Fantasy Baseball Advice

Ryan Franklin was replaced yesterday, but it came so begrudgingly, La Russa wouldn’t even announce who would replace him.  GM Mozeliak held a knife to a squirrel’s neck to try and get La Russa to tell us who would be the closer and still nothing.  “There’s only two things in this world I hold dear — my Mom and my word and I’m mum on both.”  That was what I imagine La Russa said.  Mitchell Boggs, CPA seems most likely to see the first chances.  Behind him, Motte, then MLB’s poet laureate, Miguel Batista.  Keep in mind, Franklin isn’t out of the picture completely either.  La Russa is way too loyal to his guys.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Skip Schumaker – Headed to the DL with a hyperextended elbow.  Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”

Ian Stewart – Sent to Triple-A.  Pretty sad move for me to hear.  Mini-Mini Donkey was a one-time favorite.  I was thinking how this is one of those moves that if you don’t play fantasy, you’re probably like whatevs.  Deep thoughts with Grey Albright, I suppose.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as he returned from the DL.  I didn’t see the game, but just looking at the baserunners and earned runs, I’m gonna guess he had some bad luck with when he gave up some hits.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Yeah, sparkling but don’t forget the Twins are dealing with The Infieluenza Breakout of 2011.

Victor Martinez – To the DL.  Has anything ever good come from not punting your catcher slot?  Rhetorical!

Phil Coke – Holy crap, I just saw Coke’s line!  I mean, Phil got WHIPped around (10 baserunners in 3 2/3 IP) by Seattle like a fish at Pike’s Place.  It was mostly his own doing – a 4 BB first inning as well as an error by him led to 4 first inning runs (all unearned).  He didn’t even get a strikeout, which is tough since he faced Jack Cust three times.  He had average control in the minors so this was probably just a bad night – maybe someone shook him up before the game and put a couple Mentos in his mouth.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Ride, Wandwagon, ride!

James Shields – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, 3.07 ERA on the year.  I didn’t put my money where my mouth was by drafting Shields, but I did think he’d bounce back from last year.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  We own him in our most important league (NL LABR).  I say it’s important because I’m nearly positive if we don’t win, we’re not getting invited back.  In fact, if we do win, we still may not get invited back.

Frank Francisco – Blue Jays activated him and now they have the difficult decision to go with the crappy closer that they feel obligated to go with or just stick with Rauch, who’s done nothing wrong.  Knowing how major league teams operate, Frank² will be blowing saves by the weekend.

Aaron Hill – Stole his 6th base then left because 0f moans over his hammy.  Sounds like he might miss 15 days, maybe he can find his upside while he’s out.  You effin’ schmohawk!

Doug Fister – A very disappointing night for the Tiger hitters as Doug Fister limited them to two runs.  The most disappointed was Miggy because when he saw D. Fister as the opposing pitcher, he thought it stood for Double Fister.

Jake Peavy – Hurt himself coming back from hurting himself.  That’s such a Bennis Carpensheeter move.

John Danks – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now 0-2 with a 3.00 ERA.  Seriously, I can’t buy a win.

Brad Emaus – Designated for assignment.  Mets like Roberto Duran say, “No Emaus!”

Justin Turner – Overdrive!  He will platoon with Daniel Murphy at 2nd base.  He’s on the weak side of the platoon and his minor league numbers are yawnstipating at best, blehtastic at worst.

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  As frequent commenter, Dad, said, “On only his 2nd day in the majors, Sands faced Beachy in LA.  I wonder if Pauly Shore was there.”  That made me giggle.

Pablo Sandoval – Hit his 4th homer this week.  He’s blaming his power drought last year on The Twinkie Defense.

Justin Morneau – Out again with the flu.  Minnesota Twins fever, catch it!

Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks.  His brother, Gosh Johnson, “Okay, but let’s not forget the seven AVN awards I’ve won.”

Logan Morrison – Hurt his foot during the game but they put him in a protective boot – aka the Logan Moccasin – and they think he’ll only miss a game or two.

Drew Stubbs – 1-for-2 as he declares himself The King of the Slam & Legs.

Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-3, batting .183 on the year and now batting in the 6 hole.  I’m legitimately concerned Alvarez might get sent down to figure his shizz out.

Alex Gordon – 2 steals.  Billy Butler, one steal.  Wilson Betemit, one steal… Either they were getting 89 foot leads or Lou Marson was actually the Indians CEO and they were filming an episode of Undercover Boss.

Mark Trumbo – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  I don’t see how they can send him back down when Kendrys return.  Wait, is it still a plural verb?

Peter Bourjos – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and his 2nd homer as he declares to the world he wants to challenge Drew Stubbs’ title.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-4 as the Angels scored 15.  Ticker tease!

Mike Napoli – Did not play, but Ron Washington let him bring the lineup card out to the umps so Scioscia could laugh at him.

Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and a 6.00 ERA with his third win.  I have only one win for my entire staff in one league.  Who’s coming with me to Nepal to fix this Win Karma?

Kelly Johnson – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer.  You can book it that he’s gonna bet getter, if you’re into spoonerisms.

Melvin Mora – Out with a jammed foot.  Too bad everything points to him being toast.  Afternoon tea humor!

Ryan Roberts – Hit 2 homers yesterday and threw in a legs free of charge.  I love the questions about whether or not I think Roberts is fo reals.  He’s hitting .382 and two homers a game.  He’s not that real.  Can he stick at third base because the rest of the D-Bags candidates are tizz-errible?  Yup.  Should you pick him up?  Definitely, while he’s hitting.  BTW, Member my brilliant idea to allow one position a year to take steroids but not tell anyone… A little fun subplot trying to figure out which position it is each year.  Well, MLB decided to go with the more niche marketing plan, “All Roberts On ‘Roids.”  If Bip Roberts comes out of retirement, I called this sucker.

Mark Reynolds was traded to the Orioles for two bullpen arms.  This hurts simply because I like to watch the Diamondbacks and don’t particularly enjoy watching the O’s.  Sorry, Jim Palmer can’t hold a candle to Mark Grace.  Reynolds and I had a bit of a love/hate thing the last two years.  Loved him prior to 2009, told everyone to avoid him prior to 2010.  So if I were a straight Saberhagenmetrician, I’d say we’re check raising to the bettor again for 2011, but I’m worried about how many bales of brays I want to heap on Mini Donkey (say that fast 117 times!).  Will he reach the highs of 2009 again or will he blunder his way to another 2010?  Like Monie and Malcolm, 2011 will probably be somewhere in the middle.  He’s not a sub-.200 hitter even whirling his bat at everything.  He was unlucky last year.  He’s not really a .260 hitter either, as he was in 2009.  He’s somewhere in the .230-.240 range.  His HR/FB last year wasn’t that far off his career average.  He’s a 35-homer guy, give or take some luck.  In some crazy small sample sizes like you’d find at a midget second hand store, he hasn’t been good in AL East ballparks, but I wouldn’t worry too much about that.  In a large sample size, he wasn’t good in Petco or Dodger Stadium either.  He’ll lose Coors and gain a slightly worse offense.  Though I think the O’s can be slightly better with a Wieters, Sparkakis and Jones bounce back.  At least 2 out of the 3 wouldn’t be bad, Meatloaf.  The AL East is a tough division, but it’s not like the pitchers in the NL West are a walk in the park.  All in all, it feels like a push on value with the league change, but a slight bounce back from 2010 should be expected.  Anyway, here’s some more moves and what they mean for fantasy baseball:

J.J. Putz – Signed with the Diamondbacks.  What, Juan Gutierrez wasn’t good enough?  Geez, homers allowed for pitchers is so underrated, huh?  Putz should become the closer in the desert.  David Hernandez and Kam “I Need TP For My” Mickolio should work setup.  No reason why Putz won’t be a reliable closer and donkeycorn for fantasy.

Melvin Mora – Kevin Towers made more moves yesterday than Jim Bowden on a Segway.  I miss you, Jim, and the unintentional comic relief you provided.  Mora and Geoff Blum will take over for Reynolds at 3rd base.  That’s the kinda blahtoon that would make Ed Wade’s toupee get excited.  Too bad Dana Carvey gave up comedy (Did he? I have no idea.), I imagine he could’ve done a good Ed Wade impersonation since Wade looks like The Church Lady.  Wait, why am I talking about Ed Wade?  Oh, I know.  Cause there’s really nothing to say about Melvin Mora.  Mora hasn’t broken into double digit homers since 2008 and he’s going to be 39 for the start of the 2011 season.  I’m out on a pretty sturdy limb when I say you don’t want to own Mora in fantasy.

Kila Ka’aihue went 3-for-3, 4 Runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers.  Also, he just missed a third homer that ended up a triple.  Mauna Kila!  He hasn’t hit for much average so far in the major leagues.  Or is it ma’ajor leagues?  His plate discipline is in impeccable and the peasant Royals would be wise to give him a starting job next spring, which could make him a sleeper for 2011 fantasy baseball.  But you put the wise moves the Royals make in one hand and the stupid moves in the other hand and you’ll need the empty hand that was supposed to hold the wise moves to help hold up the stupid moves hand.  Then have someone else move everything off the counter so there’s room to balance the weight of both hands that have become stupid move hands.  Then get some Lysol because it smells like rancid onions.  Oh, and Kila has another homer in the last week and is worth playing in the final week if you’ve lost some other players.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Fields – Now 4 for his last 8 with 2 homers.  It must be ‘games don’t matter’ time, because the Royals look terrific.  Fields is worth a flier if you’re looking for a hot bat.

Jarrod Dyson – Promise this is the last Royal I’ll talk about.  Dyson is 1 for his last 23.  So why is it I own him on multiple teams?  Cause he also has 4 steals in that time.  SAGNOF!

Eric Young Jr. – With a bad case of the shins, Young’s done for the year and left wincing the night away.

Melvin Mora – 2-for-4 with a bunch of multiple hit games in the last week.  Yes, that’s all the optimism I can manage.  He’s hitting, what do you want?  (BTW, Nice job by the Colorado Chokies.  You can’t beat the Dodgers?  Really?  That’s pretty pathetic.)

Casey Blake – 2-for-5, 2 homers.  Yes, every borderline corner infidel is hot this week.  Thanks for asking.

Kenley Jansen – Got his 2nd save this week, but Kuo’s still the closer.  What I think is going on is Torre’s trying to burn out as many bullpen arms as he can in his final week for old times’ sake.

Adam Wainwright – La Russa, wearing a shirt made of veggie burgers, announced Wainwright’s done for the year.

Martin Prado – Also, done for the year.  He said this will give him more time to catch up on the episodes of I Love Money that he missed.  Hope he’s not too disappointed with the early elimination of 20 Pack.

Miguel Cabrera – Sounds like he’s done too.  No official word, but if you’re reading Leyland’s smoke signals, that’s what’s being said.

Carlos Beltran – Left the game with knee discomfort.  Wouldn’t surprise me if he were done for the year.  Don’t worry, Mets fans, Minaya’s working on a trade of Beltran’s knee for Chipper Jones’ lower back.

Randy Wolf – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He’ll get the Reds in the last game of the season, which should be an absolute walk as I’m sure Dusty will sit everyone.  Hmm… That was weird.  I was thinking like Dusty Baker and I suddenly wanted to chew a toothpick and throw Harang for 175 pitches.

Edinson Volquez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Solid start, but this isn’t about that.  His next start (if there is one) will be the last game and, as previously mentioned, the Reds are going to be playing the game like an split squad spring training game.  I wouldn’t start Volquez in most leagues.

David Price – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last game of the season for Price.  Sorry, Price owners, would mean no Sunday vs. the Royals and Sean O’Sullied.  If he does start, Price may only go a few innings to stay fresh.

CC Sabathia – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks as he further confused Joe Morgan and how he’s not a landslide Cy Young winner.  Someone give Joe one of those water dunking birds to stare at.

Travis Snider – 2-for-4 with his third homer in the last week while he bats near .350.  Almost making Cito look good for batting Snider leadoff… Well, no, Snider leading off still looks silly, but he is hitting.

Mat Latos – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I appreciate his efforts to bring his value down for next year’s drafts.  The real shame is the Padres might’ve overworked Latos to the point where he could be a mess next year and they might not make the playoffs either.

Carlos Pena – 1-for-2 with his 28th homer.  It almost goes without saying if he got a hit, it must’ve been a homer.  He doesn’t do those other kinds of hits.  Now Pena only needs 11 more homers to get to my preseason projection.  Get cracking!

Anibal Sanchez – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Anibal gets the Pirates in the last start of the year.  I’d throw him (her?) there.

Ryan Braun – Scratched with a stomach flu.  I’m not accusing anyone, but my H2H opponent poisoned Braun’s oatmeal so I couldn’t play him.  Okay, I am accusing someone.

Nick Blackburn – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  As I said last week, “Blackburn has around a 3.5 K/9.  To use the parlance of Johnnie Cochran, that’s egregious.  That’s an inning for Carlos Marmol.  Blackburn gets more bat contact than a wannabe-WAG.  When Twins fans go to a Nick Blackburn start, they bring so few K signs that they look racist.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Since there’s no Ks, it’s than but no thans for Blacburn’s last start.

Kelly Johnson – 2-for-3 with his 7th homer in September, after hitting 9 homers in April.  Someone likes the change of seasons.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Gets the Astros for his final game of the season, which isn’t a bad start to go out on.

Alfonso Soriano – Hit his 23rd and 24th homers last night.  He might be having the worst 24 homer season in the history of baseball.  67 Runs?  Blech.  78 RBIs?  Belch.  5 steals?  Whatever.  .257 average?  Al-So’s so-so.

Jimmy Rollins – Returned to the lineup and went 1-for-3.  It’s the last week of the season, forget name value.  There’s probably a dozen guys more valuable for this last week.

Jose Contreras – Gave up a run and lost the game to the Nats.  It’s the curse of being on the cover of the AARP Magazine.

Adam Dunn – Hit his 38th homer yesterday.  The Nats have four more games for Dunn to hit two more homers or the world will explode.

Justin Smoak – Last roundup, I said, “I’d give Smoak a go for his last two games in Texas.”  Yesterday, he hit another homer.  Right now, there’s a fire burning under Smoak.

Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks to move to 13-12 on the year with a 2.27 ERA.  Says he’ll pitch on Sunday so he has one more start for the M’s offense to abandon him and let him get back to .500.  I will now bludgeon Jose Lopez with Chone Figgins’ arm.

Jose Lopez – Left the game with a dislocated middle finger.  I’m sure anyone that drafted Lopez can locate a middle finger for him.

Matt Cain had a no-hitter through eight innings until an infield single by Jay Payton (who I believe runs with a cane, ironically enough) broke it up.  Final line for Cain was 9 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks to bring his season ERA to 2.95.  (Fancy metric alert!)  Last year, Cain’s xFIP was almost a run and a half greater than his ERA.  Or if Joe Morgan’s reading, gibberish gobbledygook > meaningful stat.  This year, more of the same.  So my question to you is, does Matt Cain want the Fangraphs Database to commit seppuku?  Leave FD alone, it’s still trying to figure out Austin Jackson’s BABIP!  Personally, I’m done fighting Matt Cain and his lucky ways.  I’ve overthought enough.  (Overthinked?  Overthunked?  Am I overthinking this?)  He’s in a pitchers’ park and he doesn’t give up homers.  Are they associated?  Probably.  He strikes out a fair amount and his walks have been in check this year.  Looks like a number #2 starter.  Wrap it up, I’ll take it.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Freddy Sanchez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs.  Now hitting over .400 in the last week with homers in back-to-back games.  If it wasn’t the last week, I wouldn’t even mention him.  But right now, it’s not a bad time to ride Dirty Sanchez.

Cody Ross – 2-for-4 and 3 homers this week.  Andres Torres returned for a second and pushed Ross to the bench, but now the Giants think Torres might’ve been rushed, so Ross could see time.

Melvin Mora – Hit his third homer in the last 8 days (which is a week if you count Muesday).  Mora’s family has a hard time speaking positive about him, so let’s leave it at he’s hot.

David Aardsma – DA has been charged with an oblique strain.  As soon as they find out where and what the oblique is Aardsma should return.  I’m thinking next year, the M’s say in a few days.  Makes no sense to me.  Why run your not-at-hundred-percent closer out there?  To avoid loss number 100?  I grabbed Brandon League in, uh, leagues where I needed saves.  My suggestion is you do the same then when you ring me up in the offseason we’ll have something to talk about.

Miguel Cabrera – Hit his 38th homer and, according to ESPN, he got an MVP chant.  This is news?  They were in Detroit.  They ain’t chanting “Ford was a Nazi,” that’s for sure.

Rick Porcello – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Twins B squad.  Porcello gets the Suckie-O’s next.  Not a huge fan of Porcello, but that’s not a terrible matchup.

Jose Valverde – Pitched an inning on Sunday and should be safe for the final week.  I’d lose Coke.  Ron Washington, “What are you losing?!”

Brian Duensing – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  The music finally skipped a beat on The Duensing Machine.  I’d lose him in all leagues.  It was smoke and mirrors before and that went poof.  You don’t want to run him out there again.

Delmon Young – Hit his 19th homer.  I’m still on board with Delmon in keepers, but I’m wondering if he might be overrated next year like Sandoval and Butler were this year.  Doode’s definitely got girth, but I like 30+ homer potential from my outfielders.  December Grey will have to examine this Rubik’s moobs.

Jason Frasor – Recorded the four out save as Gregg sat on the bench.  *shrugs*  Honestly, not sure why.  If you’re totally desperate for saves, I’d grab Frasor.

Alfredo Simon – Got thrown out the game for throwing at Bautista.  Unsurprisingly, the ball plunked off Bautista’s forearm and went for a homer.

Mike Aviles – 2-for-5 with a slam & legs.  Jeff Feenuttle who?!  Actually, that’s a made-up name, but Aviles has been good even if you compare him to someone who’s real.  Aviles has 4 homers in the last ten games and is batting over .300.

Billy Butler – 3-for-3, raising his average to .320.  Butler has always been terrific in Spring Training to earn the nickname, Mr. Grapefruit.  He’s now proving he just hits well when there’s nothing on the line.  Assuming that’s not a buffet line.

James Shields – 6 IP, 5 ER vs. the M’s.  Here’s what I said in February (!) when I was mocking ESPN’s mock draft, “(The pick of Shields at 152) is not a pick I would make, but this isn’t so much about the time when Shields was drafted.  The real knee to the balls is in the comments where (ESPN) wrote, “Becquey takes James Shields with pick No. 152, and many lament that Shields is off the board.”  Why? Because of his mediocre K-rate?  Is it his increasing walk rate?  Is it his inability to pitch in away games?  Is it his division?  Are they using a new definition of lament?  Seriously, I have to stop before I get an aneurysm.”  Schadenfreude, snitches!

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Astros, who he owns.  Don’t press your luck with Maholm for another start and get whammied.

Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-5, hitting over .300 in the last week with 2 homers.  As I said last week (or think I said), Alvarez has been very streaky in his short career, right now it’s the good kind of streaky.

J.A. Happ – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Though there were some unearned runs for the ticker shock.  He gets the Cubs for his final start, which isn’t terrible.

Brandon Beachy – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Beachy is shore doing well.  (Clever with a capital K!)  Might be an interesting name to look at next year, but I wouldn’t mess with him in his final start vs. the Phils.

Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 with his 24th and 25th homers.  I don’t care when they come, just get to 30.  Stats!

Carlos Beltran – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  As long as none of my direct competitors this final week have Beltran, I kinda hope he hits 25 homers in the last week so some ESPN rubes draft him crazy early next year.  ESPN, you are my fodder!

Chase Utley – 1-for-4 with his 16th homer.  What’s that, Martin Prado had a better season?  I will now eat an apple laced with cyanide.

Clayton Richard – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Holy heffin’ hey, is this the most runs ever given up in Petco?  Did they play with the Rock ‘n Jock short fences?  What are you doing to me, Richard?  It’s the final effin’ week.  You better look over your shoulder next time you’re alone in the Gaslamp, you schmohawk.

Chad Billingsley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks.  Sonavabench!  (BTW, of course he didn’t get the win.  If he were throwing a perfect game, they’d still be playing because no pitchers I own can get a win.  I’m cursed.  Stupid Zoltar!)

Danny Espinosa – 2-for-3.  Another streaky youngster who has 3 homers in the last week.  (Look at me, I’m an oldster, saying things like youngster.  Now get off my lawn!)

Matt Thornton – Got the 2 inning save yesterday.  Chris Sale was used on Saturday but he only threw 9 pitches so he couldn’t have been tired.  Ozzie probably just forgot he said Sale was the closer.  Between alleged racism and Twitter, it’s a lot for Ozzie to keep straight.

Trevor Cahill – 4 IP, 7 ER.  I told you he was getting lucky (probably three months too early)!

Mitch Moreland – 3-for-6, 5 RBIs with 2 homers.  Moreland was hitting below .100 in the last week before this game, so I’m not sure yet if this is a sign or a freak occurrence.  BTW,  yesterday there were 5 homers in Petco and 6 homers in the Oakland Coliseum… Speaking of freak occurrences, Lincecum would’ve sent those juiced balls back.

Jeff Francoeur – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer in the last three games.  With Hamilton out and Vlad resting his Ron Kovic knees, I’d see if Frenchy can hit a few more freedom flies.

Chris Perez – The mulleted closer was out Sunday as his wife was giving birth.  Here’s a Razzball exclusive look at the baby boy.

Doesn’t Danny Valencia sound like a bad actor’s stage name?  “For my audition, I’m going to do the scene ‘Eating the Old 96er’ from The Great Outdoors.”  Okay, try not to choke.  (Quick side note:  My aunt used to date Danny Aiello.  But not Danny Aiello, the actor.  A different Danny Aiello.  It was like McDowell’s vs. McDonald’s.  “They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs.”  I’d tell people, “Yeah, I was at dinner with Danny Aiello.”  My friends would be, “Danny Aiello?!”  “Yeah, Danny Aiello!”  Then my friends would make excuses to come over and be like, “That’s not Danny Aiello!”  And I’d be like, “That’s Danny Aiello!”  Then one day we were at a restaurant and who walks in but the real Danny Aiello.  It was like when Lorraine attempts to escape the house, but encounters her 2015 counterpart and faints.)  So Valencia is hitting over .400 at home, where the Twins are the final week.  Yes, over .400.  He also has 3 homers in the last week.  Here’s hoping he can make the magic last for more than one night or week.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Melvin Mora – This schmohawk is usually Melvin Van Feebles, but he’s hitting well in the last week and there’s no guarantee Mini-Mini Donkey will be inserted right back into the lineup.

Mike Aviles – It must be the end of the season when I’m heavily promoting a guy who’s barely above Crapolanco’s production.

Chris Johnson – As they say at bachelorette parties, this Johnson’s hot.

Wilson Betemit – Geez, how many corner infidels can be hot in the final week?  I’ll answer that right after I dump Sandoval and his Shirley Hemphill-lookalike body.

Chris Carter – This isn’t a buy for this year, but, if you’re in a keeper, I’d take a flier on Carter just to see how things play out this winter.

Danny Espinosa – Blah blah blah Espinosa!  Blah blah blah Buy!  Blah blah blah Dracula!

Randy Wolf – He appeared in the borderline starters post for last week.  Before that, he went out with your Moms and did her wrong.  So I don’t fully trust him, but he’s been lights out.

Edwin Jackson – Really only listed here because he gets 2 starts in the final week and the final one is vs. the Indians and their $24 of trinkets.

Carlos Zambrano – Has been great since returning to the rotation and also gets 2 starts in the final week.  Last start is vs. the Astros.  Hello, sexy, what’s your name?

Nick Blackburn – Just went over my Nick Blackburn fantasy.  It’s a fascinating read, I count only three typos.  Or is that, tipe-ohs?  Anyhoo!  Blackburn’s set for two starts next week, but I imagine the 2nd start will be shortened or skipped since the ‘offs.

Tim Stauffer – This is Grey, the Not-Really-Greek’s Double Yahtzee pick of the week!  Two starts, one at home, one in San Fran.

Alex Sanabia – I actually picked him up in one league for his two starts, but I’m not excited about it.  How’s that for selling a Buy?!

Carlos Carrasco – And last of the two start pitchers for next week that have a legit chance of appearing on any of my teams.  And, yes, Carrasco sounds like a luchador.

David Murphy – If you haven’t picked up Murphy yet, you’re probably not paying attention anyway.  It’s a shame, you could’ve been a contender.

Michael Morse – Something tells me he won’t be hot by next Tuesday, but there’s only, like, ten more days of season left, so what the eff in the coolie hole.

Will Venable – I think I’ve mentioned this before, but Venable is the 2nd fastest guy in the majors after Crawford, according to Bill James’ Speed Score.  Tied with Brett Gardner and ahead of Michael Bourn, Reyes, Stubbs, Victorino…  Don’t just stare, say something!  Okay, maybe I’m the only one that finds that interesting.

Jarrod Dyson – He’s fast.  That’s all I got.  I’m not sure he’ll play and he’ll never hit for power.  He’s like a non-French Juan Pierre.

Clay Hensley – SAGNOF!

Chris Sale – See Hensley, Clay.  Or 1/8th of an inch above.

Craig Breslow – Michael Wuertz’ thumb is huertz and Ziegler throws like a girl.

Phil Coke – In a blind taste test, 4 out of 5 SAGNOF’ers choose Ryan Pepsi, but Coke is it.

Juan Gutierrez – I like Kirk Gibson.  He was a fist pumping fool before Vinny.  Though I think making Gutierrez the closer was reason enough for him to never manage another game, let alone get signed on for next year, but mine is not to reason why.

SELL

Ted Lilly – I’m actually a fan of Lilly, but he has two starts left and his next start is in Coors.  Blech.

Andrew Bailey – See Jose Valverde.

Jose Valverde – See Andrew Bailey.

Joe Mauer – Unless your league counts the playoffs, you need someone else.

Zack Greinke – Kinda depends on your shituation but I dropped Greinke in the one league I have him for a two start pitcher.  And it felt great!  Sayonora, schmohawk!

Any Pitcher That Has Pitched His Last Start – Maximize your lineup spots with middle relievers for vulture wins or other starters.  It’s that time, friends.  Good luck!