Arizona and Toronto Trade Cheap Feels
Aaron Hill and John McDonald were traded to the Diamondbacks for Kelly Johnson. Regarding the title, each team got to 2nd base with the other. Nothing to brag about, nothing for the rest of us to get jealous over. I guess this is what happens when Alex Anthopoulos and Kevin Towers lock themselves in a closet for 7 minutes of trading heaven. “Can you throw in J.P. Arencibia?” “What kind of GM do you think I am?” Maybe Florida and Seattle will trade John Buck for Miguel Olivo. I’ll trade you this tomato. Okay, I’ll trade you a tomahto. Deal. Sure, I’m taking an extra h on the payroll, but it’s worth it to get that shorter vowel sound into our lineup. You say tomato, I say tomahto, let’s call the whole deal….on! This proves one thing, without a doubt, neither team owned Hill or Johnson in fantasy this year. If this trade happened in one of your fantasy leagues, you’d just be glad you weren’t one of the teams doing the trading. Neither player is guaranteed to get a boost with the trade and either player could get knocked out of their slump with the new scenery. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Holliday – Monday night he had to have a trainer remove a moth from his ear. They should try and put a moth in Zambrano’s ear. Maybe they’ll find a bat.
Alex Rodriguez – Out of yesterday’s lineup with a jammed thumb. Thumb up the jam, thumb it up while your feet are stompin’ and the jam is pumpin’, look here the crowd is jumpin’. Sorry, once I start that it’s hard to stop.
Ryan Howard – Out with heel bursitis and the Phils are officially in cruise control mode. Speaking of which…
Cole Hamels – Reports are that he’s absolutely fine for next week’s start so the Phils put him on the DL in media res. I’m a broken record with this, if the kids today even know what a record is or what it means to be broken, but how come there’s no rules that you can’t put healthy people on the DL. Seems like a shortcut at expanding the roster that shouldn’t be allowed. Now get off my lawn, kid!
Vance Worley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Fair enough, I wouldn’t care about DL’ing healthy Hamels with this kind of depth either.
Raul Ibanez – Received an injection for a sore groin. Sounds like a line a doctor would deliver in a porn movie.
John Mayberry – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and now has three homers in the last five games. Even when Ibanez’s groin is better (something you don’t read every day), Mayberry should be starting. That’s not saying he will be. In the meanwhile, I would add Mayberry in most leagues while he’s hitting-slash-playing-slash-I just like saying slash.
Colby Rasmus – Left the game with a jammed wrist. Somewhere, Tony La Russa’s laughing like Nelson Muntz.
Brandon Morrow – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Royals. FMFBBL
Shin-Soo Choo – 4-for-8, 2 homers in the doubleheader and his 3rd homer in three days as he bats over .400 since his return from the DL. He’s hotter than a kimchi burrito in Megan Fox’s hand.
Kosuke Fukudome – 5-for-8 with a homer. He’s on my opponent’s H2H team and said Fukutome.
Kyle Seager – 6-for-9 and a homer in the doubleheader. Be a good time to mention that the starters in the second game were both peg boys. Either way, Seager has 2 homers in the last five games, but didn’t show much power in the high minors. I’d let Seager go. Like a rock.
Marco Estrada – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. He bounced up and down the minors for so long it was like teams were playing Marco…Yo-Yo… But if you need to take a flyer, he’s a hot hand.
Casey McGehee – Two for his last nine with two homers. This guy’s like Rich Little impersonating Rob Deer. And there goes our 18-35 demographic.
Justin Upton – Hit on the elbow by a pitch and left the game. It’s said to not be too bad. This is a day after B.J. went down with a shoulder sprain. Aren’t these things only supposed to happen to twins?
Brandon Allen – 2-for-4 with 2 monster shots. As frequent commenter, nyydj2 said yesterday, “Brandon Allen just put a monster shot into the upper deck at Yankee Stadium, only the second ball to reach there since it opened. Branyan hit the other…. Which isn’t quite the same as ‘where only Mickey Mantle has ever reached.’”
Logan Morrison – With a .167 average and one homer in Triple-A, the Marlins had seen enough and are recalling Morrison. Couldn’t they just have easily put a bar of soap in his mouth while he tweeted? If Morrison was dropped in your league, I’d take a chance that he comes back looking to prove something. One thing to prove, for instance, that Hanley shouldn’t run the ball club.
Leo Nunez – 2/3 IP, 4 ER and the epic blown save. This is the kind blown save that makes managers try out Edward Mujica as their closer. Also, remember Nunez was funky as in bad not funky as in good at the end of last season.
Ross Ohlendorf – 5 IP, 4 ER. Might want to consider returning to making straight-to-video classics like ‘Dorf on Golf.
Adrian Gonzalez – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. A-gone-gone a-bout time-time.
Eric Hosmer – 3-for-5, with the slam & legs. In only 385 at-bats so far, he has 11 homers and 7 steals. This is at the age of 21. I.e. big things. I.e. there stands for I expect.
Tommy Hanson – Quite the surprise; Hanson’s bullpen session was cancelled a day after he said his shoulder was fine. Yup.
Jason Heyward – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a homer as he fills in for Constanza…Or was Constanza filling in for him? This is the most confusing re-imagining of All About Eve.
Jimmy Paredes – 1-for-4 and a homer. The power may stop when he leaves Coors, but he’s worth a flyer for speed in deep leagues.
Aramis Ramirez – 5-for-5 with a double and 4 singles to match David Eckstein’s best game.
Kevin Kouzmanoff – Was acquired by the Rockies for cash. “Here’s a McDonaldland coupon for two apple pies. You can CONSIDER it as cash.”
David Price – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as Price got topped by Penny to lose the Showcase Showdown.
Desmond Jennings – 3-for-5 with a caught stealing. Not cute moving the base 91 feet away. Not cute at all.
Colby Lewis – 6 IP, 7 ER. Hopefully Vogelsong doesn’t take this guy’s career trajectory two years removed from Japan.
Alfredo Simon – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks and, better still, he didn’t kill anyone.
Adam Jones – Was hospitalized with shortness of breath and mild chest pains. Sounds like me after a weekend in Vegas. Early tests say Jones will be fine.
Rod Barajas – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and now has 3 homers since last Friday. Aye carambarajas!
Lucas Duda – 1-for-4, homer. Know one way to stay hot while unattractive in mixed leagues? Go 1-for-4 with a homer every couple of games.
Jon Niese – To the DL with a rib strain. After giving up 8 runs, it’s more like the Phils gave him an RBI strain.
Jose Reyes – Set to return Monday. Though the Mets didn’t say which Monday. Very tricky, Mets, very tricky.
Angel Pagan – Almost went to the DL because of stomach pains during Monday’s game. “You’re hitting out of the two hole. Hitting!”
