Fantasy Baseball Advice

The Brewers signed Aramis Ramirez to a deal worth between $34-37 million.  Wouldn’t you love to make so much money that there’s a gap of three million between what you might make?  “Hey, Aramis, you got a second?”  “I was just rolling up hundred dollar bills to make kindling.”  “Just wanted to see if you’ll take a deal for somewhere between $34-37 million.”  “There’s a three million dollar gap there.  That gap is more money than some people make in their lives.  Yeah, I guess I’ll take it.  If I make $37 million, I’ll be able to light more fires.”  I make between three and four dollars daily from Razzball.  I have a one dollar gap!  I want a three million dollar gap!  Inner monologue, “Breath, Grey, breath.”  Okay, sorry, my chakras need alignment.  So Aramis goes to the land of cheap beer and Laverne & Shirley on the heels of the Brewers about to lose their two best hitters — Prince Fielder and Craig Counsell.  Sorry, their two best non-cheating hitters.  Eh, the Cubs last year looked like they couldn’t hit soup if they fell out of a boat that was floating on top of a giant vat of soup, and Aramis hit just as well as he usually does.  At 34, he’s not going to be less injury-prone and there’s no way he’s ever hitting 30 homers again.  He is, however, a professional hitter when healthy.  (Don’t you love when I interrupt sentences with “however?”  Makes me sound so smart!  Even when “however” is interrupting a trite claim like someone’s a professional hitter.)  I’d give Aramis a line of 75/25/95/.295.  Anyway, here’s some other offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Casey McGehee – Traded to the Pirates or as I like to call it, “Make room for Mat Gamel!”  The camera pans to Gamel for his reaction and he’s fumbling his drink.  What a klutz.  McGehee was always utility man-ish before his breakout in 2010, then he went right back to crizzap in 2011.  I’m not buying into McGehee in 2012 in Pittsburgh either.  Maybe he can go to the plate while the remix plays, “Blech and Yellow.”

Mat Gamel -  No one likes Mat Gamel.   The Brewers wanted to try Gamel in Spring Training last year and he was 30 pounds overweight.  Lay off the mayonnaise, doode.  His Triple-A manager said he’s “hard-headed.”  (No one ever said that of Justin Morneau.)  I get this feeling with a beat provided by will.i.am that Gamel is gonna go the way of Matt Murton.  I hope he doesn’t.  I hope he gets a real shot at 1st base in Spring Training.  I think now that McGehee is gone he will.  Even if all Gamel does is hit homers and make errors.  In 2007, Milwaukeeans called that The Braun Exacta.  I propose the Brewers correct Gamel’s defensive problems similar to how the Rockies went to the humidor.  They should put The Vacuum in Miller Park.  Whenever the visiting team is hitting, you turn The Vacuum to suck and watch as everything is hit to the left side.  The Vacuum sucks so Gamel doesn’t blow.  He had another great year at Triple-A — 28 homers, .310.  He looks like he’s more than ready with the bat.  Definitely will be someone I’ll look at late in drafts for my corner infidel spot.  Could get a cheap 25 homers and a .290 average.

Trevor Cahill – Heads to the Diamondbacks.  Even if his new ballpark is slightly more favorable for hitters, he’s got a solid sinker and he’s going to be facing the Giants, Padres and Dodgers, the Moe, Larry and Curly of lineups. I didn’t like Cahill at all the last two years, but I’m willing to reevaluate.  I’m not stubborn.  *through clenched teeth*  Fine, he looks draftable now!  Are you happy?  I’ll give him a line of 12-10/3.60/1.35/160.  It’s not exactly Lincecum numbers, but a solid fantasy number three.

Jarrod Parker – Went to the A’s.  Our prospect writer, Scott, recently said, “After missing 2010 to Tommy John surgery, Parker threw 131 innings with Mobile in 2011, plus one start with the big club.  With a plus slider and a plus change to compliment a fastball that touches 100, I’m surprised that Parker’s 2011 K% (20.4%) wasn’t more impressive.  Solid mechanics and ace-type stuff should help Parker get back on track and earn a starting role in 2012.  Or at least that’s what Joy Behar told me when she came to me in a dream.”  Hmm… Didn’t remember reading that last part before.  I agree with Scott about the K-rate and his arrival.  Both things also have me perplexed.  His K-rate is okay, but not great, yet everyone’s saying he’s going to be a number one and be in the A’s rotation this spring.  When everyone says something with such conviction about a prospect, but I’m not seeing it in the stats, the first thing I think is it’s all about the scouting reports.  With Parker, this holds true.  But I thought Billy Beane didn’t listen to scouts?  You lied to me Hollywood!  People who have watched Parker pitch extensively think he’s back even if the numbers don’t tell the same story.  The biggest concern right now for him is his health.  He’s even cut back on using his slider that was once a nasty pitch.  Nasty as in good, not nasty as in bad.  The positive news, and reason why I’ll be drafting him very late, Tommy John recipients usually take about a year and a half to get back to full strength, which is where Parker will be in 2012.  In that huge park in Oakland, I could see a line of 10-8/3.80/1.28/140 in 160 innings.  Unless the actor playing Scott Hatteberg and Royce Clayton sign on to coach Parker, then he can win the Cy Young, cure world famine and get Lindsay Lohan’s career back on track.  If Parker starts the year in the minors, then I’ll just look at him in keepers.

Tony Gwynn Jr. – Dodgers signed him to a two million dollar deal.  Dodgers are answering their offseason question marks emphatically with ellipses.

I contemplated picking up Lonnie Chisenhall for about as long as it takes me to eat a pupusa from my neighborhood El Salvadorean lady that has different hairnets to match her camisas.  About 12.7 seconds.  I’ll risk indigestión for those cheesy-pork flapjacks of wonderful.  At the waiver wire, I was like, “So many rookies have come up — rookies with great pedigrees — and they’ve been pretty yawnstipating– Screw it, he has 3rd base eligibility.”  In Arizona this spring, Rudy and I took in an Indians game and saw Chisenhall firsthand.  He impressed us with his hitting — seemed like a bona fide mollywhopper — and was one of those guys we felt would make an impact in 2011.  This year in Triple-A, he has 7 homers in 64 games and 17 homers in 117 games last year in Double-A.  He may not hit for much average, and could be off some of my mixed teams in a few weeks because his power doesn’t immediately appear, but I’ll risk indigestión for some rookie nookie upside.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mat Gamel – The Brewers recalled him.  According to Rudy’s Point Shares, Gamel is a league replacement value 3rd baseman in a 12-team NL-Only league at 26/7/30/2/.256.  The camera pans to Gamel for his reaction and he’s fumbling his drink.  What a klutz.  McGehee doesn’t have the corner locked down quite like Marlo Stanfield, but Gamel will probably only be up for a week during interleague.  If Gamel hits like a beast as he’s done in Triple-A this year — 17 homers in 75 games — he could stick around.  Or if the Brewers move back to the AL, which seems less likely.  He’s worth an immediate pickup in all deeper leagues for a shot of adrenaline to your fantasy baseball heart.

Zach Braddock – Back up too.  Hopefully the Brewers will stop hitting the snooze button on his season.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 6 ER.  You can blame the wind blowing out if you want, but I blame me for jhinxing us.  Sorry, feel free to replace my name with your favorite curse word.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4 and his 11th and 12th home runs.  He’s actually not far off his 1st half last year, but his 2nd half was predicated on everything breaking right, so I still think he falls somewhat below his huge year in 2010.

Carlos Pena – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  Sticking with the newly-established Carlos theme, Pena is now up to 16 homers.  Can set your watch to his 32-35 homer, low average season, assuming you have a watch that keeps fantasy baseball time.  Dork!

Aramis Ramirez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 home runs.  His stats:  29/8/37/.289.  Ryan Zimmerman’s stats:  11/3/11/.244.  What’s that?  There’s been like 3 good players in the first two rounds of fantasy drafts this year?  Yeah, I know.  Pardon me while I go pour some McDonald’s coffee on my lap.

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Now that’s not that sour, Kraut, as he struckout his season high last night vs. the Blue Kays.

Jonny Gomes – 1-for-3 with a homer.  Since I told you late last week he gets crazy hot for no apparent reason, he’s hit two homers in the last four games.  Wigginton may be the mayor of Hot Schmotatown, but Gomes is a newly-elected sheriff.  Or seriff.

Brandon Phillips – 4-for-5, 2 runs and 2 RBIs.  Hitting .299 on the year, but his power (6 homers) and speed (4 steals in 7 attempts) have been pretty pedestrian so far this year.  He probably just needs a wake up call from me, which usually involves me singing Kelis’ Milkshake at 7 in the morning.

Mike Leake – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I’m not a huge Leake fan.  Tends to give up around 3 to 4 runs per game without the Ks.  Than, but no thans.

Chris Perez – Hey, look a Putz in a Perez sandwich.  Better than seeing a Putz in Perez Hilton.  Oofa!

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-4 with his 13th homer as Orlando Cabrera also went deep.  It’s a Cabrerathon!

Mat Latos – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He’s been good but far from exceptional.  Still don’t trust Latos to be exceptional this year, which hurts me to say because I do enjoy hodgepadres.  I’ll be back in next year as I practice my Saberhagenmetrics.

Mike Morse – 2-for-4 and his 15th home run.  Did someone send him the message that I called him a sell last week?  Or do I need to write it in dots and dashes?

Adam Kennedy – 1-for-4 with a homer.  Not to rag on a guy that just homered, but the Mariners hit Adam Kennedy third as the DH in interleague.  It’s like the M’s are the NL team.

Brian McCann – 3-for-4 with his 14th home run as he bats .307.  It took three years of me ranking McCann first for catchers for it to finally make sense.

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I have nothing to say other than I’ve been telling you to own him since March.

Jonny Venters – He actually did not pitch yesterday.  Crazy!

Jordan Walden – Thoreau’s favorite closer registered his 6th blown save via a 2-out HR to Danny Espinosa.  Can anyone find a reliable closer in all of the greater Los Angeles area besides Kyra Sedgwick?

Scott Downs – I’d grab Downs, in the non-perverse way, if I were speculating on Walden being removed from the closer job.  I don’t think it happens, or for long if it does.  Though Walden has blown three straight saves, so there’s that.

Jonathan Broxton – Headed for an MRI.  Looks like I altered my Toni Braxton, “Braxton Rules” t-shirt for nothing.  BTW, the MRI is being administered by Dr. Neal ElAttrache.  Not sure why, but the doctor’s name made me giggle.  “Say aaahhh…And look deep into my dark-as-midnight eyes while I put my hair into a ponytail.  I am Dr. Neal ElAttrache.  I will now check your tonsils with my tongue.”

Chad Billingsley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Nothing wrong with Billingsley a little hideous Twins offense can’t fix.  Do not resuscitate the Comatose Twins Fan.

Tony Gwynn – 4-for-6 with 2 steals.  On Sunday, he went 3-for-5 and I was going to mention him in the roundup to tell you to grab him if you need steals.  Damn!  He would’ve been a nice play on a short schedule day.  Damn!  Damn!  Only other thing that can generate that kind of electricity is a bolt of lightning.  A bolt of lightning!

Matt Kemp – 4-for-5 with his 22nd home run.  In honor of Kemp’s year, I’d like to sing a little song, “As long as there’s the two of us… We’ve got the world and all its charms…And when the world is through with us…We’ve got each other’s arms…”  I love you, Matt Kemp.

Trent Oeltjen – 4-for-4 with a home run.  He has some mild pop and speed and might see time for the next week while the Dodgers play in AL parks.  And, to impress your friends, Oeltjen is pronounced like Meltjen.  (But if you have friends impressed by that, you might want to reconsider your friends.)

Dodgers – Filing for bankruptcy protection.  I never understood why they were called the Dodgers.  What were they dodging?  Now I know…the bills!

We finish off the infield with the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball.  The top 20 2010 fantasy baseball rankings from shallowest to deepest go catchers, shortstops, third basemen, 2nd basemen then 1st basemen.  That’s right, I think the 2nd basemen are deeper than the 3rd basemen.  3rd base gets the gas face.  Last year, I punted 3rd base knowing I could get Mark Reynolds late.  This year, Stewart’s my sleeper du jour, but because of the lack of 3rd base options, he’s not even making it into the 10th round of most drafts.  That’s a bad sign.  As with other top 20 rankings, I list where I see tiers beginning and ending and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Alex Rodriguez – See the top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball for A-Rod’s projections.

2. Evan Longoria – See the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball for Longoria’s projections.

3. David Wright – See the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball for Wright’s projections.

4. Ryan Zimmerman – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Sandoval.  I call this tier, “You didn’t get a top 3rd baseman, so here you are.”  Zimmerman finally came into his own last year.  The homers might plateau around 30 and the average probably won’t go above .300… Then again, he’s only 25 years old and he has some speed potential…. Then again, the Nats have put the brakes on him to avoid injury.  Either either way, Zimmerman’s on the rise with solid power, Runs, RBIs and average.  Hmm… Sounds a lot like Youuuuuk.  2010 Projections:  105/30/110/.295/5

5. Kevin Youkilis – See the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post for Youkilis’s projections.

6. Mark Reynolds – See the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball for Reynolds’s projections.

7. Pablo Sandoval – See the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post for Sandoval’s projections.

8. Chone Figgins – This is a new tier.  This is a one man tier.  I call this tier, “You better have some serious power from your middle infielders to support Figgy’s dearth.” Figgy’s Dearth is also a great speed metal band.  2010 Projections:  105/5/55/.295/40

9. Gordon Beckham – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Beltre.  I call this tier, “Upside, no upside, upside, no upside, no upside.”  I went over my Gordon Beckham fantasy already.  At that post, I said, “Shoot, Jacquese from The Real World: San Diego could probably see the bottom.”  Then I said, “It’s impossible; LaRussa tried it briefly with Pujols.”  Finally, I said, “I love you, Gordon Beckham even if you sound British and their teeth aren’t the best.”  Hmm… Gotta work on what quotes I pull.  2010 Projections:  85/18/63/.260/14

10. Michael Young – Which percentage doesn’t fit — 8.6%, 6.9%, 7.2% or 14.9%?  If you answered anything other than 14.9%, you might’ve stopped at the “or.”  Fair enough, I do that sometimes.  Those percentages were his last four years of HR/FB.  He’s really not a 20 homer hitter or.  2010 Projections:  75/14/90/.315/10

11. Ian Stewart – I went over Stewart’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.  He also received an Ian Stewart sleeper thing-a-ma-whosie.

12. Aramis Ramirez – He’s Pablo Sandoval with injury concerns, a slightly lower average and no upside.  Aramis is only 31 so you may not want to write him off, but he hasn’t hit more than 30 homers since 2006 so I’m writing him off.  2010 Projections:  75/25/95/.290

13. Chipper Jones – Last year, Chipper played in the most games in a season since 2003 and he had his worst season ever.  Hey, Chipper, maybe don’t push yourself so hard to play injured.  ’09 wasn’t a sign that he can’t still hit .310, just some bad luck.  2010 Projections:  75/20/85/.310/5

14. Adrian Beltre – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Cantu.  I call this tier, “You might want to drop these guys from your team before May 1st.”  God knows Beltre had his balls busted enough last year, but in 449 ABs, he hit 8 homers.  So did Gregg Zaun.  The move to Fenway has to help a bit, right?  Sure, or at least that’s what I said.  2010 Projections:  70/24/80/.275/10

15. Mark DeRosa – Is DeRosa a 20 homer hitter or a platoon player?  That’s something to *pinkie to mouth* ponderosa.  2010 Projections:  65/18/75/.265/3

16. Jorge Cantu – I could’ve put Casey Blake here, but what fun is that?  Wait, what fun is Cantu? Yeah, true.  Cantu hit 7 homers in April then took a Taco Bell-sized dump for 4 months.  The batting woes may be attributed to a sore wrist.  In September, he started hitting again.  May have been due to his wrist coming around.  Then again, maybe you’ll want to drop him by mid-April.  It’s called a flier, ya’ll.  2010 Projections:  65/18/80/.280

17. Chris Davis – Only has 11 games at 3rd base so Davis may not have eligibility in your league.  This is a new tier.  This is the last tier and I call it, “Your last chance for some upside.”  See the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post for Davis’s projections.

18. Jake Fox – Went over my Jake Fox fantasy already.  2010 Projections:  75/24/85/.250

19. Alex Gordon – You know that scene in Notting Hill when Hugh Grant walks through the market and it goes from autumn to spring?  What, not lame enough?  Okay, here’s a lamer example.  You know when Bella is staring out the window in New Moon and the seasons change as the camera goes around her?  Yeah, that’s Alex Gordon staring at his career.  He’ll only be 26 in 2010 and he’s still capable of the upside he hinted at, oh, 4 years ago when he hit 29 homers and stole 22 bases in Double-A and followed that with a 15/14 year with the Royals in 2007, but it’s really getting to be now or never.  2010 Projections:  75/17/85/.270/12

20. Casey McGehee – I went over McGehee’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

20 1/2. Andy LaRoche – This guy needs Troy Dunn to find his upside.  I contemplated leaving LaRoche off entirely because I can’t imagine him putting together a season to make him worthwhile for fantasy, except for stretches when he can be grabbed off of waivers.  2010 Projections:  75/16/70/.270/3

After the top 20 third basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball, there’s some guys, but these two stand out:

Chase Headley – First off, I’d draft Headley before LaRoche.  I only placed them in this order because I wanted to highlight Headley.  So consider him highlighted.  Headley can get 25 homers and steal 10 bases.  Will he?  Who am, Nostradumbass?  I don’t know.  But someone who can produce that should be getting more pub than he has.  I’m righting wrongs like a modern day superhero.  Well, not really, but I am wearing a cape.  2010 Projections:  70/20/85/.290/10

Brandon Wood – The Angels trust him at 3rd about as much as The Old Man trusts Chumlee, but they gotta give Wood the keys to the Imperial at some point.  Don’t they?  2010 Projections: 60/25/75/.250/7 <–optimistic, but whatever

Tim Lincecum missed yesterday’s start vs. the Padres (there goes that 14 K start) and gave way to the Giants big-time rookie pitching prospect, Madison Bumgarner.  Lincecum should be back by this weekend.  A detailed Madison Bumgarner outlook can be found where it says, “Madison Bumgarner outlook.”  (Yeah, still haven’t figured out how to naturally link to something.  I feel like Buzz Bissinger.  Bleh!  What are these things you call links?  Bleh! Actually, that sounds more like The Count.)  So one in for Mad-Bum, and no harm done.  5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks.  I think he can supplant Joe Martinez in the rotation.  He sure as heckfire has a better name… Go with Jose at least, geez.  Bumgarner will have value in all leagues down the stretch if he has a rotation spot.  He’s risky, but in the NL West and with his stuff, well worth a look in mixed leagues.  In keepers, pursue him aggressively.  He’s real and he’s spectacular.  I expect he’ll take the David Price route next year.  Start in the minors, then get the call in June.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lidge – Prior to getting removed from a save situation for Madson, Manuel said that Lidge will remain the Phils closer.  HA!!!  Sorry.  Lidge hasn’t been a closer in three months.  Are they freakin’ kidding me?  Lidge is pitching like he’s wearing contacts that bear Pujols’s face.  Please, someone tie Lidge to a bed and break his ankles to put him out of his misery.

Alex Gordon – He returns from his Triple-A stint.  A lot has been made of his trip to the minors.  (Because of the minors stint, he’ll be under contract through 2013.)  People are saying the Royals pulled a low move to delay free agency.  Um, and Gordon’s done something to stay in the majors?  At this rate, he may not be a major leaguer by 2013.  Though, February Grey still will probably find a way to talk him up for next year.

Pedro Martinez – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Not great vs. the Nats, but I would’ve taken it over the roofie-ing I took from Carlos Torres.  Don’t worry, I’ll get to that.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-4 with 2 HRs yesterday.  I swear, after three months of homer sobriety from Ibanez, I was a twitch away from pulling the trigger on him.  Now, he’s hot.  Someone was looking out for me.  They obviously didn’t care enough to warn me about Carlos Torres.  Fantasy baseball, because every day stress is not enough.

Carlos Torres – 2/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the A’s.  I hate you, Carlos Torres.  I swore off rookie pitchers earlier this year because of a start by Hochevar vs. the A’s.  Why do the A’s hate me?  Someone, help!  I was roofied and I’m hemorrhaging from the A’s.

Julio Borbon – 2 HRs yesterday and a steal.  Someone’s been talking to Drew Stubbs.

Elvis Andrus – 2 steals yesterday.  If you need steals, maybe he’s running now, cause he hadn’t been.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Kazaam!

Nick Swisher – 2 HRs yesterday.  Hitting over .300 in the last seven games with 3 homers.

Evan Longoria – Has 5 homers in the last 8 games and is hitting near .500 in his last seven games.  H2H teams rostering Longoria tip their caps.

Garrett Jones – Hit his 19th homer yesterday.  If I didn’t see it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it, but after Robot Jones hit his homer, he elevated five inches off the ground to allow wheels to slide out from his cleats and he rolled around the bases.

Dustin Pedroia – This might be Scrappy Doo’s first appearance in a daily roundup this year.  Well, anyway, he hit two homers yesterday against the Orioles’ Double-A pitching.

Felix Pie – 0-for-3, and 2 for his last 13.  I think he’s back to being lame.

Carlos Beltran – Returned with a 1-for-4.  Now he has three weeks to hit 35 homers and steal 20 bases.  Or if he just outproduced Angel Pagan, that would be nice, too.

Cameron Maybin – You’re going to hear about every positive thing he does until next year.  Yesterday, he hit a homer.

Nate McLouth – Hit his 2nd homer since he returned.  This is a hunch, but I think he realizes he has three weeks to make his season’s stats look somewhat palatable.

Manny Parra – Left the game with neck spasms.  Manny, you don’t watch the ball off the bat.  That’s how you get a crick in your neck.

Mat Gamel – Was recalled.  But McGehee’s got the corner locked down like Marlo Stanfield.

Corey Hart – Is back from the DL.  He says he wants to steal bases.  I have no idea if he’s lying.  I couldn’t see his eyes through his sunglasses.

Chris Davis – 3-for-4 with a HR in yesterday’s nightcap.  In the, uh, daycap he went 0-for-5.

Michael Brantley – He’s stealing bases.  You know you wanna.  Go ahead, pick him up.

Franklin Gutierrez – Hit his 16th homer yesterday.  The Big FraGu’s having a better year than Carlos Beltran, Grady Sizemore and Josh Hamilton.  Cust kayin’.

Matt Murton – Called up by the Rockies.  Score this a victory for the National Association for the Advancement of Gingy People.  But the NAAGP won’t rest until Murton gets playing time, so there will be a lot of late nights for them.

J.A. Happ – His strained oblique is still vaguely hurting and will miss another start.

Jeff Baker – The pride of Bad Kissingen, West Germany went 3-for-4 yesterday as he hits near .400 in the last week.

Jake Fox – Piniella hates him.  Bobby Scales?  Sam Fuld?  They sound like the bassist and drummer for the Cubs’ heavy metal band, Quite The Riot.

With September 1st knocking on August’s door — August 31st, is that you? Uh… No.  August 30th? Nope.  August 32nd? No, you nitwit!  It’s September 1st! – it’s time we looked at September call ups.  These are potential September call ups that will, should, could and potentially make or not make a difference in fantasy baseball.  Today, we’ll look at the hitters, then on Tuesday afternoon we’ll look at pitchers.  So tip out some of your malt liquor for the pitchers who aren’t here and take a drag on that Newport, cause Razzball’s Alive With Pleasure with September call ups, the hitters.  Anyway, here’s some potential September call ups to keep your eye on for fantasy baseball:

Jason Heyward – I could shave words of praise in my merkin for Heyward, but it probably won’t do us any good.  If Heyward gets called up, he probably won’t have that large of a role in September.

Mat Gamel – He should be the every day 3rd baseman in Milwaukee in September.  At worse, he plays every day vs. righties.  He’ll be worth an immediate pickup in all leagues for a shot of adrenaline to your fantasy baseball heart.  Speaking of which, Inglourious Basterds… I was kinda bored.  Maybe it was my mood.  Not sure.  Just got sick of looking at slow push-ins.

Kila Ka’aihue – I was actually looking forward to the Hawaiia’an mash machine’s call up last November.  How’s that for prescience!

Jeff Clement – Oh, just call him up already, Pirates.  What are you waiting for?  2012?  He deserves to be up already and given a long look.

Buster Posey – Probably will see some time… In spring training.

Justin Smoak – Was broken down by Scouting the Unknown.  Smoak’s another guy I don’t think we see this year.

Chris Heisey – Should get the call up by the Reds.  Or not!  This is for the Reds to decide.  He has moderate speed and power.  Think 12/12.  In one month, think 3/3.  So, eh.  But keepers should stay alert.

Cameron Maybin – You need to put aside the differences you guys had back in April.  Maybin’s worth look in 12 team, mixed leagues if/when he gets his September call up.

Eric Young Jr. – If you need steals in NL-Only leagues, stash him immediately.  Also, Barmes may lose significant time.

Brandon Allen – Besides sounding like a furniture store, he has good power, has already been called up and has a legit shot of seeing a lot of time at first for the Diamondbacks in September.

Tyler Flowers – Sticking with the mall store names, Flowers may get called up in September, but his role will be limited like cumin in chili.

Jeff Larish – Yo, 70′s Bowie was Larish!  Wait, that’s not right.  Jeff Larish is an all power, heavy K 1st baseman.  He probably won’t see much playing time if he’s called up.  And he’s androgynous.

Krispie Young – Now there’s a hot rookie name!

Chris Davis – With the Rangers in the hunt, I doubt they give Davis the requisite at-bats he’ll need to continue his assault on the all-time strikeout record.  Though he’s capable of a huge month, so it’s worth a flier.

Brandon Wood – Yeah, Scioscia will play him.  And in other news, water is dry.

Austin Jackson – For all of youse out there with Don Mattingly pillow cases and “Jeter’s My Homeboy” t-shirts don’t do it. Put down Jackson for this year.