I read yesterday Brett Anderson might be headed for TJ surgery, which I believe is surgery done while a stray dog limps through the operating room… Wait, Googling TJ surgery. Oh, it’s Tommy John surgery, not Tijuana surgery. Silly me. “No, I don’t want any chiclets, I’m having a tumor removed!” That’s someone in Tijuana having surgery. Something’s wrong with Anderson, Tommy John surgery or not. He’s making a nice run to be included in the definition for Bennis Carpensheeter. I just have to add an ‘r’ and it’s Brennis; you follow, Anderson. I’m sure that’s his main concern. “You know, my career was going fine until I was included in the Razzball glossary.” That’s Brett Anderson talking to Bryant Gumbel’s head in a jar of formaldehyde on Real Sports in 40 years. I wouldn’t drop Anderson yet, but I get the sense it’s not too far away. Doesn’t anyone stay in one place anymore? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jemile Weeks – A’s are calling up their 2nd base prospect. Jemile, schlimazel… Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Raburn isn’t just some old fashioned name that sounds like a matinee idol from the 40′s. Grandpa, tell me again about the time you were working as an extra in Hollywood and you stole Angela Lansbury away from Ryan Raburn. Well, it all started late one night at Musso & Frank’s. We were all pickled pretty good on Cuba Libres, remember this was before the House Committee on Un-American Activities banned them… So, Raburn hit 2 homers yesterday and is now batting over .400 in the last week and 8 homers in the month of August. He’s starting every day since the Tigers were hit by injuries and the power is for real. In his last full year of ABs in the minors, he hit 20 homers. Last year, 16 homers in 113 games. The average could bottom out, but with 2nd base eligibility there’s no reason not to take a flier on him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Has now given up only 4 hits in his last 14 innings. Okay, I don’t fully trust him, his Ks are just blahtastic. Neverthehoo! You can’t deny the type of groove he’s in right now and he gets the Royals next time out. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I just want to put it out there, I love Eric Young Jr. I have a plan in place to have Prince Fielder have a long discussion Eric Young Jr. about nogoodnik fathers and step in as EY Jr.’s surrogate. We will vacation in Orlando and try faux exotic foods at Epcot, like Greek and Spanish. When Eric Young Jr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The first time Manny Ramirez went on waivers was before the 2004 season when the Sawx dared any team to accept his $20MM/year contract. No one did and he helped the Sawx win the World Series. Now it’s the Dodgers’ turn. Say goodbye to Mannywood? Could be. If no one dares take him, the McCourts will be fighting over custody of him during the divorce proceedings (You take him…No, you take him…No, you take him to Central Park and let him play on the jungle gym then, when he falls, carry him 20 blocks to the nearest ER). Hopefully for Manny’s sake, the Patron Saint of Bad Contracts (Kenny Williams of the ChiSox) claims him. If Manny goes to a new team, it could invigorate him like a healthy dose of estrogen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Octavio Dotel – In the closerousel in L.A., Dotel recorded the save. Broxton worked a perfect 8th, then Torre threw three relievers in the ninth with none of them being Kuo. Of course not, why would Kuo be used? He was only labeled the closer replacement while Broxton figures his shizz out. Assuming no meltdowns, Broxton will be the closer again soon. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dallas Braden has 200 major league innings under his belt and his K/9 IP is a little bit over 5. In 180 IP, that’s 100 Ks. In other words, not good. In other other words, blech. In other other other words, there is no such thing as other other other words. Dallas’s 10 Ks is more a condemnation of the Mariners’ hitting (were they wearing their fielding gloves instead of batting gloves?) than something warranting reevaluation of Braden’s status as an okay 4th/5th starter in AL-only leagues. He’s not a mixed league option at this point. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Snell – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks. Before you get any ideas, Ryan Sweeney is the A’s three hole hitter. Ryan Sweeney sounds like the captain of your high school soccer team. Kevin Kouzmanoff is the A’s cleanup hitter. The Padres didn’t even want Kouzmanoff. ‘Nuff said on him. Ellis, Buck and Pennington is the bottom of their order. That’s a lacrosse team. Half of this lineup is playing the wrong sport. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Right now, Jason Bartlett has a 45/8/39/.347/19 line. At 29-years-old, he’s flying past his career numbers. Before this season, his career high for homers was 5. He’s already at 8. So let’s say the talk of his new jack swing is true; he can hit for more power now. He’s still not hitting more than 5 homers in the 2nd half (he hit 1 homer in June and July in 87 ABs). Recently, Maddon has batted him 7th or 8th in the order. So the runs won’t come easy unless he eats at Taco Bell. He’s a career .286 hitter with a .398 BABIP right now, so the average will come down. He’s never stolen more than 23 bases in a season, but let’s say he blows that away by ten. So let’s be optimistic and say a 2nd half line of 30/5/35/.300/14. I ran an ultraviolet light over my bedsheets and it read, “That sounds a lot like Clint Barmes’s 2nd half.” Thanks for confirming my suspicions, bed! So Bartlett is a Sell. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Josh Whitesell – Speaking of -sells, but this one’s a Buy… Kinda. Whitesell doesn’t have every day playing time right now, so grab him in NL-Only leagues, but everywhere else I’d hold tight. So, I guess, that’s a Whitehold. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Our weekly Friday Fantasy Baseball Feature, Buy Low/Sell High is back after an offseason layoff. When asked what this fantasy baseball feature did during the offseason, it said this, “Went up to the Adirondacks for some bass fishing with my friend, Clete. Well, one thing led to another and we fell in love.” Alrighty then! To get everyone on the same page, I like the Buy guys. I dislike the Sell guys. Now if Thames is in the Buy section (which he is!) and Lackey is in the Sell section (there too!) that doesn’t mean I recommend you trade Lackey for Thames. Everything’s relative, Einstein. Anyway, here’s some guys to buy and sell for the 1st week of the fantasy baseball season (start the games already!):
Alexi Casilla – Can run, can hit and at MI it pays to find out how much. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Losing Gary Sheffield from your fantasy baseball team is about the best thing that could’ve happened to you if you owned him. This isn’t really a big fantasy story as far as Sheff goes. He was a decrepit ex-roider. (He was a great hitter to watch in his prime and it’s sad when great players devolve into nomadic, expensive NVORPS (negligible value over replacement players). For every neat and tidy retirement like Ripken and Gwynn, there seems to be at least three like this.) The best thing that could happen is he ends his career at 499 homers. Instant karma’s gonna get you. What this does do is open up a spot for someone else. As I said in the comments yesterday, “The Thames runs through it.” Damn, I’m pithy. I’m like Charles Nelson Reilly on The Match Game pithy. RIP, C N R, you were one of a kind… Until me. Marcus Thames is a source of 20 – 25 HRs and a .240 average. Not bad for AL-only but not remarcusable. He usually only plays against lefties, so I’m not sure if Sheff’s departure gives him that many more ABs. He’s a masher to watch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Joey Devine – Now Aching Joey Devine is off to see Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?