Now Aroldis Chapman says he wants to be the closer. Hahahahahahaha… Wait, why are you putting me in this room with padded walls? No, the Reds haven’t driven me crazy. I’m wearing a potato sack because the fabric breathes. Dusty’s the crazy one, not me. What is that powdery substance you’re stirring into my Jamba Juice? I saw you… I feel drowsy… Jack, I just want to see what’s in the hatch… ….Whoa, just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that not only did Dusty say he wanted Aroldis as the closer, but that Aroldis was saying it too. All of that came after they signed Broxton to close games, with Sean Marshall and Jose Arredondo setting him up. Wait, why am I still wearing a potato sack? It’s true?! AAAHHH! I blame Dusty and the toothpick he hasn’t changed since late-1997. He’s got splinters in the brain. The good news (depending on how optimistic you can be) is Aroldis has about the same value and ranking as a closer as he does as a starter. His auction value wouldn’t really change either. If anything, Aroldis is probably a tad higher in rankings if he’s a closer. It’s a role that he’s not only done before, but it’s a role that had him produce a top ten overall fantasy season. The bad news is, you might own a $12 Salad and if you drafted him as an ace, you no longer have a starter, which could change the entire dynamic of your team. This would kill Broxton’s value too. This still isn’t a done deal, Aroldis and Dusty might get overruled by Reds management, who obviously want him as a starter. I ask the Reds, “Is deciding on a role dis hard?” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
WWJDH – When Will Jesus DH? Today. Jesus Montero is being called up. Today is baseball’s Easter. The Yankee DH spot is no longer the lineup leper. Or is it? I’m not sure the Yankees are going to play Montero every day as their DH. They may just play him vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Seriously, it’s cool and all for fans of the Yankees and Red Sox but doesn’t Bud Selig in his infinitesimal wisdom see that maybe something needs to be done to level out the playing field? It’s all so short-sighted, kinda like how he turned a blind eye to steroids. Diamondbacks give away Reynolds so they can save a few million. Meanwhile, the Red Sox sign Carl Crawford for $142 million with a developing country bonus. If he wins the MVP, they’ll buy him Guatemala. “El Presidente can you steal a base for us?” That’s what they’ll say in Guatemala.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Davis is so easy to strike out that pitchers should let him get a 4th or 5th strike like you’d give the small-for-his-age kid in little league. “Good cut, Chris!” Then the parent who needs anger management screams, “It’s on a freakin’ tee! Hit the damn ball!” Davis is also so easy to strike out the Rangers felt like they needed to go out and get someone who is marginally better. Enter Jorge Cantu. Or as I like to call him, the guy I told you to sell back at the end of April when his value was at its highest. Cantu gets a boost in value because he’s now going to be hitting in a lineup with Giant Machine and Hulk Machine, while calling Coors South home. I’d grab Cantu off waivers if I was hurting at my corner infidel spot. Meanwhile, Chris Davis heads to the minors to try and reclaim that glory that had Bill James projecting him for, like, 40 homers and 10 steals. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – Back to the DL with a strained groin and could be out until the end of August. Who had July 29th in the ‘Kinsler goes back on DL’ pool? Kinsler’s officially dropping way down in 2011 drafts. He might be the fourth Ranger drafted next year. I smell a sleeper post about him from January Grey. January Grey, “Leave me alone, I’m watching Jersey Shore.”
Brett Wallace – It’s ironic he’s only a 1st base prospect because he’s getting passed around the majors like a trollop who’s been a lot farther than 1st base. For those keeping score, he’s gone from STL to OAK in the Matt Holliday deal, OAK to TOR for OF prospect Michael Taylor (whom Toronto got in the Halladay deal), and now from TOR to HOU for OF prospect Anthony Gose. The book on Walllace is he’s a great hitter with a bad glove (hence the move from 3B to 1B). Now it’s one thing when STL trades a 1B (when they have Pujols) or when Oakland trades a 1B (Billy Beane likes to keep busy) but when the Lyle Overbay-playing Blue Jays trade a 1B prospect one has to wonder. Is something wrong here 0r is the Jays GM, Alex the Greek just opa’ing prospects into the fireplace? Either way, Lance Berkman looks like he’s about to embark on the Casino Bus. If Wallace gets called up, he’s immediately mixed league material. He hit 18 homers in 385 minor league ABs this year. Though it was in the PCL. BTW, this is the longest blurb ever for a roundup. I don’t even remember who I was talking about. Oh, Brett Wallace! Yeah, he can hit, grab him now in NL-Only leagues, deep mixed leagues and keepers, just in case he’s called up.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This year in the minors Domonic Brown had a line of 62/19/64/.323/14 and .385/.580/.965. Let’s recap, whoa/wow/nice/yum-yum/don’t mind if I do and yowsers/that’s lovely/yowsersthat’slovely. To break that down for the people who skimmed the first two sentences, he has 20/20 potential with plate discipline. It’s the fantasy baseball equivalent to: “I don’t think this glazed donut can get any better.” “How about we sprinkle bacon on it?” Drool. By my estimation (and Keith Law’s), he’s the number one prospect in the minors. (Desmond Jennings is a close 2nd in my book that was rejected by Simon & Schuster.) Either Werth will be shown the door or Philly fans will kidnap Raul Ibanez and toss him blindfolded into the newly-constructed Octagon in Citizens Flank’s parking lot. Is Domonic Brown more trouble than he’s Werth? No, I don’t think so. Unless we’re talking about spelling his name. I’d grab Brown in 12 team mixed leagues or deeper. In keepers, you should own him already. If you don’t, then now might be a good time. Or now. Or now. Or… You get the point. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Alex Gordon – Is this the Alex Gordon that was called up three years ago after tearing up the minors only to flame out? Or is this the Alex Gordon that is called up today that just got done ripping up the minors that will finally fulfill his promise? I don’t know. He crushed the minors this year — in 277 ABs, 14 homers, 8 steals, .310 average, .451 OBP and a 1.018 OPS. He can be a 20+ homer, 15 steal guy over the course of a full season if he doesn’t get in his own way and the Royals give him every day ABs. I would take a flyer on him for your corner infidel spot for the chance he finally makes good on the promise. If you’ve heard this story before about Gordon, it’s because you probably have, so don’t drop anyone too valuable.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Ramirez will miss at least three weeks with a significant strain of his calf. If he had four teats, he could be a cow. Manny’s been dealing with this calf problem since April. His “doctor” gave him some “fertility” medicine, but Selig and his “rules.” Now Manny has an aggravated calf and impotency. I hope you’re all happy. I’d DL Manny if I owned him. If you don’t have room, I’d just lose him. You guys will see each other again because you love Manny. Otherwise, I’m not sure why you owned him to begin with. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Broxton – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Returned to the role of closer only to get taken out mid-inning because Don Mattingly inadvertently went to the mound twice. A mustachioed Mattingly would’ve never made that mistake.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andrew McCutchen has a mild sprain of the AC joint. Sucks this is happening in the hottest part of the summer. If something happened to my AC right now, I’d be so— The smart part of my brain buried under ten years of pot smoking and alcohol abuse whispers, “The AC joint has nothing to do with air conditioning.” “Shut up, Smart Part Of My Brain. If that’s even your real name.” With this AC issue, he runs the risk of overheating– Smart Part Of My Brain, “No, seriously. Google it.” *Googling, reading WebMD, asking Smart Part Of My Brain to translate* Oh, forget it, by the time I did all of that, the Pirates are already saying it’s a day-to-day issue. He should be out there Monday or some time soon thereafter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Paul Maholm – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K as he threw his 2nd career shutout. If you know when his first career shutout was, there’s a good chance you’re Paul Maholm.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the clubhouse after last night’s game, the Nats watched as ESPN reported Strasburg wasn’t pitching until Friday so there was nothing to talk about. Nothing to say about Adam Dunn. Nothing to say about that Zimmerman guy. Josh Will-something… They couldn’t even remember his name. The team stopped watching the highlights, upset they were nothing but Anthony Edwards to Strasburg’s Clooney. Knowing something had to be done, Dunn left the clubhouse as he always had – by reaching up, removing the ceiling and climbing out. Then he jumped on the back of a blue ox and circled the globe until time rewound to before the game. Dunn then went out and hit his 18th, 19th and 20th homers while rocking a .280 average on the year. Now after the game, ESPN reported Dunn hit 3 homers, specifying it came just two days prior to Strasburg’s next start. Dunn shrugged, it was a start as he ripped the blue ox’s leg off and had dinner. Hee-haw! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Desmond – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Now has 6 homers and 6 steals on the year. Ever heard of the slow boat to China? Yeah, Desmond’s on the slow boat to 12/12.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jake Peavy was walking off the field before the trainers even got to him. On a scale of bad signs, that’s around a 9. That’s on a scale of 1 to 8. The good news is it’s not his arm. It’s his dorsi muscle. Peavy’s a dolphin? Put down your noisemakers, it’s not that good of news. To paraphrase Ludacris, “Peavy back bad, Peavy not good… Peavy back don’t do stuff that yo’ back do… (Repeat chorus 17 times.)” Daniel Hudson, rocking a 3.47 ERA in a hitters’ park in the minors, could get the call if Peavy needs a DL stint. You know that guy you see when you search for Tim Hudson on the waiver wire? That’s him! He has more than a K/IP in the minors, though his control is iffy at times. He’s worth a pick up in AL-Only or deep mixed keeper leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Harang – Headed to the DL with back spasms. Dusty said, “If he dies, he dies,” while wrapped in a Reds flag.Please, blog, may I have some more?
How about them White Sox?! Yeah, they chucked in the pale towel sometime between Ozzie Guillen’s Monday outburst and Ozzie Guillen’s Tuesday outburst of this week. One of the pieces them grabbed that was hailed by many as being a stroke of genius was Jake Peavy. Yeah, the Padres actually made a good trade there as Peavy struggles with an elbow injury. Another piece, Alex Rios. I think even Jessica Shaw would concur Rios is so fifteen minutes ago.Please, blog, may I have some more?