francisco Liriano – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  First, he strung together a month of such terrible starts, you were forced to bench him… When he threw a no-hitter.  Then you have to put him back in your lineup and he looks awful again.  So you bench him and he turns in another gem.  Then he goes to the DL and returns with a nice start that you bench him for because you weren’t sure if he was healthy.  Finally, you roll him out there and he pitches terrible again.  You bench him and he’s great.  You start him and he’s awful.  You bench him, and he shows up at your house with pictures of him and your mother having sex.  By my rough calculations, I’ve been sonavabenched by him 6 times and have an ERA of over 15.00 for when I’ve started him.  Liriano and I are done, finished, synonym.  I never want to see him on my team again.

Joe Nathan – Gardenhire, which is what I need to cut the ivy on my building, said that Nathan would’ve got the ball in the ninth if there was a save opportunity.  Then he said Capps is still the closer.  I think he just wanted to see some double takes.

Bronson Arroyo – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He said that he woke up Monday with vertigo.  This was almost as bad as when he woke up with The Man Who Knew Too Much.

Jay Bruce – Hit his 19th homer after going to Barbados for the better part of June.  Nice to see you return, Bruce.

Michael Young – Hitting .328 after going 9 for his last 12.  The Rangers DH slot is like the fountain of youth (see Vlad from last year, Sammy Sosa in 2007).  They should adopt Hafner.  Just give him Kevin Mench’s old hat.

Mike Napoli – 1-for-4 with his 11th homer as he triggers a dozen “Should I pick up Napoli?” questions.

Jose Reyes – Remained out of the lineup with a bad case of “If I get injured more severely then kiss my big offseason contract goodbye and hello a short contract with the godforsaken Mets.”  He says he’ll return Thursday.

Placido Polanco – Out until at least this weekend with a pinched nerve in his back.  I’m guessing he’s gonna need a 15-day DL stint, but I’m not a doctor though I did fall asleep while watching a Scrubs rerun last night.

John Mayberry – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  Aunt Bee would be proud.

Ryan Braun – His MRI showed some inflammation in his calf.  He should return on Friday.  Not sure how Sandy Koufax would feel about him returning on Shabbos, especially if he’s going to be sacrificing a calf.

Casey McGehee – Came in as a pinch-hitter after being benched for the 2nd time in 4 games and hit a 3-run HR.  At least I think it was McGehee, but the Chorizo from the 7th inning stretch race was conspicuously absent from all post-game press conferences.  I said about a week or so ago I think McGehee can turn his season around to a certain extent.  Though that “to a certain extent” is sitting on the fence between yay and meh.

Yovani Gallardo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  After his June 4th start, he had a 3.72 ERA and now his ERA is 3.76.  See, he’s consistent!  /sarcasm

Kelly Johnson – 1-for-3 with his 15th home run to go along with his .217 AVG and .298 OBP.  And 100 strikeouts.  Kelly Johnson, Dan Uggla, and Aaron Hill should create a white-soul group entitled 2B3K.

Mark Trumbo – Hit his 14th home run yesterday.  Ready to have your mind blown?  He’s on pace for 25 homers and 14 steals.  Youkilis has 12 homers and 1 steal.

Lonnie Chisenhall – Hit his 1st major league HR.  It’s the first HR by a Lonnie since Lonnie Smith in 1993 and the first HR ever by a Chisenhall.  Suck it, all you other ball-playin’ Chisenhalls!

Jon Jay – Didn’t start, but The Federalist entered the game and homered off CoCo Cordero in the ninth to tie the game.  Jon Jay really banged the gavel on that one.

Anibal Sanchez – 4 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners in his 2nd straight bad start.  Hard to get too scared since those starts were @TEX and against PHI.  Easy to get scared if he added a C or H in front of his first name.

Jacoby Ellsbury – Got the slam & legs and now on pace for a 20 HR/55 SB year.  Just what the Red Sox were expecting when they invested $140 million on him in free agency.  Oh wait, they gave that money to Carl Crawford who is on pace for a 12/18 year.  I’d say Carl owes Jacoby a Sam Adams or two but I can’t see them hanging out.  Maybe if Jacoby was named Lenny or if Crawford was named Meyers.

Guillermo Moscoso – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks against the Mariners.  He’s thrown a 2.25 ERA over his last 40 IP which netted one win thanks to the A’s un-A lineup.  That’s far from so-so, Moscoso!  Rudy cashed in on this as an AL-only flier.  But given his sad K-rate (27 K’s in 50 IP), he’s purely a matchup play in mixed league.

Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-4 and his 4th homer.  I don’t wanna say too much on his recent hot streak for fear of the stache jinx.  Or stinx, if portmanteaus are your thing.

Danny Espinosa – 1-for-4 with his 16th home run and 10th steal.  But the national spotlight is on Jeter?!

Aramis Ramirez – Another day, another homer.  Did Sosa leave behind one of his rubber ball bats?  Or ball shrinking needles?

Carlos Pena – Hit his 18th homer.  I thought we just came out of one of his 8 homer in 12 game streaks.  My man Pena is hungry!

Chase D’Arnaud – 1-for-3 and a steal.  13 games, 5 steals, 4 errors.  He’s like Mat Gamel after seven Red Bulls.  If it makes you feel better, I grabbed D’Arnaud in one league for steals.

Clint Barmes – This is a super low energy recommendation but he’s 4 for his last 8 with a homer and a steal.

Phil Hughes – 5 IP, 8 baserunners, 2 ER, 2 Ks in his first start back since his dead arm diaspora.  Maybe his arm has gone from dead to just resting.

Johnny Damon – Will miss a few games with a left hand contusion.  Don’t know why he doesn’t just play and throw with his right hand, probably same difference.

Evan Longoria – 3-for-5 with 1 HR and 4 RBIs after going 2 for his last 26.  It’s that type of erratic behavior that led Tony Parker to cheat on him.

Vernon Wells – He said of his recent success swinging the bat, “Being comfortable in the box allows you to think about the most important thing, which is hitting the ball.  When you’re out of sorts mechanically, you’re thinking about that in the box, and all of a sudden the ball is on top of you.”  What type of sex does Vernon Wells have?