Mark Reynolds

Dan Pants

Curtis’s Knuckle May Feel Not So Superfly

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 67 Comments

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Curtis Granderson left last night’s game in the fifth inning after being hit by a pitch on the hand and fracturing his knuckle. The Yankees expect Grandy to miss at least four weeks so obviously this is a big blow to fantasy owners who just got him back a little over a week ago. Some luck, if you remember correctly it was a HBP in the forearm that sent him to the DL back in March. Someone has to invest in some new armor for Granderson, I recommended Barry Bonds’ metal-plated sleeve, but chainmail is always nice as well. Anyway, these are the breaks. Curtis Blow said that, and Curtis Granderson is living it. He was batting .269 through eight games but already had a home run, a stolen base and a couple of three hit games so the outlook was promising. Thems the breaks, right Curtis!? In the interim, I guess we can expect Ichiro or Vernon Wells to continue to see plenty of playing time, and Brennan Boesch should see plenty of burn as well, but I don’t see much value with Boesch outside AL-Only. Don’t be too sad, Yankee fans, you were doing just fine without him. Maybe Curtis Mayfield said it even better, “you’re gonna make your fortune by and by, but if you lose don’t ask no questions why.” Superfly! In other words, I’m sure there’s a deal-with-it gif on the googles or the tumblrs out there for you to look at (here, here and here), but the three Curtis’ have already moved on so hopefully you can, too.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Rendon To Give Espinosa Some Nattie Slight

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 927 Comments

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This won’t only be a Buy on Anthony Rendon but also a Sell on Danny Espinosa since he’s used up all my hospitality, and I’m the Florence Nightingale of hospitality if she was known for hospitality and not just being in hospitals. I’m the Sean Penn of hospitality, refusing awards for my hospitality. I Desmond effin’ Tutu of hospitality! Yeoman Albright, my great4 grandfather, invented the word hospitality, and Espinosa is nailing me to the Red Cross of hospitality?! How dare you, sir? How. Dare. You. He’s not a .160-ish player, but he is only a .230-ish player and right now he’s not even hitting homers. The clock is tick-tick-ticking on Rendon being called up to replace him, and I’m officially done with Espinosa (which, of course, will start him up). Depending on your league size, now is the time to stash Rendon. He’s probably 7-10 days away. Here’s what I said recently about him, “Rendon is gonna be a great one…some day. Damn, the fantasy baseball fortune cookie ending! Yeah, I’m not sure he’s ready just yet, but he’s worth a flyer in all leagues. I grabbed him in one league where I have Moustakas, because I’m tired of seeing that gyro-eating-motherfu– Let’s just say I’m tired of Moustakas. Best case scenario, Rendon stays up and hits for a solid average and gives high-teen power with some very light speed. Worst case scenario, Rendon shows up at your house at 3 AM and asks to sleep on your couch, which seems fine at first, then he tells you he has no place to live, stays for months, doesn’t ever flush the toilet or fill up the Tang in the fridge, then starts dating your aunt, eventually marries her, making him your uncle, a title he insists you call him.” And that’s me quoting me! Grab Uncle Rendon now, and move on from Espinosa in most leagues. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Jesus’s Descension

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 391 Comments

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Jesus Montero was sent down and the Mariners called up Jesus Sucre. Jesus for Jesus was the original name of Jews for Jesus when it only had one member. The only thing that I pray is that my Brayan Pena don’t fail me now…Jesus sucks! And I don’t think there is nothing Montero can do now to right my wrongs…Jesus Sucks! I want to talk to Yan Gomes, but I’m afraid because we ain’t spoke in so long…Jesus Sucks! To the SAGNOF hustlers, worm burners, lefty murderers, HGH drug dealers especially A-Rod’s cousin… Jesus Sucks for them! To victims of Ron Popeil ‘Set it and Forget It’ catcher management style for we living in hell here hell yeah, Jesus Sucks for them! I.e., good riddance, Montero. With Easter passed, I have no idea when Jesus will be back, but I’d drop him in all leagues. Shoppach will take over full-time now, but this should put Mike Zunino firmly on your radars. On the most recent prospect power rankings, Zunino was honorably mentioned. Last time Scott, our prospect writer, really hooked his chompers into Zunino, he said this, “Zunino will likely surface in Seattle at some point in 2013, but his fantasy value, once up, is tough to gauge. His tools profile suggests he’ll eventually develop into a very nice big league catcher, and one you’ll want in fantasy leagues. But most people around baseball don’t see the Travis D’Arnaud/Jesus Montero/Devin Mesoraco-type ceiling with Zunino. Then again, he’s surpassed expectations at every stop thus far, and it’s within reason to think he could continue to do so at the highest level. A real overachiever, like our very own Grey.” Hey, thanks! A word about that quote. (Actually a few words.) Jesus Montero is mentioned in there, and that’s not a goof by Scott, this just shows you what catcher prospects look like when they come up. Catchers tend to take a while to develop because they’re learning defense as much as offense. They can’t just hit, they need to play defense. Well, except for Mike Piazza. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tehol Beddict

Fantasy Baseball Points Leagues: Is Grey the New Nostradamus?

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball, Points Leagues | 98 Comments

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Grey Albright just may be the greatest visionary of our time. A modern day Nostradamus even. I’ll admit that I didn’t want to buy into the hype surrounding Paul Goldschmidt but now I feel like I deserve a good d!cks slapping. This behemoth homered off the legends known as Kershaw and Kenley Jansen Wednesday night and he’s now batting 313 with 9 dongs, 30 ribbys and 4 base thefts. I haven’t seen this kind of savagery displayed since I witnessed a crew of catholic priests running a train on a teenage boy I once modeled with. Needless to say, I wish I owned him as the man is a true points league monster. How do you do it Grey? I consider myself one of the top 5 most all around talented fantasy players on planet earth and that includes football, basketball and obviously baseball, but Mr. Albright just may have me licked when it comes to roto and I don’t mean sexually. He’s got a mustache fit for an 80′s porn star as well as a heart of gold and you gotta respect it. Enough slurping of the boss. Let’s get to what I saw this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Indians Rejoice Over Kazmir Rule

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 481 Comments

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Kazmir’s career sunk like a lead zeppelin, but get ten Ks against anyone and I sit up and take notice and I’m not just talking above my waist. Hey now! Yesterday, Scott Kazmir‘s line was 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners with 10 Ks. Okay, I have to be a cyclops with a monocle for this guy. To refresh everyone, a cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp. Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced. So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything. That’ll be me. Let’s see, his fastball speed has returned to his 2008 levels. The last time he was good. His walk rate went to atrocious after that year, but that too has returned and he has a 25:6 K:BB ratio. The only start where he was hit was his first. Maybe that was nerves — or noive if you’re in Brooklyn. Everything else from Kazmir has been like butter, so he’s no longer toast? That’s what I’m seeing. Okay, now for whether or not you should pick him. He gets the Yankees, Mariners and Red Sox next. Two out of three isn’t good. Sorry, Meatloaf. I wanted to pick him up so badly, I counted each start of his for the next two months. It doesn’t get better. He gets the Reds, Yanks again, Tigers then Nats. I like him more than I have in five years, but I’m still not picking him up. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
VinWins

RCL Update: May 7

| Our Leagues | 24 Comments

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Mauledbypandas (Josh Hamilton’s Fake Stache – Cracking The WHIP) has a little breathing room at the top after another great week from his hitters. Their 68 RBI led all teams, as 16 different hitters drove in runs. The Fake Stache now has 266 on the season, five more than second-best The Good The Vlad The Utley (Myrtle’s Acres), and 80 over the RCL-average. Check out the Master Standings (you can also access them via the Leagues menu up top) to see where your team ranks in comparison to the other 767 teams. Tell me your team and league in the comments and I’ll add your Razzball handle to the standings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Less Cavalier Is Clay

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 920 Comments

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Last week, Jack Morris said Clay Buchholz was cheating. Not surprising that something doesn’t smell right with the fingers of a guy named Buchholz. Morris is probably mad because Clay’s not pitching to the score. I don’t usually subscribe to rumors, innuendos and urban legend…though a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt will get you laid more. However, it did look like he was cheating vs. the Blue Jays. His balls were dancing more than a Chippendale after an eight ball of coke and five Monster Energy drinks. It looked like Gaylord Perry was his personal spitting fountain. Then yesterday vs. the Twins, Buchholz looked human for the first time all season (6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks). Maybe the Red Sox told him to lay off the Vaseline and if he wants to do something heroic, squirt some ketchup on his ankle between innings. Curt Schilling: The Catsup’d Ankle That Bankrupted The State Of Rhode Island. If Buchholz is filing his balls like Mike Scott and not like an anal retentive dog neuterer, I’d be careful of Clay moving forward. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Pants

Hanley Injures Hammy, Dodgers in a Jammy

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 75 Comments

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In the words of one Champ Kind, “That’s a whaaammy!” Hanley Ramirez left the game last night with a hamstring injury in just his fourth game back from the DL with a torn ligament in his thumb. HanRam will have tests done this weekend but early signs are not good. He did that “Oww! PAIN!”-grab-the-back-of-the-leg move that Giancarlo Stanton owners are no doubt familiar with, and he needed the help of two trainers to get off the field. Manager Don Mattingly said it looked like he’ll miss “…a good amount of time,” and wouldn’t expect him back anytime soon. Don also added, “Hot damn-ley! This screws up all my plan-leys!” That makes two of us, Donny. Ramirez’s rehab for his thumb went so smoothly we should have known some doom and gloom was on the way. In addition to returning ahead of schedule and bursting with confidence (I don’t think I ever heard HanRam speaking so enthusiastically about playing, I guess leaving the Marlins can do wondrous things for morale), Hanley started out mashing right out of the gate, batting .455 with a homer and stolen base. It was too good to be true. Sure, no one thought he was Ironman-ley (III: Gandhi’s Revenge!), but this is tough luck for anyone. Hopefully owners haven’t dropped their Josh Donaldsons, Brandon Crawfords or various other replacements just yet because they could likely be without HanRam for the next 3-5 weeks, if not more.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
jaywrong

Bear or Bull: Throw Me A Hambone

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 54 Comments

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Surprised that I showed up with a post today? I’m sure most of you thought I was still writing my 30-page thesis on R.A. Dickey. What can I say? It was more a labor of love than anything else. And that doesn’t mean I treat other players differently. In fact, if I had children, I would love all of them equally. Except Hunter, he’s just so bad-ass cause he knows how to drive stick and already has a brown belt in taekwondo, all at the age of three. That’s my number one seed son! Maybe I messed up by naming his sister Samardzija, because I dunno, ef her childhood I guess. But like I said, this post will not be tl;dr, only because my wrists are still sore from last week’s marathon. And I need my wrists for other things. It’s funny because I watch redtube.com all the time. Get it? So while you can be assured I love all baseball players, except Luke Scott, I won’t get out of hand like last time. Unless I ever happen to pick a player from the Padres to spotlight. Hint: I have 5000+ words ready to go on John Baker. I think Grey just threw up all over me. So, on to today’s subject, one Josh Hamilton.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tom Jacks

Poppin’ My Collarbone

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball, OPS Leagues | 119 Comments

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Yeah, I’ll be that guy. Maybe it’s because I don’t own Zack Greinke in any leagues, but I’m not exactly outraged by the whole “incident.” In fact, this has only led to Carlos Quentin being available nearly everywhere, so OPS league owners should be grateful in a way (unless, of course, they own Greinke or are a Dodgers’ fan). Do I feel sorry for Zack? Sure, but that might be what you get for making a deal with the Devil Scott Boras. Also, it’s not the worst thing to make about a million bucks a week while you’re on the disabled list. Last time I messed up my collarbone, I just got a big hospital bill…

Please, blog, may I have some more?