A lot has been said about Jose Fernandez in these last few days, ever since our slow entries into a relaxing Sunday morning were abruptly jarred with the news of his passing. I cannot sit here typing from Syracuse, New York, never having been anywhere near Jose Fernandez, and attempt to do him justice. I think the one thing we can all do in memory of this great young man that has been lost is to smile. Each and every day, we can attempt to smile even half of the smile that Jose seemed to flash in his every waking moment. If everyone smiled like Jose Fernandez, imagine how pleasant a world we would live in. And so I ask you, on this day and every day, to smile. Smile even if your DraftKings lineup is an utter, complete failure. Smile even after your boss yells at you. Smile even when your grade on that test isn’t what you were hoping for. Remember what Jose went through to get to this country, and smile in the blessings we have. We’ve been blessed enough to have the time to read this article; we’ve been blessed enough to know the beautiful world that is baseball; we’ve been blessed enough to revel in the smile of Jose Fernandez. Bring joy to others the way Jose brought joy to all of us, by smiling and appreciating each and every moment of each and every day. If we can do that, I know Jose will look down in between innings of the Heavenly ballgame he is pitching in, and he will smile right along with us.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday October 3rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can you imagine such a surprise thing in the delivery room? I can barely fathom the idea of fatherhood, let alone the extra money and work having two babies at one time can be. Thankfully, this isn’t a stay at home dad blog so of course, the title don’t mean shizz in terms of giving birth to two bundles of expensive joy at once. Nay, I’m talking about my favorite type of bundle of joy: cash. The kind of cash you get when starting someone against the Twins. Heck, you can look back just to my Friday post to see how I think of said Twinkies. Synopsis: they trash and I look to take advantage of that knowledge as often as possible. How do I plan to implement this info today, you ask? By starting Jason Vargas. Yes, I hate Minnesota that much…apologies to Prince #RIP. Vargas showed decently in his last outing but really, this is a two fold call. One, the Twins have been at or near the bottom all year in terms of offensive output and are currently streaking further down, dropping a wRC+ of 41 and a 31.3% K rate over their last 7 and a 62 and 27.9% over their last 14. Basically, Dozier stopped hitting a HR every day so their offense went south. Funny that. Anyhoo, we now get to look at that Vargas price tag of $4,600 and get to ask ourselves a very simple question: can he score around 15 points against such a bad opponent? Well if his 11.2 in Cleveland over just 4 innings in his last outing is any indication, the answer is yes. Due to pitch count concerns and because, well, he IS Jason Vargas, I wouldn’t play him outside of tourneys tonight but he’s a great price reliever if you wanna pay up for an SP2 or for big bats. So grab a couple of cigars and celebrate with me. Here’s my spank to make you cry taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday October 3rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Since the beginning of this season, I have been following the lovely mustache of none other than Daniel Mengden of the Oakland Athletics. Turns out, Mengden also has pretty good stuff in his right arm out on the hill. However, he has yet to be able to fully translate it to the big leagues. I believe in him in a matchup against the mostly punchless Royals, and so should you. If you need convincing, just go look up Daniel Mengden, admire his mustache for however long you need, and then put him in your lineup and reap the rewards of such a great mustache.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday September 19th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the turning of the page to September comes the rookie nookie of September call-ups, but it also brings the doom of inning limits. My guess (hope/wish) is, Julio Urias will end up with one more start before he heads to the ‘pen, but this could be his final go around. I’ve started Julio more times then I care to recall this year and gotten 4 IP, 5 ER and a severe case of WHIPlash. That 10 K/9 is so delicious though, I keep coming back for more; I’m a glutton for punishment and Ks. Julio’s come around lately though, only giving up 2 ER in his last 3 starts. He’s even pitched enough innings in each of those starts to earn a win. He’s been the king of K-put this year (shameless, I know). If it’s one thing the Padres know how to do, it’s strikeout. They are currently second in the majors in strikeouts and that makes them a prime DFS target. Syndergaard might be a better bet for a win and Price might be a better bet to go more innings, but I think Julio has the biggest upside of the bunch and comes in at ~$2,000 cheaper. That’s the difference between a struggling Miguel Sano in your lineup or a hot-fiyah Yasmany Tomas in Coors. Your call my friends. Now, (in my best Paul Harvey voice) for the rest of the picks:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday, September 5th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gerrit Cole has an injured arm, possibly elbow spurs.  I love this scenario:  a pitcher throws like garbage for weeks then the team announces he’s hurt.  Love, love, love.  This is my favorite.  Five innings, five runs, but it’s likely nothing, just a bad start.  Cut to five weeks later of terrible starts.  “Oh, yeah, he’s got a torn tendon/elbow spur/missing forearm due to lost baggage.  Oops!  We should’ve sent him to a doctor six starts ago.  Our bad!”  Here’s what I said after his last start, “I don’t know what’s going on with Cole, but I’d guess injury or dead arm.”  And that’s me quoting me!  How is it that I can guess there’s a problem but a major league team can’t figure shizz out?  That should never be possible.  I couldn’t even pass Bio 101, and a MLB team has a staff of doctors.  Seriously, how does this happen?  I want answers!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s not much of a secret, of course; or at least, it’s not an undocumented fact: the Rockies away from Coors can be a bore with the bats. Wanna know an undocumented fact? Harambe might be a more long lasting meme than Crying Jordan when all is said and done. I don’t know how I feel about that, honestly, but #DicksOutForHarambe needs to go. NOW. Or at least, the pics preceding do…because gross. But more to the point, the Rockies and the road are the antithesis of Forrest and Jenny. Ice cream and cyanide? Gingers and souls? Jose Canseco and Grey? All important things to factor here as really, Rockies are generally trashy Mctrashersons on the road, holding down the 6th worst wRC+ while K’ing the 4th most at 23.6%. And with that, we turn to our key bold faced name for the intro: A.J. Cole. Cole’s season debut wasn’t spectacular, but definitely useful as he K’d 8 Orioles over 7 IP. He finished just short of 20 points and that was without a win and in Camden Yards. You intrigued yet? Mmm-hmm, thought so. Throw in the fact he’s only $6,300 and for once, it’s alright to get a Cole in your stocking so let’s roll. Here’s my I’m still pretending summer will last forever taeks for this Saturday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 29th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Carlos Gomez was designated for assignment.  Outfielders in the tier of guys in the preseason I told you not to draft:  Pence, Kemp, Gomez, Schwarber, Hanley, Corey Dickerson, Ellsbury, Brantley, Adam Jones and Carlos Gonzalez.  I’ll take a 7-for-10.  You believed still in the preseason about Carlos Gomez, didn’t you?  *touches finger to nose but not for a sobriety test*  I’m more surprised by the people shocked by Gomez’s fall from grace.  *makes crazy, rolly finger motion by ear*  Anyone who saw him in his prime knew he was gonna find a steep cliff.  Even when he broke out, the underlying stats told you something had to change or he wasn’t going to have continued success.  *sticks finger in nose, smiles*  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Manny Machado put up his right hand yesterday to measure it against a hand drawing every clubhouse has posted on its wall.  The drawing is of Mark Whiten’s hand that once held four baseballs in it.  Four baseballs for the four homers he hit in one game.  In the Padres’ clubhouse, this hand has been removed because it’s just a not-so-subtle reminder of what will never be.  In the Indians’ clubhouse, the hand is made into a turkey to celebrate the first Thanksgiving.  In the Astros’ clubhouse, the hand has been cut out and fashioned into a t-shirt for Altuve.  Imagine if Donald Trump wins the presidency and throws out a first pitch.  He may never make it to the field, too distracted in the clubhouse by measuring his hands against Whiten.  Yesterday, Machado came a fingernail short of the hand, hitting three homers with seven RBIs.  Now has 25 homers on the year with a .307 average.  Terrific, stupendous, adjective!  What’s more remarkable is he does not have one steal all year.  Almost as crazy, he’s only attempted three.  Did he have a knee transplant this offseason with McCutchen as the donor?  Machado stole 20 bases last year.  To go to none?  Wow, his feet definitely don’t measure up to the Rickey Henderson foot drawings in each clubhouse.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, hey there fellow degenerates. Another Sunday is upon us, so that means a brand spanking new edition of action-packed “DraftKings” picks straight from the only source I trust….The DFSBot. If you’re not taking advantage of all the great tools here at Razzball – stop what you’re doing and subscribe now. After you finish reading this write-up, of course. So let me tease you with a couple of arms I’m focusing on for today’s action. I’m not usually into starting pitchers on the road in Houston, but this situation can be sorted into the exception file. Yu Darvish hasn’t been gifted with a win in either of his last three outings, but he still sports an impressive 26:2 K:BB ratio over that same period. As we all know by now, wins are nice but in the daily game strikeouts are King. That is precisely why I’m targeting the Astros for today’s action. Houston has been more than generous when it comes to swings and misses this season, striking out at a 23.9% clip, which ranks fourth in all of baseball. Darvish carries a price tag of $13,100 – he’s the highest priced pitcher on the board, but that’s okay. If he plays anywhere close to his elite 12.68 K/9, he’ll easily reach value. Over his last four starts he’s racked up 35 K’s in just 22 1/3 innings so this match up has the potential to be of the highest quality. How high you ask? Well think somewhere in between Rio drinking water and a Tim Lincecum fastball….That’s how high. Just kidding. Yu should be fantastic today…..and if you start him, so should you. Huh? What? We’re not quite done yet. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the potential bargain that Adam Wainwright represents as well. Sure, he stunk up the joint in his last start, but over his last five starts he’s pitched to a 2.41 ERA and 1.10 WHIP and he’s averaging nearly a strikeout per inning. The best part here is that Wainwright is a VERY affordable $8,000 and he’s facing the Braves. Atlanta owns a 21% K-rate and a measly .128 ISO on the road, also, Waino has allowed just 8 ER in his last eight starts at Busch Stadium – so there’s that. In light of all the delicious info I’ve given you to digest, I’ll direct you to the rest of my favorite plays for today’s slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 8th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Matt Harvey met with the Mets’ front office and told them, “You ruined my shoulder!  I was the Dark Knight!  Now I’m 1960s Batman in hard-to-watch Technicolor unable to move my arms to do the Batusi!”  Matt Harvey asked Bartolo if this ever happened to him and he said, “Nah, I am 90% jelly and custard.  My nerves are coated in more sugar than a churro.”  Harvey needs shoulder surgery due to thoracic outlet syndrome.  Sandy Alderson said it’s inevitable.  Pitchers who have had this surgery take at least a year to recover and sometimes never regain past form.  It could not only be a season killer, it could be the end of Harvey as we know him.  He could opt to rehab his shoulder without surgery, but rehabbing it won’t magically make his pitching better than he’s been all year, which is atrocious.  If you don’t have DL room, I could see dropping him.  Fun fact!  You know who suffered from thoracic outlet syndrome?  The Lispasaurus.  Tiny arms, big body.  Other dinosaurs pickin’ on ’em because of their lisp — why’d every dinosaur have to have an S sound in its name?!  Total recipe for messed-up shoulders.  “I hate Thoracic Park!”  Spielberg can make a Thoracic Park movie where an injured pitcher tries to repair his relationship with his pre-teen son while genetically-modified dinosaurs chase after them.  “I know I wasn’t there for you when you were growing up or for your keeper league team in 2014 or for that velociraptor attack 15 minutes ago, but I’m here for you now.”  The boy looks up, “How did that velociraptor throw a Warthen slider?”  The father responds, “He’s learning!”  Seth Smith is working on the script.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?