At some point soon, the Yankees have to say to themselves, “Are we this stupid of an organization? We have a guy that is doing The Mashed Potato in the minors. Look at this…” Then a pile of balls that Aaron Judge hit are piled on the table, but instead of balls, they now look like mashed potatoes with stitches weaving throughout. “No, we didn’t have Lyle’s mom from accountant make a very long string of maraschino cherry stems tied together with her mouth. Those are baseballs with stitches that have been mashed by Judge.” One younger exec picks at a piece of mashed potato-baseball. “Stop picking at your food and eat it!” The young exec puts a piece of gummy baseball into his mouth. “I was kidding, you fool, it’s a baseball! You don’t eat that!” This has to happen soon. Aaron Judge is not getting any younger. Unlike me, I was 35 last year, and am 27 this year. Right now, he’s 24 years old and crushing pink cookies in Triple-A. The Yanks are nine games back and Tokyo drifting. No one on their team is young. Best move for them is to trade everyone or start benching guys to play Judge. Oh, and why do we care? Because Judge has Giancarlo-type power. He could hit 15 homers in a month. Fo’reallies. I have him stashed in one 12-team league, and I’d stash him in any league where I needed power. His time is nigh! Which sounds like something a Nazi would say, but it just means near. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sup, readers of the Razz. Normally I lead with a pitcher call that I think is undervalued and sometimes I lead with a bat if said bat has enough to talk about with them. Don’t worry, I get paid by the word so you’ll never have to worry about me not having too much to say about anything. And yet, here we are. I’m speechless. This late slate of pitching has two beautiful scenarios at a high price and a whole lot of dreck. Ricky Nolasco is $7,100. He’s the seventh best pitcher, according to DK pricing. The world hates us, fam. I’ll have some points per dollar calls in the pitching today but in reality, pay up for the big two in cash and play in lots of tourneys with some bad arms elsewhere. Did I get you excited?!? Boy howdy! Ok, ok, let’s do this. Here’s my cover your hair and eyes hot taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…
New to DraftKings? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 4th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the world of fantasy, when players hit the rewind button and show flashes of brilliance from days gone by, the buy-in factor is sometimes slower than most waiver acquisitions. Well, enter B.J., Melvin, or Bossman Jr. Upton. Whichever name you want to use for him, he is quickly becoming a must own player and is pushing to be the SAGNOF waiver wire pick-up of the year. Currently, I think Eduardo Nunez is in that spot, wait, did I just say that and mean it? When all is said and done though, I think Melvin is the most likely to sustain his value and is on a 23HR/35SB pace. Had we known that in preseason, it would have put him in 2nd round draft range. But alas, he wasn’t, and is still only owned in 43% of all ESPN leagues. His on-pace numbers are basically production wise to what we got from Charlie Blackmon last year. Blackmon, was of course, a top-30 player entering the season. The only problem holding Upton back is that he has been bad for a few years, in his favor though, is that he has been bad for a few years. What I mean by that is that I don’t think he has much value to anyone but the Padres. He will play every day for an offense that is near the bottom in all categories, and doesn’t appear to be a sell candidate for them at the deadline. So add away my friends, and happy SAGNOF’n this week. Here are some updates to the pitchers that are easiest to steal against and some waiver wire type blurbs for steal/save streaming…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trevor Bauer has a long history of not being great like he has long toss, which is to say he has it. Was that clear? Good. I’d hate to start us behind the eight ball for understanding one another. Unless it’s a Magic Eight Ball, then we’d be finishing each other’s sentences. But since you didn’t finish that sentence maybe our Magic Eight Ball says ‘Outlook: Cloudy.’ I feel like I just went into Home Depot, bought the color paint, Persimmon, then painted myself into a logic corner. Can we start again? Trevor Bauer’s history is as long as his long toss, which is to say he could throw from here to China, have the ball begin a trade agreement for fortune cookies, with us sending them to China, have fortune cookies become our number export over Kardashians and balance the budget, making Trump announce his running mate is Bauer’s ball from his long toss, the Ball Broker, as it’s colloquially known. That’s how long Bauer’s toss/history is. Long story short, Bauer’s been around a while. Long people short, Altuve. Bauer came up in 2013 with ‘He can be an ace’ pedigree, and failed. Then failed for three more years. Old dude I’m moving on, is what you’re thinking. Well, you’re thinking wrong. He’s only 25 years old. His velocity upticked to 93.3 MPH this year vs. 92.8 last year. His walks have always been issue. So far this year, not much of an issue. His Ks are always around 8.5, still there. His ground balls have been whatevs in the past. This year, they’re way up, which is to say down. Everyone has been burned by Bauer. Been there, need aloe for that. But he looks like he’s finally turned a corner, and he wouldn’t be the first pitcher in his third full year at the age of 25 to accomplish that. If you need a starter, I’d grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know how they have pink bats for Mother’s Day? They should have bats in the shape of penises for Father’s Day. “Ooh, a swing and a miss. Damn, he had that schlong just out in front of that ball.” “You know socialism never worked, but penises have worked for thousands of years, depending on what interpretation of the Bible you ascribe to.” “Wow, what size bat is David Ortiz using?” Happy Father’s Day to all of our readers minus five ladies! Yesterday, for Dad’s Day, Julio Teheran showed us Americans how they do it in Iran on Father’s Day. Teheran #1 — ptooey everyone us! His line was 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks and 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.66. I’ve been saying for a few weeks now that Teheran is worth picking up. He’s obviously not this good. His xFIP is 3.97, but his walk rate is down from last year and his ground balls are up, not literally. Other than last year, he was a consistent low-3, high-2 ERA guy, and he looks like he found his way back there. By the way, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, agreed, we should not allow any university lacrosse teams access to the penis bats. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jake McGee hit the DL with a sprained MCL. Damn, 1150 was a very bad year for him. Wait, a new closer that no one owns is up for grabs! When this news broke, I was sitting in a French cafe, wearing a beret to the side, flicking a Virginia Slim 120 like a French baller. I immediately looked for Carlos Estevez, but he was gone. Then I looked for Jason Motte — gone! Then I looked for Boone Logan — there! So, I grabbed him, then I wept quietly. Was I really picking up the guy third down the SAGNOF totem for the Rockies? I’m such a pitiful save vulture. Get some dignity, man, you’re better than this, you’re rocking a beret and a Virginia Slim 120! After Saturday’s game, Walt Weiss announced Estevez would be the closer, so now, even more pitifully, I will be dropping Boone Logan, who got me a cheap vulture save on Sunday due to Estevez being used too many days in a row. That’s like the fantasy baseball walk of shame. Everyone who sees you drop the guy that doesn’t get the closer job knows full well that you desperately tried to make the wrong guy work. Now I have to pick up and drop twelve other guys to bury my move. The fantasy baseball shame cycle! As for Estevez, his outings will be like brother Emilio — short. His performances may be like brother Charlie’s relationships — rocky. Unlike his father, Martin, he will not be starring in an awful Netflix series canoodling with the DA from Law & Order. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Rangers called up their super-prospect, Nomar Mazara (3-for-4 and a solo homer). That’s super *prospect*, Hillary Clinton fans. Don’t worry, not the word that is also a title of an Arnie, Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura movie. How is that trifecta not in more movies? I wanna see ACJ in everything! This Mazara call up is happening a lot faster than I thought it would. As the Story one did and the Max Kepler one and the Mallex Smith one (which I’ll go over in the post) and others. Maybe clubs read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I started to read it, got to the first chapter, “Put first things first,” skipped to the third chapter about being proactive, grew bored and never finished it. Feels like the days of Super Twos and June call-ups are behind us, right? Not answer, but to ruminate. I gave you a Nomar Mazara prospect post back in November of last year where I said, “He won’t struggle to hit .220. He won’t be a liability anywhere. He kinda reminds me of a young Matt Holliday, though from the other side of the dish. I watched some of his YouTube highlights and he doesn’t struggle to hit balls a long way, but also doesn’t look like a fat turd that can’t make it to first. I’m no scout, but watching him makes me think this is what scouts call sexy. I’ve seen him compared to Miguel Cabrera. Okay, no one is Miguel Cabrera until they are Miguel Cabrera, if you catch my drift, but Mazara doesn’t look like a guy that is going to disappoint. .280 with 30 homers a season for many years, that’s what he profiles as.” And that’s me quoting me! I grabbed him in every league where he was available. For now, he’s just filling in for Shin-Soo Choo, who is out four to six weeks with a strained calf, but I could see Mazara staying up and producing. Think Stephen Piscotty-type numbers, 20 HRs, .275, and a few steals. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m going to be honest, I’m a little tipsy right now, I didn’t listen to Malamoney’s advice and got a little silly with my brahs at my CBS points keeper league draft. You know, the one where the kid made the video…. I’m sipping on some Cold Harbor Willow Tree IPA, a kick ass brewery down the road from mi casa. Wow this is like a giant unsolicited advertisement for things I’m not getting paid to promote. Then again, maybe….. So anyway, in my never ending quest to hold off on deep league prospect player profiles until the season starts, and in my secondary never ending quest to prepare you for any and every scenario in dynasty leagues, deep leagues, RCL’s and everything else under the sun. Today on this holiest of sunday’s – Hallelujah!!! – I bestow upon you Razzscalians, the truest of true, the purest of heat, the protectors of the fantasy baseball shield, the real shizz, that shizz that make you feel shizz, nah mean. Imma bring back hip-hop Sunday, church, and snap bracelets. Raw Imma give to ya, no trivia, raw like ROOKIES TO TARGET!!!! Say what? That’s right, I’m hitting you with the rookie players to draft and stash in those Yahoo N/A spots (shouts to Goodfold, all 6 of y’all), minors spots in fantrax/CBS, and whatever ESPN probably doesn’t have. Unless a few of these make the roster (Peraza), most of them will probably be in AAA until their service clocks tick back one sweet year of arbitration, but they will all be mixed league relevant at some point. Who knows a few might break into the top 100, I mean, last year, right?Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s going to be a tough act to follow for the rookies of 2016. After the “Year of the Rookie” in 2015, what can we expect from the freshman class this year? Will we have another deep class featuring numerous high impact players to fill our fantasy squads? Or will we scale back this year, and only have a few true must own froshes? Below we’ll dive into the high impact rookies to target in drafts, and keep an eye on for later season call ups. For these reasons, I’ve broken them into two tiers; those that should break camp with big league club, and those that should be high impact call ups during the season. Just for fun I’ve added top 5 lists from some of your favorite Razzball personalities to give you idea of what others besides myself are thinking. Enjoy!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well here it is the post you’ve been hollering for in the comments since November hit. That’s right ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, cats and dogs, pastrami sandwiches and tuna melts, white wall tires and low profile tires, good guys and bad guys, curved brims hats and flat billed caps, and anyone else that reads Razzball; it’s the top 100 live from my garage in suburban Massachusetts. Ahh-huh you’re being magically whisked away to a garage, with flickering lights and an awkwardly handsome gentleman with a laptop. That’s me, and on my computer is a list, it is yours to read, berate, discuss, commit to memory, burn to keep you warm. What you do with it, is really up to you I suppose. This ranking is pretty straightforward, it lists each player, their position, and a link to their team’s minor league preview. Within each preview you’ll find that players blurb. On one final note, all of these ranks take into consideration a variety of factors including ceiling, proximity, and floor. Consider this post interactive, instead of me waxing poetic after each player explaining why I rank so and so where, I leave it to you to call me to the mat and defend my rankings. Without further ado the 2016 Top 100 Prospects for Fantasy BaseballPlease, blog, may I have some more?