Fantasy Baseball Advice

The other day in the comments someone asked that I give some pairings for my first two rounds of the 2010 fantasy baseball drafts.  I was going to do this anyway (you’re not the boss of me!), but sometimes I need a gentle nudge in the right direction.  Not a noodge, thank you.  What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first.  I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders and pitchers too.  We’ll go through those on another post.  For easy reference, the Royal We will be using the top 10 2010 fantasy baseball rankings and the top 20 2010 fantasy baseball rankings.  I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league.  Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2010 fantasy baseball drafts:

Albert Pujols – Could really team him up with anyone, except another 1st baseman.  Preferably, I’d like to have Pujols and a 3rd baseman (Zimmerman).  Then on the turn you can grab an outfielder.  So Pujols, Zimmerman and Upton.  Yeah, that would be nice.

Hanley Ramirez – Again, you want just about anyone but Tulo, Reyes or Rollins.  Ideally, you want a big bat.  I.e., not Carl Crawford.  Someone that is going to get you 30+ homers.  Howard and Fielder will be gone, but A-Gon, Morneau, Zimmerman or even Votto should be there.  I’d consider J-Upside, but if I went that way I would definitely want another 30+ hitter sooner vs. later.

Chase Utley – No Kinsler or Phillips.  Since Utley is a power threat at a normally weaker position, I’d take a speed outfielder (Crawford), speed shorstop (Reyes, Rollins) or a power/speed outfielder (Sizemore, Upton).  He could work with a 1st baseman or a 3rd baseman or even Tulo.  Shoot, Utley works with everyone.  Love you, Utley.  Write soon!

Alex Rodriguez – No 3rd basemen.  A-Rod is similar to Utley since he also gives you a decent amount of steals, you can put him with just about anyone.  Someone like Holliday would give you a nice balance.

Ryan Braun – I wouldn’t draft an outfielder next and I’d hesitate to draft a 1st baseman.  Ideally, I’d try for a shortstop (Tulo or Rollins), 2nd baseman (Kinsler, Phillips) or a 3rd baseman (Zimmerman).  The reason I’d hesitate on a 1st baseman is because it’s a deeper position and so is outfield, so you’d have two deep positions covered and no shallow ones.  I wouldn’t kick Braun and Votto out of bed, but Braun/Zimmerman looks better.

Mark Teixeira/Miguel Cabrera/Prince Fielder/Ryan Howard – Similarly to Braun, I’d avoid a 1st baseman and hesitate on an outfielder.  Ideally, you’d have some combo of one of those 1st basemen and Wright, Longoria, Kinsler or Tulo.

Matt Kemp – Since he’s not as safe with the power as Braun, I’d take a 1st baseman with Kemp.  I’d also look at taking a bat at a weaker position (Tulo, Kinsler, Wright).  I’d avoid guys who bring their value with speed (Reyes, Crawford, Ellsbury).

Evan Longoria – Anything but a 3rd baseman.  Since his speed’s a little wonky, I’d have no problem pairing him with Sizemore.  Holliday would also work nicely since Longoria’s average is a bit weak.

Tim Lincecum – You have to have a big bat at 1st base if you’re going to take Lincecum.  If you can’t get Howard, Fielder, Miggy or Tex, skip Lincecum altogether and go for Wright as your first pick.

David Wright – Since he hit, what, 2 homers last year, I’d want a power guy at a weak position to be paired with Wright or a power guy at 1st base.  Think Tulo and Wright.  That’s nice.  Think Wright and Howard.  That sounds like the best pairing since my tilapia, Mad Dog 20/20 pairing last night.

I’ve been footballin’ like it’s 2010 over on the other side of Razzball and was happy to get the baseball side of my brain lubed up. You can see Rotoworld’s Drew Silva’s take on the first half of the mock here and the second half here.  And while you’re clicking random hyperlinks, click here and follow me on twitter.  I’d like to give an extra thank you to frequent commenter, Steve, for being a sounding board for my picks.  Blame him for the ones you don’t like and praise me for the ones you like. Got it?  All in all I feel like this team would be a contender if it were a real fake team. Here are my fellow mockaletes:

Eno Sarris (FanGraphs.com)
Auto-Queue (Computer, and great guy to have a beer with)
Drew Silva (Rotoworld)
Steve Gardner (USA Today)
Tim Dierkes (MLBTradeRumors)
Mike Axisa (River Ave. Blues)
Jesse Spector (New York Daily News)
Sam Miller (Orange County Register)
Chet Gresham (Razzball)
Dan Wade (Bleacher Report)
Thor Nystrom (Rotoworld)
D.J. Short (Rotoworld)

1. (9) Mark Teixeira - I feel good about getting Tex at #9.  I thought hard on Matt Kemp because I love me some multi-tool players but Tex has some nice tools himself.  Ok, enough about men’s tools and how much I like them.  In the New Yankee Donkshop, Tex is a great tool to build the rest of your team.

2. (16) David Wright – My first of many value rebound players, Wright is too good to be no good, cuz he lays wood, even in the Metco hood.  Or something.  I don’t feel that great about third basemen this year anyway, so I’m okay to take a little risk with Wright.

3. (33) Brandon Phillips – At this point in the draft I’m thinking, “Donut delivery, it’s got to be feasible, you wake up Sunday morning and want a pastry, but don’t want to get out in the cold…” And I was also thinking, shortstop is weak and Jose Reyes and Jimmy Rollins are still on the board with four picks before me, but after them it’s a perfect shizz storm of shortstops I’d rather not have.  So as soon as the J.R.’s go, I look toward another weak position and grab the 20/20 stability that is Brando.

4. (40) Justin Morneau - As long as Morneau can stand upright he is good value with the 40th pick.  I think he will and he looks good in a UTIL spot.  Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and fuzzy when you can toss a top guy in UTIL, even if the rest of your team is full of Polancos and Zitos? Maybe it’s just me.  Went with value here.  I shop at Aldis too.

5. (57) Johan Santana – Maybe the Mets made a deal with the devil to win the ‘69 World Series and last season (and a whole lot of other seasons) was God (directed by Pat Robertson) smiting them down.  Maybe.  I’ll lean more toward some bad luck and a rebound year with Santana benefiting from Metco, a good offense, and just plain good pitching.

6. (64) B.J. Upton – I’m loving me some B.J. this year, well, all years actually.  He got off to a slow start last season with his shoulder gone wonky and then never got on track.  He’s risky, but you’re guaranteed the 40 stolen bases and I just don’t see his numbers not moving back to his norm.

7. (81) Josh Hamilton – Yes, this team is starting to look like Comeback Tour 2010, but I’m not grabbing players that have no track record of fantasy goodness.  Hamilton was overrated last season and crapped out.  So what is he now?  The 81st pick? Sure.

8. (88) Raul Ibanez – My outfield needed an old veteran who should start the season well and offset any injuries, schizophrenic episodes, or relapses by his brethren.  I needed another steady, reliable player in a offensive ballpark (looking back at Tex) and Ibanez fits the bill.

9. (105) Cole Hamels – His stuff is still there.  He misses bats.  No, he doesn’t have pet bats that he cares for at home; batters swing and miss when trying to hit his balls, which is good no matter how you look at it.

10. (112) Elvis Andrus – I was short on shortstop having missed out on the J.R.’s so I had to decide if I wanted to keep punting or go for it on fourth down with Elvis up the gut and instead he used his speed to take it all the way, because he’s got what we like to call in the business, upside! Could I have waited on him? Maybe, but I need his stolen bases and I like him, so I took him.

11. (129) Scott Baker – If we see second half Scott all season, I’ve got myself some filet mignon at Taco Bell prices.

12. (136) Carlos Marmol – I like Marmol and his K’s, but not a huge fan of his psyche.  I’m betting on his stuff.

13. (153) Jose Valverde – In a ‘perts league I usually like to grab more closers than I would in a league with my uncle who talks shizz, but is usually too drunk to pick SAGNOF off the wire in a timely manner. I won’t be owning the top closers unless they really fall so I don’t feel bad about grabbing multiple closers late.

14. (160) Geovany Soto – I’m hoping that Soto sans baby fat will have a better shot at staying healthy and not sucking.

15. (177) Francisco Cordero – Going back to my grab closers late in a ‘pert league, but in retrospect grabbing another starter might have been smarter since closers lasted a little longer than I thought they would.

16. (184) Garrett Jones – Meh, not the greatest pick of all time, but I like his value this late if he can repeat last season, but in a full season.

17. (201) Johnny Cueto – He’s got the ability, now he just needs to stay healthy and complete a full season with his best stuff.  He’s worth it as a late flier.

18. (208) Neftali Feliz – The guy is Matt Weiters and Roy Hobbs wrapped in a cheesy gordita.  That’s some yummy béisbollin! If this were a real fake team I might have to drop him for some waiver wire wonder, but he is too awesome not to take as my last pick.

Drop the balloons and get out your noisemakers, it’s time for the 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings. It’s a celebration, snitches! All the 2010 Fantasy Baseball rankings will live in that link. The 2010 fantasy baseball rankings can also be found at the top of the page. See next to the Fantasy Baseball Forum link? Yeah, right there. Way to use those eyes! The 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob. This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2010 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Pujols retiring to become a hand model, so while it is the 2010 fantasy baseball gospel. Take it with a tablet of salt. Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2010 fantasy baseball then we will go around the horn with a top 20 list for every position. Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 80. Listed next to each player are my 2010 projections. Did I consult with CHONE, Bill James, ESPN, Marcel and whoever else does projections? Yeah, of course. Dur. But in the end they are my projections. Finally, as with each list in the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop. I look at tiers like this, if Chase Utley and Albert Pujols are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 1st and one guy is ranked 3rd, they’re both very close. It comes down to personal preference. I would prefer the guy at number one better than the guy at three, but you do what you do and I’ll do what I do. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Albert Pujols – This is the first tier. This goes from here until Braun. I call this tier, “The, uh, top five.” The first round is stacked with talent so don’t take this the wrong way, but Pujols has a wonky elbow, Utley has had more hip surgeries than Zsa Zsa and Hanley’s shoulder comes out of the socket when he’s playing Wii Tennis. I hope they’ll all be fine, but I worry about them more than I should for the first picks of a draft. Maybe I’m just a worrywart. It’s not like Jose Reyes, Grady Sizemore or David Wright had any issues after getting ranked in the top ten last year. 2010 Projections: 110/40/120/.337/10

2. Hanley Ramirez – I almost put Hanley first because I can see myself taking him first overall in certain leagues, but what finally convinced to go with this ranking is my nagging want for a first baseman in the 1st or 2nd round. I like Billy Butler and all but he’s a corner man, I don’t want his moobs jiggling around in my 1st base slot. Hanley’s work ethic was questioned last year by Dan Uggla. Yeah, and Uggla sucks. Though I’m going to drop some caveats on you. Hanley’s not stealing like he used to because the team doesn’t want to risk him getting hurt and Hanley’s aforementioned shoulder might cause issues with power. I wouldn’t be shocked to see Hanley go 20/20 with a .300 average, but because of his track record and position, I couldn’t drop him any lower. 2010 Projections: 100/25/110/.320/25

3. Chase Utley – I love Chase Utley. Easily my favorite player. Look next to the definition of gritty and you see a picture of a young Clint Eastwood, but then under that it says, “See also Chase Utley.” You can’t make that shizz up. 2010 Projections: 110/32/105/.300/15

4. Alex Rodriguez – When you have a bottom line of 30 homers, 15 steals and a .290 average, a stacked lineup surrounding you and eligibility at 3rd base, you have my vote for the 4th pick of the draft. 2010 Projections: 110/36/120/.310/15

5. Ryan Braun – Could easily have been fourth, but the outfield eligibility softens his case. What I really like about Braun is how he feels like a 40 homer, 20 steal player who just hasn’t gotten there yet. In other words, he’s on the rise. In other other words, I wouldn’t kick the fifth pick of any draft out of bed. 2010 Projections: 110/37/120/.305/17

6. Mark Teixeira – After the high five, this is a new tier. This tier goes from here to the beginning of the top 20. I call this tier, “I hope someone takes Joe Mauer in this tier so I can take one of these other guys.” Teixeira’s consistency is being rewarded with this high ranking. Yes, some players get contract extensions, others get bonuses. Teixeira is being rewarded with a high ranking by yours truly. Congrats! I fought with myself for far longer than I care to admit regarding who I want first between Miguel Cabrera and Teixeira. Alas, you lose, Miggy. 2010 Projections: 100/37/120/.305

7. Miguel Cabrera – I know too many numbers give you the yawns, but Miguel Cabrera’s peripheral numbers are incredibly consistent. HR/FB since 2007 — 18.5%, 18.9% and 18.3%. FB% over the same time — 39.3%, 39.3% and 36.8%. The total percentage of pitches he swung at — 51.6%, 51.5% and 50.8%. Those numbers are across three years, playing in the American and National League and being drunk. Holy see, that’s consistent. Doode is a robot. 2010 Projections: 105/35/115/.320/3

8. Matt Kemp – Let’s face it, the first round is not filled with much upside. A-Rod, Tex, Howard, Fielder etc etc etc are great, but they’re not getting much better. Now Kemp feels similar to Braun in that he can exceed expectations. If I may don my “Running for Councilman” hat, that promise of a better tomorrow has Kemp ranked a smidge higher than maybe his numbers say. In 2010, count on Kemp not hitting in the 6th hole or lower in over 350 ABs as he did last year. 2010 Projections: 100/30/110/.305/32

9. Prince Fielder – In these lean steroid-testing times, 40 homer guys like Prince Fielder aren’t as easy to find anymore. Yes, that is the only time lean and Prince Fielder have been used in a sentence. His career HR/FB rate is 20.4%. Last year, he was at a 23.1% clip. I think he gets to 40 homers; I don’t think 45 is necessarily in the bag.  2010 Projections: 100/42/115/.285

10. Ryan Howard – So many guys wanted to be in this spot. Kinsler flashed his 20/20 potential and his eligibility, Longoria bragged of his potential and Lincecum smoked the competition (bad pun point for Grey). Alas, it’s Howard at the end (not to be confused with Howard’s end). The one thing that really bothered me about Fielder and Howard is, if the brothers from another chubby mother are first round picks, how is Adrian Gonzalez a late second round pick? Here’s how I reconciled that in my head. Firstly, Adrian Gonzalez is a 40 homer hitter going on a 35 homer hitter. Fielder is going the other way and Howard is a no doubt 45 homer hitter. Secondly, Prince Fielder is a .285 hitter going on a .300 hitter. Gonzo is a .280 hitter going on a .270 hitter. Thirdly, Gonzo has the schmohawk behind door number one hitting in front of him and the schmohawk behind door number two behind him. Fourthly, Petco. Fifthly, there’s no such thing as a fifthly. Howard is a .275 hitter with that lineup, that ballpark and that guaranteed power. 2010 Projections: 105/47/140/.275

We’ve already went over the top 20 catchers for 2009; soon we’ll go over the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009, then the top 20 shortstops… Well, right now we’re going over the top 20 1st basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.  It’s a look back, ya’ll!  Don’t worry, soon we’ll look forward.   With the 1st basemen, you’ll (maybe) notice that I’m a lot closer in my rankings and predictions for these guys as compared to the catchers.  This is to be expected.  1st basemen are usually guys in the middle of the lineups that produce every year; catchers are a crapshoot for hitting.  Okay, enough about catchers.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Albert Pujols -  With or without a major league capable hitter behind him… With or without a working elbow tendon… None of it seemed to matter to Pujols.  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  105/35/110/.335/5, Final Numbers:  124/47/135/.327/16

2. Prince Fielder – Here’s what I said in January of last year, “I’ve seen the big man falling into the third round of some drafts.  Makes me feel like I need to clear something up.  We’re drafting for 2009, not for what he did in 2008.   Sure, Berkman had a great 2008, but he’s hardly just entering his prime.  Yes, Fielder is the world’s fattest 24-year-old vegetarian and we should be worried about his general health when he’s in his 30s and needs a crane to get him to 1st base, but right now….”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  85/40/110/.285, Final Numbers:  103/46/141/.299/2

3. Ryan Howard – I can predict his numbers in February with a blindfold on.  Sure, a blindfold doesn’t impede my ability to think about what Howard will hit, but you get my drift.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  100/45/140/.265, Final Numbers:  105/45/141/.279/8

4. Miguel Cabrera – He threw in an inconsequential 6 steals to help boost his value a bit.  Otherwise, he fell short of mine and just about everyone’s projections, taking a step back in power.  The RBIs were down, which was due to Leyland’s inability to find a decent #3 hitter.  Clete Thomas saw 146 at-bats in the three hole and hit .205.  I believe Clete hit third simply because his first name sounds basebally.  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  100/39/125/.305, Final Numbers:  96/34/103/.324/6

5. Mark Reynolds – Everyone was saying 3rd base was extremely shallow.  And it was.  So what do you do when something’s shallow?  You either reach or you punt.  At some point in March, I decided to punt 3rd basemen in all of my leagues.  I wasn’t drafting high enough to get Wright (phew), Aramis had too many question marks for where he was being drafted and I wasn’t thrilled with Chris Davis as an upside pick.   So going through all of the potential upside picks in the later rounds, there was only one player that could give me 30 homers and 10 steals.  Actually, the more I looked at him, the more I couldn’t understand why he was being drafted so late.  Was he that different than Chris Davis?  So in every single league, I drafted this guy — Mini-Donkey.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked 14th for 3rd basemen, 2009 Projections:  75/31/100/.255/7, Final Numbers:  98/44/102/.260/24

6. Mark Teixeira – If I would’ve known exactly how the new Yankee Stadium would play — The Jetstream… Slide, Slide, slippity slide… — I probably would’ve guessed Tex could’ve done much more damage.  But I didn’t, and he didn’t.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  85/40/110/.285, Final Numbers:  103/39/122/.292/2

7. Derrek Lee – His season flummoxed me to a degree.  I didn’t see him exploding for the power he did.  I thought he still had some speed in his giraffe legs.  On the other hand, when he started poor (April — 1HR, .189), I pushed people to buy into a rebound.  Six of one, you know the rest.  Preseason Rank #11, 2009 Projections:  95/22/90/.295/8, Final Numbers:  91/35/111/.306/1

8. Kendry Morales – I liked him coming into the year, but even I didn’t think he had this many homers in his bat, which makes me think he might be overrated next year, but until then… Preseason Unranked, but he did get a Sleeper Post, Final Numbers:  86/34/108/.306/3

9. Pablo Sandoval – Went over him in the recap in the top 20 catchers.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #13 for Catchers, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

10. Kevin Youkilis – The nice thing about Youuuuuk is his predictability.  Will he hit 25 homers and bat near .300?  Yup, probably.  As with everyone, the RBIs and Runs are products of his environment.  But even those stats are usually right in line with his norms.  Death, taxes and Youk. Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  95/25/110/.295, Final Numbers:  99/27/94/.305/7

11. Joey Votto – For huge periods of 2009, Votto was a complete Failicorn.  And… Wait, needs to be bigger…  AND he still produced.  I’m very excited about Votto for 2010.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  85/28/100/.300/12, Final Numbers:  82/25/84/.322/4

12. Adrian Gonzalez – Imagine a world where there’s a new episode of The Wire on every night of the week, every meal consists of pork by-products in a tube shape and Adrian Gonzalez plays anywhere but Petco (and Metco).  Oh, and we all live in igloos made of grape ice pops.  Ah, yes, I like that. Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  85/34/95/.280, Final Numbers:  90/40/99/.277/1

13. Victor Martinez – Went over him in the recap in the top 20 catchers.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #4 for Catchers, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

14. Michael Cuddyer – Confession… Forgive me, Razzball Reader, but I wrote a good chunk of this post about two weeks ago.  At that point, Cuddyer was ranked 20th.  It didn’t help that Carlos Pena and Morneau were injured and Helton’s life-sized portrait of himself began to rapidly age, but it’s fair to say Cuddyer ended his season really well.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  93/32/94/.276/6

15. Adam Dunn – Two donkeys, one list.  Yeehaw!  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #23 for Outfielders, 2009 Projections:  80/40/85/.245/5, Final Numbers:  81/38/105/.267

16. Todd Helton – Eh, there’s guys below Helton I would’ve taken in his stead.  Morneau, Pena and Butler for stead sake.  Helton did have a much more productive season in 2009 than I thought he was capable of.  His numbers at 1st are still kinda yawnstipating.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  79/15/86/.325

17. Billy Butler – 51 doubles at the age of 23 is something to get very excited about.  I’ve already talked about him a bit for 2010.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see an Edgar Martinez-type season from him next year.  That is a big compliment.  Butler was in the preseason cheap alternatives post, where I said, “Bust can refer to Butler’s major league career thus far or his moobs….  Potential for 20 HRs and a .300 average.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  78/21/93/.301/1

18. Justin Morneau – I’ve never drafted Morneau on any team in any league ever — yes, I remember these types of things and forget loved ones’ birthdays.  I don’t avoid Morneau as much as I never see 3rd round value in a 1st baseman that is going to max out around 30 homers.  Weird that he plays in Minnesota because he gets big city hype every year.  Somewhere Wheelock Whitney, Jr. smiles. Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  90/27/115/.285, Final Numbers:  85/30/100/.274

19. Paul Konerko – Konerko’s one of those late round corner men that is always welcome in deep leagues and always ignored in shallow ones.  He falls between the cracks like C+ students.  He also showed up in the cheap alternatives post too with the aforementioned Moobs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  75/28/88/.277/1

20. Carlos Pena – Led the AL in homers and missed about a month of the season.  Put that in your skull bong and smoke it.  Preseason Rank #14, 2009 Projections:  75/32/95/.265, Final Numbers:  91/39/100/.227/3

Carlos Delgado might as well enjoy a Cocktail or two as he’s the latest member of the new hip injury (double entendre) – the torn labrum.  It took A-Rod two months to come back from this and he’s younger, in better shape, and a bigger poser (not sure how the 3rd point is relevant, just felt like saying it).  If you drafted Delgado, you’ve got to just let him go.  No use clogging up a DL slot except if you’re in a real deep league.  Forget the Mets replacements for now – Tatis, Murphy, Kranepool, etc – as none of them have 1B eligibility.  Hopefully you have another player for the 1B slot and can just grab the best 1B/3B available for cornerman.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rickie Weeks – Weeks’s out-for-the-seasony is epidemic, ya’ll.  Hardy likes to hit 2nd and Hart or Counsell would make sense in the leadoff spot.  If Gamel plays 3rd, Counsell or Hall would be play 2nd.  Hall would get a nice boost in value if he gains 2nd base eligibility, which is to say he would go from no value to some value in deep leagues.  This Weeks injury should be a wake up call for all Blalock owners.  One day he’s hitting homers, the next day he has a root canal that sidelines him indefinitely.  Okay, Weeks, Nomar and Baldelli offer you a ride, but the catch is you can’t wear your seatbelt, do you accept the ride?

Mat Gamel – HR and error yesterday.  In 2007, Milwaukeeans called that The Braun Exacta.  Defense be damned!  Gamel got the start at 3rd.  I propose the Brewers correct Gamel’s defensive problems like how the Rockies went to the humidor.  They should put The Vacuum in Miller Park.  Whenever the visiting team is hitting, you turn The Vacuum to suck and watch as everything is hit to the right side.  The Vacuum sucks so Gamel doesn’t blow.

Kyle Lohse – 4 IP, 4 ER.  He’s not good.  Wait, do I hear an echo?  Oh, no, that’s just me the last five times he’s pitched.

Scott Richmond – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Was a good match-up, still not a fan of his going forward.

Ross Detwiler – Was 0-3 with a 2.98 ERA in Double-A.  Sounds like he should be a starter for the Nats!  I wouldn’t go after him outside of NL-Only leagues and even there, I’d want to see more… On someone else’s team.

Joel Hanrahan – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Hanrahanahanananan got Kazaamahamahammed!

Glen Perkins – 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Got flapjacked by the Yanks and now is being sent to the Disgraceful List with elbow inflammation.  I don’t know who the Twins end up replacing him with, but two guarantees:  1) over/under on K/start will be 1.5 and 2) you don’t need to pick him up.

Carl Crawford/B.J. Upton – Rays scored a kajillion runs and they went a combined 0-for-6.  What a bunch of ticker teases!

Ross Ohlendorf – 5 IP, 5 ER.  The only thing standing in the way of The Dorf is his lackluster pitching.

Carlos Gomez – 4-for-8 in the last two games with a steal.  He’s starting for about a week with Young out.  Those desperate for steals may be able to sneak in a few for the next couple of days.

Mark Teixeira – 2 HRs yesterday with 4 RBIs.  Almost June?  Yup, makes sense.

Jason Marquis – 8 IP, 1 ER.  The Marquis de Sad did it to the Braves royally.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-2, zero home runs and 14 steals on the year.  The Angels ended up with the 2nd coming of Reggie Willits.

Kendry Morales – 2 home runs yesterday to bring his total to 8 on the year while batting .289.  I realize he’s been yawnstipating in his career, but he’s having a solid year and could end up with 25/100/.280.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 10th homer on the year.  Hey, cheap power, say hello to your mother for me.

Vladimir Guerrero – Coming back from his torn pectoral to be the Angels’ Designated Hacker.  You have to think the pectoral plays some role in swinging.  Wouldn’t bet that Stitch Tits is going to deliver much more than an empty .280 average.

John Lackey – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Aren’t you glad you held onto him for two months?  His owners probably wish he would’ve just pegged Ichiro to start the game (Ichiro’s owners probably wish that too).  I think this was just rust with Lackey, I wouldn’t be too concerned.

Brandon Morrow – Pitched the 6th and 7th, giving up 2 earned runs.  The way he’s going he’s going to be pitching the 3rd inning soon.

Randy Wolf – Is he Randy for a win or Hungry for a win?  Either way, 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER should buy a brotha a win.  To give you a glimpse into my soul, I own Wolf in three leagues and I haven’t been disappointed at all.  56 1/3 IP, 46 Ks, 1.07 WHIP and a 2.72 ERA.  If someone was willing to give you Wolf for say the random rookie nookie you have (Zimmermann, Gamel, Parra), I’d do it.  I think it’s possible too, because Wolf gets no love.  In fact, I grabbed him off waivers in one of my ‘pert 15 team leagues.

Garrett Atkins – Getting benched by Hurdle.  Mrs. Garrett’s Atkins diet was more successful than Atkins this year.

Phil Coke – Got the save as Mo needed rest after pitching on Sat and Sun.  The last time Coke got credit for a Yankee save was when Steve Howe donned the pinstripes.

Joey Votto – Votto’s in the Scripps Clinic for an examination… E-X-A-M-I-N-A-T-I-O-N… Examination.