Fantasy Baseball Advice

The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange.  Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat.  Lee-haw!  The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins.  Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch.  I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16.  Do the math!  The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis.  It’s curable, but you usually need a new team.  Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled.  Hip-hip-Hoffpauir!  Not really.  I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting.

Clayton Richard – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks as he gave the Cubs a little “How’s your father?”  If only I owned only Padres pitchers on all of my teams.  I love you, Hodgepadres.  Please friend me on Facebook!

B.J. Upton – 2-for-4 with 2 steals and a homer.  As frequent commenter, Brad, pointed out when he quoted my top 20 outfielder rankings, “B.J. Upton’s definitely shown he can’t be relied on for 20 homers, but you can count on him for 40 steals and 10 homers.”  And that’s me quoting Brad quoting me!  Right now, B.J.’s at 66/11/43/.240/35, and has been more valuable than broseph, Justin.

Evan Longoria – 3-for-4 with two doubles and a homer.  A la your 4th grade teacher, “Nice of you to join us, Mr. Longoria.”

Juan Pierre – 4-for-5, 2 steals.  When you put ‘Juan Pierre’ into Google, it says ‘Did you mean SAGNOF?’

Gavin Floyd – In his last 12 innings, he’s given up 13 runs.  Not good, but both were against the Twins and he gets the O’s next.  I’d give him one more shot in most leagues.

David Wright – Left yesterday’s game feeling queasy.  Or QUEASY! if you’re George Jefferson.

J.P. Arencibia – The Jays optioned him back to the minors.  John Buck is such a prospblock.

Taylor Teagarden – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in his last 8 games.  Those 8 games, unfortunately, date back 3 weeks.  The other day I grabbed Teagarden in a 2 catcher league, but he needs more consistent playing time for most leagues.

Matt Tuiasosopo – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in two games.  For deity sakes, this guy needs a nickname if he’s going to keep hitting.  I wouldn’t touch him yet in mixed leagues, but in AL-Only leagues I’d grab him.

Joe Blanton – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Solid start from the inconsistent Blanton, which is thankfully different than incontinent.  He gets the Astros in his next start, that’s a decent gamble.

Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, with a homer and two steals.  Wait, I know this impersonation… Um… 2007 Rollins, right?  Nice!

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, but 5 unearned runs for the momentarily gut-wrenching ticker shock.

Aroldis Chapman – Reds committed to calling up Chapman on September 1st.  Makes sense, but doesn’t add much to his value since he’ll be out of the bullpen.  Definitely grab him in keepers though.

Joe Mauer – 4-for-5 and his 8th homer.  Still hasn’t hit more than 3 homers in any month, but is hitting .472 in August.

Curtis Granderson – He was days away from appearing in Friday’s Sell as a guy to drop, but now he’s hit his 3rd homer in five games.  Maybe this time he can keep his hot streak going longer than a week.

Matt Kemp – I pimped out my merkin for this guy and then Torre benches him again?  Okay, this is gotta stop, or Kemp needs to be playing in 7 PM EST games so I don’t have guys on my bench that are actually playing.

Alberto Callaspo – Had the slam & legs while hitting third yesterday and is batting over .400 in the last week.  He doesn’t give much except hits, but there ya go.

Jay Bruce – 4-for-5 with his 12th homer.  He’s now officially as valuable this year as Corey Patterson.  As I’ve said before about Pablo Sandoval and my female neighbor, “What a bust!”

Edinson Volquez – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Way too inconsistent at this point to be relied on anywhere.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 20th homer.  Now bench him, you Sciosciapath.

Michael Wuertz – 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  That huertz.  Bailey’s set to begin a rehab assignment on Friday and should be back soon thereafter, barring any setbacks.

Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-3 with 2 homers.  Sticking with the variations on the name Michael theme, is Miggy drafted number three next year?  Two?  One?  Talk amongst yourselves.

Ryan Doumit – 1-for-4 with a homer.  First homer in over a month, but could be the start of something going forward.

Brad Hawpe – As Hawpe leaves the Rockies’ clubhouse for the last time, Bob Apodaca will be playing the world’s smallest harp, which is still 2 feet tall, but that’s small for a harp.  When Hawpe reaches the parking lot, he’ll turn back and hear noisemakers.  As the last line of my top 80 outfielder rankings says, “Get rid of Hawpe!”  I’ve been asking for the Rockies to release Hawpe for almost two years now.  Finally, we get our sweet, sweet outfield of upside.

Carlos Gonzalez – Was so excited about the Hawpe news, he ran into a wall.  The Rockies remind me of the Rangers.  Wonderful upside, difficulty staying healthy.  Hopefully he’s CarGone only a day or two.

Coco Crisp – 3-for-3 with the slam & legs.  Coco’s been loco.  Seriously, grab him in your leagues before someone else does.  This blurb was paid for by the committee to get Coco Crisp on your team.

Lorenzo Cain – 2-for-3 with his 2nd steal as he bets near .400 in his first 13 games in the majors.  If you need cheap speed in a deep league, look no further.

Randy Wolf – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  After the game, Wolf announced he was Team Jacob.  So predictable.

Trevor Hoffman – Got a save.  Brewers announced on their next homestand all fans would be able to enjoy “Free Whatever Crap We Have Lying Around That Commemorates Hoffman Getting 600 Saves” night.  They’re following the Angels’ lead from a few years back when they had a huge success with “Tim Salmon’s Going To Play One More Stupid Game So Come To The Ballpark” night.

Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL.  My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup.  Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing?  Is this something I need to tell people?  While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too.  Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested.  Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia.  Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me.  The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night.  [dur] Get them all in your lineup. [/dur]  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jacoby Ellsbury – Has a fractured rib.  Sounds like he’s donezo.  Just think, all the frustration you put up with this year owning him was your sacrifice for everyone who gets him cheaper next year.  Good karma to you.

Ryan Kalish – 1-for-4 with a grand slam.  With the D’Ellsbury situation, Kalish will play every day and he’s hitting .300 with 2 homers in 15 games.

Omar Infante – 2-for-4 with a steal even with Prado returning.  As predicted here (after I talked to my psychic), Infante is continuing to play (and hit).

Mike Minor – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  His changeup is nasty.  Don’t make me break up the word to emphasize it.  All right, fine!  His changeup is… Nas.  Tee.  He made Zimmerman look silly on a few pitches.  He won’t be in the rotation forever, but I’d own him while he’s there.  Get all over him in keepers.

Josh Willingham – The other white meat is out for the season with what they’re calling a bum knee.  Was he sleeping in a cardboard box?

Mike Leake – Heading to the bullpen to limit his innings this year.  But can’t Dusty now throw him every day?  Hmm…

Luke French – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Don’t even think about picking him up.  This was as good as it baguettes with French.

Matt Tuiasosopo – 2-for-4 with a homer.  Not much to see here other than the best last name that you can’t pronounce.

Curtis Granderson – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in four games after going 3-for-3 yesterday.  I’m a bit worried about even mentioning him because I know if you still own him, he’s probably on your bench.  If he’s in your lineup, you probably aren’t reading this.

Austin Jackson – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  I’ll be honest; I didn’t even think he’d be batting .300 as late as May 15th and he’s still at .302.  But, potatoes to chips, he’s also putting up 2nd baseman-ish numbers.

Brandon Morrow – 4 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Okay, so maybe he was still a little spent from his last game.

Coco Crisp – 3-for-4 with 2 steals.  Now has 18 steals in 46 games.  Member when Billy Beane was against steals?  Or maybe that was Brad Pitt.

Hisanori Takahashi – Jerry Manuel said Takahashi will be his closer.  He said that yesterday.  Obviously it could change tomorrow.  For now, Au Bon Japan!

Kila Ka’aihue – Had his 2nd 2-for-4 game in a row yesterday.  Not worth grabbing outside of deep leagues yet, but I’m watching him.

Gregor Blanco – 2-for-4 with his 4th steal in the last four games (though 3 of them came in one game).  The Royals are playing him and he might be trying to prove his worth on the basepaths.

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in his last three games.  It’s feast or famine for a lot of these peasant Royals.

Pat Burrell – Hit his 11th homer after the Philly fans gave him a standing ovation.  I’d say it was a classy move, but I think it was “If You Slept With Pat The Bat You Get In For Free Night.”

Jose Guillen – 2-for-4 with his first homer as a Giant.  Poor Andres Torres has to play the entire outfield.

Angel Pagan – Was benched yesterday for Fernando Martinez because of Pagan’s extended slump.  In non-keeper leagues, it might be time to thank Pagan for his services and start looking elsewhere.

Ricky Nolasco – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Is it already that time of the year where he gets everyone’s hopes up for next year?  Prepare yourself for this March commenter, “Grey, check it, brah.  Nolasco’s sick.  March commenter out!”

Logan Morrison – 2-for-5, now hitting .400 in the last 7 games.  This is just my weekly check-in to say Morrison’s hitting for everything but power and the power will come.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-3 with 2 steals.  The Rockies announced that Young will be playing every day and hitting leadoff.  That’s an immediate add across the board where you need steals from a middle infielder, which I imagine is just about everyone.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He looked rusty then he got nailed.  I’d give Chacin another chance or at least hold him for another start on your bench.  Or you can just grab…

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners (zero walks), 10 Ks.  Now has a 2.12 ERA in four starts since joining the Diamondbacks and 41 Ks in 45 1/3 innings.  In his upcoming starts, he’ll get the Rockies in Arizona, Giants, Astros and Giants again.  Looks good to me.

Will Venable – Member last week when I mentioned Venable in the SAGNOF post about cheap guys who can give steals?  No?  I don’t really either.  Neverthehoo!  Venable has 3 steals in his last two games and 5 in the last ten games.

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Wells’ last four starts have gone like this… Quality start, 6 earned runs in 5 innings, quality start, 6 earned runs in 4 innings.  So that leads to… Ooh, Wells pitched great, I’m going to grab him.  Then you put him in for the 6 earned run game.  Dah!!!  So you bench him for his next quality start.  Then you think he’s fine and you put him back in there for the next shellacking.  Wells hates you.  Don’t shoot the messenger.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Another extravaGarza!  He’s been a rich man’s Wells for the last month as he alternates good and bad starts, as well.

Wilton Lopez – Astros’ General Mills said before yesterday’s game that Brandon Lyon would be the closer moving forward.  Naturally, Wilton Lopez gets the save.  Lopez hasn’t been bad this year and might get some saves here and there.  Brandon Lyon would still be my pickup if I were vulturing for saves.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  I feel like I haven’t talked much about Pence this year, but he’s been a solid #3 fantasy outfielder.  18 homers, 15 steals while batting .287.  I’ve seen shabbier.  Oh, and he’s hitting .455 over the last week.

Jim Thome – 3-for-5 and his 4th homer in the last week.  He could retire, return at 50 years old and still hit 20 homers.  If he didn’t have to walk back and forth to the plate, he’d probably hit 25 homers.  All that walking is for young folk.

Colby Rasmus – Out with a calf strain, won’t be back until Friday.  La Russa must be terribly upset about that strained calf.  Hopefully PETA talks him down.

Zack Greinke won his 16th game yesterday pretty much the same way he won his other 15.  In September, he has a .35 ERA.  That’s two earned runs through 26 innings.  Okay, recent-history lesson aside.  The question I’ve been thinking on a lot lately is where will he be drafted next year.  I think it’s fair to assume he’s moved in front of Johan and Sabathia.  Webb and Peavy hit speedbumps this year and Halladay’s been his usual dominating self, but he never seems to get the fantasy love.  I mean, Halladay was better than everyone last year but wasn’t drafted in front of them this year either.  So that leaves Greinke and Lincecum.  Lincecum’s proven; he’s a top 2nd round pick.  So is Greinke a 2nd to 3rd rounder?  On one hand, it seems implausible to me that Greinke’s going to go that early (this might be because I don’t draft pitchers that early).  On the other hand, he’s earned it.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we jump into the roundup, and, oh, we will be jumping, Rudy updated the master standings.  With 114 points out of 120, Mowses is parting the rest of you Razzballers with his cane and giant beard.  Unfortunately, he has no shot at 120 points.  Damn.  We hoped with 9 leagues that one would get 120.  How many leagues do we need to have to foster a perfect season?  We feel like Mr. Burns did when those monkeys he had pounding away at typewriters were only able to manage, “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.”  Anyway, roundup time…

Shawn Camp – Got the save yesterday.  Probably a combination of Frasor working two innings the day before, Downs being, well, down and the Blue Jays not having a lead until the tail end of the 8th inning when Camp was already warming up.

Matt Tuiasosopo – HR yesterday.  Not much else to say, just wanted to write his last name.

Patrick Misch – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks.  Game before he gave up 8 earned in 1 1/3 innings.  Okay then.

Carlos Quentin – HRs in back-to-back games this weekend as he showed a glimpse of the player he was before you wanted to kill him.

Daniel Hudson -  6 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, 5 BBs.  If only BBs stood for Brian Benben sightings.  (1st Dream On reference of the day.  There will be another one this afternoon.  If you can guess this afternoon’s reference prior to posting, I will buy dinner for you and your family at Friendly’s.  *fast, hard to understand voice*  Offer available online only.  Offer applies to contiguous 48 states.  “Family” includes you and one other person.  No cousins or nephews.  Dinner includes a Fishamajig sandwich and a Fribble.  Winner must pay tax and gratuity.)

Mariano Rivera – Got the save yesterday as ESPN reported the Yanks clinched.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Hughes gets a save this week.

Chris Tillman – 2 IP, 6 ER.  In one of my leagues, I reached 179 starts the other day, so of course I threw eight starts on Sunday.  Damn you, Tillman.  I hate being roofied.

Matt LaPorta – HR yesterday and he’s batting over .400 in the last week.  Andy Marte is even starting to hit (.467 over the last week with a homer) as the Indians have the best record for the last three days, tied with three other teams.  Small victories, Tribe fans, small victories.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs as he finishes up a decent year (79/6/68/.308/17).  Yes, it’s only decent because it’s at shortstop.  Alcides Escobar, Elvis Andrus and EverCab should make shortstop a bit more interesting next year, but not that much.  Asdrubal’s only 23 so I’ll be mildly touting him again next year.

Nick Markakis – Hit a homer on Friday after I put the reverse kavorka on him in Friday’s Buy/Sell.  It was his only hit this weekend (1-for-11).  (David Wright went 1-for-10 and sat out Sunday.  Maybe you can have a 2nd Place Finish But Still Owned David Wright trophy made.)

Edwin Jackson – 7 IP, 5 ER.  He’s had an August (4.45 ERA) and September (4.78 ERA) to forget, but you didn’t think he’d even have an April or May or June or July to remember, so don’t hate on him too hard as uncool people who are trying to sound cool would say.

Ryan Madson – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER as he got the save.  I’d say Madson’s going to get every Phillie save this week, but every time I say that Lidge reappears to blow a save.

Mike Cameron – Has hit a homer in the past two games that he’s started.  This isn’t a “Hey, look at Cameron” thing as much as a “Hey, Gerut’s playing time is getting pinched by Cameron and Hart” thing.  I know, just when you thought you couldn’t dislike Hart any more.

Francisco Liriano – 1 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  After the game, Liriano asked for a reversal of his surgery — “I want Johnny Tom surgery!”

Orlando Cabrera – 3-for-5 yesterday, batting near .400 over the last week.  If you need a shortstop, here ya go.

Randy Choate – Entered a losing game in the 8th, then Lance Cormier got the save as Maddon played match-ups.  The Rays’ closerousel is anyone’s guess for saves.

Huston Street – In case you missed it last week, Street is the closer.  To prove it to everyone, he went two innings for the save yesterday.

Derrek Lee – Out three games now with a sore neck.  He’s been dealing with this issue most of the season, but this latest flareup was caused when Angel Guzman gave him a celebratory tap on the helmet after a home run Lee scored on.  Similar thing happened to Kaz Matsui last year when Berkman patted his ass after a homer.