Yesterday was Juan Rivera’s birthday. *giggles like a schoolgirl* Wait, I wanna think about how the Blue Jays cut Juan Rivera on his birthday. *giggles again* It was his birthday! Man, that is rich. The Blue Jays should’ve had someone tell Juan a passage from Ezekiel 25:17. Not someone important just to rub it in further. Someone like the guy who cleans the jock straps. “Juan, there’s this passage I got memorized… Hold on, I have to put extra bleach on these underpants.” So in Juan Rivera’s place is Travis Snider. My love runs deep for Mr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Replacing Phil Coke in the Tigers rotation is Charlie Furbush. It’s about time that Leyland gave Furbush a mustache ride. Furbush also sounds like a character description for someone in a Woodstock documentary. Or a character name in a 70′s porn flick made by Leyland called, “The Marlboro Mandingo.” That was co-starring Virginia Slim. Furbush looked great in the minors, posting a solid K-rate while keeping his walks in line. He is not a 2-something ERA pitcher as he’s shown so far this year. He’s leaving 93% of men on base, that won’t continue. He can give you around a 7 K-rate with a 3.75 to 4.00 ERA. I’d grab Furbush in H2H mixed leagues for matchups and in AL-Only leagues. In roto mixed leagues, you can grab him in certain circumstances, but caveat emptor for our Latin readers. (BTW, To all the Googlers who searched for Furbush and weren’t looking for a fantasy baseball site — howdy!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cole Hamels – Hit on his hand by a comebacker, but x-rays came back negative. Speaking of negatives that are positive, yesterday frequent commenter DHill Dragons pointed out the Phillies starting staff in June had a 1.96 ERA. A Philly quartet hasn’t been this hot since Boys II Men.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know it’s September when I’m highlighting a guy that could possibly give you maybe one week of just slightly better-than-average stats. Enter stage left, Mark Ellis. Yesterday, he went 3-for-3 with his 4th homer on the season. Is there a meh emoticon? That’s Mark Ellis. He’s a big bottle of “Um, what the hey, I’ll grab Mark Ellis.” He is the guy on waivers that, even when hot, you don’t feel like the three clicks of the mouse to pick him up are worth it. I hear ya. I’m not exactly dropping superlatives on him like I’m Donald Trump describing anything. He’s now batting near .400 in September. Don’t make me tell you to grab him every day this week. Just get him now. He’s hot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jason LaRue – Due to multiple kicks to the face by Johnny Lawrence Cueto, LaRue’s retiring. Cueto obviously misunderstood when so many pitchers said they’d love to face LaRue.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carlos Zambrano moves to the bullpen. Whaaaa??? Oh. Wait, what? Somewhere, Dusty Baker just tipped his “Crazy Manager Move” hat to Sweet Lou. Dusty, “After Harang complained of arm soreness, I needed him for another 140 pitches the next day, so I fashioned a pitching arm out of rubber bands and a dead giraffe. Some saw that as crazy, but this Big Z move takes the cake.” Are the Cubs building a new and improved frankencloser, Carlos Zambarmol? Close game, two men on, starter’s tiring… You want Carlos Zambrano entering the game or leaving it? That’s not even rhetorical. That’s common sense, isn’t it? As Lou ever seen Zambrano pitch? This is the guy you want coming into pressure situations? Wow, what a move. I want to say there’s no way this move lasts, but Zambrano’s also not that valuable to wait it out. Lose him in fantasy like Sweet Lou lost his mind. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and he hit his 2nd homer as he bats .327 on the year. He also has one more steal than Alcides Escobar. Not as glamorous as he used to be, but should get to a 25/10 year, assuming the knees he borrowed from The Mummy hold up.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you can’t find a high risk/high reward outfielder on your waivers right now, you’re just not trying very hard. Sorta on topic, I feel like picking up the latest high risk/high reward hitter is like double dog daring your leaguemates. You think picking up Snider is risky? I just picked up Wladimir Balentien!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Our fearless leader has been crippled by some Kryptonic supermarket macaroni salad so I will be your tour guide through the daily baseball comings and goings.
So J.P. Ricciardi waved goodbye to Alex Rios and freed up some money so he can buy some tickets to Moneyball The Movie and to get one of them new-fangled Adam Dunn verification machines for his phone. Rios hasn’t been great outside of Toronto this year, but The Cell isn’t exactly Petco Central. He actually has picked it up a bit going 6-14 with 2 home runs in his last 4 games.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hmm… Let’s see, where does the news that Josh Hamilton is headed to the DL go on the Hype Cycle? Oh, wait! I know! “Falls Back to Earth, Hits the DL.” Call me, Greyvoyant! Hamilton may be headed to the DL this Thursday if he’s still in pain. This is obviously bad news for Hamilton owners. As we learned from Dylan McKay’s battle with drugs on 90210, addicts can’t take pain killers. So Hamilton is in “extreme pain” and needs to let it subside on its own. I don’t think he’ll be out much longer than two weeks, but I’m no doctor (I am psychic though). If Hamilton’s rib becomes a nagging type injury that bothers him for a few months, this could turn into a Def-Con 4 situation and his owners may have to jump into an Andromeda Strain decontamination shower. For those out there with alligator blood, this may be your only opportunity to Buy Low on Hamilton. Just remember his owners were crying in their soup last night, don’t blow on it for them. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Edwin Encarnacion – Looks like his chip on his shoulder has moved to his wrist as he heads to the DL. I liked Edwin going into the year, and was bummed to see him do nada, nada, not a damn thing this season. At least the wrist injury explains what was going on with him.Please, blog, may I have some more?