Bay Area sports teams may want to throw out the mother dough. It’s tainted. Bartolo Colon was suspended for 50 days after being caught with elevated levels of testosterone. This much testosterone hasn’t been found in one man since they pumped Rod Stewart’s stomach in the late-70′s.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In 2010, the Diamondbacks traded Dan Haren to the Angels for Joe Saunders (and Patrick Corbin and Tyler Skaggs). Turned out in that parenthetical lied the rub. At the time of the trade, ESPN Fantasy said, “…this looks like highway robbery for the Angels, and a salary dump for the Diamondbacks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Clay Buchholz went down to Miami and, like most visiting Northeasterns, retired….Marlin batters that is! While his 7-2 record is due to Nova-esque luck and run support vs. year to date performance (5.00+ ERA), this is his 4th straight start of 7+ IP, 2 ER or less, and 6+ K. Maybe there’s some truth to that whole “rediscovered his changeup thing” (and can he share it with Lester?). He’s a must pick up in all leagues for as long as he’s on this roll. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brian Roberts – The concusstador is back in style going 3-for-4 hitting leadoff. Robert Andino can now wait in his shadow and mutter to himself that if his parents named him Jerry, he’d be such a comedy hit that they’d have to start him. During Roberts’s rehab in Triple-A, he hit around .245 with one homer in 45 ABs and no steals. If he can stay healthy, I expect about the same from him in the majors. For the rest of the season, put his stats at nothing/nada/not so good/bleh/more of the same. If he can get his bleh over .280, his nothing could be better than nothing, but for that he has to stay healthy, which is as likely as me removing my personal mustache groomer from my rider.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We have a new leader atop the Master standings! Pig Charmer (Grunge Ball — RCL 16) completed the march to the top that began in 29th place 3 weeks ago. Beardcrabs (The Gaylords — Conshellation Prize) moved up 5 spots while Gobias Industries (Cust Kayin’) gained 11 positions to sit tied in 2nd, 1 back with 107 points.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I got the sense from comments and other non-scientific criteria that people were looking to get a feel for Trevor Bauer. Or at least get their grubby little hands on him. I did say to buy him back in April and again in May, but who can remember that far; I can barely remember how this sentence started. With a preposition? I don’t know, let’s forget the whole thing and have a pina colada! What, you don’t like coladas? How about dancing in the rain? Not into YoGa? Yeah, his ERA is shizz. Let’s see what Scott, our prospect writer (his actual last name), said in the past about Bauer, “Bauer profiles as a top-of-the-rotation starter with an upper 90s fastball and a devastating curve. But all I keep thinking about is what Grey would taste like slathered in teriyaki sauce.” Huh? Not sure how that slipped through my strict editorial process. In the past, I said about Trevor, “Bauer & Skaggs opened for Big & Rich.” Well, that wasn’t the best quote from me. Shoot me! Now, you just shot your computer screen. You’re silly! On our preseason top 25 fantasy baseball prospect post, the only pitchers above him were Moore and Darvish. Okay, Moore’s had some struggles, but those two names give you an idea of how valuable Bauer could be. He’s blown through the minors about as good as anyone. Right now, he’s sporting a 11+ K-rate and a low-2 ERA between Double and Triple-A. The only concern for him is his walk rate (over 4), but he has the Ks to make up for it. He looks like the pitching version of the hitters the Diamondhacks are famous for. High Ks, crazy upside, might call crap on a table a Pu-Pu platter. In 2012, I’ll give him the line of 7-5/3.60/1.30/100 in 90 innings, but there’s obviously room for huge upside (and risk of some downside (though the Ks will be good (how many parentheses am I inside of here (Anyone?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andy Pettitte managed to shut out the Rays yesterday for 7 1/3 IP with only 4 baserunners and 10 Ks. No wonder why he returned. He was probably sick of beating his kids at MLB 2K12. “Dad, we don’t mind you playing our video games while we’re at school, but could you stop spitting tobacco onto our all-terrain robot?” That’s Andy’s kids after a powwow about how to address the problem. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t see this coming. He wasn’t even that good before he retired. I guess he just needed 26 months between starts. If he retired again tomorrow, he’d throw a no-hitter in 2016. Or he’d win that perfect game contest that MLB is doing with their video game. Enough with the commercials already. I liked baseball better when they were a conservative game without the cheap gimmicks. Bring back the Spiderman web-covered bases! So, can Pettitte keep this up? Seems doubtful. He’s about a 3.75 ERA guy that pitches his home games in not one of the more forgiving parks in a tough division. But, you know what, he looks no worse than what I’d expect of Oswalt and you’re stashing him, so he’s definitely worth owning. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to draw attention to the contest we’re holding. We’re giving away a fifty-five inch LG 3D TV. The TV comes with a remote control that has a mustache glued on top of it. I’m kidding. The mustache is glued on top of the TV. Go ahead and enter. It’s free and there’s a chance your significant other might be less inclined to get annoyed with you when you check your teams on a romantic date if you just won a TV. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Colby Rasmus – Watch out Mr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Todd Frazier went deep twice yesterday. When asked the other day if Frazier would play, Dusty Baker said, “It could be (Miguel) Cairo. I’ve got an idea what guys’ strengths and weaknesses are… We’ll see. It’s up to Frazier. Okay, who switched out my mint toothpicks with splinters! You know my T-picks kill the skunk breath!” Todd Frazier is a damn fine specimen of underachieving-could-easily-be-achieving-if-he-starts-hitting prospect hitting nom-nom. In the minors last year, he had 15 homers and 17 steals, year before 17/14, year before he helped pen Richard Marx’s foray into romance novels, “Hold Onto The Knights.” What can’t he do!? Not sure if that’s rhetorical, but I’ll answer. I’m not sure he can hit for an average over .240 in the long run. There’s a chance Rolen gets Wally Pipp’d even if he returns healthy and that ‘if’ is the size of Hasselhoff’s ego. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks. ERA is at 0.00, WHIP is at 0.57. Dusty Baker said yesterday that the plan is for Aroldis to start someday. That reminds me of a sentence I read recently in Scientific American, “Because of natural evolution patterns, it’s conceivable that pigs will fly someday.”
Vance Worley – Placed on the DL. Went from a match-ups pitcher who could get lit to having an inflamed elbow. Call the fire department!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Evan Longoria is out for 6 to 8 weeks. Let’s look on the bright side. According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Longoria has been less valuable than Encarnacion and Aviles at 3rd base. On the less bright side, those guys have been really, really good. Okay, that bright side argument didn’t play out so well. Let’s try again. On the bright side, I told everyone to draft Longoria and drafted him myself, so you can point at me and say how screwed I am. On the less bright side, if you’re reading this, there’s a chance you listened to me and drafted Longoria too. Okay, last try. In the 6 weeks he will miss, Longoria would’ve gave you around 8 homers and 30 RBIs with a .300 average. You can get that off waivers from Pedro Alvarez or Chris Davis (if all those coins I just dumped into a wishing well mean anything). Did I just try to convince myself that Pedro Alvarez was going to give me the same stats as Longoria? Wow, glad I haven’t convinced myself anything dangerous like I can fly or I can heal Longoria’s torn hammy by kidnapping him and taking him to St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?! Tough week for MIs. Rollins must be contagious. It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten. This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race. Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks. Neverthehoo! Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is. Reyes said he could’ve even played last night. Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game. Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either. Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average. Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Haren got the win yesterday, but his line was 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners and 5 Ks. Did he see his shadow in Spring Training and now think spring w0n’t start until August? Someone inform this young brother it’s the pre-All-Star Break. Ergo, therefore, vise a vie, he’s supposed to be pitching well now. He only has about a month before he turns into summer squash. Right? Well, what if he pitches well in the 2nd half this year? I know, it’s crazy talk from a guy that pees into milk bottles. So far this year, he has his best K-rate of his career. He has the 8th best K-rate in the major leagues. He also has the 2nd best K/BB in all of baseball. Just behind Roy Halladay. At his current rate, Haren would have his worst ERA since his first half year. That shizz doesn’t add up. Striking out people, not walking people and a terrible ERA? I know the 2nd half Boogie Monster scares Haren pretty good, but I think he might be able to fight the 2nd half terrors this year if his luck just evens out a little bit. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dana Eveland – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks. Has a K:BB ratio of 21:29, which looks like a Roland Emmerich film. Both are terrible, by the way.Please, blog, may I have some more?