On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball. This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning! Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation. You were a melancholy soul. But now you’re happy — yay. It’s still Monday funday! There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures. Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures. Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved. A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
6. Jose Valverde (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel) 7. Brian Wilson (Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla) 8. J.J. Putz (David Hernandez, Takashi Saito) 9. Heath Bell (Juan Leo Carlos Nunez Oviedo, Mike Dunn) 10. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Jeff Samardzija) 11. Joakim Soria (Jonathon Broxton, Greg Holland) 12.Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek) 13. Ryan Madson(Sean Marshall, Nick Masset) 14. Kenley Jansen (Javy Guerra, Todd Coffey) 15. Jason Motte (Eduardo Sanchez) 16. Huston Street (Luke Gregerson)
17. Andrew Bailey (Mark Melancon, Bobby Jenks) 18. Sergio Santos (Francisco Cordero) 19. Jordan Walden(Scott Downs, LaTroy Hawkins) 20. Kyle Farnsworth (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Chris Perez– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Asdrubal in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
21. Frank Francisco (Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez)
22. Rafael Betancourt (Rex Brothers) 23. Matt Thornton (Jesse Crain, Addison Reed) 24. Joe Nathan (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
25. Brandon League (Shawn Kelley, Hong-Chih Kuo) 26. Chris Perez (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp) 27. Jim Johnson (Kevin Gregg, Matt Lindstrom) 28. Matt Capps (Joel Zumaya, Glen Perkins) 29. Brian Fuentes (Grant Balfour, Joey Devine) 30. Juan Abreu(Wilton Lopez, David Carpenter, Fernando Rodriguez, The Ghost of Ed Wade’s Toupee)
The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings have reached the next to next to next to last stop with the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball. These top 20 closers are different than all of the other rankings. The closers on the top of this list you should not draft and there are closers that aren’t on this list that you should be targeting. Shortly, there will be a list of every team’s closer and setup man. I’m thinking this afternoon. Monday funday! The projections are also a bit wonky since you can’t predict saves. It’s a fool’s errand. If fool’s errand means what I think it does. Some well-known projectionists (not the pimply kid unspooling Albert Nobbs) don’t even attempt to predict saves. Saves come down to opportunity. This is yet another reason why you shouldn’t draft the top guys. Nevertheless, my projections are listed along with where I see tiers starting and stopping. Anyway, here’s the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1. Craig Kimbrel – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until Storen. I call this tier, “Young, dumb and full of speed gun.” To illustrate further why you shouldn’t draft a top guy, the top three closers when rankings came out last year were Carlos Marmol, Neftali and Soria. I wasn’t bonkers with a side of delusional when I put those three at the top. It just shows you the fickliosity (Made Up Word of the Day!) of the closers. The good news is the guys I told you to target later are now on the top of the rankings. Sure, I’d love to get Kimbrel. Like I’m Samuel Gerard. Just don’t think it’s happening. 2012 Projections: 5-2/2.20/1.08/110, 40 saves
2. John Axford – I love the fact that he accepted K-Rod coming to the Brewers, took a dump in his locker* and kept on saving games. (*Unsubstantiated claim that K-Rod assumed was his father-in-law. K-Rod and his father-in-law are now thick as thieves and have decided to settle all arguments with a round of laser tag.) 2012 Projections: 5-1/2.40/1.16/90, 38 saves
3. Drew Storen – You want a donkeycorn?! You can’t handle a donkeycorn! Cause they’re wild, bucking animals. You should get a lamb. They’re peaceful. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.50/1.04/75, 38 saves
4. Mariano Rivera – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Putz. I call this tier, “Not young, not dumb, but will get the job done.” These guys are not flashy names anymore. Well, maybe Mo a little, but for the most part there’s no shine on these guys. Whatever, you just want saves. Stop being so greedy. 2012 Projections: 2-3/2.40/0.95/55, 40 saves
5. Jonathon Papelbon – Whatever junk Papelbon was smoking in 2010 when his ERA was 3.90, he stopped smoking it in 2011 when his K-rate was 12+ and his ERA was 2.94. Or maybe he wasn’t smoking in 2010 and was smoking in 2011. Or maybe he wasn’t smoking either year, but standing near Terry Francona when he was smoking. Either way, Papelbon now faces the NL and not the Yankees for 18 games a year, 17 of which are televised. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.65/1.00/80, 37 saves
6. Jose Valverde – Everyone is picking the Tigers for the World Series, so naturally Valverde is going to be five kinds of wonderful with a side of “This is better than sex!” Then again, the Cards and Rangers’ closers weren’t so good last year, so, yeah, it makes little difference. Not to say I don’t like Valverde, just putting shizz into perspective. 2012 Projections: 3-3/3.00/1.22/65, 35 saves
7. Brian Wilson – He had a bit of a junky season last year. Yet, he still had 36 saves and a 3.11 ERA. You could’ve done worse *cough* Soria *cough* 2012 Projections: 5-3/2.90/1.32/70, 35 saves
8. J.J. Putz – I struggled with whether to put Putz (almost stutterer!) in the next tier of guys that I’m wary of or if I should say he’ll be fine in this tier. After battling with myself over this Putz for about fifteen minutes, I worried I might go blind and just ranked him here. He is a bit of a one man MASH unit, which makes sense since his full name is Jamie Jfarr Putz. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.75/1.00/60, 32 saves
9. Heath Bell - This is a new tier. This tier goes to Hanrahan. I call this tier, “High ranked closers that I’m a bit wary of. Not enough to kick out of bed, but enough to wonder why I’m in bed with them.” The factory underneath Petco that produces middle men that become all-world closers released a report after Bell signed with Miami. “Miami has a team? Oh, Florida! We’re sorry to see Heath Bell leave our organization. He was a valued member of our bullpen. But, really, anyone can close games in Petco. Have you seen our fences? Trick question. You haven’t seen the fences because they’re three miles from home plate. Good luck in Miami!” 2012 Projections: 4-3/3.25/1.18/50, 37 saves
10. Carlos Marmol – I usually tell you to ignore potential trades and that other foolishness, but Epstein is dead set on shaking up the Cubs and putting his stamp on the club, so I could see Marmol setting things up for a playoff contender by mid-summer. I know if I was headed to the playoffs I’d love to have Marmol in the 8th inning. 2012 Projections: 5-3/3.50/1.35/100, 25 saves
11. Joakim Soria - Could totally bounce back, but why am I risking it if he doesn’t? There’s no other closers? Of course there is. If I can avoid risk with a fairly high ranked closer, I am. 2012 Projections: 3-2/3.35/1.25/65, 35 saves
12. Joel Hanrahan – Hanrahananananan is a bit of wild card. I think he can save 40 games again with a 9 K/9 and a sub-2 ERA or he can save 25 games and a high-3 ERA. Plus, drafting him is a bit like OD’ing on tryptophananananananan. Snooooooooze. (BTW, after this blurb, my spellchecker quit on me. Just got up and walked out of the room.) 2012 Projections: 2-4/3.35/1.20/65, 34 saves
13. Ryan Madson – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Street. I call this tier, “I’ll probably own these guys on multiple teams; this tier name doesn’t rhyme and isn’t pithy.” You want guys that can become the top four for (stutterer!) next year. Here’s your tier, snitches! Assuming Madson doesn’t stumble for any extended period of time, he’ll be more valuable than this ranking. The only big issue is Dusty waking up with his toothpick on the wrong side of his mouth and deciding Madson’s no longer his closer. 2012 Projections: 5-2/3.00/1.22/60, 32 saves
14. Kenley Jansen – I have a bit of a soft spot for high upside mid-tier closers. Or is that a hard spot? It’s why I ended up with Kimbrel and Axford on multiple teams last year and will be eying Jansen this year. As of right now, he’s not officially the closer, but I think it happens. If you want him, you’re gonna have to draft him around here. I say do it. 2012 Projections: 1-3/2.25/1.00/85, 25 saves
15. Jason Motte – I’m hoping with La Russa’s Feathered Hair moving on to grayer pastures that the Cards bullpen will be a lot more stable. If I had Madson, Jansen and Motte on every team as my only closers, I’d be so happy I’d cancel all future shrink appointments, except the ones on Tuesday because I stepped on a sidewalk crack last week. 2012 Projections: 3-4/2.50/1.10/65, 27 saves
16. Huston Street – If you hold what I said about Heath Bell in the mirror, that’s what I have to say about Street and why I like him this year. Of course, he can’t stay healthy without the help of magical potion or whatever it was that Ryan Braun took. 2012 Projections: 2-4/3.00/1.10/50, 30 saves
17. Andrew Bailey – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Thornton. I call this tier, “Closers that I’m probably going to miss out on, but SAGNOF tells us saves are saves are saves so I could draft one of these guys.” A few things separate Huston Street from Andrew Bailey. 1.) Tougher home park. 2.) Tougher league. 3.) There’s no 3. 4.) Bailey’s going much higher in drafts than Street. 2012 Projections: 3-1/3.30/1.10/50, 34 saves
18. Sergio Santos – If someone said they were a time traveler and they just returned from 2013 and Santos is now the top closer, I wouldn’t be surprised though I would wonder why they used their time traveling ability for something so trivial. My problem with Santos is his walks and he has a capable closer behind him. A few screw ups and he’s out. I did flip-flop on Santos since the last time I wrote about him. A girl and Grey have a right to change their mind. I do know what I was thinking with that post. Ks, Ks, Ks… And more Ks. Now, I’m getting cold feet. Stupid poor circulation! 2012 Projections: 3-5/3.70/1.24/80, 25 saves
19. Rafael Betancourt – Maybe once and for all he can shake the Cuddle Boy label. Maybe I don’t want to risk it on my team to find out. Fairly wellesley, Dame Betancourt! 2012 Projections: 4-2/3.50/1.10/65, 25 saves
20. Matt Thornton – He’s 35 years old and he has 20 career saves. By season end, Hawk says about Thornton, “He gone!” and the White Sox try out Addison Reed or Jesse Crain. 2012 Projections: 5-4/3.75/1.22/65, 20 saves
After the top 20 closers, there’s a lot of names you should draft and I’ll go over all of them. Here’s three that stand out:
Chris Perez – Coming off a season with a 5.88 K/9 and a 3.92 BB/9. That’s the new blech. Again, I would take any closer that had a job, but don’t let Perez’s 36 saves last year cause you to overpay. 2012 Projections: 2-5/4.00/1.28/45, 25 saves
Joe Nathan – When he went to the Rangers, I wrote my Joe Nathan fantasy. If you hold it up to a mirror, it’s very difficult to read. 2012 Projections: 3-4/3.75/1.18/45, 30 saves
Juan Abreu - Who? Did I mean to type Joan Abreu, Bobby’s loving Momsie? I think I might’ve. And I think Bobby’s Momsie is the favorite to get saves in Houston. Whatever! SAGNOF! If someone’s getting saves, draft them! 2012 Projections: 1-4/2.70/1.28/70, 20 saves
With the the top 20 closers for 2011 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished our recap of the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings. Some will feel like it came too soon, others will think let’s get 2012 under way already! Whichever camp you fall in, don’t eat cherimoya seeds, they are poisonous. This is our final look back. This is still a look back. It is not how I’d rank them for 2012 aka next year. As with the other rankings, the final rankings come from ESPN’s Player Rater. I did this so I could objectively critique MY preseason rankings to THEIRS. Their rankings for closers weigh wins when I’d just want saves, but whatevs. At least it’s unbiased. Anyway, here’s the top 20 closers for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Craig Kimbrel – There’s a theme in the top 20 closers we need to address. Where I ranked them (or didn’t rank them at all) compared to where they ended up is all over the place. Now you can either think I’m a jerkoff or you can realize how unpredictable closers are. This is why you never pay for closers. The ones that you think will be fine end up disappointing (Soria) or flat-out sucking (Broxton). Then there’s the ones that just come out of nowhere. It all comes back to SAGNOF! In my defense, I told you to draft from a tier that included Putz, Axford, Kimbrel, Storen and Chris Perez. For Kimbrel, I said, “Want a closer that can go from “Who’s Craig Kimbrel?” to “I don’t know who Craig Kimbrel is but I’m glad I drafted him?” Then you’re in luck; Craig Kimbrel is just the guy to do it.” And that’s me quoting me! Preseason Rank #16, 2011 Projections: 3-3/2.95/1.18/80, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 4-3/2.10/1.04/127, 46 saves
2. Drew Storen – It’s pretty cool how many new names are at the top of the closer year-end list. I mean, not cool like it’ll help you get laid unless you’re actually one of these closers, but cool nevertheless. Storen bumped his K-rate up to 8.84 and lowered his walk rate from 3.58 to 2.39. Not a bad season for a guy who was never named the closer. Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections: 2-5/3.00/1.25/60, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 6-3/2.75/1.02/74, 43 saves
3. John Axford – Member when K-Rod was traded to the Brewers and you started crying because Axford was going to lose his closer job? Think of all those tissues you wasted. In the preseason, I said, “I almost put Axford in my top five overall but I would like to see him do it one more year. Correction: I want to see him do it another year on all of my fantasy teams. Go after him aggressively. Could be a huge fantasy year.” Can’t make this shizz up. Well, you can, but it would be pretty easy to double check. Preseason Rank #14, 2011 Projections: 3-1/3.00/1.22/80, 32 saves, Final Numbers: 2-2/1.95/1.14/86, 46 saves
4. Mariano Rivera – Yet another year that Mo did what Mo does and I said he wouldn’t do it. I also said to avoid Bailey and Street, so I wasn’t totally crummy from being crackers. One interesting thing to note on Mariano’s line is the 1-2 record on a team that won 97 games. Shows you how predictable wins are, i.e., they’re not. Preseason Rank #10, 2011 Projections: 5-4/3.10/1.00/50, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 1-2/1.91/0.90/60, 44 saves
5. J.J. Putz – This was one of the easier calls of the preseason. As long as Putz didn’t go down to injury (ouch), he was going to have a good year. On a side note, Putz has an orange curtain on his bottom lip. You expect Carrot Top to come out from his chin and do some prop comedy. Maybe it’s just me. Preseason Rank #13, 2011 Projections: 2-4/2.70/1.15/60, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 2-2/2.17/0.91/61, 45 saves
6. Jose Valverde – Do they still give out a Rolaids Relief Man of the Year? If they do, Valverde won it this year. If they don’t give out that award anymore, they should give out a Sunglasses and Advil, Last Year Was Mad Real award. That’s what Kanye and I would name it. Preseason Rank #8, 2011 Projections: 5-2/3.00/1.18/70, 35 saves, Final Numbers: 2-4/2.24/1.19/69, 49 saves
7. Joel Hanrahan – I can tell people to draft closers from lousy teams, but I don’t know if anyone really listens that isn’t already prone to do it anyway. Hey, choir, hear me preach. Hanrahananananan was actually a bit disappointing with his Ks and was a tad lucky with his ERA and, in turn, his WHIP, but he still did more than you could’ve wanted, so you’re welcome. Preseason Rank #21, 2011 Projections: 2-4/3.95/1.25/80, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 1-4/1.83/1.05/61, 40 saves
8. Francisco Cordero – I could be yelling fire before the match is even lit here, but I feel like Cordero is becoming a wickmen though not quite a FEMA. Preseason Rank #19, 2011 Projections: 4-5/3.50/1.35/60, 40 saves, Final Numbers: 5-3/2.45/1.02/42, 37 saves
9. Heath Bell – Modifying clause, Bell has been the safest closer that has given you the most stress over the past two years. He’s not getting traded… Yes, he is!… No, he’s not!… Is too!… Is not!… I stole the cookie from the cookie jar! Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections: 3-4/2.90/1.18/85, 40 saves, Final Numbers: 3-4/2.44/1.15/51, 43 saves
10. Jonathan Papelbon – I owned Papelbon on a few teams last year so it wasn’t like I wasn’t aware of the huge WHIP and Ks season he was having. Yet, I didn’t realize he had so few saves. Only 31 saves? I know there’s no accounting for saves, but how is that even possible for a 90 win team? Without having my crack team of 100 monkeys look it up (so going off the top of my head), I have to think that’s the lowest save total for a 90 win team for a closer who had the job for the whole year. Preseason Rank #6, 2011 Projections: 5-3/2.75/1.18/75, 38 saves, Final Numbers: 4-1/2.94/0.93/87, 31 saves
11. Fernando Salas – Not only did he put together a fantastic season, but he also dealt with a dozen closer role changes depending on which way La Russa’s feathered hair blew. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-6/2.28/0.95/75, 24 saves
12. Ryan Madson – This from the Phils GM for 2012, “I don’t feel comfortable with the guys we have internally,” Amaro said. “If Ryan does not sign, we might have to go outside the organization. There are some people in our system who think [Justin] DeFratus or [Phillippe] Aumont can [close]; I am not convinced of that yet.” Since the Phils also said Madson can’t close to start the 2011 season, I guess Aumont or DeFratus will close in 2012. Preseason Rank #7 for Middle Relievers, 2011 Projections: 3-3/3.25/1.28/60, 18 Holds, 7 Saves, Final Numbers: 4-2/2.37/1.15/62, 32 saves
13. Kyle Farnsworth – Hmm… Only 25 saves? Maybe I do need my crack team of 100 monkeys to look up the lowest save total for a closer on a 90 win team. Then again, Farnsworth had some injuries this year and ceded to Peralta for a stretch. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-1/2.18/0.99/51, 25 saves
14. Brandon League – Someone should see if there’s a mathematical formula for the likelihood of saves for a losing team vs. a winning team. If someone hasn’t done this already. My monkeys have their hands full. Masturbating. Hey, it’s the offseason. Cut them some slack. Preseason Rank #5 for Middle Relievers, 2011 Projections: 4-4/4.25/1.28/60, 10 Holds, 12 Saves, Final Numbers: 1-5/2.79/1.08/45, 37 saves
15. Sergio Santos – Had a terrible September (9 ER in 8 2/3 IP), wasn’t the closer for stretches of the season (or was but wasn’t official) and had to deal with Ozzie. Still, his K-rate — I’m putting my fingers together at my mouth and blowing air kisses — muah, muah! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 4-5/3.55/1.11/92, 30 saves
16. Jordan Walden – Well, he was no Fernando Rodney. Thankfully. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-5/2.98/1.24/67, 32 saves
17. Mike Adams – I contemplated leaving the Holds guys off this list and just going a little deeper on the closers. Then I contemplated changing the title to the top 20 relievers. Then I decided to do nothing and just tell you I contemplated that other shizz. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 5-4/1.47/0.79/74, 2 saves
18. Tyler Clippard – If you would’ve blindfolded me before writing this and asked who was more valuable Venters or Clippard, I would’ve said why are you blindfolding me? Can’t you just ask me? I mean, the blindfold makes it kinda weird. Are you going to tickle my feet with a feather? Oh, and I would’ve said Venters. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 3-0/1.83/0.84/104
19. Chris Perez – You could put his stat line next to the definition of a donkeycorn. Nothing spectacular, just good old fashioned valuable closing games with closer-style old fashioned stuff… Wow, I got totally lost in that sentence and didn’t know how to finish it. Preseason Rank #15, 2011 Projections: 1-4/3.10/1.16/70, 30 saves, Final Numbers: 4-7/3.32/1.21/39, 36 saves
20. Neftali Feliz – Honestly (unlike the rest of the post where I was lying), no closers really disappoint as long as they keep the job and get saves. Though if you’re one of those types with high expectations, Feliz disappointed. And I’m not just talking in the World Series. There’s always next year, Rangers! (Assuming Washington doesn’t blow the team’s salary in Vegas. With the key word being blow.) Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections: 5-2/2.75/1.00/90, 40 saves, Final Numbers: 2-3/2.74/1.16/54, 32 saves
Ian Kennedy loves each and everyone. That’s why he gave you 12 Ks yesterday over 8 innings while only allowing one hit. You say, “No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know me. How could he love me?” You remember when you couldn’t find a parking spot at Chick-fil-A last week and you were about to give up when a chicken sandwich fell into the flat bed of your El Camino? That was dropped there by Ian Kennedy. So you tell me he doesn’t love you. You tell me he doesn’t love you when he has a sub-3 ERA over 216 innings. Tell me that. A 1.08 WHIP and 194 Ks, he gives you that too, unconditionally. Tell me he judges you when you try to fashion a belt out of twine. He doesn’t judge you. He loves you. Love him back. I do. As for 2012 fantasy baseball, I’m thinking Kennedy could be a tad overpriced. Yeah, my love just went out the window. His BABIP’s a bit low and his LOB% is a bit high. She says she likes the ocean. I’ll look at him more in-depth over the offseason, but he’s got FIPping problems I need evaluate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Wily Mo Pena – 1-for-1 with 3 walks. He has a career .303 OBP. That’s like an 80 to 1 shot he can avoid making an out in four at-bats. There must be a kid in a Seattle hospital who really cares about OBP. (BTW, his hometown was the winner of the “Best Town To Substitute Into The Lion King Song” contest.)
Mike Carp – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a homer. Now has two homers in the last three games. The one nice thing about playing for a non-contender at this time of year is the collective you has nothing to play for so players can go out and be selfish to prove their worth. Unlike those silly playoff teams saving their players for games that matter.
Alex Liddi – 2-for-4 with a homer and he became the first paisan born in Italy to play in the major leagues in 50 years. That’s a one spicy prospect!
Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Has tailed off quite a but after the ASB (.233, 5 steals), but his power numbers have stayed fairly consistent. Definitely peaked in May but 4 homers in August isn’t too shabby.
Chris Parmelee – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in three games as he bats .368 through 38 ABs. In related roundup news, Alex Liddi likes to call him Chris Parm.
Ben Revere – 3-for-5 with 2 steals. Now has 32 steals and is getting dangerously close to the point where he’s going to elicit questions next year. “Hey, Grey, magnificent ‘stache. Magnificent! So what do you think of Ben Revere? Obvious bargain, right?” A guy with no power, around 30 steal speed is a dime a dozen in most mixed leagues. Good waiver wire pickup is different than a good draft pick.
Ricky Romero – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Similarly to Kennedy, he has some FIPping issues too. We’ll look at in the offseason. We’ll debate, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll scratch ourselves, we’ll scratch someone else thinking it’s ourselves.
Craig Kimbrel – 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Bad week to quit closing out games.
Troy Tulowitzki – Getting closer to getting back on the field after taking batting practice and participating in other baseball activities. Ya know, like spitting and grabbing himself.
Cory Luebke – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. Even if this start was in Coors, it was another solid year for Hodgepadres, and next year I’m definitely drafting only Padres pitchers on one team. I gotta try it before the apocalypse.
Octavio Dotel – Got the save yesterday. Motte came in for the ninth, messed around and gave up a triple, double, but it was not a good day. La Russa lifted him with the bases empty and now who knows who’s the closer. My guess is it’s still Motte, but we shall see. Or not. Or probably.
Jarrod Parker – Was officially called up yesterday. I already went over my Jarrod Parker fantasy. I wrote it while waiting in line at the DMV to have them change my height from five-seven to five-eight.
Mariano Rivera – Everyone’s heard by now that he broke Trevor Hoffman’s save record. Surprised there wasn’t more made of this, but another record was broken yesterday. Kerry Wood was deemed “done for the season” before the end of the season for a record 11 of 13 seasons.
Matt Angle – 3-for-8 with 2 steals in the doubleheader. Far from an exciting name, but if you’re desperate for steals, he should get them over the next week-plus. That’s your Angle.
Jed Lowrie – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 runs and a homer. Hasn’t been playing because of a bum shoulder. Try some soap and getting rid of the shopping cart filled with junk. He’s back now and, if his bat is hot, the Sawx will play him.
Geovany Soto – 3-for-3, 5 RBIs and 2 homers. I’ve been behind the scenes at Razzball HQ preparing the end of the season lists that will come in October and Soto wasn’t even in the top 20 catchers. Though one big night may change that. That was what they call a tease.
Mike Stanton – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and 2 homers. After the game, he dedicated the 2nd home run to his biggest fan. Me. At least that’s how I cut the interview together with my iMovie.
Omar Infante – 2-for-5 and his 6th homer. Nobody puts Infante in the corner.
Brad Hand – With the innings starting to creep up, the Marlins might shut him down. Right now, the Marlins are talking to the Hand.
Joe Mauer is done for the year with pneumonia. I’m almost 100% sure Morneau was the carrier of the virus. On Friday, frequent commenter Mike said, “If you went to Joe Mauer’s house, went into his basement, jack-hammered through the concrete, and started digging, what would be the under/over on number of feet you’d have to go down before you found the first dessicated Native American corpse? 3 feet? 4 feet? I mean, that Native American graveyard can’t be that far below the surface.” I honestly never thought I’d say this this (stutterer!) early in his career, but I think Mauer’s going to be a bargain next year. Assuming he falls into the 10th round or later, he’s worth the gamble at catcher for 2012, right? I mean, even if he only gets 100 games and hits .300, it’s worth the ulcer, isn’t it? I think so. With that said (yeah, here comes opposite talk), I’m sure glad I haven’t drafted him the last two years in any league. He hit 3 homers this year. As in between 2 and 4. Jesus Montero has that many in 10 games. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jason Kubel – Probably done for the year. In related news, Morneau, Mauer and Kubel have a fishing trip planned for the first weekend of October and all Twins fans have a hunting trip planned for the same weekend.
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Done for the year. Back date that to March. Are the Twins fielding a team this final week and a half?
Brian Dinkelman – 4-for-5 yesterday and 7 for his last 9. When your team’s good news is Brian Dinkelman, you got a big fish that needs some frying or whatever that cliche is.
Ryan Howard – Out until Thursday, which will probably mean he plays only sporadically even after that. Ross Gload will fill in. Army with harmony…Dave, drop a Gload on him!
Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks as he won his 24th game yesterday. That’s pretttay pretttay good. Tough year to be Jered Weaver.
Joakim Soria – Didn’t pitch this weekend. Now all the Royals’ 9th inning eggs are hoping for some good Holland days.
Pablo Sandoval – Hit two homers in one inning. When you throw Sandoval two meatballs, he jumps on them.
David Price – Left after 4 innings after being hit in the chest by a liner. Should be fine for his next start, which he will throw while wearing knight’s armor.
Desmond Jennings – 2-for-5 with a steal. In roughly a third of the season, he has 9 homers and 18 steals. Yeah, go ahead and times those by three.
Brandon Morrow – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. There should a glossary term for these K-heavy pitchers that are a total tease. You suggest in the comments, thank you.
Adam Lind – 2-for-3 with two homers. Be nice if he went on one of his crazy 6 homers in 8 games binges. Cust kayin’.
Joe Saunders – 8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. He came through big time for my borderline starter post from Thursday. (And Matt Harrison too. Brad Lincoln, not so much.)
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-3 with a homer. With 8 homers and 45 Ks in 40 games this year, he’s either gonna be something special next year or a flat-out bomb.
Mark Reynolds – Homered on Friday and Saturday, then was beaned in the head by a Ervin Santana pitch. His CT scan came back negative, then the CT scan picked up Johnny Bananas and carried him to the other side of The Gulag.
James Loney – 5-for-6 yesterday and two homers in two games on Friday and Saturday. I don’t like saying to pick up Loney, so if I wink, it means pick him up. Wink.
Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks. I have two things to note, neither of which is that interesting. First, I can’t believe Greinke is barely under a 4.00 ERA in the NL. Second, I can never remember if it’s a H or a K with Zack. From writing 1200+ words five days a week about these players, I can spell Saltalamacchia without looking it up. I could be in a baseball spelling bee and kick serious ass and get tripped up by spelling Zack. I feel like there should be a standard Zack spelling. H or K, that’s it.
Erick Aybar – 4-for-4, 2 homers, 5 runs, 4 RBIs and now hitting .434 in September. Looks like a classic Septacular performance.
Adrian Gonzalez – It was revealed this weekend that he’s only taking batting practice every other day due to weakness in his shoulder. He said, “(The weakness is) fine. It’s the end of the year.” Um, maybe in San Diego.
Mike Aviles – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with his 2nd homer in three games. Sawx kinda have to win games and Aviles, McDonald, Salty, Scutaro and Conor Jackson (when I saw his name as C. Jackson in the box score, I thought it was Curtis Jackson) are playing and Wakefield is pitching. Up the team salary to $300 million.
Brandon Beachy – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER and 8 earned in his last 9 2/3 IP, 8 ER. The good news for people who like bad news is he’s tired. The other bad news is he might struggle next year if the Braves don’t shut him down.
Jason Heyward – 3-for-4 as he hit 8th in front of the pitcher. He should consider apologizing to Fredi for whatever transgression he did to him or his family. Meanwhile, pray he doesn’t hit three homers in one game in the playoffs and get on everyone’s radar again.
Manny Acosta – Closed out yesterday’s game while Parnell worked the 8th. Honestly, I think the Mets are going to get a closer in the offseason and don’t really care who gets the ball in the ninth right now. It’s not like they’re grooming anyone.
Chien-Ming Wang – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Marlins’ Brad Hand. For a change of pace, this game saw Wang beating Hand.
A.J. Pierzynski – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. He reminded me of this classic post by Rudy.
Bryan LaHair – 1-for-3 yesterday and a homer on Saturday. He should be playing every day, but he’s not. I feel like someone should write a song titled, “The 28-Year-Old Rookie.” Belle and Sebastian, where you at?
Jordan Pacheco – Batted third yesterday and went 0-for-4, but is hitting .320 over the last week with a homer. He did so little in Triple-A this year, it’s kinda comical (3 homers, 2 steals, .278). Guess if you’re really hogtied in a very deep league, you can take a look.
Allen Craig – 3-for-4, 2 homers. Before this game, he hadn’t done much since he started, uh, starting. But maybe this is the beginning of something. Only Miss Cleo knows for sure.
Matt Holliday – Inferred here first after reading shizz elsewhere, it sounds like Holliday’s done for the year.
Mariano Rivera – Tied Trevor Hoffman’s save record. Right after he breaks the record, the Yankees announced Bobby Parnell would take over as closer.
