Fantasy Baseball Advice

Hey, I can bench Eric Hosmer!  That was the first thing I thought when I picked up Matt Adams.   First stop for Hosmer is my bench, next stop waivers.  Yesterday, our prospect writer Scott said this about Adams, “Despite the impressive audition (in Spring Training), St. Louis sent him to Triple-A Memphis where he’s hit .338/.373/.597 with 9 HR through his first 150 plate appearances… With an advanced approach, solid on base skills, and plus power, Adams has a chance to do damage in the bigs right away.  He’s worth an add in most formats.  There’s really not much else to say, except Grey is handsome.”  I obviously wouldn’t have copied and pasted all of that if I didn’t agree.  In a 12 team mixed league, I found room for him (then again my offense could use anything at this point — I have Brian Dozier!) by losing Anthony Rizzo.  I do think Rizzo will be up soon and is worth owning, but I could only speculate on one “young 1st baseman that will fix my other young 1st baseman problem (Hosmer!).”  With Berkman possibly out a while (as of this writing, his timetable wasn’t clear, but it didn’t look good and he was talking of retirement), Adams just needs to hit to get everyday playing time (please, deity of my choice, let him hit).  At first, I could see him platooning a bit with Carpenter so don’t overreact on who you drop when you pick up Adams, but if you’re hurting at 1st base, get smart and don Adams.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Aroldis Chapman – Hey, he’s now the closer!  Mazel tov!  I remember when he was just a new Cuban raftee and, now, he’s a man.  A real fine chap, man.  He has yet to allow an earned run in 22 1/3 innings to go with 39 Ks.  Man, that is beautiful.  Shoot, I have to change my shorts.  And…I’m back!  You miss me?

Ryan Ludwick – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs with his 4th homer.  Just when it looked like Heisey finally bought himself a longer leash, Ludwick comes along to confuse Dusty.  (Yes, they both played yesterday, but that was only because there was a DH.)

Paul Konerko – After taking one off his face on Friday, the White Sox said they should be able to punim back in on Tuesday.

Jake Peavy – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  No kidding, who would you prefer:  Peavy or Lincecum?  Is it close?

Gordon Beckham – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games.  If it’s not the Rip Van Winkle of sleepers.  If you’re desperate for infield help, I could see grabbing him for your middle infidel spot.

Adam Dunn – 1-for-4 with his 14th homer.  Like one of those weekly Bieber’s been trampled by 1400 screaming Asian girls rumors, the reports of Dunn’s death were also premature.  Rob Thomas would say he’s come un-Dunn.  Fantasy Baseball Blurb Police, “Bieber and Rob Thomas in the same blurb?  C’mon, man, don’t make me ticket you.”

Ike Davis – Terry Collins (who?) said that Davis could be headed to the minors.  All kidding aside, have the Mets doctors checked him again for Valley Fever?  Actually, has anyone but the Mets doctors checked him for Valley Fever?

Kevin Youkilis – Phillies and Indians are “monitoring” Youuuuuuuk.  I found this funny for some reason.  Next time I’m caught sitting outside an ex-girlfriend’s house, I’m going to say I was just “monitoring” her.  Wouldn’t surprise me to see Youuuuuuk moved.  Red Sox don’t want to send Middlebrooks down and Youuuuuuk’s so welcome in the Red Sox clubhouse that Bobby Valentine commissioned Billy Ocean to remix his own song to, “Get Outta My Team, Get Into My Veggie Wrap With Swiss Chard.”

Josh Beckett – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. Cliff Lee, who went 7 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, as the two last place teams battled.  The Comatose Red Sox and Phillies fans, that conked out the day before the season started, blink their eyes open, “Don’t you mean first place?”

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games, and 7th on the season.  Why do I wish he had 1st base eligibility and I drafted him instead of Hosmer?

Mike Aviles – 2-for-5 with his third homer in as many games.  Thomas Peefuttle who?!  Actually, that’s a made-up name, but Aviles has been good even if you compare him to someone who’s real.

Jonathan Lucroy – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 7 RBIs and 2 homers.  Actually, I wouldn’t mind dropping my whole RCL offense and having only catchers.

Corey Hart – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs with his 9th homer as the Brewers exploded for 16 runs.  Elias Sports Bureau said Corey Hart was rated by People Magazine as The Ugliest Man Alive.  Actually, Elias didn’t say that, but here’s something that was overheard at the Stamford compound of Elias Sports Bureau.  “In Accounting, Jeff and Dave have casually joked about switching wives twenty-seven times in the last two weeks for a new office record.  Also, Jeff recorded it a record 17 times to be used for blackmail purposes later.”

Colby Lewis – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Astros.  In related news, American League pitchers are fully supportive of the Astros’ 2013 league switch.

Vance Worley – Has a bone chip in his elbow.  He says he’s going to “man up” and pitch through the pain.  Who’s he Bruce Willis cutting a bullet out of his arm and bandaging it up with a shirt he rips with his teeth?  Ridiculous to think Worley’s going to be anywhere near as effective and not just end up back on the DL.

Anthony Rizzo – That billboard counting down is not how many hours until the America’s Got Talent premiere, that’s until The Scer arrives.  The Cubs confirmed yesterday what I was saying on Friday.  Rizzo’s arrival, or arrizzal, is imminent.

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 15 Ks. There’s the eggs Woody Allen was talking about that we need.  Hopefully, if you dealt with the bad half of the schizo-Scherzer, you also got this good half.

Rod Barajas – B*****s ain’t shizz usually, but, for those in deep leagues, B*****s has 2 homers in his last three games.

Greg Dobbs – 3-for-4, and .154 over the last week, but whatever.  I just want to rant about how stupid it is that Ozzie is splitting up Hanley and Stanton with Dobbs.  I get the whole righty/lefty thing, but is that really going to change how opposing managers think when they see Greg Dobbs?  It’s not like they’re saying to themselves, “I’d go to my righty here but Dobbs, who’s hitting .253 against righties over the last three years, will kill me.”  Move Giancarlo into the cleanup spot, I need RBIs!

Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  After the game, his porn star brother, Gosh Johnson sprayed the team with what everyone is hoping was champagne.

Emilio Bonifacio – Ended up on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb.  When asked how it was feeling, Bonifacio stayed true to his name and tried to put on a good face.

Derek Lowe – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.15.  He said he’d have an ERA under 2 if it wasn’t for Indians fans.

Mike Trout – 3-for-4, now batting .355.  At Sunday brunch, he had a mimosa, grapefruit wedges and a slam & two legs.  Trout homered and stole a base off Bass, something the media is calling “Fish on Fish” crime.

Vernon Wells – Headed to the DL with a thumb injury.  He’ll have some free time now to reply to all his fan mail that is meant for the actor from Weird Science, Vernon Wells.

Alexi Amarista – 1-for-6, with a steal.  He was the piece the Padres got from the Angels for Frieri.  Here’s what Bud Black said Scioscia told him, “The first thing (Scioscia) said was this guy can play six positions, he can feel comfortable with them anywhere, he swings the bat and he has some speed, so that versatility plays much better in the National League.”  Right, nothing at all like Maicer Izturis.  With the Padres now having (n)O-Dog, Amarista has been playing 2nd base.  In the minors, he hit for a decent average with speed.  In the majors, I could see him having a .270 average with 25 steals.  Definitely NL-Only grab.  I’d hold for now in most mixed leagues.

Justin Smoak – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer.  I told you last week to grab him for his road trip and now he heads back to Safeco, so where there’s Smoak, there’s other options off the waiver wire.

Mike Carp – Has homers in back-to-back games.  Carpe Carp!

Wei-Yin Chen – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER as he was pitchslapped by Strasburg.  I’ve seen Tony Pena pitch better than Chen.  And Tony was pitching in a Home Run Derby.

Danny Espinosa – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs with his 4th homer.  Going on about ten days of hot schmotatoness.

Jesus Flores – 1-for-4 with his 1st homer.  If you lost Wilson Ramos, Flores could basically do the same thing.  And that’s a promise or my name isn’t Grey “El Toro” Albright.

Stephen Strasburg – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, but left the start with bicep tightness.  He said he should be fine for his next start.  He’s going to apply some Hot Stuff and then not touch his groin for the next five days.

Mark Ellis – Will be out for at least 6 weeks as the doctor performed an emergency procedure on him to relieve pressure in his leg.  The Dodgers will turn to Justin “The Inspector” Sellers and Elian “I Wouldn’t Mind Checking Out Miami Again” Herrera.  Elian and Sellers aren’t much to look at outside of deep NL-Only leagues, especially if they’re sharing time.  Since Ellis will be out, the Dodgers may now ask Flavor Flav to no longer stand above Dee Gordon’s head with his giant ticking clock.

Jeff Francoeur – 4-for-4, but I’m giving two of them to the now batting in the seven hole, Hosmer.

Wade Miley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I see you moving your cursor towards picking up Miley.  Stop and back away from your computer.  Go splash some coffee on your face.  You’re sleepwalking.

Brandon McCarthy – Went to the DL, but the A’s found no damage to his scapula.  Sounds like there should be a chicken in there, i.e., Chicken Scapula.  BTW, when you’re in a fancy restaurant and the waiter rolls up the cart carrying your entrees, make sure you say, “They weren’t joking when they said it was all a la carte.”  It’ll make you look classy.

Matt Holliday sat out yesterday with a hand-thinga-ma-injury — a tendon or a ligament.  Sounds like he’s going to miss the rest of the season, but for right now he’s only out for four (stutterer!) to five days.  I’ll tell you what I’m not gonna miss….  Matt Holliday.  A .295 average, 1 steal and 22 homers?  You know what that is?  A good season for Andre Ethier.  It’s not a good season for Matt Holliday.  Matt Holliday does more than that.  At least in my mind.  I’m not in your mind so that’s all I have to go on.  On the bright side, this injury didn’t cost a moth their life.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Randall Delgado – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  When it comes to pitchers, the Braves are like a cyclops with a monocle.  I kinda want to own all Braves pitchers in keeper leagues.  Wrap me up in a big ball of Hanson, Minor, Beachy, Delgado, Vizcaino, Teheran and Kimbrel and put me in Leo Mazzone’s lap and rock me to sleep.

Craig Kimbrel – Recorded his 44th save.  Now has 1.73 ERA, 0.99 WHIP and 120 Ks.  Member early in the season when you wanted to drop him?  Oh, you.

Alex Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with a homer.  After his 3-for-4 game on Monday, I was gonna mention how he binges on hits from time to time.  Well, I didn’t, but should’ve.  He’s now 8 for his last 11.  A’la Dave Hester, yuuuuuuuup!

Edwin Jackson – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s gonna be in this afternoon’s borderline starter post only because he’s unowned in far too many leagues.  He hasn’t had a bad start in a month and a half.  His season ERA is 3.71.  Gallardo’s ERA is 3.66.

Rafael Furcal – Left the game with a strained left knee.  Furcal looks like a utility man with more name value, a futility man.

Derrek Lee – 3-for-4, coming a day after a homer.  Sure, his name anagrams to Elder Reek, but you’re not picking up the tab for his Early Bird Specials, you’re just picking him up.

Ben Revere – Stole three bases yesterday, now has 4 steals in the last two games.  Revere, “The steals are coming, the steals are coming!”

Michael Cuddyer – 2-for-3 with a steal.  He hasn’t hit a homer since August 3rd and is three for September, batting .120.  My best edumacated guess is his wrist is bothering him.  His Wrist, “I don’t appreciate the accusation.”

Johnny Cueto – Left yesterday’s game with a strained lat.  On the negative side of things, he’s probably done for the year.  On the bright side, all of his owners avoided his regression the entire season and he ends the year with a 2.31 ERA.  Be fun to watch Murray Chass draft him on all his fantasy teams next year.

Juan Francisco – 2-for-4 and his first steal.  Okay, I’ll stop with the Francisco love.  It’s like I’m seeing a double rainbow.

Chris Heisey – 2-for-4 with his 16th homer.   On a related note, the Reds excite me for next year.  Think about Yonder, Mesoraco, Cozart, Franciso and Frazier with Dusty figuring out how to get Edgar Renteria into the lineup.  If that doesn’t get your blood pumping, check your pulse.  You might be dead, but then I’d wonder how you’re reading this.  Maybe from now on I should address everyone as, “Guys, three girls and one zombie reader.”

Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 5 Ks and the umpire ejected him for grazing Parra’s elbow.  He could throw a bloody ax at Parra and he shouldn’t be ejected when he’s vying for a Cy Young and throwing a one-hitter.  That’s it, all umpires should be replaced with robots.

Matt Wieters – Third straight game with a homer, now has 20 homers.  Do you see how quickly a catcher can make his season palpable?  You Ron Popeil your catcher and set him and forget him.

Jim Johnson – Earned the Orioles 4th straight save.  Okay, I get it; you’re the closer.

Nolan Reimold – Him and Chris Davis both hit a homer yesterday.  The Orioles should trade for Ian Stewart so all my past hopes and dreams can be in one place.

Mark Ellis – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI and a steal.  Potatoes to chips, he also has 2 homers in the past week.

Joakim Soria – Has a stiff hamstring and is day-to-day.  Yesterday, Greg Holland went Dutch on the 9th inning with Tim Collins, but ended up with the save.  To preemptively answer your question, I’d take Jim Johnson before Holland.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 26th homer then left the game with a tight calf, which is less offensive than a loose cow.

Matt Moore – 1 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  The top prospect came into the game and did a lot of nothing.  Means absolutely nothing, but here’s the number one reason why this late in the season I avoid top prospects in redraft leagues.  It’s not worth the hype.

Alejandro De Aza – 2-for-3 and his 3rd steal in the last 4 games.  On a semi-related note, the White Sox outfield yesterday was Pierre, Rios and De Aza.  I get the feeling by the end of the year Ozzie’s going to kill someone.

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with the slam & legs.  That’s now 27 homers and 9 steals.  Not completely surprising with the steals, Scioscia likes to run.  “You can’t pitch around moxie!  Moxie doesn’t go through slumps!”  That’s Scioscia.  But with all that in mind, don’t see why Bourjos doesn’t have 40 steals.  Next year he will.

Cameron Maybin – 0-for-3 with his 36th steal.  I’m not sure what’s sadder, that Maybin’s batting third or that it makes sense that he’s batting third.

Brad Peacock – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  The understaffed Nats showed off their Peacock.  Pun point!  He’s actually been great in the minors with a solid K-rate and a 2.39 ERA between Double and Triple-A, but a rookie on the Nats…Eh, I’m avoiding for this year in mixed leagues.  In NL-Only, you obviously do what you do.  Also, he was listed in the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects post.

Lonnie Chisenhall – Homered yesterday.  If you feel like you’ve heard that before recently, it’s because you have.  He’s homered four times in the last week.

Brian Wilson – Threw a bullpen session yesterday and it looks like he might see some game action before the end of the season.  His fantasy owners and beard enthusiasts wait with bated breath and rugged looks.

Carlos Beltran – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 19th and 20th round trippers.  No relation to Jack.

Santiago Casilla – Got his third save yesterday.  Romo still hasn’t gotten one since he returned from the DL.  Cust kayin’.

Justin Smoak – Left the game with a groin strain.  This Justin, Smoak might be out for the season.

Derek Holland – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Two Hollands and one roundup!  One should change their name to New Amsterdam.  Holland scares me because of his occassional start where he’ll go 2 innings and give up 5 runs, but he has been solid in 8 of his last 10 starts.

Josh Willingham – 1-for-3 with his 26th homer.  On Tuesday I said, “The Other White Meat now has 2 homers in his last 4 games.  When he hits them, he hits them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Brett Lawrie – Collided hard at the plate with Jason Varitek.  That made for some interesting cinema Varitek.  Lawrie could’ve just slid and avoided the whole thing, then Lawrie left the game with a knee contusion.  #nahbuddy He looked fine after the collision.  Not F-I-N-E fine, but fine.  I’m not too worried, then again I don’t own him.  Muahahahaha…Wait, is that maniacal laugh aimed at me or you?  Hmm… Not sure.

Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Sawx.  I’m guessing the only fantasy owners with all 208 and a third innings from Romero are those that abandoned their teams in March.  What a waste.  Is there anything sadder than an abandoned team?  You look at a team in last with Roy Halladay and you’re like, “Man, I wish I could get Halladay.”  Well, now you can!  There should be some kind of recycling program for abandoned teams.  Every Tuesday and Thursday, ESPN, CBS or Yahoo goes through all of its teams that haven’t had any moves made in the last two weeks and puts those teams curbside for people to pick through. “Ooh, an Asdrubal Cabrera!”  That’s you.

Alex Avila – Hit his 19th homer yesterday as he bats .301 on the year.  Seriously, there’s a lot of catchers for next year.

Ryan Raburn – 1-for-2 with his 14th homer.  Now has 2 homers in the last three games.  It’s worth a looksie for power.

Roy Halladay – Threw a shutout in just over two hours.  Rafael Palmeiro had erections for a longer time.

Despite Ronnie’s warnings, I fell in love with the Jor-Z, sure.  I still like him a lot.  You can totally Control-Alt-Delete this opening in keeper leagues too.  But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Jordan Zimmermann is going to be shut down in the next month.  The Nats are saying maybe another 6 or 7 starts.  That’s — how do I say this? — not good.  The inning limit is 160, he’s now at 108 2/3 IP.  If he gets to 158 IP in 7 starts, are they going to send him out for 2 more innings in his 8th start? Why are you bothering me, Random Italicized Voice?  S’s and g’s, G. Next year, they have the House of Strasburg returning and they want to be healthy.  If you have a leaguemate who’s paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwayne Wade to trade away J-Z.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Mike Trout – So what’s my take on Trout besides he’s best served cajun?  He’s kind of like the 3rd Upton brother.  He’s the white Upton, or the Less Uptown Upton.  Call him Upton Sinclair.  As Torii Hunter might say, “We lose Bourjos and get Trout.  They should’ve called that movie Anglos In The Outfield.”  He’s fast, i.e., Trout can really swim upstream.  He could be what we always wanted from B.J. Upton with a 25/40 line.  Prospects don’t get much better.  In only 74 games in the minors, he had 9 homers and 28 steals with a .330 average.  Yet, he probably won’t do anything this year.  When Bourjos returns, Trout may not even stick in the majors.  I still say grab him in every league for the outside possibility of upside.

Cory Luebke – As I profossilized (Made Up Word Of The Day!) in the preseason, I really should’ve just drafted the entire Padres staff on one team and only started them at home.  2.92 ERA, 1.21 WHIP at home.  I’d be near the top in all of my leagues for ratios.  And I wouldn’t have Liriano.  Win-win.

Jason Vargas – I could’ve put Fister here, and, actually by saying that, I am putting Fister here.  Two Mariners pitchers that will lose 2-1 games for the price of 1.  No decision-no decision.

Phil Hughes – Told you not to draft him in the preseason, don’t exactly love him now, but if he’s on waivers, it’s worth a flyer.  Talk about the old hard sell, or is that a hard buy?

David Hernandez – SAGNOF!

Joe Nathan – Let’s put it this way, Matt Capps just picked up Nathan for his fantasy team.

Zack Cozart – I just went over my Zack Cozart fantasy.  I wrote it while getting a tattoo of a unicorn on my back.

Travis Snider – Good source of power, but you can’t take him and his mustache within 500 feet of a schoolyard.  Friend, that is creepy.

Laynce Nix – Two sets of season numbers so far:  30/12/33/.279/2 and 33/6/28/.248/8.  First one is obviously Nix who’s owned in under 20% of ESPN leagues; 2nd one is Jason Bay who’s owned in 90% of leagues.  You make fun of teams for giving names big money contracts, but you’re just as bad.  Yeah, you.

Danny Valencia – Now dancing with Charo on Dancing With The Stars… Danny Valencia!  Hola!  Don’t know why but I always picture Valencia in a sequins shirt.  He’s been on a tear for about three weeks now and beyond that he’s batting .240 right now but he’s a .285 hitter.  So keep it going for Danny Valencia!

Emilio Bonifacio – He usually gets hot for a shorter period of time than a menopausal woman, but he is stealing some bags.  Speaking of bags, at Whole Foods they give you a nickel off any purchase if you bring your own bag, so I plan on bringing 1000 bags and getting fifty dollars worth of food for free.

Mark Ellis – He’s currently hitting, but I think owning Ellis is gonna get old quicker than any of those Charlie Sheen catchphrases.  Member when “Winning” was funny for like a minute?  (Not an Urbandictionary minute which is actually a long time.)

Clint Barmes – This is the kinda waiver wire pickup you make then immediately look again at the waiver wire, find someone else and drop Barmes three minutes later.  That kinda waiver wire pickup should have a name in the glossary.  Suggest in the comments.  Thank you.

SELL

Jose Reyes – M-E-S-S, Mess, Mess, Mess!  I’m so done with the Mets.  They got doctors from the med school that Steve Guttenberg went to in Bad Medicine and they keep selling us a bag of injured goods.  Beltran will be out for the weekend — he missed 15 months!  Wright is day-to-day with a broken back –  he’s never returning!  You think Johan’s ever coming back?  I’m being serious.  They built Metco on a haunted cemetery.  Speaking of which, they’re gonna probably tell us Jason Bay actually died last year and they never reported it.  Jose Reyes will probably miss all of July and a part of August.  If you can find someone — read:  sucker — to take Reyes off your hands thinking he’ll be back in a few weeks, go for it.

Nick Markakis – I’m feeling cantankerkis today.  His numbers:  36/7/34/.293/7 look like a healthy Crapolanco.  Whether Markakis is hitting or not, you can probably trade him for a better piece because of his name value then just grab an outfielder off waivers.

Aramis Ramirez – Yeah, he’ll probably hit a home run every game for the rest of the season and make this sell recommendation look silly.  Cause he’s never one to get injured, or go into month long slumps.  No!  Not Aramis.  He’s going to continue to hit like he had Babe Didrikson’s stem cells injected into his buttocks.  You won’t find a guy whose value is higher right now.  I’m not saying to sell him for the babysitting services of Casey Anthony, but I’d explore my options.

Master Standings are here.

The tight battle continues at the top of the standings, with 6 teams totaling 105 or more points. The Pesky Pole Dancers (Trippin’ Baseballs) held on to first place, gaining 3 points to 112. The Dancers made 2 moves, replacing Jose Tabata and Ike Davis with Jason Kubel and Cory Luebke.  Luebke was added in most leagues, and provided 6 scoreless innings and a win. He is currently owned in 31 of the 38 RCLs.

Buchz and Dunn (Too Drunk To Call a Cabrera) jumped 4 points to 110, and moved into second. Better Lucky Than Good (Partially Torn RCL) also gained 4, and now sits in 3rd place with 107 points. Random ItalicizedVoice (RCL 5), THE VILLE AL KOHOLIC A (ECFBL), That’s a shame (The Dread Pirate Rides Again), Buc Lover (Sonic Death Monkey), and Cooperstown SchMohawks (Slam and Legs Special) round out the teams that have at least 100 points.

Ham Porter (RCL 17) jumped from 57 points to 70, and moved up from 304th to 185th in the standings.

The ECFBL joins The Dread Pirate Rides Again and RCL 5 as the most competitive leagues with an index of 103.

In individual leagues, the average lead atop the standings is just under 10 points. There are 13 leagues where the lead is under 5, and 9 more under 10. There are 4 leagues where the lead is at least 20, with Buc Lover (Sonic Death Monkey) having the biggest lead at 26. In Razzy Number 13, there are 6 teams within 9 points of Casey Crotchman, who lead with 77 points.

Here are the category leaders (average) for the season:

Runs:  Pesky Pole Dancers (1st) 648 (515)
HR:  Lazy Sunday (26th) 173 (122)
RBI:  Bloomington Psychotoad (48th) 601 (493)
SB:  Team Musz (334th) 142 (89)
Ave:  Roid Rage (94th) .288 (.263)
K: Mister Met (268th) 899 (662)
Wins:  Baltimore Domination (67th) 72 (47)
Saves:  Better Lucky Than Good (3rd) 108 (49)
ERA:  Team ryanshea (91st) 2.70 (3.58)
WHIP: Broth’s Bombers (137th) 1.06 (1.23)

The strikeout leader, Mister Met (RCL 33) has used 163 of the 180 allowable pitching starts. Baltimore Domination (Matthew Berry is a Tool), the Wins leader, has 53 starts left.  The season is 52.7% complete, which would equate to around 95 starts used and 85 left. Currently, the team average is 104 starts used.

There was a big trade in the ECFBL Sunday. Evil Evies sent Justin Upton to Retro Vertigo for Albert Pujols and Daniel Hudson. With rumors that Pujols will return today, this could turn out to be a major coup for the Evies. In all, there were 8 trades in the past week, including Shane Victorino for Cole Hamels, Carlos Pena for Heath Bell, and Zack Greinke for Jaime Garcia.

Jose Reyes – He was the 3rd SS taken in most drafts, but he has been 1 of the top fantasy performers. In the RCLs his ADP was 28.6. Irish Whiskey (RCL 5) took him the earliest, at number 18. LOBSTER COLA (Razzbawl 36) was lucky enough to get him with the 40th pick. He is currently hitting .354 with 30 steals. He has 3 home runs and 32 RBI with 65 runs scored.

Troy Tulowitzki – Tulo has provided decent numbers with 17 home runs and 57 RBI. He is hitting .271 with 44 runs and 6 stolen bases. With an ADP of 7.9 though, owners are hoping for another monster finish.

Eric Thames – Off to a great start(14 for 38, 9 runs, 3 home runs) in his second stint in the majors, he is currently owned in 4.9% of ESPN leagues and 22 of 38 (57.9) RCLs.

Travis Snider – Hit 3 doubles with 2 RBI in his first game back from the minors, and has been scooped up by 30 RCL teams.

Phil Hughes – Due to return from the DL on Wednesday, he is currently on 26 RCL rosters.

Vance Worley – In the last couple weeks, he has 2 wins with 15 Ks in 20 innings and an ERA of 0.45, but is owned in only 5 RCLs.

Barry Zito – With 4 Ks in 13 IP, he is not exciting anyone despite 2 wins and a 1.38 ERA. He is on 1 RCL roster.

Brian Duensing – Also on 1 RCL team, Duensing has 2 wins and 15 strikeouts in his last 3 starts with an ERA of 2.18.

Mark Ellis – Hitting .444 with 2 home runs in 4 games with Colorado, and has 2B eligibility. He is available in 26 RCLs.

Yesterday was Juan Rivera’s birthday.  *giggles like a schoolgirl*  Wait, I wanna think about how the Blue Jays cut Juan Rivera on his birthday.  *giggles again*  It was his birthday!  Man, that is rich.  The Blue Jays should’ve had someone tell Juan a passage from Ezekiel 25:17.  Not someone important just to rub it in further.  Someone like the guy who cleans the jock straps.  “Juan, there’s this passage I got memorized… Hold on, I have to put extra bleach on these underpants.”  So in Juan Rivera’s place is Travis Snider.  My love runs deep for Mr. Snider.  Here’s what I said in the preseason, “In 82 games, Snider hit 14 homers.  I’m not one to prorate stats unless you just have to double something, so over 164 games (assuming a four way tie for the playoffs and the Jays play two extra games and Snider plays in every single game a’la some Cal Gehrig Jr. shizz), Snider’s going to hit 28 homers!”  And that’s me quoting me!  I only go to that to give you an idea as to what he can do in half a year.  I’d grab him in every league where you need power.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jose Bautista – 2-for-4 and his 27th home run.  The real crazy thing (to me at least) is Bautista’s a first round pick next year, unless A-Rod’s cousin comes forward and says he’s related to Bautista too.

Eric Thames – Hit two home runs this weekend.  Well, la di–No, actually that’s good.  Grab him if you need power.

Cliff Lee – 7 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  Yesterday, The Adverb got modified.

Ryan Braun – Left Saturday’s game with a 22-game hitting streak and a calf strain.  He’s day-to-day as of right now (around 6:15 PM PST on Sunday).  On the hierarchy of players who get injured a lot, there’s three categories.  First category is players who are always getting hurt and missing significant time.  The category has a committee leader:  Josh Hamilton, “Ask not what your oblique can do for you, but ask what is an oblique and why can’t I stop straining it.”  Next category is players that always have at least one 15-day DL stint per year.  Heading up this category is Ryan Zimmerman, “There’s coffee and donuts in the back of the room.  Clint Barmes asked that the coffee be served lukewarm.”  Finally, there’s the category of players that are always dealing with nagging injuries, but try to play through them.  This category’s spokesman is Ryan Braun, “If anyone’s looking for Albert Pujols, he’s no longer in this category.  Also, let’s keep this brief, a lot of us are day-to-day and need to ice something.”

Brennan Boesch – Two games this weekend with a Boesch ‘n bomb.

Chris Heisey – 2-for-4 and a homer, but has only started twice in the last week.  You like him, I like him, but what did he do to get on Dusty’s bad side?  Did he steal his toothpick?  “What do you mean, you thought it was a splinter?  My best man, Don Baylor, gave me that toothpick at my wedding.”

Mark Reynolds – Hit three homers in the last two games.  All brays to Mini Donkey!

Nick Markakis – 5-for-5 yesterday and a home run on Saturday.  I am Sparkakis!  Honestly, if I owned him, I’d consider moving him in a trade.  He’s on pace for a 15/15 season.  I give that a small yay.

Chase D’Arnaud – 2-for-6 with a steal and has 4 steals in 10 games.  For those with a solar calculator on a cloudy day, which sounds like 1st draft lyrics from Alanis, 4 steals in 10 games is a lot.  If it was Eric Young Jr., you’d be so excited you’d be doing some Cirque du Soleil shizz wearing flaming leotards.  Yes, that clothing choice is a bit redundant.

Mark Melancon – 1 IP, 1 ER. Kazaam!  He’s also given up 8 runs in his last 5 appearances.  Pick up Wilton Lopez, he might be the closer by this time next week.

Josh Reddick – Did nothing yesterday but ever since Mike Cameron was designated for the assignment to stop sucking, Reddick’s been playing and hitting well (over .400 in the last week).

Ivan Nova – That bright star Nova is off to a galaxy far, far away in Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, which either can’t make up its mind which city it’s in or the stadium is mobile.  Why do you care about Ivan Nova, you ask.  I answer, it means Yanks are about to *wink, wink* Phil up their pitching staff.

Freddy Garcia – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners and a K.  Having a better season than Zack Greinke.  Fantasy baseball:  helping prematurely balding men lose their hair faster.

Rodrigo Lopez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I have one word to describe Rodrigo Lopez — notverygood.

Johnny Damon – 7 for his last 9.  Plus, girls tend to like Johnny Damon, so if you pick him up, you and your lady friend will have something to talk about.

Hanley Ramirez – If I had known the reaction Hanley would’ve had to me writing a Buy post on him, I would’ve wrote it two months ago.  If only I had fed Morneau’s ego rather than continuing to knock him…

Mark Ellis – 2 homers and 8-for-15 since the trade.  Someone’s enjoying their new environs.  If you’re hurting at middle infidel, there’s no reason to not take the flyer.  BTW, environs is such a douchey word it wears Affliction.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4 with a homer and 6 RBIs, but was carted off the field after he crashed into the wall.  Oh, no, CartGo.  Gasp!  Shudder.  Yikes City, Colo-ruh-oh.  However, the x-rays came back negative and he shouldn’t need a DL stint.

Jose Reyes – Day-to-day with a Grade 1 strain of his hammy.  He’s on the cusp of moving into Zimmerman’s category of injured players.

Matt Capps – He simultaneously sucked and blew on Saturday; his 6th Capps-sizing of the year.  Then on Sunday, he was removed after one out and the Twins went with Glen Perkins and his orchestra of pitches for the save.  Yet, Gardy said that Capps is his closer for now.  Pretty sure the emphasis was on “for now” and not “closer.”  If you’re save digging, Nathan’s a potential nugget.

Jayson Werth – Was hit by a pitch on his wrist and left the game, but didn’t want to get X-rays, saying, “X-rays are for people who want to make sure they’re healthy so they can play well and earn a big contract.”

Melky Cabrera – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  The only way Melky’s season could be going any better is if his last name was Furbush.

Eric Hosmer – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer.  At 21, he’s actually doing really well so far.  If he takes a step forward next year, he should be a top 10 1st baseman which is nothing to sneeze at, unless you’re allergic to that sorta thing.

Max Scherzer – 2 IP, 6 ER.  He’s now been rocked by the far-from-intimidating Giants, Dodgers and Twins.  Does he feel bad for these weak offenses and he’s being an ubermensch?  Doesn’t seem uber possible.  I’d lose him in shallower mixed leagues and bench him in deeper ones.  He’s unstartable right now everywhere.

Fausto Carmona – To the 15-day DL with a strained right quad.  His left quad said this, “Get better, I’m sick of supporting his ass!”