Oh, I get it, it was a C lineup for a team whose B lineup ain’t an A lineup.  Understood, my dude, don’t be rude.  *smacks face*  No more rhyming and I mean it!  Anyone want a peanut?  But yesterday showed the flashes of greatness from Carlos Carrasco — 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 3.29, and notched 200 IP for the first time in his career — that he is constantly hinting at, and I don’t want to end a sentence with at — dah!  If only he’d stop with the hinting.  Paint the corners — great!  Paint a picture of an ace — super!  But we’re not playing Pictionary here, stop with the hints!  He’s 30 years old already.  At what point is it no longer what he can do and rather this is who he is?  No question mark actually.  This is it methinks, I said dressed like a leprechaun.  Some amazing starts, some lackluster starts, some random DL stint, some of the parts is greater than whole.  Yes, I know I spelled sum wrong, don’t make me go back there!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who loves irony?  Did you just answer your mom?  I said irony, not ironing.  As the British will tell you, irony is not a well-pressed shirt.  Though, now that I think about it, if I had a well-pressed shirt, and I said, “This thing is real irony,” I wouldn’t be wrong because I was saying it.  Any hoo!  The irony I speak of is Alex Gordon hitting the major leagues’ record 5,694th home run on the year, while there was less offense around the league last night than I could remember in some time.  Granted, from around September 11th to 14th is a bit of a blur.  A true highlight (building shizz up now!) was Kevin Gausman and his dismantling of the Sawx (really overselling) with the line 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.61.  This year, like a case of lice, Gausman is a real head scratcher.  Looking at his perfs (kids say this; think it’s short for perfumes), Gausman is having a garbage year.  Velocity is there, so doubt it’s a hidden injury.  The walks are way up, Ks are down, and the culprit appears to be his fastball.  Went from a near-10 in pitch value on his speed ball to a negative.  FS shouldn’t abbreviate fastball, it should be for “F**k’s sake.”  The good news is this sounds like a mechanics problem, and might’ve been fixed already.  Thanks, Pep Boys!  His 1st half vs. 2nd half:  5.85 ERA vs. 3.44; 7.7 K/9 vs. 9.6 K/9; 4 BB/9 vs. 3.2.  Yeah, sadly enough, it’s going to be hard to avoid him in 2018 again.  Now, that’s real irony (no, it’s not).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s in a name?  I believe a lot.  I come from the new age school of thought that if you name your kid, Quimby, his first words will be, “Err-ah.”  Name your kid, Grey Albright, he’ll be pessimistic but wildly intelligent, shining light on the darkest corners of the fantasy globe.  Name your kid, Tim Anderson, and *stretches*  Sorry, I fell asleep, who were we talking about?  Oh, Tim Anderson, right.  *bumps head on desk*  Sorry, just dozed off again.  Who were we talking– *sees Tim Anderson’s name, falls off chair, curls into fetal position*  Nighty-night time.  Rename Tim Anderson, to Giancarlo Anderson, and you want his babies, assuming he wants you to have his babies.  It’s important to get consent first, I learned this the hard way with the other Giancarlo.  So, I’m going to go a little crazy about Anderson this offseason, but this post is just about what he can do over the next two weeks.  That would be best informed by what he’s done over the last week:  a home run, four steals and hitting near-.400.  As the poet in me wants to say, time is nil, make Tim nigh.  Okay, I’m going back to calling him Giancarlo Anderson.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a common term sociologists use called, The Tide of Uze.  Everything that encompasses everyday life is on The Tide of Uze.  Brushing your teeth, walking your dog, Jose Abreu, they’re all on The Tide of Uze.  There’s small pleasures to be found with them, but they’re so consistent they are often lost amongst other more exciting things.  However, this past weekend The Tide of Uze was raised by Irma GAWD!, the fantasy football kickoff and me going to a Dodgers game with Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, a frequent commenter who was in town.  I didn’t rank those per their importance, I’ll leave that to you.  Big weekend for the world, right?  (Yes.) With the Tide of Uze raising, it lifts everything that was floating on its surface, which meant Jose Abreu had a career weekend.  On Saturday, he hit for the cycle, and, not to be outdone, he homered twice on Sunday (2-for-3, 3 RBIs, home run, 30 and 31).  His season numbers are now 85/31/90/.302/1.  All preseason I talked about how I wasn’t getting a 1st baseman in the first two rounds, so I was drafting Abreu everywhere, and I was nervous about it.  Let’s just say I’ve learned to appreciate The Tide of Uze.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Cleveland Indians may never lose again! Friday night the Tribe won their 16th straight game, the longest streak in baseball this season, and the longest winning streak since the Oakland A’s won 20 in a row back in 2002 (and that team had Jermaine Dye and Chris Pratt!) Kind of gives you that good old fashioned hometown community pow-wow feeling. Relax Isaiah Thomas, you’re a Clevelander now. Regardless! Mike Clevinger has been a big part of the winning streak and he continues to pitch well winning his third straight start Friday night going six innings, giving up just three hits and three walks while striking out seven for his ninth win of the year. In his past three starts, Mike has gone 18 innings, allowing just 10 hits and no runs, with a 22/7 K/BB ratio lowering his ERA from 3.97 to 3.30 in that stretch. Clevinger Assemble! Mike is available in little over half of fantasy leagues, and he’s getting hot at just the right time for playoff stetch. He gets a nice home start versus the Detroit Tigers next week and after limiting them to three hits last week I will definitely be starting him there, especially if they’re going for some kind of silly 21 game win streak record by that point! Or did I just jinx by writing all this? Whatever! Pick up all the Indians! And put all your fantasy faith on Believeland right now, folks, you need to ride this magical streak while you can because the Indians keep winning! Let’s give them the chop!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Another week, another trawl through the Razzball Season-to-Date Player Rater, as Dr. Easy and I look for some sneaky-value position players who may be doing better than you think they are, as well as players you may be hanging onto out of nostalgia or inertia or some other word that ends in “-ia”. Paranoia? Melancholia? Pedroia? Suburbia? Fuschia? MIA? Victoria? Amnesia: “Oh ya, I forgot I had that guy!” (That last one actually happens to me all the time.) Here goes!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Now isn’t the time to let the mayonnaise malaise take over, now is the time to win your season! See where you need to make up games; if its innings pitched, clear some unwanted bench spots with spot starters and if you’re like me, add a second catcher to get those games played up. Get happy since you’re still in it! This week we’re going to take a look at the top 25 thus far in Yahoo! OPS leagues.  Here’s the list (as of this writing):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Saturday night, Bryce Harper lunged for first base, slipped and his leg went the wrong direction.  Like two white guys meeting, one goes for the handshake and one goes for the hug and it just goes awkwardly wrong in every way.  Atticus Finch had much more success stepping on his white base.  Owning Harper on multiple teams, I looked at the latest news Saturday night, and I saw:

Devastated.  Crushed.  C’mon, thesaurus, give me another one.  Thankfully, it was revealed as the best possible outcome for him, a bone bruise.  Still, not a great outcome for us with him on our fantasy teams, since he will be out for the better part of the rest of the season.  Don’t worry, I have Jose Pirela!  *sticks head in oven, puts on The Bell Jar book on tape*  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

50 days left in the season! (Give or take, depending on when this goes up).  If you’re in an yearly league with no chance of winning….well it’s time for Football! Semi-seriously though, keep trying, setting your line-ups, and don’t just give up…that’s what I want to say, but I can’t lie to you and why would I? You need a consistent narrator, and that’s me to a T (At least that’s what my creative writing teachers always said…unless you’re chuck Palahniuk, in which case don’t believe anything the narrator says and know there’s going to be multiple disgusting parts that will haunt your dreams).

So if you’re not winning, you’re not winning.  I’m not going to fault you for checking your team less and less, or leaving guys on the DL in your lineup, or benching starters; I would like to request, on behalf of the teams still competing, you check in and set a lineup once a week, but no one is forcing you. A good way to avoid this is to join a keeper league, because even if you’re team stinks, there’s always trades and screwing over your friends/internet friends/strangers and now that we live in a time where haters seem to be everywhere, why not?  Me, though? I got nothin’ but love for ya.

The Football Razzball Commenter Leagues are now open to join! Compete against your favorite writers and other readers for free, with a chance for multiple prizes!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Will Grey poop on?  Not this DeJong!  But, c’mon, we just have to look at Paul DeJong for one brief moment:

Dude looks like he owns a pair of Opti-Grab glasses.  Some things that sound like they’d be said to the guy in that picture:  “Um, Paul, why are you walking a lizard on a leash?”  “Paul, you shouldn’t sit three inches from the TV.”  “So, you say you’ve been frozen in that gaze for six months?  Hmm, have you tried a cup of coffee?”  “Paul, are you wearing those glasses with open eyes and are really sleeping?”  “Paul, I’m happy you got laid, but that was two months ago, can you lose the shit-eating grin?”  Seriously, I can go on all day.  “Paul, buddy, you’ve been out of the water for twenty minutes and the shark is still biting your arm.”  Okay, done now.  This week Paul DeJong had four homers and has 14 homers in 50 games.  That’s almost as goofy as his grin.  Buy him right now!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?