Mark Teahen

Grey

La Russa Can Now Wear His Rasmus Is An Ass-Munch T-shirt

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 66 Comments

by:

Some rejected titles were, “Cards Have Jon Jay, Rasmus Have Blue Jays,” “Cards Trade Rasmus For Queen Elizabeth-Visaged Cents On the Dollar,” and “Ervin Santana Threw A No-Hitter, Beltran Was Traded — Hey, Baseball, Spread Some Of Your Breaking Stories Around.”  So Colby Rasmus was sent to the Blue Jays, Edwin Jackson was sent to the Cardinals via Chicago and a whole lot of other shizz.  Let’s start with Colby.  Hey, Geiger, let’s go (to Canada)!  Rasmus will move into center field, sending Rajai to the bench.  I’m sure Colby will be empathic.  “One day we will write a song together titled, “Centerfield” using John Fogerty’s lyrics and music then we will sue him for copyright infringement.”  That’s Colby meeting Rajai for the first time.  Last week, I was down on Rasmus, in the non-sexual way.  Sick of watching him sit on the bench while Pujols farted in his general direction.  Now, much like a fugitive from justice, Rasmus has a fresh start in Canada.  His value definitely goes from a negative to a positive, Biggie.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edwin Jackson – Another guy that gets a fantasy boost with a trade.  Any time you’re going from the AL to the NL, I like it.  Does he suddenly become the meow’s cat?  I’m not entirely sure.  His NL ERA last year was 5.16, his AL ERA was 3.24.  All of his good years have come in the AL.  Yeah, he’s a riddle inside of a Sphinx testicle.  In deeper leagues or just mixed leagues where you need to gamble, I’d grab Jackson and hope Dave Duncan can do the voodoo that he do.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 80 Outfielders for 2011 Fantasy Baseball

| 2011 Fantasy Baseball Draft, 2011 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 105 Comments

by:

In last year’s top 80 outfielders post, I told you to take a flyer on Krispie Young, Delmon Young and Nick Swisher.  Like the quarter of Harrison Ford that is Jewish, not too shabby.  Then there was crap, crap, kinda crap and Jason Heyward.  That’s what you’re probably getting late at outfield again this year.  I’m no Nostradumbass, but I’m telling you there’s not going to be a whole lot of greatness coming out of this post.  We’re Cousteau deep right now.  So all the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings are found under yonder and we’re moving onto pitchers next.  That should excite you, you special person you.  Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:

61.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

From Mattadors to DoorMatts

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 96 Comments

by:

Matt Lindstrom threw 1 IP, 2 ER and his second blown save in two games and third in his last four.  If you’re not reading this until Sunday, he probably blew another game.  Oops, there goes another one.  I grabbed Brandon Lyon in two leagues where he was available.  If it was simply Lindstrom sucking, I’d say you can hold off, but Lindstrom said he has mechanical issues.  You know what mechanical issues are code for, right?  A breakdown.  In the mean’s while, Lyon is just okay.  If I said he was good, I’d be (Mad Lib in your own pun).  But Lyon does have closing experience, so there’s that junebug on the duck’s back or some other yokelism.  As for Matt Capps, his rope is a bit longer, but his shakes haven’t been great either.  Yesterday, he went 2/3 IP, 3 unearned runs and the third time he was Cappsized this year.  Ticker shock due to Cristian Guzman playing about fifty feet too far behind 2nd.  It was Guzman’s third error of the game.  [mind-boggling] I realize the Nats are the Nots without Guzman and all, but there really should’ve been a defensive replacement in this game.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Downs Goes… Frasor!

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 172 Comments

by:

In a tie game, Cito Gaston brought in his closer, Scott Downs, to work the bottom of the ninth.  Downs did that, then the Blue Jays scored five runs in the top of the 10th.  So with the game in the bag, Gaston removed Downs for a pinch hitter, right?  Nah, that’s what a normal person operating heavy machinery would’ve done.  Gaston let Downs hit.  Okay, so he told Downs to take three strikes, right?  No point in swinging up by five, right?  Nah, you’re thinking too logical here.  Downs grounded out to shortstop, injurying himself on the way to first.  If I were Downs, I’d rip Gaston a new one on his LinkedIn profile.  Jason Frasor or B.J.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

On Holliday

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 92 Comments

by:

Hey, Matt Holliday finally hit a homer!  Please don’t tell me this is gonna be negative! Sorry, random italicized voice.  If you look at Holliday’s peripheral numbers you would see a guy that is more or less in line with his norms.  Now here’s the real kick in the nads.  He’s K’ing and walking less.  So what do I take away from that?  Trouble.  To me this means, Holliday is seeing more pitches to hit because AL pitchers haven’t been worried about him and rather than making them pay, Holliday’s putting the ball into play in the form of a flyout or groundout.  He’s hitting a bit fewer line drives than normal so that means his average may go up a bit, but I don’t think we see the .330 we were accustomed to in Colorado.  Now that he hit a homer, see if you can convince someone Holliday’s back from, uh, holiday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Garza – 7 2/3 IP, 2 baserunners.  Sonavabench!  This is the problem with Garza.  He instills so little confidence.  We’ll see what he does next time out.  I got suspicions.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Fantasy Baseball, Buy/Sell

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 86 Comments

by:

Our weekly Friday Fantasy Baseball Feature, Buy Low/Sell High is back after an offseason layoff.  When asked what this fantasy baseball feature did during the offseason, it said this, “Went up to the Adirondacks for some bass fishing with my friend, Clete.  Well, one thing led to another and we fell in love.”  Alrighty then!  To get everyone on the same page, I like the Buy guys.  I dislike the Sell guys.  Now if Thames is in the Buy section (which he is!) and Lackey is in the Sell section (there too!) that doesn’t mean I recommend you trade Lackey for Thames.  Everything’s relative, Einstein.  Anyway, here’s some guys to buy and sell for the 1st week of the fantasy baseball season (start the games already!):

BUY

Alexi Casilla – Can run, can hit and at MI it pays to find out how much.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Rodney Named Closer – I Ain’t B. Lyon!

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 77 Comments

by:

Between smoke breaks, Jim Leyland anointed Fernando Rodney the opening day closer. This sounds like when you were a kid and you tried to pulled something like, “Pops, you said not to put on my bathing suit until after lunch so I went into the pool in my dungarees.”  Leyland is saying Rodney is the opening day closer, then on April 7th he’ll call on Lyon to close a game.  In other words, this is still a coin flip.  I’m holding onto Brandon Lyon in every league I own him (which is a few actually).  I’m also picking up Rodney on the teams where I have room.  Later, Chad Cordero!  Don’t drop anyone that worthwhile for either of these schmohawks, but saves are saves and if someone’s getting them, they should be owned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Rick Porcello – Big day in Motown.  The Tigers named Porcello their number five starter.  Porcello is easily my favorite Tigers starter.  Let’s see how highly we should consider that a compliment… Galarraga?  Blah.  Verlander?  Bleh.  Miner?  Blech.  Robertson?  Belch.  Jackson, Bonderman and Willis?  Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Detroit Tigers pitching staff.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Gregg’s Tapped!

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 68 Comments

by:

Back in early November, I said, “Gregg, Cubs Closer?”  Well, remove the question mark and call me Nostradumbass.  It’s not surprising at all to me that Marmol’s not going to be the closer to start the season.  There’s no reason in debating whether Piniella made the right decision.  Of course he didn’t.  Joking.  There’s points for both sides.  As I said the other day, do you wanna lose the game in the 8th or the 9th?  Either way, all you should concern yourself with is who is getting the saves.  The pickle here is Marmol is actually worth owning even if he only gets 5-10 saves all year.  So if you drafted Marmol, I’d hold him just to pad your pitching stats.  If you have Gregg, nice late pick in your draft.  You probably just fell into 35 saves.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow – Says he’s the closer.  And so it is.  You know what?  Every single one of you sitting around reading this blog for the last month could’ve stepped up and said you’d be the closer for the Mariners.  But what did you do?  You watered down the ketchup, made sure everyone’s coffee was hot and passive-aggressively stuck broken glass under your eighteen-year-old boss’s car tires.  You had to know with the top option being Miguel Batista that the job could’ve been yours.  Now march into your job and tell them you’re the new fry cook.  You got hot oil skillz!  Morrow’ll be fine as the closer if he can get/stay healthy.  Not sure what they’re going to do with Chad Cordero.  Maybe they can turn him into the starter Morrow should’ve been.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Sox Put MI in MRI

| 2009 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 27 Comments

by:

Then one day Jed was hopin’ he could start; and Lugo and Scrappy Doo started fallin’ apart.  This is an opening for good ol’ Jed.  The kind to keep those taking late MI fliers fed.  Said Yawkey is the place you ought to be.  So he packed up his Wii to play with Papi.  Ortiz, that is.  Jed Lowrie is in, Julio Lugo is out and Nomar Garciaparra is so five minutes ago.  Yo, whaddup, double play pardner?  Not your knee, I assume.  And the Jed Lowrie fantasy sleeper post is back on like Donkey Kong.  Sure, the Sox are saying Julio Lugo may only be out a month, but he was ‘healthy’ last year and he lost playing time.  Do the math!  Anyway, here’s some more things I saw in spring training that pertains to fantasy baseball:

Dustin Pedroia – Man, I’m telling you right now (unless you’re reading this sometime in the future.  Damn you, Future Boy!) if Dustin Pedroia sheets the bed this year, I’m going to milk that carton at least once a week and twice on Moosday.  During the WBC (World Backups Championship?), Pedroia came up lame due to a strained muscle near his rib cage.  For those of us playing fantasy baseball that have never seen a “hitter” “hit,” strained muscles near the rib cage can cause pain when a batter swings.  If Pedroia is fine fine, he bounces back with no ill effects and still hits his 15 to 18 home runs.  Now what if Pedroia is not that fine fine?  Say he only hits 12 to 15 home runs.  Do you see what a waste of an early pick Pedroia could be?  You really want a 2nd round pick that might hit 12 home runs and steals 15?  Who are you, Kelly Johnson?  That’s giving me The Gas Face just thinking about it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?