Fantasy Baseball Advice

This is the conundrum of fantasy baseball that leads us to the battle for the final rotation spot.  These guys either have one of two options: drive around on a bus with the Savannah Sand Gnats, or float for awhile (swimming is an entirely different sport). These guys aren’t necessarily the sexiest group of fantasy options, but if your league is deep or shallow, streaming is streaming.  I do it a lot in limitless inning leagues.  It’s not cheating — it’s taking advantage of other owners who don’t do it.  Picking your “spot” starts is always hit or miss, best way to tell if you should stream is to read the betting line — I can’t make this stuff up.  People who stand to win/lose money know what is going on here.  So here we go:  the 5th starter battles for 2010 fantasy baseball at the midpoint of Spring Training:

Braves

Kenshin Kawakami – Pitched decent last year.  Under 4.00 ERA from the 5th spot is gold.  SP/RP eligibility is platinum.  I’m for this guy — he keeps the ball on the ground.

Kris Medlen – Maybe youth can be served in the A T L.  Minors number show he has some potential. To me, he looks like a midseason trade guy for offense.

Phillies

Kyle Kendrick – I bought some of his juice 2 years ago. I’ve seen him twice this spring already and he looked pretty decent.  Plays in a HR friendly environment — not good.

Jose Contreras – Grizzled old Cuban not named Livan. Gives them the “I have been there before” guy to have in a pinch.  Moyer is lurking around somewhere too.

Reds

Aroldis Chapman – Now we are getting to “ooh” guys.  We all know about him — he is climbing up the ADP boards.  I think he gets 5-6 starts in minors.  Awesome potential; future number 2.

Matt Maloney – The designated place holder at the onset of the season.  Has potential.  Do not sleep on him — he may be a better contributor after they trade of Bronson/Harang.

Mike Leake – Yeah, he is still in contention in my eyes.  Awesome polish.  Well beyond his years on the mound.  Ponder this for next year:  Cueto, Chapman, Bailey Volquez and Leake.  WOW.  Pretty decent, I’d say.

Brewers

Dave Bush – It’s feast or famine:  head for the mountains and choose anyone but “bush.”  Having a decent enough spring to make you go…. maybe.

Manny Parra – Potent offense may help both of these guys.  Good K numbers, bad everything else is not a fair trade off for me. Mostly NL-Only help here, but roll the dice when it gets warmer.

Cardinals

Jaime Garcia – Rook is ready. Saw him pitch live and he has the goods that you’re looking for.  The “Lou” is definitely going lefty with the 5.  Minor league numbers are good enough to buy for a dollar.

Rich Hill – I told you it’s either Mickelson or Gomez.  Duncan’s pet project this year.  Had the goods to make everyone believe 3 years ago.  Yeah… you know who you are.

Dodgers

Eric Stults – Loved him as Rocky Dennis — not so much for the Dodgers.  Thirty-year-old may be a late bloomer. Worrisome high walk rate. Pitching well in Spring Training.

James McDonald – E I E I O, minor league success at every level.  Dodgers SP is very overrated. They may need his potential at the back end of the rotation.

Yankees

Phil Hughes – Joba has fallen into the pen, IMO.  Hughes has only himself to blame if he goes to join him. Awesome potential three years ago; he was a top 5 prospect. Still only 23.  SP/RP eligibility.

Alfredo Aceves – Gaudin is helping his cause. Destined for long relief.  ‘Fredo could be a guy who sneaks in. Had a year talking to the G.O.A.T in the pen.

A’s

Gio Gonzalez – Awesome punch out numbers.  Favorite of mine for sneaky late round pick.  His peripherals make me sad.

Vin Mazzaro – A fellow “Dirty Jerzian.”  Is the opposite of Gio:  pitches to contact.  For my money, he is the extremely poor man’s version of Slowey.  Last seen with JWOWW and Snooki at Jenks.

Twins

Francisco Liriano – I’m truly tired of talking about this guy. Now they want him to be a closer… Minny is throwing in the towel already.  Not a great idea. That Pierzynski trade right now looks good for this year.

Royals

Kyle Farnsworth – Yeah him.  I got nothing.  Horrible as a reliever.  Hillman drinking the sauce for an early unemployment check.

Kyle Davies – Still have nothing.  For giggles, look up his Spring numbers. I haven’t seen that fat of a number since 7 ate 9.

Robinson Tejada – Time to take the training wheels off.  Previously admired by me.  Great K potential. Looked great in final 6 starts last year.  RP/SP eligible a plus.

Rangers

Matt Harrison – Arlington bleachers gobble up fly balls in summer — unfun for pitchers. My money says Feliz pitches out of the pen to start the year.  Decent Spring so far.

Derek Holland – Great potential. Needs to develop a third pitch.  There really is no loser here:  both will get starts as Harden and McCarthy are “fra-gee-lay” and neither are Italian.

Orioles

Davis Hernandez -  Great K numbers in the minors.  Did decent enough last year to be considered here.  Not the prospect that his competition is.

Chris Tillman -  Another sleeper guy for non-dynasty leagues that I like. Is part of the handful of Baltimore top pitching specs.  Don’t sleep on him.

The walks weren’t really an issue when Francisco Liriano was striking out twenty-seven guys a game.  He walked to the mound and you knew you were getting 10 Ks.  Maybe nothing else.  But you got ten Ks.  Even if he faced only nine batters.  The scorer would give him an extra one just because he was Francisco Liriano.  His numbers since Frank Jobe surgery are disturbing.  Disturbing like one of those Discovery Channel shows where they show plastic surgery gone wrong.  Liriano’s throwing his slider less (his old strikeout pitch) and chucking up salamis, pitch after pitch.  Could he be laying off the slider because of the surgery?  My guess is yes.  *pointing my index finger at you*  That is my guess.  He looked like he turned a corner when we hit May and K’d nine Tigers.  Could it be the old Liriano, you pondered while nestled in your woobie.  Alas, it was not.  The old Liriano’s in a medical waste bin outside Dr. James Andrews’s office.  Liriano’s now consistently showing himself to be a 7 to 8 K/9 pitcher instead of the 10+ he was prior to surgery.   He’s at 6.04 ERA on the year, but I think he should get that down to a 4.25 by the end of the year.  But it’s a far cry from the 2.16 of 2006.  A far cry, friend.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark Reynolds – 4-for-9, 2 HRs, 5 steals.  Get on the mini-donkey-donkey… Could he become the first player to 10/10 on the season?  Do you really care if he bats .240?  Is Mark Reynolds not King-Sire of our land and everyone else is simply called, Not Mark Reynolds?  Where were you when Mark Reynolds was suckling from his mother’s teat?  Reynolds’s straw reaches across the room to drink your milkshake.  He drinks it up!  He drinks your milkshake!  Did you think your song and dance and superstition would help you when Mark Reynolds wasn’t on your fantasy team?  He’s smarter than you!  Chris Davis is a false prophet!  Aramis Ramirez is a false prophet!  Reynolds is a revelation!  Reynolds is King-Sire of this land and he calls it Mini-Donkeyville.  Bow down.

Joey Votto – Reds will release his tests on Thursday.  Hopefully, it’s not a press conference.  Press conferences are never a good sign.

Edinson Volquez – Will miss a start because he’s suffering from lower back spasms.  He should totally sit in one of those massage chairs at Brookstone.  They are so comfy.

Grady Sizemore – Supposedly he’s battling a sore elbow.  Indians player does poorly (V-Mart ‘08), they blame the elbow.  What’s in the water in Cleveland?  Actually, don’t answer that.

Justin Upton – 2 HRs, one steal.  He hits moonshots.  Moon.  Shots.  He’s one of my regrets this year.  I pegged him as a sleeper.  Talked him up.  And here I am with Fred Freakin’ Lewis.  Damn you, Fred!  You lied to me!

Nelson Cruz – HR yesterday.  Doode’s super streaky.  You need to just ride the waves.  Sometimes they’re high.  Sometimes they’re low.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Get on the Wandwagon!

Chris Sampson – Got another save.  Honestly, I have no idea if LaTory Hawkins will be back tomorrow or never.  With closers, react now, ask questions later.  Pick up Sampson for desperation saves.

Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Looks like the ugly 2008 that’s in his rearview mirror is not closer than it appears.

Scott Kazmir – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  The A’s’s offense is terrible and they’re worse against lefties, batting .198 on the season.  Further, the Rays bullpen stepped in and only gave up one hit in the last 4 and two-thirds of the game.  I’m benching Spaz until further notice.  In 10 team leagues, I could see dropping him.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 6 ER.  After having his last start shortened because of rain, he looked rusty.  Rain will do that.

Jorge De La Rosa – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  ¡Naranjas en la cabeza!  That great control George of the Rose showed was gone and so was all his promise.

Matt Harrison – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Apparently it was a bad night to be a crappy pitcher.

Javier Vazquez – 5 IP, 0 ER.  Hey, Bobby Cox has been reading Razzball!  He dropped a preemptive strike on Javy’s One Bad Inning Syndrome™ by removing him in the fifth after 71 pitches.

Omar Infante – Broken hand that coincided with Kelly Johnson’s hot streak.  Thinking he might’ve Tonya Hardy’d him.  Pure speculation!

Chris Jakubauskas – 6 IP, 0 ER.  He’s not a worth a pickup outside a 20 team league that only uses Mariners.  BTW, you think he ever misspells his own last name?

Ervin Santana – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Much better start obviously and a good opportunity for you to trade him away.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – HR yesterday.  You look at his season numbers and you think blech, but he’s been good of late.  If you need a corner, he’s worth a shot.

Paul Konerko – Two games, two homers.  Another corner guy that is currently hot.

Gil Meche – 6 IP, 2 ER.  As I mentioned yesterday in my pitchers who should be better thingamajiggywitit, I’m suddenly a fan of Meche.  If he’s on waivers, you pick him up.

Philip Hughes – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks vs. the Orioles.  Last start was 5 IP and 3 ER too.  Start before that, he gave up eight earned in one and two-thirds to the Orioles.  Oh, and Wang’s up on Friday.  Confused yet?  Yeah, me too.

Nolan Reimold – HR yesterday off Mo Rivera.  Now we’re cooking with gas.  If Reimold gets hot, you might be able to ride him for a week or two then sell him high.

Wilkin Ramirez – HR yesterday as he filled in for Clete Thomas against a lefty.  I know I mentioned this before, but this is really comical to me (which is to say boring and not actually comical), but Leyland hit Wilkin third because that’s where the guy he was replacing was hitting who was only hitting third because he was replacing the three hole hitter.  So can anyone manage the Tigers now that we have a set lineup card?  Did Leyland misplace his blank lineup cards and he’s Xerox’ing?  Seriously, this is mind boggling.

Brad Ziegler – Got the save yesterday.  I think this was because Bailey threw 44 pitches the day before.  But it shows us that Ziegler isn’t completely out of the picture.

David Ortiz – Someone located their stash of HGH.  Trade. Him. Now.

Chris Carpenter – 5 IP, 0 ER.  Exactly what you should hope for every time out.  Pray they don’t try and throw him more than 100 pitches for at least two months.

Daniel Murphy – Was assigned the Mets 1st baseman job vs. righties as he makes his first start there. Trial by fire, you say! I say, who cares?  This does nothing for his value.  Sheffield should see more time too.  Doesn’t really get me that excited about him either.

Jose Reyes – Aggravated his calf.  PETA will be paying him a visit.

Josh Johnson injured? That would be precedented.  He came out of the game with a weak right shoulder.  Yeah, and I have a weak pitching staff without you.  Afterwards, Johnson said, “I just don’t feel great.”  That makes two of us.  Pitchers are always more prone to injuries than hitters and Johnson embodies that.  Or maybe he disembodies it.  Either way, this is bad news.  Hopefully, he caught the problem soon enough and won’t miss too much time.  I have a sinking feeling he’s headed for further bad news.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Davis – Hit the game winning homer.  After the game, here’s what CJ Wilson said on Twitter, “Rangers are crazy powerful in the late innings. chip davis looked like he was channeling MJ23 with his hop into the scrum.”  There’s so many things to take away from that, it’s hard to know where to start.  In other Twitter news, the other day someone asked Alyssa Milano if she reads Razzball.  This is the kind of initiative we need.  We should all go ask her to say hello in the comments here.  And congratulate her on her new book (and Embrace of the Vampire.)

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks.  If you’re not on the Wandwagon yet, you should be.

Brandon Morrow – I think he’s headed for the Disgraceful List.  Aardsma would be a smart play.

Michael Bourn – 4-for-5, 2 steals.  Clearly, Bourn got amnesia about what an awful player he was in the past.  I own him on a team.  Is it fo realz?  Who gives an eff in the effin’ eff hole?  He’s been great.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4.65 on the year.  I think it gets to about 4.30 and then tails off again.

J.J. Putz – Bone spur in his elbow or some shizz.  I know, your Putz is hard to let go of, but K-Rod looks fine, there’s really no reason to be *pinkie to mouth* putzing around.

David Ortiz – 0-for-7, 3 Ks.  You know what would’ve been nice?  When Manny was caught taking lady pills, Ortiz saying he was juicing for five years.  When I compared him to Mo Vaughn, Sons of Sam Horn came out talking about how 2009 was Ortiz’s bounce back year.   Yeah, looks about right.

Ervin Santana – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 base runners and 5 Ks.  He didn’t pick up where he left off, obviously, but it was a tough first match up.  Now he needs to win the hearts and minds of his fantasy owners again.  Right now, they’re smitten with Wandy.

Matt Harrison – 2nd straight complete game.  Who are you, Matt Harrison?  I know!  Someone I wouldn’t own.

Carlos Delgado – Won’t go on the DL for at least a week.  Ain’t that grand?  Now he can take up a bench spot for you.

Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Gotta say I felt trepidations creeping through my skull bone on whether to start him against the Rangers.  Thankfully, I chip’d up and let him jump in the scrum.  Whatever the hell that means.

Erik Bedard – Probably will miss his Saturday start with a tight hamstring.  Tight hamstrings are the worst.  Why do they even put string around hams?

Billy Butler – 2-for-5 with his third homer of the year.  At the All-Star Game festivities, they should have a homer derby between Butler and Sandoval.  Mano vs. Mano; Moob vs. Moob; Fat Guy With No Power vs. Fat Guy With No Power.  Of course, the prize would be a ham — with no strings.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 4-for-5, now batting .336.  You guys mocked me when I said he was a good sleeper for this year.  Wait, that wasn’t mocking, that was ignoring.  Damn you!

David Wright – 4 steals.  Tied a Mets record.  No, not Reyes.  It was Vince Coleman.  This was according to Gary Cohen.  I didn’t fact check him, he could’ve made it up.

Fausto Carmona – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER and the Win.  Still not regretting dropping him.

Justin Verlander – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 13 Ks.  That’s a mighty delish line.  I’m not a big flip-flopper, but 69 Ks over 50 and a third innings is terrific.  His 2nd month has been as great as his first month was bad.  Hopefully, he doesn’t turn back into a six-foot five pumpkin in June.

Nolan Reimold – 1-for-5, but at least he played.

Bill Hall – HR yesterday.  I see your Gamel and I raise you a boo-ya.

Colby Rasmus – HR yesterday.  Take your time, Ludwick.

Julio Lugo – 5-for-6, with a steal, hitting .359 since returning.  Can he fend off Nick Green?  God, I’d hope so.

Scott Baker – 6 IP, 5 ER.  Scott Baker, Lieutenant Colonel of Suck.

Garrett Atkins – Major Suck.

Oh, they’re not just bad.  Nah, I outdid even myself this time.  On this drafternoon, I picked a team that is near-perfectly awful.  They simultaneously suck and blow.  On a scale of one to ten, they’re a negative seven.  I did the math!  Somehow I managed to get a team where not one hitter projects for more than twelve home runs.  If someone in the Royals brass gets wind of my drafting skills, I may get a job!  If you think I’m being facetious (which was recently outlawed in Madagascar), shame on you.  And shame on this team!  I took part in a fantasy baseball draft this past Saturday to pick the worst fantasy baseball team.  And I think I done did it.  My co-conspirators in this were:

Roto Rob
Tirico Suave
Drunk Jays Fans
Fantasy Baseball Cafe
Fantasy Pros 911
Hire Jim Essian
Sharapova’s Thigh
Fantasy Baseball Geeks
Beyond the Box Score

Come with me as I take out the trash:

Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:

ROUND 1 – I had my eye on Ronnie Belliard like only Mrs. Belliard could ever know.  He’s eligible at 1st!  Need I continue?  Okay, he’s on the Nats.  Should I go on?  His K rate has been going up.  More?  He’s also eligible at 3rd.  All right, one more thing.  He’s projected for 400 ABs and 11 home runs.  Bleh, and thank you.

ROUND 2 – It was between Chone Fuggums and Lousy Castillo.  Had to go with the more shallow position of 3rd base.  Fuggums will probably get 500 ABs, and, I don’t know, 4 HRs.  Not a bad guy for the Not Corner.

ROUND 3 – And Lousy Castillo makes it back to me.  Projected for 487 ABs and… Wait for it… Here it comes… Hold on, I have an itch… All right, here it is… Zero home runs!  WTF?  How is that even possible?

ROUND 4 – Okay, I’ve waited on crappy outfielders long enough.  Skip Suckmaker, you’re mine!  Thank you, LaRussa.

ROUND 5 – I’m actually worried about my Runs at this point.  No, I didn’t just drink some Mexican water.  So to clog up my tailpipe, I select Erick Aybar.  He’s projected for less than 50 Runs and over 400 ABs.  Later I will add his Brother in Razzball Charms.

ROUND 6 – One thing I really notice about drafting craptacular players, everyone has a different draft sheet.  It’s like you got ten owners together that have all been in solitary confinement for the last six months.  Everyone knows who’s crappy, but nobody knows which order anyone else is going to take them, so guys last longer than you think they will.  Without further ado, Brian Schneider.

ROUND 7 – And because no one knows when anyone is drafting a player, you (or at least I) want to fill up your (my) Utility spot with another catcher that I know will rack up the ABs and little else — Yadier Molina.

ROUND 8 – Super futility man, Willie Aybar.

ROUND 9 – Finally, I take a pitcher.  Not just any pitcher, but a pitcher worthy of a Razzball Spotlight, Gorilla Ponson.

ROUND 10 – B. Giles because anyone who’s ever played any level of baseball can put up his stats.

ROUND 11 – Travis Ishikawa.  Everyone loses a job on your fantasy Razzball team, so backups are very helpful and Giants hitters are even more so.  Worst case scenario, Ishikawa and Belliard will make a nice blahtoon.

ROUND 12 – Vicente Padilla, probably my riskiest pick so far.  He can’t make it out of May with a job, can he?

ROUND 13 – Endy Chavez.  Nicest thing anyone can ever say about a guy on your Fantasy Razzball team, “He’s a great fielder!”

ROUND  14 – DeWayne Wise. Ozzie’s crazy enough to give him 500 ABs, but he’s not crazy enough to lead him off, is he?

ROUND 15 – Having played this league last year, I knew anyone I took on the pitching side would lose their job sooner than later if I was playing right.  With his 150th pick, Grey selects Danys Baez, a leading candidate for an Orioles rotation spot.  You heard me right, non-Orioles fans.  Baez might be an Orioles starter this year.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

ROUND 16 – Mark Buerhle.  Tried to balance all of the starters I was going to lose with a guy who can give me 200 lame innings.  There’s a chance I bench him until he gets cold.

ROUND 17 – Matt Harrison.  Okay, I’m a sucker for sucky Texas pitchers.

ROUND 18 – Jamie Moyer.  Another innings eater-slash-guy you can’t believe is still a major league starter.

ROUND 19/20 – Chris Dickerson and Gerald Laird.   Dickerson’s a K machine, but he’s the only guy on my entire team with any downside.  I’ll be honest.  I might be patroling the waiver wire for a Dickerson replacement.  As for Laird, it’s really hard to resist taking an extra catcher.  They’re all so good!

ROUND 23/24 – Jesse Litsch and Mike Pelfrey.  Some of you may be sad to see these guys here because you have them on your regular fantasy teams.  Let’s just say, I’m hoping these guys stay healthy because they could be in for an awfully wonderful year.

ROUND 25/26/27 – Kevin Frandsen and Cristian Guzman and Gabe Gross.  Not sure how this crapfecta lasted this long, but I just had to back up some of my other guys that are sure to lose playing time.  Actually, if I played my cards right, some of them might have lost playing time already.  Razztastic!