Fantasy Baseball Advice

For the Ministry of Silly Names, this is a great day.  Finally, Coco Crisp gets his just deserts, or is it breakfast?  Coco Crisp has had a problem with injuries in the past, constantly going snap, crackle, pop.  Now I’m with Coco, as long as he doesn’t move to TBS.   His game was Baroque, now it’s roCoco.  He steals so many bases, it could be considered cereal.  The amount of puns with Crisp is radicchio.  Since August he’s hitting .345 in August and has 15 steals in the last two months.  You say tomato, I say SAGNOF.  He’s only owned in 32% of ESPN leagues and that’s about 68% short of making sense.  Dyslexic gang members aren’t the only ones that should show Crisp some love.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Eric Young Jr. – Playing every day, leading off, stealing bases.  And Junior sprints also make a wonderful after-dinner treat.

Ryan Raburn – What’s this?  Last week’s Buy/Sell?  C’mon, don’t make me repeat myself.  Moving on…

Yuniesky Betancourt – Hmm… If this is what we’re moving on to, maybe we might want to backtrack.  Betancourt’s hitting .350 in August and has 4 homers in the last ten games.

Ian Desmond – Member when he had a solid callup last year and I got excited about him for 2010?  Yeah, maybe he’s just a solid last two months of the season player.

Albert Callaspo – Having…. hard… time… recommending… Callaspo.  Must… move… on…

Dexter Fowler – Open up your lesson planner to page 17, find question #7, “Own fast players that get on base.  Such as?”  Now with a number two pencil, write in Dexter Fowler’s name.

Lorenzo Cain – Okay, so most of these players do nothing but steal bases, but at least I’m not talking about Pat Burrell again.

Pat Burrell – You lied to me!

Ryan Kalish – Wanna know how much I like Kalish?  This much.  Hmm… You can’t see how big I’m opening my arms, can you?  How about now?  Okay, let’s forget the show, try the tell.  He had 13 homers and 25 steals this year in the minors.  Also, made the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects.

Micah Hoffpauir – Limited power, but he’s on the right side of the 1st base platoon, which is the left side.  Weird!

Brandon Allen – You thought Hoffpauir was a deep look at a corner infidel?  Here’s Brandon Allen, who not only sounds like a department store, he’s the size of one too.  LaRoche may get moved soon if the Diamondbacks can make a trade happen.  If so, one of December Grey’s favorites, Brandon Allen, reemerges.  Great pop, and should be owned right now in deep keepers.

Mitch Moreland – The Rangers should totally trade for Brad Hawpe and then utilize him in a bench, don’t-know-what-we’re-going-to-do-with-this-schmohawk capacity.  Then he can keep Cantu company.  Moreland’s showing some light power and a good OBP, which is similar to his minor league numbers.

David Murphy – Ownership numbers are trending upwards, but they’re not quite where I want them.  I will impose my fantasy baseball advice on you or die tryin’. /Nerdy Fiddy

Daniel Hudson – I think I’ve mentioned him four times in the last three days.  Let’s stay fresh and just say I like him.

Homer Bailey – I just know recommending him is going to blow up in my face because of his absolute inability to be consistent.  Look at me throwing the hedge on the Buy landscape.

Hisanori Takahashi – Now for the saves portion of our Buy/Sell…

Brandon Lyon – In most leagues, you can’t trade anymore so it’s imperative you grab saves off waivers.  To be continued in the next blurb.

Hong-Chih Kuo – Though not all saves are created equal.  I think Broxton returns in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.

Wilton Lopez – I’m not sure going three deep for saves on the Astros is the brightest move.  Though it shows courage.  You use that one the next time you’re in a bar.  Hey, Sweet Lips, a fantasy baseball blog said I’m courageous because I picked up Wilton Lopez.  Your place or mine.  Actually, let’s go with my place so I can make sure Kemp isn’t being benched by Torre.

SELL

Tyler Colvin – These players are now all of the drop variety, not necessarily sell.  Colvin’s being benched by Sweet Lou (Alan Trammell?  Jim Belushi?  Whoever’s managing the Cubs now…)

Ben Zobrist – I’m bummed I didn’t push harder in the preseason and write the Zobrist overrated post.  I wrote in the rankings that I thought he was a glorified utility man, but I should’ve been more vocal.  In shallow leagues, I’d lose Zobrist for a hot middle infielder.  In deep leagues, you need to be a bit more conservative.

Raul Ibanez – This one hrmphs me.  I thought he’d have an extended hot streak in his bat, but now I think he’s just old.  For the last 5 weeks or so of the season, you can find a hotter outfield bat.

Chone Figgins – I want to finish the job Don Wakamatsu couldn’t.

Yesterday Ramon Something-or-other hit two home runs. Ben Zobrist (a quarter Jewish, not too shabby!) hit two home runs. Others getting in on the action were Mike Hessman, Ryan Raburn (who sounds like he should be dating Angela Lansbury), Casey McGehee, Control Alt-Delete, Jeff Bailey, Francisco Cervelli, Cousin Jerri and lots of dudes that don’t even have pictures in their ESPN player profile so I just assume they all look like a young Micah Hoffpauir. With half of these guys, you don’t know if you’re watching your brother Rob or Disco Bob. You name ‘em, and they’re starting right now. Really bad time to be trying to make up some offense. Your absolute best bet right now is to load up on Brewers, Mets, Twins, White Sox and Phils. There is also something to starting guys that are going against these teams. Many times opposing managers will play their regulars as an unwritten law of sportsmanship. (Oh, no! I wrote it!)  Finally, look for guys that are going for personal accomplishments. For instance, Mussina goes this Sunday for his 20th win. The Yankees and Mussina will give it their all on Sunday. Everyone else, there’s no saying if they’re going to start. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mariano Rivera – Done for the year with a sore shoulder. I imagine Girardi’s so pissed at the mess Torre left him that he can’t even watch a movie that stars Paul Sorvino. Joba Chamberlain will close in Mariano’s place.

Pedro Martinez – Pedro really wanted to help the Mets in some big games. He’s not. It’s actually pretty depressing watching him pitch. He was incredible for some many years. Last night I kinda felt like I was watching him for the last time. Guys who carry around dwarfs aren’t supposed to go out like this!

Micah Hoffpauir – 5-for-5 with 2 HRs yesterday. He had a huge season at Triple-A this year and should see playing time this weekend. Definitely worth a look.

Scot Shields – Got the save yesterday and might get more this weekend as the Angels prepare for the playoffs.

Cliff Lee – Good chance he does NOT pitch on Sunday. (Supersized “not” is for our elderly readers. Hey, they’re showing Car 54, Where Are You? reruns! Ever notice how old people always specify when something is a rerun? Like we didn’t know a show that was off the air for 20 years wasn’t live.)

Mark Reynolds – Sets the strikeout record with 201 Ks. In the beginning of the year, Reynolds said he would not let striking out hinder his approach at the plate. Here’s the thing, Whiffie. 201 strikeouts kinda hinders your approach at the plate. Cust kayin’.

Anibal Sanchez – Lost his last start of the year to rain. Damn, Joba, stop dancing.

Troy Percival – Returned to action yesterday. Had this to say, “The run in from the bullpen is a bit much. Maybe we should bring back the bullpen cars.”

Yovani Gallardo – Did what was expected. Pitched well for 4 innings. Thankfully he didn’t reinjure himself. But there’s always the playoffs.

Carlos Gomez – 4-for-5 yesterday. Obviously he likes playing in April and September.

Kaz Matsui – 3-for-3 yesterday. He’s hit in 7 straight. Those chasing steals in these final days might wanna look at K-Mat aka Godzilla Jr.

Ichiro Suzuki – Supposedly some Mariners players wanted to knock Ichiro out. As in punch him and not stop. Here’s the story. Few things spring to mind — Point #1, All the players on that team and Ichiro is the one you want to beat up? The Mariners play the blame game as well as they play baseball. Point #2, Have any of them seen him run to first? Who was going to catch him? Carlos Silva? Which brings me back to point number #1. Beat up Carlos Silva! Point #3, Ichiro will crane kick your ass. Wax on, wax off, Jose Lopez.