On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball. This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning! Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation. You were a melancholy soul. But now you’re happy — yay. It’s still Monday funday! There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures. Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures. Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved. A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
6. Jose Valverde (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel) 7. Brian Wilson (Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla) 8. J.J. Putz (David Hernandez, Takashi Saito) 9. Heath Bell (Juan Leo Carlos Nunez Oviedo, Mike Dunn) 10. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Jeff Samardzija) 11. Joakim Soria (Jonathon Broxton, Greg Holland) 12.Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek) 13. Ryan Madson(Sean Marshall, Nick Masset) 14. Kenley Jansen (Javy Guerra, Todd Coffey) 15. Jason Motte (Eduardo Sanchez) 16. Huston Street (Luke Gregerson)
17. Andrew Bailey (Mark Melancon, Bobby Jenks) 18. Sergio Santos (Francisco Cordero) 19. Jordan Walden(Scott Downs, LaTroy Hawkins) 20. Kyle Farnsworth (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Chris Perez– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Asdrubal in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
21. Frank Francisco (Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez)
22. Rafael Betancourt (Rex Brothers) 23. Matt Thornton (Jesse Crain, Addison Reed) 24. Joe Nathan (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
25. Brandon League (Shawn Kelley, Hong-Chih Kuo) 26. Chris Perez (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp) 27. Jim Johnson (Kevin Gregg, Matt Lindstrom) 28. Matt Capps (Joel Zumaya, Glen Perkins) 29. Brian Fuentes (Grant Balfour, Joey Devine) 30. Juan Abreu(Wilton Lopez, David Carpenter, Fernando Rodriguez, The Ghost of Ed Wade’s Toupee)
The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings have reached the next to next to next to last stop with the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball. These top 20 closers are different than all of the other rankings. The closers on the top of this list you should not draft and there are closers that aren’t on this list that you should be targeting. Shortly, there will be a list of every team’s closer and setup man. I’m thinking this afternoon. Monday funday! The projections are also a bit wonky since you can’t predict saves. It’s a fool’s errand. If fool’s errand means what I think it does. Some well-known projectionists (not the pimply kid unspooling Albert Nobbs) don’t even attempt to predict saves. Saves come down to opportunity. This is yet another reason why you shouldn’t draft the top guys. Nevertheless, my projections are listed along with where I see tiers starting and stopping. Anyway, here’s the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1. Craig Kimbrel – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until Storen. I call this tier, “Young, dumb and full of speed gun.” To illustrate further why you shouldn’t draft a top guy, the top three closers when rankings came out last year were Carlos Marmol, Neftali and Soria. I wasn’t bonkers with a side of delusional when I put those three at the top. It just shows you the fickliosity (Made Up Word of the Day!) of the closers. The good news is the guys I told you to target later are now on the top of the rankings. Sure, I’d love to get Kimbrel. Like I’m Samuel Gerard. Just don’t think it’s happening. 2012 Projections: 5-2/2.20/1.08/110, 40 saves
2. John Axford – I love the fact that he accepted K-Rod coming to the Brewers, took a dump in his locker* and kept on saving games. (*Unsubstantiated claim that K-Rod assumed was his father-in-law. K-Rod and his father-in-law are now thick as thieves and have decided to settle all arguments with a round of laser tag.) 2012 Projections: 5-1/2.40/1.16/90, 38 saves
3. Drew Storen – You want a donkeycorn?! You can’t handle a donkeycorn! Cause they’re wild, bucking animals. You should get a lamb. They’re peaceful. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.50/1.04/75, 38 saves
4. Mariano Rivera – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Putz. I call this tier, “Not young, not dumb, but will get the job done.” These guys are not flashy names anymore. Well, maybe Mo a little, but for the most part there’s no shine on these guys. Whatever, you just want saves. Stop being so greedy. 2012 Projections: 2-3/2.40/0.95/55, 40 saves
5. Jonathon Papelbon – Whatever junk Papelbon was smoking in 2010 when his ERA was 3.90, he stopped smoking it in 2011 when his K-rate was 12+ and his ERA was 2.94. Or maybe he wasn’t smoking in 2010 and was smoking in 2011. Or maybe he wasn’t smoking either year, but standing near Terry Francona when he was smoking. Either way, Papelbon now faces the NL and not the Yankees for 18 games a year, 17 of which are televised. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.65/1.00/80, 37 saves
6. Jose Valverde – Everyone is picking the Tigers for the World Series, so naturally Valverde is going to be five kinds of wonderful with a side of “This is better than sex!” Then again, the Cards and Rangers’ closers weren’t so good last year, so, yeah, it makes little difference. Not to say I don’t like Valverde, just putting shizz into perspective. 2012 Projections: 3-3/3.00/1.22/65, 35 saves
7. Brian Wilson – He had a bit of a junky season last year. Yet, he still had 36 saves and a 3.11 ERA. You could’ve done worse *cough* Soria *cough* 2012 Projections: 5-3/2.90/1.32/70, 35 saves
8. J.J. Putz – I struggled with whether to put Putz (almost stutterer!) in the next tier of guys that I’m wary of or if I should say he’ll be fine in this tier. After battling with myself over this Putz for about fifteen minutes, I worried I might go blind and just ranked him here. He is a bit of a one man MASH unit, which makes sense since his full name is Jamie Jfarr Putz. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.75/1.00/60, 32 saves
9. Heath Bell - This is a new tier. This tier goes to Hanrahan. I call this tier, “High ranked closers that I’m a bit wary of. Not enough to kick out of bed, but enough to wonder why I’m in bed with them.” The factory underneath Petco that produces middle men that become all-world closers released a report after Bell signed with Miami. “Miami has a team? Oh, Florida! We’re sorry to see Heath Bell leave our organization. He was a valued member of our bullpen. But, really, anyone can close games in Petco. Have you seen our fences? Trick question. You haven’t seen the fences because they’re three miles from home plate. Good luck in Miami!” 2012 Projections: 4-3/3.25/1.18/50, 37 saves
10. Carlos Marmol – I usually tell you to ignore potential trades and that other foolishness, but Epstein is dead set on shaking up the Cubs and putting his stamp on the club, so I could see Marmol setting things up for a playoff contender by mid-summer. I know if I was headed to the playoffs I’d love to have Marmol in the 8th inning. 2012 Projections: 5-3/3.50/1.35/100, 25 saves
11. Joakim Soria - Could totally bounce back, but why am I risking it if he doesn’t? There’s no other closers? Of course there is. If I can avoid risk with a fairly high ranked closer, I am. 2012 Projections: 3-2/3.35/1.25/65, 35 saves
12. Joel Hanrahan – Hanrahananananan is a bit of wild card. I think he can save 40 games again with a 9 K/9 and a sub-2 ERA or he can save 25 games and a high-3 ERA. Plus, drafting him is a bit like OD’ing on tryptophananananananan. Snooooooooze. (BTW, after this blurb, my spellchecker quit on me. Just got up and walked out of the room.) 2012 Projections: 2-4/3.35/1.20/65, 34 saves
13. Ryan Madson – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Street. I call this tier, “I’ll probably own these guys on multiple teams; this tier name doesn’t rhyme and isn’t pithy.” You want guys that can become the top four for (stutterer!) next year. Here’s your tier, snitches! Assuming Madson doesn’t stumble for any extended period of time, he’ll be more valuable than this ranking. The only big issue is Dusty waking up with his toothpick on the wrong side of his mouth and deciding Madson’s no longer his closer. 2012 Projections: 5-2/3.00/1.22/60, 32 saves
14. Kenley Jansen – I have a bit of a soft spot for high upside mid-tier closers. Or is that a hard spot? It’s why I ended up with Kimbrel and Axford on multiple teams last year and will be eying Jansen this year. As of right now, he’s not officially the closer, but I think it happens. If you want him, you’re gonna have to draft him around here. I say do it. 2012 Projections: 1-3/2.25/1.00/85, 25 saves
15. Jason Motte – I’m hoping with La Russa’s Feathered Hair moving on to grayer pastures that the Cards bullpen will be a lot more stable. If I had Madson, Jansen and Motte on every team as my only closers, I’d be so happy I’d cancel all future shrink appointments, except the ones on Tuesday because I stepped on a sidewalk crack last week. 2012 Projections: 3-4/2.50/1.10/65, 27 saves
16. Huston Street – If you hold what I said about Heath Bell in the mirror, that’s what I have to say about Street and why I like him this year. Of course, he can’t stay healthy without the help of magical potion or whatever it was that Ryan Braun took. 2012 Projections: 2-4/3.00/1.10/50, 30 saves
17. Andrew Bailey – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Thornton. I call this tier, “Closers that I’m probably going to miss out on, but SAGNOF tells us saves are saves are saves so I could draft one of these guys.” A few things separate Huston Street from Andrew Bailey. 1.) Tougher home park. 2.) Tougher league. 3.) There’s no 3. 4.) Bailey’s going much higher in drafts than Street. 2012 Projections: 3-1/3.30/1.10/50, 34 saves
18. Sergio Santos – If someone said they were a time traveler and they just returned from 2013 and Santos is now the top closer, I wouldn’t be surprised though I would wonder why they used their time traveling ability for something so trivial. My problem with Santos is his walks and he has a capable closer behind him. A few screw ups and he’s out. I did flip-flop on Santos since the last time I wrote about him. A girl and Grey have a right to change their mind. I do know what I was thinking with that post. Ks, Ks, Ks… And more Ks. Now, I’m getting cold feet. Stupid poor circulation! 2012 Projections: 3-5/3.70/1.24/80, 25 saves
19. Rafael Betancourt – Maybe once and for all he can shake the Cuddle Boy label. Maybe I don’t want to risk it on my team to find out. Fairly wellesley, Dame Betancourt! 2012 Projections: 4-2/3.50/1.10/65, 25 saves
20. Matt Thornton – He’s 35 years old and he has 20 career saves. By season end, Hawk says about Thornton, “He gone!” and the White Sox try out Addison Reed or Jesse Crain. 2012 Projections: 5-4/3.75/1.22/65, 20 saves
After the top 20 closers, there’s a lot of names you should draft and I’ll go over all of them. Here’s three that stand out:
Chris Perez – Coming off a season with a 5.88 K/9 and a 3.92 BB/9. That’s the new blech. Again, I would take any closer that had a job, but don’t let Perez’s 36 saves last year cause you to overpay. 2012 Projections: 2-5/4.00/1.28/45, 25 saves
Joe Nathan – When he went to the Rangers, I wrote my Joe Nathan fantasy. If you hold it up to a mirror, it’s very difficult to read. 2012 Projections: 3-4/3.75/1.18/45, 30 saves
Juan Abreu - Who? Did I mean to type Joan Abreu, Bobby’s loving Momsie? I think I might’ve. And I think Bobby’s Momsie is the favorite to get saves in Houston. Whatever! SAGNOF! If someone’s getting saves, draft them! 2012 Projections: 1-4/2.70/1.28/70, 20 saves
Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season. Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them. The sadness! The grief! The inconsequence of it all! Since our last look at all the closers, the loss of Brian Wilson — not The Beach Boy, we lost him 25 years ago to the purple pills — is the biggest news from last month to now that isn’t weather related. I’d say we also lost Jon Rauch, but I’m not sure he was ever the closer and he’s seven-three so you can’t really lose him. Just look up. Bobby Parnell finally took over for Izzy after his momentous 300th save that was reported all across the globe (in a small blurb under a classified ad for a used couch.) Jason Motte got a vote of confidence from his manager then a vote of no confidence, which I’m sure will flip-slop at least five more times in September. Jordan Walden fatigued, needs a nap. Huston Street got hurt — shocker! Leo Nunez did his usual late-season dive. Finally, Gregg gaggs yet aggain, but he’s been like that for years and it’s never changed his job security. He’s the Teflon Closer. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano) 2. Craig Kimbrel(+6) (Jonny Venters, Scott Linebrink)
3. Heath Bell (-1) (Chad Qualls, Luke Gregerson, Ernesto Frieri) 4. Jonathan Papelbon (-1) (Daniel Bard) 5. Jose Valverde (-1) (Joaquin Benoit, Ryan Perry)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
6. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Sean Marshall) 7. John Axford(+5) (Francisco Rodriguez) 8. Joel Hanrahan (-1)(Jose Veras, Chris Resop) 9.Francisco Cordero (Aroldis Chapman) 10. J.J. Putz (+4) (David Hernandez) 11. Kyle Farnsworth (+5) (Joel Peralta, J.P.Howell) 12. Neftali Feliz (+11) (Mike Adams, Koji Uehara, Mike Gonzalez) 13. Drew Storen(+5) (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett) 14. Sergio Santos (-3) (Matt Thornton, Chris Sale) 15. Chris Perez (+10) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp, Rafael Perez) 16. Ryan Madson(+3) (Brad Lidge, Antonio Bastardo) 17. Joe Nathan(+1) (Matt Capps, Glen Perkins)
18. Joakim Soria (Aaron Crow) 19. Brandon League (+1) (Jamey Wright) 20. Andrew Bailey (-5) (Brian Fuentes, Grant Balfour) 21. Javy Guerra (+5) (Kenley Jansen, Matt Guerrier)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Kevin Gregg– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Brian Roberts in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
22. Jordan Walden(-1) (Scott Downs, Hisanori Takahashi) 23. Kevin Gregg (Jim Johnson) 24. Mark Melancon (Wilton Lopez)
25. Fernando Salas/Jason Motte (-4) (Octavio Dotel) 26. Bobby Parnell (+2) (Jason Isringhausen, Pedro Beato) 27. Frank Francisco (+3) (Casey Janssen, Jon Rauch) 28. Rafael Betancourt (-18) (Huston Street, Rex Brothers) 29. Steve Cishek/Leo Nunez/Edward Mujica (-17) (Mike Dunn) 30. Sergio Romo/Jeremy Affeldt/Ramon Ramirez/Santiago Casilla (-25) (Brian Wilson, Mike Love, John Stamos)
I was like, “Yo, Grey, you gotta do a Closer Look, like, last week so everyone knows what is the haps on closers!” Then I was like, “After the trading deadline, which I went over in Toto, not a whole lot changes.” Then I was like, “What is “the haps?” The happenings? Then say that. And ‘in Toto?’ Are you talking in code for ‘in Total Douchebag?’” It’s a constant struggle with myself to give you the best product, and, when I don’t give you the best product, it’s usually me blabbering about how it’s a constant struggle to give you the best product. Incredibly, in the last month there’s only been three closer changes. Capps to Nathan, Bastardo to Madson, which only happened because Madson was briefly injured last month when I did the last Closer Look, and D-ork to the Brewers, making Izzy the closer, which has been well documented on this site, and by ‘this site’ I mean the one you’re reading right now, not the porn window you have open underneath it. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano) 2. Heath Bell (+3) (Chad Qualls, Ernesto Frieri) 3. Jonathan Papelbon (+1) (Daniel Bard) 4. Jose Valverde (Joaquin Benoit, Al Alburquerque) 5. Brian Wilson(+1) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
6. Carlos Marmol (-3) (Sean Marshall) 7. Joel Hanrahan (Jose Veras, Chris Resop) 8. Craig Kimbrel (+3) (Jonny Venters, Scott Linebrink) 9.Francisco Cordero (Aroldis Chapman) 10. Huston Street (Matt Lindstrom) 11. Sergio Santos (+8) (Matt Thornton, Chris Sale) 12. John Axford(Francisco Rodriguez) 13. Leo Nunez (Edward Mujica, Mike Dunn) 14. J.J. Putz (+1) (David Hernandez) 15. Andrew Bailey (+3) (Brian Fuentes, Grant Balfour) 16. Kyle Farnsworth (+1) (Joel Peralta, J.P.Howell) 17. Joe Nathan (+5) (Matt Capps, Glen Perkins) 18. Drew Storen(-2) (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett) 19. Ryan Madson(+11) (Brad Lidge, Antonio Bastardo)
20. Joakim Soria (Aaron Crow) 21. Brandon League (+2) (Jamey Wright) 22. Jordan Walden (+2) (Scott Downs, Fernando Rodney) 23. Fernando Salas (+3) (Jason Motte, Octavio Dotel)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Kevin Gregg– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Brian Roberts in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
24. Neftali Feliz (-3) (Mike Adams, Koji Uehara)
25. Chris Perez (-17) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp, Rafael Perez)
26. Kevin Gregg (-2) (Jim Johnson, Mike Gonzalez) 27. Mark Melancon (Wilton Lopez) 28. Javy Guerra (+1) (Hong-Chih Kuo, Matt Guerrier) 29. Jason Isringhausen (-15) (Bobby Parnell, Pedro Beato) 30. Jon Rauch (-1) (Frank Francisco, The Ghost of the Seagull that Dave Winfield Killed)
While balancing a book on their head, the Blue Jays were poised to call up Brett Lawrie just when he fractured his hand. That’s worst timing than the guy down at your local Chuckles nightclub doing an open mic set. But flip our Supreme Buddha In Funny Poses day calender two months later and the hand is healed. In two weeks at Triple-A since his return, he’s hitting near .350 with a homer. Or as Lawrie would say on Twitter #yabuddy. “You want to convey your emotional state while giving the most information possible, all in under 140 characters.” That’s Lawrie explaining Twitter to his Grammie. Lawrie should be up in the next two weeks. So you have to decide if a .300 hitter with good power and speed at 2nd base is worth sitting on your bench until his call up. #yabuddy Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Hideki Matsui – Hello, time travelers from 2004. You are not in 2004 anymore. You are in 2011. Hideki Matsui is just hitting again. Though that is not Madonna on your radio, that is Lady Gaga.
Alejandro De Aza – Speaking of Lady Gaga, it’s Alejandro who’s not hot like Mexico. He’s hot like a bagel that was toasted 15 minutes ago. He could steal some bases like a motivated Alex Rios once did, that’s about it.
Collin Cowgill – I just went over my Cowgill fantasy. I wrote it while picking through my garbage for my accidentally discarded contact lens.
Lucas Duda – It’s nice to have all the buys in one place, right? I mean you guys (and three girls) do realize I go over just about all of these players all week long. Just the other day, I was blabbering about how it’s Duda’s day and we’re off to the camptown races. Duda, Duda, day! Duda, Duda, day! Duda, Duda, day! Duda– Sorry, record was skipping.
Jason Bourgeois – Could be the best steals guy since Alex Sanchez stole 52 bases with nothing but a pair of used Keds and steroids. He’s a must own as long as he’s starting – though Jason resents the implication that ‘owning’ him means he’s part of the proletariat. You’ve been Marxed!
Jon Jay – From Bourgeois to a revolutionary diplomat, bring down the wall…between you and the light-hitting outfielders and Putin Jay!
Josh Reddick – Right now, he’s hitting like he’s getting tips directly from Ted Williams’ frozen head. “I’m so cold, I think I see dead people.” That’s a worker at a cryogenic lab getting a laugh from his co-workers. Are we having a laugh?
Dexter Fowler – Hitting near .400 in the last week. Why won’t you pick up Fowler? Chicken?
Eduardo Nunez – Five steals in the last week. It’s as simple as 1, 2, SAGNOF!
Jason Kipnis – Has started 3 times since he’s been called up and done a whole lot of nothing. Call it a career! He’s done! Or maybe you give him a few more days. You’re so reactionary, but that’s also why we get along so well. Or is it?
Yonder Alonso – I just went over my Yonder Alonso fantasy. I write it while being screamed at by Wally Backman.
Derrek Lee – Hello again, 2004 time traveler! Don’t adjust your calender. Derrek Lee is simply hitting again. Oh, and we no longer refer to Lindsay Lohan as a star or Brittany Murphy as alive.
Edwin Jackson – Back in the league where he’s had little to no success, he’s bound to either prove us wrong or right. Really, is there any other way?
Jeff Niemann – I told you to grab him last week. You didn’t tune me out, did you? I hate when you do that. Maybe we should see other people. I hear fantasy baseball (fill-in word for expert) dot com just broke up with their significant other.
James McDonald – Him and Maholm should think about why they’re so available in fantasy leagues. It just seems, I don’t know, desperate.
Mike Adams – Grab him for potential saves and, if you also own Jon Jay, you can change your team name to The Waiver Wire Fore-Fodders.
Octavio Dotel – Salas has been fine in the closer job, but two hiccups and one mention of how much he liked Rasmus and Dotel could see looks.
Matt Lindstrom – Another totally speculative pick up in case of a trade. Do I really think Huston Street gets traded? No, probably not, but you just need to hold Lindstrom until Monday, then drop him if there’s no movement. Hehe, I said movement. Also, I could’ve put Bobby Parnell here. Hey, look, I just did!
Edward Mujica – Looking more and more (and more?) like Nunez isn’t going to be traded, but, just in case, why not grab Mujica? And instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.
SELL
Ian Stewart – Consider Chris Davis here too. These guys owe me at least five hours of my life back for the amount of times I’ve picked up and dropped them. To think I once christened Stewart with the Mini-Mini Donkey nickname. You, sir, are no donkey. Mini-Mini or otherwise.
Ryan Roberts – This drop is more for mixed leagues. You and Roberts had a good run. You originally thought you were drafting Brian Roberts and it turned out much better than you could’ve ever expected. Now it’s time to move on.
Alfonso Soriano – Member back in April when I kept telling you how good he was? Because he’s good in April. We’re pretty far removed from then. Right now at the plate, Gordon Shumway Soriano looks like he’s on the wrong planet.
Ian Desmond – Alas, he never got on track this year. Has 3 homers and a .220-something average. Steals or no steals, that’s p to the athetic. To be clear, when I wear my flowery doily dress that I nicknamed my Desmond tutu, it’s for Jennings.
