Fantasy Baseball Advice

Mike Jacobs hit two home runs yesterday. Baseball Tonight’s Chris Singleton said Jacobs could hit “a lot” of home runs if he stayed healthy. You know what? Singleton has “a lot” of insight. Funny thing happened on the way to June, Mike Jacobs has thirteen home runs. More than Fielder, Tex, Morneau, Pena and Miguel Cabrera. Now I’m not saying Jacobs will be more valuable than these guys, but Jacobs is way more affordable in a trade. He’s a lot like Carlos Pena in ‘07. Both showed power, but lacked consistency and health. Poor average — check. Clouds of doubt about what they’ll be worth at the end of the year — check, check. Both playing in front of near capacity crowds (for a WNBA game) — check. Pena’s last year owners can also attest that if you own him, you’re better off holding onto him, cause you’ll never get value for him. But if you don’t own him, he’ll cost a lot less than the big boys. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Homer Bailey - About to be called up. Remember when he was their most hyped prospect? Since then, Bruce and Votto have had great starts, they acquire Volquez, and Cueto has a spot in the rotation. Don’t expect much from Bailey. He doesn’t really deserve the call-up as he hasn’t corrected his biggest flaw - wildness. He walked 29 in 66 IP at Triple-A. For Bailey’s sake, we hope the expectations are set closer to Fogg than Volquez.

Mark Prior - Shoulder surgery for Prior causing him to miss the rest of the season. In other news, taco diarrhea burns.

Tim Hudson - I was watching the game when he left with his leg injury. It didn’t look that bad, but then again I get these rashes on my leg and I’ve diagnosed myself as having The African Gong-Gong Disease and prescribed myself a wet towelie and two Little Orphan Orange Otter Pops, so I may not be the best person to ask. Leg problems will probably shelve him for a week. Best case scenario, he misses two starts and returns fine. Worst case, he returns too soon and really messes things up by favoring his injured leg. This is some Trapper John, M.D. suspense!

Brain Bannister - One run in 7+ IP. He looks like a good guy to not pick up in mixed leagues.

Troy Glaus - Hit a HR yesterday. LaRussa says Glaus is going to start hitting more home runs now that the weather is heating up. What you need to ask yourself, is this sober LaRussa talking or drunk LaRussa? I think it’s sober LaRussa.

Ian Snell - If you have him still in your lineup, I’m assuming there was a death in the family and you haven’t check your team in a while. Or you’re just dopey. Either way, my condolences.

Nate McLouth - Ended May with a .279 average. That’s a better representation than April’s .330. Maybe Karabell’s intern misread his refrigerator magnets.

Chase Utley - 20th HR/6th steal. I picked him for NL MVP, so I obviously believe. He’s also one of the few guys that I don’t have on any team, but still can’t root against. Take that schadenfreude (Word of the Day)!

Shawn Hill - Gave up an ill-timed home run to… Who am I kidding? No one cares what Shawn Hill did yesterday.

Chad Tracy - Batting fourth, hitting his second home run three days. CoJack will be out at least a week with a quad strain.

JR Towles - Batting .145 with five hits in all of May.

Bartolo Colon - Now 3-0. I still wouldn’t go near him with a three foot churro. (Only partly because waving a three foot churro near Bartolo would be similar to going to a grizzly bear observatory wearing nothing but bikini briefs made of Marshmallow Fluff…. Talk about a Fluffernutter — oofa!)

Alexei Ramirez/Alexi Casilla - Both can provide some value if you’re weak at MI. Also, if one of them books two dates on the same night, they could pull the old switcheroo and send the other guy out on one of the dates, which is a lot easier than bringing both dates to the same place and then running back and forth switching outfits ala Alex P. Keaton.

Adrian Gonzalez - I’m not really surprised he’s still hitting bombs, but I’d like to see him hit them in July and August.

Carlos Beltran - HRs in 2 straight games to boost his season total to 7. If you invested a top pick in him, you’ve got to be hoping this is the start of one of his streaks.

Johnny Cueto - I said I wouldn’t write about him again until he proved himself. Well, 5 IP of no-hit ball pulled me back in, but he’s still giving up fly balls (10) and not making enough people miss (3). Love the upside, but don’t get too excited. Worth holding onto, but don’t be afraid to bench him if the matchup is bad.

JJ Putz - Another horrendous night. 4 runs in 2/3 of an inning. Who does he think he is - Carlos Silva?

Ryan Church - Hit a home run after returning from his concussion. Talking about the concussion, Church had this to say, “I really know how Snuka felt after that Piper’s Pit.”

In 2003, Bush stood in front of a banner declaring, “Mission Accomplished,” giving a speech announcing the end of major combat in Iraq. Also, in 2003, Mark Prior delivered a Cy Young-worthy season. From that point forward, Iraq and Prior’s casualty list rivals Nordberg from The Naked Gun movies. Now, in 2008, Mark Prior gets a fresh start for the Padres and there’s a presidential election. Reversal of fortunes, perhaps.

In 2003, Mark Prior, 22, won 18 games, had a 2.43 ERA and 245 strikeouts and started 30 games. Call up the Hall of Fame, we got ourselves a first-balloter! Since, he’s started a total of 57 games. But 2008 is a new year (literally, Happy New Year!), and Prior can get himself back to respectability. Respectability does not equal fantasy-worthy. He just had surgery in 2007 on his rotator cuff and repair was done to labral and capsular injuries. Arm injuries really aren’t good for pitchers. Prior has expressed he wants to be ready for Opening Day in 2008. Yeah, and I want play touch football over at the Kardashian’s house. Things don’t always work out. Then throw in the fact speculation is rampant that Prior should have been mentioned in the Mitchell Report, which makes conjecture say this:

Conjecture, “Prior was good in 2003 with steroids. Don’t draft him until he proves he can be good without steroids.”

That’s harsh, conjecture.

Conjecture, “But true.”

No, it’s conjecture. Dur.

Listen, I’d like to see Prior get back to what he once was, but I’m not drafting him praying he does. Let someone else take the gamble and REJECT.

Maybe draft him for your Razzball league. But then again, he probably won’t give you enough innings there, either.

1. Friends over at Inside Dodgers Baseball think the blue are out of the running for Bedard and Johan Santana. To me, this makes perfect sense. Dodgers need a bat with their lineup stacked with slap and run hitters.

2. A Yankee minor league blog, Pinstriped Scranton, talks about how Robinson Cano was, um, yanked from winter ball. Why he was even there to begin with is beyond me.

3. A Minnesota Twins farm system blog has a flashy picture of a slimmed down Miguel Cabrera. Next stop, Trimspa commercials!

4. People over at The Grand Jury have some possible scenarios on Mark Prior in Friar Tuck-brown. I choose option A.