Fantasy Baseball Advice

Chipper Jones says he thinks he injured himself while running out of the batter’s box. For a baseball player, this seems like a pretty innocuous place to injure themselves. How exactly do you get injured coming out of a batter’s box? Swing, turn, run. A layperson (you and I) does not come out of a batter’s box, but a similarly innocuous place might be, say, a bathroom. So imagine a buddy told you he hurt himself taking a crap. Previous week, he strained something showering. Couple of weeks ago, while putting unicorn jizz (that’s what I call toothpaste) on his toothbrush, he pulled a metacarpal. Previously, he’s broke a toe changing the TP, popped an eardrum Q-Tipping, sliced off a piece of nose while shaving, got a hernia while toweling off and he got a Grade 3 windburn from a blow dryer. Would you think your friend was a good bet to stay healthy until October? Yeah, me neither. As for Wainwright, this strikes me as really bad luck for his owners (which is me for many teams). He says that he should be fine and there’s no official word. I doubt official word is at all positive. Brace yourself for different options. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Matt Garza/Dioner Navarro – Had a scuffle in the dugout yesterday, causing Garza to get pulled early. Going forward this is a problem for one of my teams because I have both guys. Here’s my plan of action, I’m going to sit Navarro whenever Garza pitches, but in the meantime I’m going to have my corner infielder, Helton, talk to both of them about the importance of the Lord, charity and all of that. Then I’m going to bring Keith Foulke in to talk to both guys because– Wait, this is fantasy baseball, not real. Oh, yeah, then Dioner and Garza will be fine.

Kyle Lohse – 7-2. The “h” in his name is like a precarious Jenga piece.  At some point it will be pulled out, his success will collapse, and all he’ll do for your team is Lose.

Kevin Slowey – 8 ER in 3 IP. Another outing like that and he’s on the short bus back to AAA.

Aaron Harang – I’m trying not to blame that long relief outing still, but…. Ugh. He’s an excellent buy low candidate right now. He is better than his numbers.

Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-4 with a home run. The Alex(e)i with the ‘e’ is showing the Alexi without the ‘e’ they’re only similar in almost names.

Mark Reynolds – Now 6 home runs in 15 games. If you remember from the beginning of the season, Reynolds is what you call streaky.

Nick Swisher – Getting hot. If he’s on your waivers, he’s absolutely worth a pickup. He’s valuable when he’s hot.

Jason Giambi – 14th home run. Much like Ron Jeremy, Giambi sports a ’stache, swings a big bat, and appears out of shape and over the hill.

Luke Scott – From the files of abandoned outfielders that never produced, here comes another streaky hitter. Hit two home runs yesterday. Might hit three more in the next week. Cust kayin’.

Gavin Floyd – He has a 20/1 K/BB ratio in his last three starts. And his first name is Gavin. What’s not to like?

Wandy Rodriguez – Lost to the Cards, but his line doesn’t look awful. Only allowed four hits and no earned runs. 7 Ks.

Mark Teixeira – PABST has five HRs in the last 11 games. Might have officially turned the corner into a full season stud or FABST? Um… Not sure about this one anymore.

Justin Masterson – That’s it. You got what you got. I wouldn’t start him in his next start.

Curtis Granderson – I was happy to see Granderson hit a HR, but I was even happier to see him bat ninth. That makes a lot more sense than Miggy in the sixth hole.

Ryan Tucker – Must Die. I’d bid maybe a $1 in NL-Only leagues, but that’s about it.

BJ Upton – Two home runs in three days. Maybe this is when the power streak comes on. Then again, it was in Texas and Ramon Vazquez is hitting in Texas.

Vernon Wells – Not only came back early from a wrist injury, but hit a home run yesterday. I’d try and sell him quickfast.

Jose Guillen – Just in case you missed it, he hit 3 HR and 9 RBI over the weekend at Yankee Stadium. That’s now 9 HR and 45 RBI for the year (albeit with 25 R and .262 AVG).  Between this and Milton Bradley’s triple crown run, 2008 is shaping up as the year of the crazy. Jose had a incredibly silent 23/99/.290 last year in Seattle after some troubles in Washington, but he’s worth taking a flier on if he’s hanging around on the FA wire.  BTW, how incredibly dull is Carlos Guillen in comparison to Jose and Ozzie Guillen?  Jose and Ozzie Canseco were pretty nutty too.

The Yanks start Joba Chamberlain. The Mets start Pedro Martinez. The Red Sox start top prospect Justin Masterson.

You probably didn’t know any of that because traditional media is obsessed with Radhames Liz’s earning a win in his first Orioles start and Ross Gload’s struggles at winning back the Royals starting 1B position. That’s why we’re here. We like to muckrake.

So Joba was extended to 62 pitches tonight and made it all the way to 2 1/3 innings. He didn’t get hit. He couldn’t throw strikes. 4 BB in 2 1/3 IP. His control has been off all year – close to double last year’s rate. Not sure why the young Yankee pitchers forgot to throw strikes this year. I had better strike zone management playing wiffle ball in my backyard growing up.

Onto Pedro…nothing says “We missed you” like having your first start at San Francisco opposite Barry Zito. The control isn’t there yet for Pedro but his stuff looks solid for Met-era Pedro. Up 9-3 after 5 IP and throwing 90 pitches, it looked to everyone – including the announcers – that Pedro would be done for the night. But Willie was feeling a little grady (get it?) and sent him back out – probably b/c the bullpen was wiped after Oliver Perez’s 1/3 of an inning start the day before. Pedro gave up two straight hits before striking out two of the last three. Pedro’s relying on guile and his curve more than peak-era Pedro but this version could still win 10 games with decent ERA/WHIP/Ks. (BTW, isn’t it fitting that as one of Manny’s favorites goes on the DL, another one comes off? Everything turns out even steven for Manny – he’s like the Dominican Magoo.)

As for Justin Masterson, 6 innings of 6.00 ERA, 1.33 WHIP isn’t that exciting but he got the win against your 1st place Rays. With Dice-K on the DL, he’ll likely get another start or two. Depending on the matchup, he could be worth a flier. Based on recent Sox pitching prospect history, there’s an 100% chance Masterson throws a no-hitter in his next couple of starts. On a more tragic note, there’s a 50% chance that he has cancer.

Dan Uggla – Is 2B the new 1B? Uggla hit 2 bombs against Campillo and now only trails fellow second-bagger Utley for the MLB lead. When I look at his underlying stats, I’m surprised at how not surprising they are. Sure, his .300+ average is unsustainable given he has a Howardesque K rate of 30% (that’s 180K in 600 AB!). At that rate, he’s lucky to hit .270 the rest of the way. But he hit 49 doubles and 31 HRs last year. That topped Hanley on both counts (48 and 29). If he fell back to last year’s rate, he’s still got at least 15 more HRs left for this season. In a year where Cano no can do and Weeks is weak, it’s got to be nice being an Uggla owner this year….

Khalil Greene – …but, instead, I have this schmohawk. He also had an incredible number of extra base hits for an infielder last year (44 doubles, 27 HRs) that you could draft in late rounds. But he’s been Razztastic this year. .214 average with only 12 extra base hits (7 doubles, 5 HRs). You know how much it hurts to know that my Razzball SS (Cristian Guzman) is crushing Greene in all statistics?  If I had him in a shallower league, I’d drop him and pick him back up when I saw signs of life. For now, I’m just grinning and bearing it.

Albert Pujols – Left the game in the 4th inning due to calf tightness. Early reports of a hairline fracture were later corrected to a hairline recession.

Aaron Harang – 3.86 ERA, 1.26 WHIP, 74 Ks in 82 IP. In line with all expectations. Well, except he’s 2-8 now after being outdueled tonight by Adam Eaton. I assume most offenses try their best to hit for struggling starting pitchers. The Giants had to be pressing to score a couple touchdowns when Zito started the season on a well-deserved 0-fer streak. But Harang? The Reds offense just hates him. They turn into a deadbell-era offense. Hell, even Jay Bruce pretends to be mortal.

Zack Greinke - 6 IP, 8 ER, 4 HR allowed…Greinkes! He’s still a useful fantasy pitcher but consider him no higher than a 5th starter. Why? The Royals suck and Greinke is just a good pitcher. 4.00 ERA at best. A little better than average Ks. Since I traded him to Grey for a since-dropped Melky Cabrera, Greinke has thrown 45 IP at a 5.40 ERA and 1.36 WHIP. I can’t believe the ESPN experts think he’s going to be more valuable going forward than Billingsley, Maine, Burnett, and Marcum. If you can swap him for any of those guys, do it. Do it now.

Randy Johnson – Now #2 in career Ks. Mullet over for a bit. It’s hard to trump Clemens these days but the Big Surly did it. Solid start by Randy (8 K’s) but he got hit in the 6th and 7th. Arizona should be content if he gives them a solid 6 IP at this point..

Erik Bedard – Another bad start for the best Canadian pitcher in the game. Buy him now as the hockey season is almost over so he’ll stop being distracted. Just make sure Alanis Morissette or Bryan Adams aren’t playing in the same city where he’s pitching.