Yesterday, Kyle Schwarber was demoted to Triple-A to clear his head.  But Joe Buck would’ve cleared it for him!  Guess Schwarber is just one less thing for Joe Buck to plug.  Joe Buck is now the new Crying Jordan meme.  Also, yesterday, Jason Heyward was DL’d.  Right now, Joe Maddon is like, “All I need is Ian Happ.   And this chair.  All I need is Ian Happ, this chair and this remote control.  And Tommy La Stella.  All I need is Ian Happ, this chair, this remote control and Tommy La Stella.  And these Buddy Holly glasses.  Happ, chair, remote, La Stella and these glasses!  That’s all I need!”  I’m sure Schwarber will be back at some point, but, in most mixed leagues, you can move on.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If Tyler Chatwood ($15,300) never had to step foot in Coors Field again, he would probably be contending for the Cy Young every year… ok he wouldn’t be, but thats how good he has been on the road since 2013. Only Clayton Kershaw ($25,200) has a better road ERA during that span. Chatwood has a 2.35 ERA this season so far on the road; now he gets the low hitting Pittsburgh Pirates. The Pirates ranked 25th or worse in each of the following hitting categories: Runs, HRs, avg, and OPS. So you can say he is set up nicely against that line up. Kershaw is also on the slate and has to go on the road against the defending American League champs. The Cleveland Indians offense has  been horrendous versus LHP (.236 AVG .691 OPS), making Kershaw an automatic play in cash games. There are some nice pitching options that won’t cost you an arm and leg, though, so let’s take a look at the picks…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Scooter Gennett had the game of his life yesterday.  Well, isn’t he Vespecial?  You say to me, “Unkie Grey, can I sit on your lap metaphorically and you tell me why Scooter hit so many homers?”  Sure, Nephew, it’s simple.  A story of my Scooter in two tweets:

I am the first person in the history of fantasy baseball to bench two hitters for games with at least three home runs in the same season.  *opens oven, sticks head in oven, opens The Bell Jar to read*  Ugh, could someone check on the pilot light?  You might be asking yourself why I had Scooter on my bench, while you coyly bat your eyelashes.  I’ll explain, you coquettish bastard!  He was hitless the entire previous week!  WHAT THE EFF?!  Any hoo!  Scooter had a big game, and will now be invited to all the same parties as Mark Whiten, but Scooter is not much more than a hot schmotato.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Dirt McGirt, Dirty Nasty, Tha Ol’ Dirty Chinese Restaurant, Big Baby Jesus, Odubel Herrera went 0-for-5 with 5 Ks.  Last Phillie to do that was Pat Burrell.  Burrell remembers wistfully, “Ah, yes…’Slump Buster September 2008.’  That was Jamie Moyer’s granddaughter’s friend.  She was like a keg with two arms.  She looked like Matt Stairs with longer hair.  I believe Brett Myers introduced us.  Now that I think about it, maybe that’s why she was always flinching.”  Odubel’s average is down to .226 and his OBP is .275.  M-E-T-H-O-D MAN that is bad.  Shame on a Herrera.  Ooh, baby, I like it raw, but that’s filled with salmonella.  He swings at the third most pitches outside the strike zone and his strikeout rate is up 4% while his walk rate has fallen 4%.  Put it all together and you have one of the worst hitters in the majors right now.  So, can he come out of it?  Future:  Cloudy.  He’s more of a .265 hitter, but swinging at balls outside the zone can quickly spiral and shove him further into his slump.  Before last year, he had a full season of 8 HRs and 16 SBs, couple that with .265 and you’re not looking at the guy you thought you were getting in March.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matt Adams was acquired by the Braves for Juan Yepez, who was always a little too excitable for the Braves — Yepez!  See?  Not a good look.  It was a tearful exit from the Cardinals’ clubhouse for Adams.  His emotions hit a crescendo when he realized he couldn’t carry out all the food he had accumulated in the clubhouse refrigerator.  Through tears, “Why didn’t I learn to balance soda on my head like I was Jamaican?”  Hey, mon, they have grape soda in Atlanta.  Adams will be the 1st baseman in Atlanta until Freeman returns, while conceding to Loney on occasion, assuming Adams doesn’t try to eat him, “I thought his jersey read Baloney!  I’m a terrible person!”  Adams gets a boost in value, but mostly just for NL-Only and very deep leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hopefully we are as happy as Ray Liota was in the movie Goodfellas when he was screaming JIMMY in the shower after Jimmy Nelson ($15,200) is done taking the mound against the Padres. The San Diego Padres are a great matchup almost every night in DFS, they rank 28th in the MLB in Runs, have the worst team batting average in the league and they are in the Top 5 in Strikeouts. Nelson is coming off a start were he allowed 0 earned runs and struck out 8 Boston Red Sox hitters. He should have a chance to match those number tonight and have a chance at the win, with the way the Brewers are swinging the bat.

There are some nice arms taking the mound tonight with Zack Grienke ($21,300) going up against the banged up New York Mets, and Dallas Keuchel ($22,800) facing the struggling Miami Marlins. I don’t need to tell you to pick those two guys who are on fire right now, so lets take a look at some other plays that could be worth the pick…right after the editor hops in and provides you all with a linky clicks for the FantasyDraft Razzball Exclusive Listener’s League.  It’s $5 which is about the cost for 16 oz of freedom in my neighborhood.  I hate missing out on a beer, but I hate missing out on playing this game even more.  Join us, won’t you?

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings my fellow dweebs.  I know, I know, my Staind fanatics…it’s been a while.  You think that reference is old?  I’m writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst simultaneously dropping a 2001 Zoolander on you.   The kicker to all of this?  You got all three references, which means we’re both a little closer to pushing daisies than either of us thought, though not that any of it matters as we’re all hurtling towards the end of days with an ever dying sun at the middle of our solar system.  Eat at Arby’s…Now that I’ve done my job of setting a jolly mood, let’s talk about Ariel!  Or better yet, let’s talk about the Phillies.  I’m not gonna lie and say this is a bottom five team like we’ve seen in recent history but really, they’re not spectacular either and their bats can be exploited.  The Phils tread water against lefties on the year, sitting middle of the pack in some key DFS categories such as 99 wRC+ and a 22.1% K percentage.  Miranda has been pitching a bit over his FIP for the year, but I don’t think these Phillies bats are gonna be the ones to set him straight and with a near 8 K per 9 and miniscule 2.18 BB/9, he’s doing plenty to help his cause as it is.  Is this a cash nod?  Nah, man, but as an SP2 in tourneys, I’m definitely willing to go with this banded, bulbous snarfblat.  Speaking of tourneys…we got ourselves some featured fun via FantasyDraft with a exclusive Razzball Listener’s league contest.  Why listener’s league?  Because you’ll have heard about it earlier today first on the Razzball Podcast.  So if you want in on the Razz family fun, hop on in.  But with that out of the way, let’s move on.  Here’s my hottah unduh dee watah taeks for this Tuesday DFS slate…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you look around Petco and see Padres fans on the edge of their seats, they’re A) Probably the visiting team’s fans. B) If they are Padres fans, they’re on the edge of their seats because they don’t want to wrinkle the back of their Izod shirt.  C) There’s no C.  They’re not anticipating Trevor Cahill, because they think Trevor Cahill is the ex-Navy guy who works in their office who they need to fire but are worried he’s going to beat the crap out of them.  When they hear Trevor Cahill is a Padres pitcher, their response is, “Ah, Padres, I miss Tony Gwynn.”  So, who is Trevor Cahill?  He ain’t Luis Severino, I’ll tell you that.  I don’t see the upside of Pineda, Paxton, McCullers, Urias or any other sexy AF young starter.  As commenter, Bigly Leagues pointed out, Trevor Cahill is:

7th in FIP (2.64)
6th in xFIP (2.83)
8th in K/9 (11.1)
18th in WAR (0.8)

What he didn’t point out is how Cahill is doing it.  That’s no critique of BL, it’s not his job to point it out, though I guess he could’ve and saved me the work.  C’mon, BL!  Cahill’s doing it with the league’s 2nd best curveball.  He’s not doing it with his 90 MPH fastball, that’s for sure.  He doesn’t even have the world’s best control (3.3 BB/9).  The rest of his pitches are mostly basic, which brings me to my problem.  If he doesn’t get the curve over, or it’s just not working for some reason, the house of cards is going to fall and Kevin Spacey is going to be talking into the camera about how terrible Cahill looks.  I’d own Cahill everywhere to see if he can continue, but I have less confidence in him in away games.  That giant safety net in Petco makes everyone a slightly better trapeze walker.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I can’t believe Aaron Judge was caught stealing yesterday.  I’d be afraid of tagging him.  He should have just put the MI in The Claw, Baron Von Judgeske-style.  You remember The Machines?  They were the most obvious masked wrestlers in the 80’s.  Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan put on a mask, but wore exactly everything else.  Here’s Hulk Machine:

It’s like the Clark Kent of disguises.  It’s like if I wore a Hamburglar disguise but you could see my mustache.  They should do Baseball Machines.   Right now, Judge Machine is my favorite Machine and moving in on my love for Giancarlo Machine, and where the hell is Odor Machine?  He needs to pop Bautista Machine in his big, fat mouth and get crazy like Charlie’s mom, Ma Sheen.  As for Judge Machine, yesterday he went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his major league-leading 13th homer as he hits .330.  That last number is the real surprise.  Is he a .300+ hitter?  I’m gonna go unlikely with a side of nuh-uh.  Can he hit 40 HRs and .270?  That’s looking affirmative.  I’m sure he’ll cool off; they all do, but I wouldn’t be against buying him high either.  If someone doesn’t believe the 40-homer, 275-pound love muscle, get him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Corey Kluber left yesterday’s game with lower back discomfort, before giving up five earned in three innings to the Tigers.  In every game, the Tigers look like John Jaso, just dreadful.  I mean, you ain’t got no alibi.  U-G-L-Y.  Then Kluber makes them look like The Ghost of Charley Lau is gliding each bat from beyond the grave.  “Don’t worry, Alex Avila, I will help you hit .400 and don’t forget to buy your mother a gift for Mother’s Day.”  “Hey, Ghost of Charley Lau, you help with the hitting and let my iCal do the rest!”  That’s so ungrateful, Alex Avila!  Looking at Kluber’s peripherals, there’s some cause for concern, but cause for optimism too, assuming his back will be fine (maybe a large assumption).  His velocity is down a hair, but his Ks, walks, and xFIP are not saying he should be pummeled like a gymnast’s horse.  His Aprils have been terrible for the last two years (yes, I know we’re in May), so I’m hoping Kluber comes out of it.  At worst, he’s a 3.70 ERA guy with 200+ Ks.  At best, it all still comes together. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?