Fantasy Baseball Advice

With the 2008 rankings in the books — yo it’s in the books, ya’ll! — we set our eyes on the top free agents during this 2008 offseason. First we look at some hitter free agents and how they might be affected for fantasy baseball purposes. This won’t be a list of all the free agent hitters. If you want that, it’s here. This is just a list of some of the bigger free agent hitters that I feel like discussing and how their free agency may affect them for 2009. Also, this list won’t mention any guys that are potentially moving this offseason via trade. I hear Billy Butler might be traded so that might affect his 2009, but he won’t be mentioned here, except, ya know, right there where I just mentioned him. Anyway, here’s the top 2008 free agents, the hitters’ edition:

Manny Ramirez – His move from the hitter’s park of Fenway to the pitcher’s park of Dodgers Stadium showed that wherever he ends up, he can hit.  I’m more worried about motivation for Manny in 2009.  Depending on the scope of the deal he eventually lands, he may phone-in the rest of his career. Yo, career, this is Manny. I’m not playing today. I’m IM’ing with Big Papi. Say hello to your mother for me.

Mark Teixeira – The lineup Teixeira ends up in could have a factor on his 2009 production, but Teixeira flip-flops leagues and hits fine — just not as much as he supposedly can. I say “supposedly can” because somewhere along the line he was labeled a 45 home run guy. He’s not a 45 home run guy, unless he goes to Coors.

Milton Bradley – He was in a great hitter’s park in 2008 — See 2005 and 2006 Teixeira — and Bradley’s an injury flake. Don’t let a Major League team overpaying this offseason for Bradley convince you you need him on your fantasy team. Sorry, Milton Bradley is not fun for all ages.

Pat Burrell – Be interesting to see the Mets make a run for Pat the Bat just so they can avoid facing him. Burrell will potentially lose a few home runs with a move, but he’s 30/95/.250 hitter just about everywhere — for at least another couple of years.

Bobby Abreu – If he goes to, say, the Mariners — yuck. If Abreu goes to the Padres — yuck with two sides of blech. Leaving the Yankees could hurt Abreu’s value. If you’re considering keeping him, you need to keep this in mind.

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@HornyOldGuy Did you get that pic I sent you? I LOL’d really hard. They’ll put anything on cats!

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@EricKarabell I haven’t checked my email today. Trying to get this cellphone to work. Hello? Oh, wait, I was typing that.

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@EricKarabell Please forward. Manny loves to laugh!

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@OldHornyGuy Did you get those preseason rankings I went over?

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Go Sox!

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@EricKarabell Seems like I messed something up when I downloaded the new Aguilera ringtone. Things were much simply when I was writing for Married With Children, Crocodile Dundee II, et al.

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@OldHornyGuy Did you get those rankings?

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@TristanCockcroft There’s proper channels for unsolicited submissions.

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@OldHornyGuy I write for ESPN.

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@EricKarabell How did they get the sombrero on the cat?!

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@I’mMannyYou’reNot Those cats are muy hilarity! Do you think they are safe?

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@BuryingDwarvesOneDwarfAtATime Pedro! Are you going to get traded back to the Sox? We miss you.

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@EricKarabell Can I send my rankings to you?

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@I’mMannyYou’reNot I think they use glue.

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What up, Manny y Pedro?! If there are two things I love, it’s the Red Sox and cats.

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This just in. The Yankees are going to offer Mr Whiskers, that tabby cat, $120 million over 5 years.

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That is a slap a lapper!

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@Dick Vitale Forget about the cats. Let’s talk about the Oakland RAY-DAS. The FROZEN TUNDRA of Lambeau Field. Rumblin’… stumblin’…He COULD…GO…ALL..THE…Hey, you’re with me, leather….

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Uh-oh. Someone forgot to turn off the Bermatron 2000.

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Correction. That was CC Sabathia.

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You people all suck.

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@TristanCockcroft You’re not going to get hired with that attitude.

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@HornyOldGuy Worked for me.

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@SkipBayless Are you David Caruso?

Finally, Francisco Liriano looked like the fantasy baseball player that we all wanted when we drafted him back in March. And by “we,” I mean you. How did I know you drafted Liriano? Because, when you drafted, I was in your room, sitting behind the John Cena life-sized cardboard cutout, eating your Raspberry Newtons, while I read your Choose Your Own Adventure book. You think that’s freaky? I’m still there. Only you can’t see me. Muahahahaha…ha. So Liriano put together a great first start back after dominating Triple-A, yet there’s some savvy fantasy baseball owners out there that will see this for what it is, an opportunity to sell. Buh-buh-but, Grey, Liriano could dominate? Yeah, so can Campillo, Randy Johnson, Nolasco and Myers, but none of those guys have the name/trade-value Francisco Liriano has right now. Do I think Liriano will be good? Sure. But if you need a piece other than a starter who is riskier than people are perceiving him, then go for it. Don’t forget, I’m watching. Boo! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Billy Wagner – 2 MRIs in 2 weeks is 2 many; 2 bad; K.I.T, BFF. On a scale of worthy replacements, Aaron Heilman and Duaner Sanchez fall right between Shemp and Curly Joe. The Mets called up Eddie Kunz, their Double-A closer. This, fellas, is anyone’s ballgame for at least a few weeks, if not the rest of the season.

John Maine – Maine hit the 15-day DL. This is a move that’s probably about a month overdue. He should be back in a couple of weeks.

Manny Ramirez – 4-for-5, HR, 3 RBIs. Imagine you’re a waiter for Applebee’s. You slack off for two years, deciding customers can get their own mozzarella sticks from the kitchen. Then Applebee’s starts saying you haven’t been doing your job, which is absolutely true, but you don’t want to hear it. You quit and take a job at the Olive Garden, knowing if you work for two months then you will get a huge bonus in the winter and be able to go anywhere — Chili’s, Cheesecake Factory, you name it. So do you bust your hump at the Olive Garden or do you continue to slack?

Stephen Drew – Yesterday, 3-for-5 with a HR, and over .350 in last 7 games. So far not a “step forward” season, but he’s worth the gamble the rest of the way to see if he can get hot.

Xavier Nady – 4-for-5, HR and 6 RBIs. Let’s go back to the 7th day of the season, shall we? “Honestly, never thought I’d ever mention (Nady) on the blog, but he’s starting the season on fire. Could he keep it going? What, am I Ms. Cleo? I don’t know for sure, but history tells us no. This won’t continue. Know what you can’t do? Let him sit on the waiver wire. Don’t drop Carlos Lee for him, but every year some players come out of nowhere. Maybe this is Nady’s year.” You know what’s funny? (Not funny funny, just mildly interesting funny.) People are still asking me if they should pick up Nady. No love for the X-Man.

Fernando Rodney/Kyle Farnsworth/Joel Zumaya – Triumvirate, noun 1. a group of three closers that are making Todd Jones feel missed. 2. Sounds like it’s a Latin combination of triumphant and irate, but it’s not.

Mike Aviles – 4-for-4, HR. Check out his ESPN player photo. Talk about respect. For those who are interested in what he looks like, here’s Mike Aviles.

Mariano Rivera – Back spasms. Supposedly he’ll be okay. Jose Veras would’ve been who they turned to. Okay, save vultures, pick apart Veras’s bones.

Jose Guillen – Homered for the 2nd straight day and 3rd this week. Worth a pickup, just drop him when he realizes he’s stuck with the Royals until the end of the season.

Alfonso Soriano – The other day someone asked me for some names that could hit 15 HRs between now and end of season. In two months, this is a very difficult assignment (to hit 15 HRs, it’s not difficult to pick guys), the list looked like this (the order is their likelihood of getting to 15 HRs): Dunn, Soriano, Holliday, Burrell, Braun, Carlos Lee, Hamilton, Cust, Krispie and Vlad.

Andy LaRoche – HR yesterday. In leagues where you need to take some risks, I’d look at LaRoche. Then try and find anyone else, then look at LaRoche again, then take a steam, get a massage (you look stressed), get a bite to eat, play nine holes, then look over your 3rd base choices again and, if your choices are still limited, grab LaRoche.

Rafael Soriano – He’s done for the year. Back date this to April.

Chone Figgins – Another 4 hit game. Oh Figgy give him one more chance.

Joel Hanrahan – Picked up his first save since Rauch was traded. As I said when the trade went down, Rauch only had 17 saves in over half of a year, Hanrahan’s not netting 20 in two months. And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Jorge Campillo – 7 IP, 6 Ks, 0 ER. He replaced Harang on most of my deeper teams. Now I don’t care if I ever see Harang again. Okay, that’s mean. I wanna see Harang again, just not on any of my teams.

Shane Victorino – 10th HR as he threatens to run away with the HR crown in the Victorino vs. Rios battle.

Ryan Ludwick – I’m convinced LaRussa could make Austin Kearns an All-Star (while batting him ninth and the pitcher fourth).

Brett Myers – Only one walk in his last two starts. Definitely worth taking a look in deeper leagues. Maybe he’s taking a similar route to Wainwright last year when it took him half a year to shake being a closer the previous year. Or maybe Myers’s trip to the minors smacked some sense into him. Though it’s usually Myers smacking the minors.