Fantasy Baseball Advice

Replacing Phil Coke in the Tigers rotation is Charlie Furbush.  It’s about time that Leyland gave Furbush a mustache ride.  Furbush also sounds like a character description for someone in a Woodstock documentary.  Or a character name in a 70′s porn flick made by Leyland called, “The Marlboro Mandingo.”  That was co-starring Virginia Slim.  Furbush looked great in the minors, posting a solid K-rate while keeping his walks in line.  He is not a 2-something ERA pitcher as he’s shown so far this year.  He’s leaving 93% of men on base, that won’t continue.  He can give you around a 7 K-rate with a 3.75 to 4.00 ERA.  I’d grab Furbush in H2H mixed leagues for matchups and in AL-Only leagues.  In roto mixed leagues, you can grab him in certain circumstances, but caveat emptor for our Latin readers.  (BTW, To all the Googlers who searched for Furbush and weren’t looking for a fantasy baseball site — howdy!)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Cole Hamels – Hit on his hand by a comebacker, but x-rays came back negative.  Speaking of negatives that are positive, yesterday frequent commenter DHill Dragons pointed out the Phillies starting staff in June had a 1.96 ERA.  A Philly quartet hasn’t been this hot since Boys II Men.

Mark Ellis – The Rockies acquired him.  You know what the Rockies really needed?  Another utility infieder.  Can’t they save Melvin Mora from retirement while they’re at it?  Ellis is 34 and 4 years removed from a solid season.  I wouldn’t grab him in anything but NL-Only leagues, and there oekávání, which is me putting expectations in Czech.

Jemile Weeks – 2-for-5, hitting .309 with 6 steals in 21 games since his call-up.  With Ellis taking his extraordinarily ordinary talents to Colorado, Weeks is the everyday 2nd baseman for the A’s, and has been leading off.  At this point, he’s worth a flyer in all mixed leagues if you’re struggling with your middle infidel.

Jon Lester – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Matthew Berry wrote a post yesterday about how he’d trade Lester for Beachy.  “I go big or I go home!”  That’s Berry.  I like Beachy.  March Grey told you to draft Beachy on all your teams, but, uh, has Berry been institutionalized?  His posts are too long for a 100 monkeys with a 100 typewriters to put them together, aren’t they?  “Mordecai the Monkey, type more fantasy baseball and less Shakespearean sonnets!  I’ve got deadlines!”  That’s Berry again.

Kevin Youkilis – X-rays came back negative on his ankle, even though he seems more like a cankle person.  For now he’s day-to-day.  Or Day II Day, if you’re into R&B.

Neil Walker – Sat out with back soreness.  Hurdle said, “I’m trying to be proactive with it.”  Does he have acne too?

Carlos Lee – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  If someone grew bored of him in your league, I’d take a chance that he’s heating up.  If someone didn’t grow bored of him, I worry about the competitiveness of your league.

Carlos Zambrano – Left in the 2nd inning with back soreness.  Damnbacko!

CC Sabathia – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks.  That tied his career high in Ks, getting the one man who can get on a seesaw with him, Prince Fielder, three times.

Chris Volstad – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners.  Two weeks ago, I pointed out he should be much better.  Since then, 20 2/3 IP and 3 earned runs, lowering his overall ERA by more than one full run.

Andy Dirks – 2-for-3 with his 6th homer in 34 games and stole his 3rd bag for the always coveted slam & legs.  I should’ve mentioned him yesterday when he hit a home run in his 2nd straight game, but everyone homered on Wednesday for the Tigers.  Now Dirks has three straight games with dongs (great, now more disappointed Googlers).  I don’t trust Leyland to sit Mags for Dirks indefinitely, so playing time appears to be an issue.

Brian Matusz – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER and optioned to the minors.  Or maybe that’s the minorsz.

Jason Kubel – Had a setback during his rehab.  Just think of this as a wake-up call that if you’re waiting for Kubel, you have bigger fish to fry.

Aramis Ramirez – 1-for-5 with his 10th home run and his 8th in June.  For s’s and g’s, let’s look at what I said on May 30th, “(Aramis) tends to get scolding hot for extended stretches, so if someone dropped him in your league, I’d grab him.”  Prescient isn’t just a word you can’t pronounce!

Geovany Soto – Hit his 8th home run yesterday.  Will be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  I wrote it while jumping Double Dutch.

Pablo Sandoval – He needed thirteen innings but Kung Fu Panda got a slam & legs.  Guess it was more like a sous-vide slam & legs.

Lance Berkman – With his 19th and 20th home runs yesterday.  Fine, I pulled the plug on him a little too early with my sell at the beginning of May.  He did hit .262 in May and .210 in June, but the power doesn’t seem like it’s drying up.  Though I still wouldn’t go out and trade for him.

Jon Jay – 3-for-5 and a homer.  Has now hit in 6 of the last seven games with 2 homers.  It’s something.  Or it’something, if you’re in a rush.

Brett Cecil – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  Man, that is a spot-on impersonation of Brett Cecil from April.  What a gooftard!

Jeff Kartsens – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He reminds me of a National League version of Jason Vargas.  It’s neither a compliment or an insult.

Justin Morneau – Underwent neck surgery and will be out until the end of August.  I will Morneau-more for this schmohawk.

Jake Peavy – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Used to be when he was healthy he’d at least pitch well.  He’s at a 4.47 ERA and you’re holding onto him for his name value.  What, him being on your team is gonna get you a reservation at The French Laundry?  Look elsewhere.

Gordon Beckham – 3-for-3 with his 7th home run.  He hit .354 last July and had a much better 2nd half of the season.  Okay, anyone could’ve had a better 2nd half than his 1st half, but still…

Adam Dunn – Ozzie batted him 3rd yesterday.  That’s like the Melrose Place All-Stars hitting Marcia Cross, sans wig, third.  BTW, Rudy and I had a fifteen minute conversation on IM yesterday about a Melrose Place All-Star lineup (25 episode minimum).  Bisset’s leading off — you always want her to get on base.  Courtney Thorne-Smith is hitting 2nd.  Solid, reliable and can get the runner over.  Locklear’s third, ’nuff said.  Alyssa Milano’s hitting cleanup — always gets you to third, sometimes home.  Brooke Langton is fifth as an unsung hero that could fall into a slump very easily.  Daphne Zuniga’s sixth because she had some better years elsewhere (Spaceballs).  Jamie Luner hitting seventh and catching…um…moving on.  In the eight hole, Kristin Davis — annoying, pesky hitter.  Finally, Kelly Rutherford can turn over the lineup.  Laura Leighton did not make the lineup because she’s freakin’ crazy and ruined all team chemistry and keyed my car.

You know it’s September when I’m highlighting a guy that could possibly give you maybe one week of just slightly better-than-average stats.  Enter stage left, Mark Ellis. Yesterday, he went 3-for-3 with his 4th homer on the season.  Is there a meh emoticon?  That’s Mark Ellis.  He’s a big bottle of “Um, what the hey, I’ll grab Mark Ellis.”  He is the guy on waivers that, even when hot, you don’t feel like the three clicks of the mouse to pick him up are worth it.  I hear ya.  I’m not exactly dropping superlatives on him like I’m Donald Trump describing anything.  He’s now batting near .400 in September.  Don’t make me tell you to grab him every day this week.  Just get him now.  He’s hot.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jason LaRue – Due to multiple kicks to the face by Johnny Lawrence Cueto, LaRue’s retiring.  Cueto obviously misunderstood when so many pitchers said they’d love to face LaRue.

Travis Wood – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Had some unfounded concerns for this start.  He goes to Petco next.  I’d get Wood.  I mean… No, that’s what I mean.

Chris Johnson – 2-for-3 with his third homer in the last ten games.  Compared to, say, Kung Fu Panda, Johnson looks like Mike Schmidt.

Michael Bourn – Out with an oblique strain.  Sounds like he might be sidelined until late in the week, at least.  It’s The Bourn Calamity.

Joe Blanton – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Really deserved the win in this one.  Not Blanton.  Me!  I deserved it.  I can’t believe I’m going to lose leagues because I can’t buy a win.

Jayson Werth – 3-for-5 with the South Philly special slam & legs.  BTW, Jayson Werth seems way more likely to know and/or talk to Turtle instead of Ryan Howard.  You know, Turtle from that show you watch that you have no idea why you watch.

Mark Teixeira – Who has one sore thumb?  This guy!

Andy Pettitte – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Nice start for a guy who hasn’t toed the major league rubber in two months.  The problem, he gets the Red Sox next.  I wouldn’t go near that start in most leagues.

Luke Scott – 2-for-3 with his 27th homer.  If he hits one homer, he always hits another homer within the week.  The preceding was off of memory and no actual facts.

Joe Mauer – Has a jammed knee and is day-to-day, which is day-o to day-o in Jamaica.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the A’s.  This should’ve been an easy start for Liriano.  An easy start!  Grrr…

Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in three games.  He reminds me of a slightly younger, much more Korean Bobby Abreu.

Bobby Abreu – Speaking of the 20/20 machine, Abreu hit two homers yesterday to bring his line to 83/20/75/.255/21 for one of those joyless 20/20 campaigns.

Fernando Rodney – Blew the save on Saturday and the Sciosciapath said, “”I have a lot of confidence in Fernando. One got away tonight, unfortunately. But we’re comfortable with the guys out there to hold leads. It’s not going to happen all the time.”  So, of course, Jordan Walden got the save on Sunday.  In fairness to Scioscia, Rodney had pitched two days in a row.

Mike Napoli – Out with a forearm strain that occurred from his constant pulling for playing time.

Chris Narveson – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  If it’s any consolation, it’s obviously not the best of luck when you give up six earned and only 8 baserunners.

Barry Enright – Uncle Barry is shutdown for the season.  Should free him up to tell bawdy jokes and complain about his wife’s cooking.

Daniel Hudson – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  On the Diamondbacks, his WHIP is under 1 and his ERA is 1.65 in 71 innings with 65 Ks.  Yeah, that’s better than that other pitcher you’re thinking of.  And that one.

Adrian Beltre – Out with a sore wrist, but I’m guessing he’ll be playing Monday.  Wild horses on speed (like in the underrated Ted Danson/Howie Mandel-starrer, A Fine Mess) couldn’t keep Beltre out for an extended period of time during a contract year.

J.D. Drew – Hit his 19th homer yesterday.  He’s actually pulled off the rare feat of hitting 19 homers and not once getting hot enough for an extended period of time to be usable in fantasy.

Jon Lester – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a 3.06 ERA on the year and more Ks than IP.  I’ll admit it, I kinda love Lester.

Phil Coke – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Before getting rocked, Leyland said, until Valverde is ready to go, he’ll be going with Coke.  Ron Washington said that’s a good move.  After getting rocked, I don’t think it’ll be that clear cut.  Perry could see some saves.

Tommy Hunter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  I’m not a huge Hunter fan, but he gets the A’s and M’s as his final two starts.  That ain’t bad.

Jose Guillen – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs.  He was almost the lead for this post and I think you should grab him as the hot outfielder off of waivers.  He’s hitting near .400 over the last week with two homers.  Trust me, pick him up.

Derek Lowe – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Lowe’s been pitching well of late and he gets the Nats next.  I’d grab him.

Jeff Samardzija – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Marlins and pitched well against the Cards his last time out, the same Cards he gets again in his next start.  It’s still not an advisable start with his 7 BBs to 5 Ks in his last two starts.

Welington Castillo – 2-for-4 with his first career homer.  Showed some power in Iowa, but he’s a hacker that could be a .220 hitter.  He’ll probably split time with Koyie Hill and isn’t worth picking up unless he gets crazy hot or you’re just crazy crazy.

Tyler Colvin – Will miss the rest of the season after being impaled by a broken bat.  He should be fine, confirming he is not a vampire.

Geovany Soto – Out for the season with shoulder surgery.  The Koyie Hill Fan Club, that affectionately refers to itself as The Koy Pond, celebrated his potential increase in playing time at Coyote Ugly but in the Evite they cheekily called it Koyie Ugly.

Carlos Zambrano moves to the bullpen.  Whaaaa???  Oh.  Wait, what?  Somewhere, Dusty Baker just tipped his “Crazy Manager Move” hat to Sweet Lou.  Dusty, “After Harang complained of arm soreness, I needed him for another 140 pitches the next day, so I fashioned a pitching arm out of rubber bands and a dead giraffe.  Some saw that as crazy, but this Big Z move takes the cake.”  Are the Cubs building a new and improved frankencloser, Carlos Zambarmol?  Close game, two men on, starter’s tiring… You want Carlos Zambrano entering the game or leaving it?  That’s not even rhetorical.  That’s common sense, isn’t it?  As Lou ever seen Zambrano pitch?  This is the guy you want coming into pressure situations?  Wow, what a move.  I want to say there’s no way this move lasts, but Zambrano’s also not that valuable to wait it out.  Lose him in fantasy like Sweet Lou lost his mind.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and he hit his 2nd homer as he bats .327 on the year.  He also has one more steal than Alcides Escobar.  Not as glamorous as he used to be, but should get to a 25/10 year, assuming the knees he borrowed from The Mummy hold up.

Carlos Silva – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I’m convinced, Silva is the smoke monster.

Jose Guillen – Hit his 6th homer yesterday.  He’s on pace for 64.8 homers.  What a joke.  You can’t hit eight tenths of a homer.  Everyone knows that.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks with the no decision.  The first and only trade Rudy and I did with each other was me sending him Melky Cabrera for Zack Greinke.  It was in 2008, so it wasn’t as obnoxiously awesome as it might sound.  Though, it was close.  The Razzball Glossary term that evolved from that trade was Greinke’d, as in “Rudy got Greinke’d!”  After about a year of me mocking Rudy, the term was removed from the glossary because it became archaic (and Rudy cried).  Now I propose the return of Greinke’d, but with a new, alternative definition.  When a pitcher throws a gem, but gets a no decision he’s been Greinke’d.  Roll it around on your tongue, see how it feels.

Alex Gordon – Hit the game-winning homer yesterday.  Every time I try to get out, Alex Gordon pulls me back in.  Please, someone stop me from picking him up.

Alex Gonzalez – Staying in the Alex genre, Gonzalez hit his 5th homer yesterday.  Worth riding the coaster until the bottom falls out?  Sure.

Rafael Furcal – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and a steal.  Furcal:  Resurrection.

Matt Kemp – Hit his 7th homer.  Hey, 30/30, what’s up?  Say hello to your mother for me.

Neftali Feliz – I think he can probably throw 12 no-hit innings.  That is all.

Julio Borbon – 3-for-5, should’ve been 4-for-5 if the scorer didn’t botch a call, and a steal.  Borbon will appear in tomorrow’s Buy/Sell, but you might want to buy him now.  Cust kayin’.

Josh Hamilton – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a home run.  Finally, the 2008 Home Run Derby jinx ends.

Darnell McDonald – Hit another homer.  Maybe he’s this year’s Randy Ruiz.  Hits 7 homers then transforms back into Nadir Bupkus.

Josh Beckett – 7 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I wouldn’t panic, Red State Jeter always has a few games like this.

Brian Fuentes – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, Blown Save.  Welcome back!  I wouldn’t drop Rodney until you see a clean save.

Mark Ellis – Placed on the 15-day D’Ellist.  Okay, I’ll stop.

Placido Polanco – Left the game after getting hit by a Tim Hudson pitch on the elbow.  Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Halladay was Rudy’s preseason NL Cy Young choice.  Rudy’s right.  Halladay’s pitching so well it makes me wonder how many more Wins and awards he’d have if he had pitched in the NL East for the last 7 years.

Cliff Lee – The Adverb is set to return on April 30th.  Hopeful Lee.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Imagine if this guy could go 9 innings.

Carlos Gonzalez – 4-for-5 and a steal. But, hey, Billy Beane got Matt Holliday.

Jason Marquis – The Marquis de Shat heads to the Disgraceful List.  His home away from home.

Ryan Zimmerman – Left the game with a hamstring injury similar to the one he suffered last week.  A bad pattern is emerging.  If he continues to have hamstring injuries on again, off again all year, it could really hurt his numbers.  Probably best if he just sits out for a week.  The preceding sentence was my attempt to put the correct move out in the cosmos for the Nats.  We’ll see if The Secret works.

Nick Hundley – Hit his 2nd homer as he bats .265.  He’s my Fantasy Razzball catcher, that is supposed to give me the worst stats, and he’s actually out hitting most of my real teams’ catchers.  I should be fingercuffing him.  Yeah, that sounds wrong.

Francisco Liriano – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  In the Yahoo Friends and Family League (I think I’m in the former group, but I haven’t seen one of my uncles in about 12 years.  Unkie Funston?  Could be.), Rudy and I traded Jenks for Maybin and Francisco Liriano.  You can’t make this stuff up.  No, really, you can’t.  The league is public.  You’d know if I were lying.

Grady Sizemore – 0-for-4 as he bats .191.  After seeing his sexting photo, I didn’t think Sizemore could do anything more degradying this year.  He might be proving me wrong.

Sean Rodriguez – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his first homer.  You know that guy you drop that immediately starts hitting?  Could be Sean-Rod.  Lord knows Zobrist isn’t hitting anything.

Wade Davis – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Let’s jump in the hot tub time machine and see what I said in the starter rankings, “The nice thing about Davis is he may actually give you close to a complete season (200 innings).  The bad is his walks haven’t been great.”  And that’s me quoting me!  So far, he’s been pretty on point.  17 innings, 13 Ks, 11 BBs and a 2.65 ERA.  There could be some ugliness down the road, but he definitely has the talent to keep his ERA around 3.50.

Jerry Blevins – Left the game with an injury.  Oh, no.  The Beav!

Chad Qualls – 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  I went back to the last Closer Look and counted five comments questioning Qualls in the Brain Freeze section.  *Grey shrugs*  I grabbed Gutierrez again in three leagues.

Colby Rasmus -3-for-4, 3 RBIs, 2 home runs.  20/20′s not out of the question.

Phil Hughes – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit, 10 Ks.  He actually flirted with a no-hitter without injuring himself!

Aaron Harang – 5 2/3 IP, 12 baserunners, 6 ER.  Rocco Dispirito’s Mom called.  She wants her meatballs back.

If you can’t find a high risk/high reward outfielder on your waivers right now, you’re just not trying very hard.  Sorta on topic, I feel like picking up the latest high risk/high reward hitter is like double dog daring your leaguemates.  You think picking up Snider is risky?  I just picked up Wladimir Balentien! Oh, yeah?  I’m grabbing Matt Diaz and Chase Headley!  *beads a sweat from random italicized voice*  Fine, I’ll grab Angel Pagan! As for Travis Snider, he’s still very young and raw like a nice piece of toro.  If you need pop, he’s worth a flier in all leagues to see if you can catch some lightning in a bottle, Thor.  Though he’s just as capable of striking out 30 times in the next month and batting .130 as he is of hitting 8 homers.  If your itchy for rookie nookie, go for it.  Just beware the rash.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Matt LaPorta – The MLP Package is on in Cleveland.  Now it’s up to LaPorta to make it watchable.

Drew Stubbs – Has great speed and BBQ.

Kyle Blanks – For power, you could do worse.  Fun fact about Kyle Blanks, every year for Halloween, he dresses as Michael Clarke Duncan and he wears no costume.

Julio Borbon – Great, terrific, wonderful.  All signs pointing to fantastic.  Could win Player of the Week.  Has a long way to go to being worthwhile for an extended period of time, but while he’s hot, grab him.

Carlos Gonzalez – We’re all gonna go blind if I keep flagellating Carlos Gonzalez.

Rajai Davis – SAGNOF!  I’m only mentioning him again, because he’s still only owned in 25% of ESPN leagues.  Even if 75% of ESPN leagues are abandoned… Wait, does that means he’s 100% owned?  Hmm… Color me confused.

Bronson Arroyo – He’s had one bad start since the All-Star Break.  That is all.

Billy Wagner – Lukewarm buy here.  If you really need saves, okay.  But he needs to not only get dealt, but he needs to end up on a team where he’ll be getting saves.

Mark Ellis – Picking up Mark Ellis and an orangutan couldn’t even get Jane Goodall’s nipples hard, but Ellis has been hot and he has 2nd base eligibility, so there.

Jeff Baker – I almost went with the title, The Fabulous Baker Boy and Jeff Baker as the lead.  Jeff Baker?  Boy, perhaps.  Fabulous?  Seems to be overselling him.  Wow, this is already shaping up to be a major sell on this buy.  So what can we expect of Jeff Baker?  He has great eligibility!  How’s that for a buy?  He has good pop that never fully materialized in Colorado.  So now it’s going to materialize? Yeah, I know what you’re saying.  He hit 20+ homers in his last full year of Triple-A.  He also has ten steal speed over an entire season.  Right now, he’s the Cubs starting 2nd baseman.  So if you need some pop from your MI slot, Baker’s worth a look.

SELL

Aubrey Huff – I didn’t like him at all in the preseason.  Then when he was terrible, I looked at his 2nd half splits.  Splits, indeed.  But like Biff Tannen, make like a banana.   I’m done ever liking him.

Brett Anderson/Trevor Cahill -  Way over their innings.  Beane needs to either shut them down or trade them for seven first round picks.

David Price – Another guy that’s pushing the limits of what a young pitcher should throw.  Murmurs say Sonnanstine will be taking over Price’s rotation spot in September.  Murmurs also say, the guy on Megan Wants a Millionaire is a murderer, but I really want to see the rest of the season.  C’mon, VH1!  This could be the best TV ever.  He goes to open a wine bottle and you try to imagine what he’s thinking about holding a corkscrew.

Ryan Doumit – I preach patience with catchers relying on the Ron Popeil, “Set It and Forget It” method.  I’m going to make an exception for Doumit because he’s been terrible.  Even the Pirates have noticed his egregiousness and moved him down the order.  When the Pirates are moving guys down the order, it’s time to abandon ship.

Hiroki Kuroda – Regarding his concussion, he said through a translator, “The first two days I had a hard time sleeping and I even had a dream about getting hit.”  The translator was Nicole Kidman.  Weird!

Travis Hafner – At this point, the only advantage to owning Hafner would be to use his head to crack open walnuts.

Our fearless leader has been crippled by some Kryptonic supermarket macaroni salad so I will be your tour guide through the daily baseball comings and goings.

So J.P. Ricciardi waved goodbye to Alex Rios and freed up some money so he can buy some tickets to Moneyball The Movie and to get one of them new-fangled Adam Dunn verification machines for his phone.  Rios hasn’t been great outside of Toronto this year, but The Cell isn’t exactly Petco Central.  He actually has picked it up a bit going 6-14 with 2 home runs in his last 4 games. As long as Rios gets playing time he should continue his 20/20 pace.  But knowing Ozzie he could bat Rios behind Wise and Getz in the 12th hole or Kenny Williams could pick Ryan Braun off waivers and Rios will go to the bench.

Chris Coghlan — As soon as I drop this guy he goes all mini-mini-dwarf donkey on me.  He just set a record for most multi hit games in a row by a Marlin with eight.  He’s not going to win you a championship, but he’ll replace some schmohawk who hasn’t had a multi hit game in about two months.

Leo Nunez – Matt Lindstrom should eventually take over Nunez’s SAGNOF slot, but yesterday he got into trouble and had to be saved by Nunez and his SAGNOF slot.

Jordan Zimmermann — After my heart stopped when I read the headline “Zimmerman To Get Tommy John Surgery” I realized that it wasn’t Ryan and if you have JZ on your DL it’s time to replace him with a Hudson/Peavy type.

Mark Ellis — 5-5 with 4 RBI’s and is 21-50 in his last 14 games.  If you are hurting for some MI help take a look because there are some real schmohawks playing 2b and you probably have one on your team and you might as well switch him out for another.

Travis Snider — With Rios moving to the south side it seems like Snider should get called up.  That of course is yet to be seen, but he hit a homer yesterday and  is hitting well with a .320 AVG, 12 hr, 36 RBIs, 150 ab, .653 slg.  Grab him if he is available and then drop him when he isn’t called up.

Troy Tulowitzki — He hit for the cycle, and went 5-5 with 7 RBI’s vs. the Cubs while Aaron Miles was dragged to the top of Mt. Elbert and thrown off.

Johnny Cueto — Left the game after 2 innings with a hip flexor.  This gives anyone still holding onto him an easy out.  Drop him like a hot Cueto.

Chris B. Young — Demoted to the three A’s.  Krispie just never could show us his warm chewy goodness this year.  It’s hard to believe he won’t get his swing back in the minors and then be a sleeper once again.

Dexter Fowler — While writing this Fowler just made a tremendous over the shoulder catch in the ninth while slamming into the wall with the Rockies up by eight.  Watching him this series I can see what Grey sees in him.  He’s more than just another SAGNOF slot for all you Razzballers to abuse!

Trent Oeltjen — Well, he’s been getting plenty of notice here on the daily round up, but anybody who has a magical “M” floating around their last name needs a little press, plus with The Krispie One demoted he should get some more playing time, that, and he out-homered Mark Reynolds last night during the “Summer of Mini-Donkey.”

Russell Branyan — He hit a solo home run.  That is all.

Kendry Morales — The dude, (he is a dude right? I mean I never see this person play because I’m usually on my 4th appletini and it’s about 2 am), this dude just keeps hitting.  Two home runs last night (or this morning) which moves him up to 25 donks and 75 RDI’s (runs donked in) and it’s only in the 6th and I am going to bed!